Twice the fun

Each of us(Welcome to my Brain, My Sweet Chaos and Rancho Chico) have 2 children with RAD that manifests in somewhat different ways. We wanted to share some of our thoughts and advice for meeting each of their needs (and our own) without losing our minds. We hope you enjoy our guest post.

The three of us agree that the joys and struggles of having more than one child with special needs are many. We have greatly appreciated hearing about Lisa’s transition to working to help both her daughters and we are learning a great deal from her experiences. We aren’t sure she really needs any advice from us but nonetheless we put our heads together to address some of our challenges and insights of managing life with two kids who battle RAD. Please feel free to add your own in the comments section and maybe we can pull them together in a future post.

Things to keep in mind:

♥ First, foremost, hardest, biggest thorn on the bush has to be that they are each other’s main trigger. Trying to regulate someone, when the one person that annoys them the most lives under their very roof, TIMES TWO, leaves me pleading with the universe for a break. It is exactly like having two 4 year olds constantly saying “He touched me!” “She got more milk than me!” “Don’t look at me!” on steroids. The actions, not the children.

♥ When you also have other children (ldw has 3, Dia has 4 and Christine has 5) each one could completely dominate with their needs and issues. Try to juggle everyone’s needs, pick battles, plan ahead, let things roll off your back, without driving yourself crazy or beating yourself up when it doesn’t go as smoothly as you’d like.

♥ They love to gang up on you, so TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Keep things simple so you can avoid some of those moments. You have to get a good night's sleep on a regular basis. You need to eat regularly and make healthy choices. Take your vitamins.

♥ Never feel guilty for sending kids to their rooms so you can have some downtime. Yes they have to be with us to attach but who wants to attach to an exhausted, stressed, feeling-down-on- herself mom?

♥ Separate them as much as necessary. In the beginning, make their interactions rare and highly supervised. Then, when you start to allow them more time to hang out, make sure you are available to coach them and have them practice using words, etc. For siblings, that trauma bond is STRONG, and it was a very long and slow process for us to teach them a completely new way to interact with one another. Yet, it was worth it. I rarely have to separate them now.

♥ Even when they aren’t bio-siblings and don’t share that bond, they can trigger each other in destructive ways so above applies.

♥ Chances are when one is “up” the other is “down.” Plan for it and enjoy the highs!

♥ Just say "NO!" to extra responsibilities. You will never regret cutting back on things, but I guarantee you will regret it if you push yourself too hard.

♥ The strategy or “school of thought” that works with one is worth trying on the other BUT may have a totally different impact. Be flexible to trying different strategies. For example, Nancy Thomas’ physical activities—jumping jacks, mini-tramp jumps, etc. worked well to get one child back on track whereas these same activities totally pushed the other over the edge to a full-blown meltdown.

♥ Be willing to try something again after some time has passed. If it is a good strategy it will probably work for both kids but maybe at different points in their healing.

♥ Don’t compare them to each other especially not in negative ways. It breeds hostility. However, we have found it useful because one of ours was here 2 year before the other one, to call attention to things one also used to do that has been changed to a more positive behavior. It seemed to give the other a concrete reminded of getting better.

♥ Finding support from others is so important. You can not do this ALONE! Pull your loved ones near, don't push them away because you are exhausted. Reach out and find others in your situation, it will make a world of difference, for all of you!

♥ For most of us, there is no one else around us who sees and understands what we do about our child. If they put on an “act” of good behavior and sweetness when others are around (thus making it harder for them to understand US) don’t let it get to you. ENJOY THE BREAK from the madness and treat it as a gift from your child.

Some other ideas that worked for us:

♥ Have them practice EVERYTHING including how to be with each other. In the beginning, we would have days where everyone taped a piece of paper on their backs and everyone else wrote something they like about that sibling/child/parent. We then slowly moved to saying these things out loud over dinner. It brought them to a point where they could actually say nice things about one another without melting or having their head explode. In fact, during this recent move, I watched my oldest gingerly packing away one of those pieces of paper, covered in loving thoughts from his family.

♥ When they were arguing with each other, making faces, or thinking mean things about each other validate their feelings that they won’t always like each other BUT that we are ONE family and we have to look out for each other and take care of each other. Sometimes I would let the face each other and guide them through getting all the “mad” out at each other and end it with the sharing of 1 or 2 positive things about each other. It always worked to diffuse the situation.

♥ Try really, really hard to help them be their own individual selves. My kids have started healing at different rates and in different ways. It is difficult to avoid just addressing them both the exact same way, because that is exactly what we did for so long. I made their lifebooks different, their life "timelines" different, etc. They both go to therapy back-to-back, so I would try to have discussions afterward in different ways with each of them. Of course you do many things the same, but it frees them to move forward at their pace when you give them a sense of separation.

It’s exhausting but we wouldn’t trade this journey for anything! We are all becoming better people as each day goes by. They are teaching us to be better moms and that gift is priceless!

From Corazon

My name is Corazon (That's not my real name. It's my blog name. I have a blog called Finding my Heartsmile.) Ms. Lisa asked me and my mom to do a post on her blog so here is mine. I hope you like it. Thank you Ms. Lisa.

On Sunday my family and I got up really early so we could get ready to go. I got dressed and then mom did my hair. She braided my hair that she had put into twists last night when we washed it. I put on my sandals, picked a book, Trouble River, for the car. We were going to go see a family that just moved here from Oklahoma. They live an hour away from us so I finished my book in the car really quickly. I read really fast so I read it again and then I looked out the window and read the signs.

I asked mom about the family we were visiting. They have 5 kids and 2 of the kids are kinda like me and my older brother because they have RAD. I don't like having RAD. The first RAD kids I met was J. (Ms. Lisa's daughter) and her sister K. I really liked them and when we met J and I talked about how we both had alarms on our doors, why we both homeschool, and some bad things we did in school. We also had alot of fun playing together and swimming. Mom said that one of her friends Ms. L. was bringing her kids M., H., and A. and I was excited because I just met them at my birthday party and 2 of them have RAD. I think my mom knows alot of moms with RAD kids now because we are meeting some of them. I used to think I was the only kid like me until mom explained RAD to me. Mom thinks I am getting better and I think so too.

When we got there we went to an RV park. It reminded me of when I went camping with my moms and my grandparents. We met Ms. C., her husband and her kids. Their names are R., A., MR, MC, and P. (these are not their real names.) We played with the volleyball and then P. asked if I wanted to ride her bike. P. is 6 years old but she is taller than me. I am nine now. Mom said yes. I felt so happy! I put the left pedal up and sat on the bike. I pushed and off I went. I pedalled really fast right after P. I have never ridden a bike so fast! When Ms. L. and her kids cam I was happy to see H. (she is 8 years old) and her little sister A. She is almost the same age as my little sister. Then all the girls decided to play with pretend makeup and do face-painting. My mom never lets me do face-painting at parties because we don't believe in that BUT this time she said yes because it was kids playing with each other. I was so happy. MC put makeup on me and painted my face like a cat. Then she painted a bracelet and some heart on my arms. It was cool!

Afer we ate some food P. and H. and I went exploring. I saw that P. was picking up something I stopped and saw that she had it by the hind legs and it was a HUGE grasshopper!!!!!!!!! It was big, long, yellow and black. I asked "are those poisonous?" She said "no they are not." I saw another big grasshopper and wanted to get it but I was scared that it was poisionous. M. came over (I think he is 12) and put it on his shirt. All the adults and the kids were looking at the grasshoppers and then one jumped up and we all ran and screamed! We were being very dramatic. As I was looking at one of the grasshoppers P. put a grasshopper on my back and I screamed and ran to my mom crying. She told me I was being dramatic and called me the number 1 drama queen.

Ms. C.'s husband, Mr. M. cut up some watermelon and we ate. I had 4 pieces because my little sister and my little brother didn't finish theirs so mom said I could finish them. I love, love, love watermelon and this one was really cold. They have a really neat gazebo and all the girls and the little kids were coloring and drawing. I made a picture frame for my mom that said "I love you." I got to cut it with special scissors so it would look pretty. When we were drawing P. came over and threw a grasshopper at us. I jumped and pushed my baby sister backward and she fell and hit her back on the railing. My sister burst into tears and I quickly scooped her up to make her stop crying. I was scared to tell mom I had pushed her but I told myself to tell the truth and so I went and told mom that I did it. Mom said I did a good job telling the truth and taking responsibility. I was proud of myself.

I worked really hard to do a good job but actually it was easy to do good thinks. I was also trying to find out which of Ms. C.'s kids also have RAD but I didn't see any of the kids act RAD today. Maybe we are all getting better. Sometimes kids, like my big brother, got a timeout in a chair and I saw that 1 kid stuck really close to her sister and did not play too much with the other kids. I think maybe she has RAD because she said she sleeps with her parents and not the other kids. I don't know but maybe I am wrong. I think that all the kids did a good job and no one got into trouble because we were having fun and our moms (and one dad) were close by.

At the end of the day Ms. C and Ms. L. and my mom took pictures of the kids and we all left for home. I think we were all sad to go and P. climbed into our car to say goodbye and she didn't want us to leave. They asked us to come back soon. I hope we do but we got really, really dirty from all the rolling around in the dirt but it was alot of fun. This was one of my most fun days this summer. And that is what I did on Sunday.

Ms. Lisa, I hope you like this when you read it.

Guest blogger today

I don't want to disappoint those who came hoping to get an update on how the vacation is going. Lisa is enjoying time with the girls and looks forward to getting back to "civilization" soon because she is in a no-Internet zone! In the meantime she asked me (Dia at Rancho Chico) and my daughter, Corazon, (blogs at Finding my Heartsmile) if we would "guest blog" here. We are thrilled and honored especially because this was the first blog I found that spoke to me directly about my life as a mom to kids with RAD and suddenly I didn't feel quite so alone anymore. Lisa opened up an incredible world for me and has done so much to encourage my daughter and me on this healing journey.

When I asked my daughter if she would like to do this she said she would but was not sure about the topic. I suggested she write about our day on Sunday when we got to visit with a few other kids healing from RAD because I knew she had really enjoyed herself. She thought that was a great idea and asked if she could write it the way she does her daily writing prompts (so it will probably also appear on her blog) and off she went to do her writing. As I was waiting for her to complete this I began to think about all the ways in which we witness healing in our kids. It doesn't happen in the way that taking medicine works on a sick kid who is stuck in bed for a while where you generally "see" the impact relatively quickly. It happens in a much more subtle and gradual way and sometimes you don't realize there's healing until you stop to think "wow, that hasn't happened in a long time!" or "I cannot remember the last time she did ____." Sometimes it's a more dramatic revelation such as "Did she really just stop and tell herself OUT LOUD to tell the truth even if it was hard and she knew she was going to get in trouble?"

With Corazon we have seen more healing in the past few months and about a week ago we were having some control issues and I had her pull out a sheet of paper and take a "pop quiz" with no right or wrong answers. I have found that these "pop quizzes" really help us process stuff in the moment and lest you think it was my idea I actually stole it from an awesome mom who blogged about it here a while ago in her blog Welcome to my Brain. Here's what we did and remember this is in the MIDDLE of a control "struggle":

Me: "When you think about me being in control and acting like the mom

with you how does that make you feel?"

Corazon: Happy

Me: "Why happy?"

Corazon: Because then I can have more fun when you decide things.

AND I don't have to think so hard.

Me: "So, if that is true, why do you do it? You like to have fun."

Corazon: I don't know.

Me: What did you mean by "think so hard"?

Corazon: (after a long pause she wrote:) because there is alot to have to remember when

I have to decide if I want to do it or not and when I don't do it the right way!

Me: "So, are you saying that when you are fighting me and not doing things the way you are supposed to do them you KNOW you are not doing them the right way and you are thinking about how to NOT do them the right way?"

Corazon: (with a smile on her face she writes:) YES!

Me: "Does this work out well for you?"

Corazon: No.

Me: "Has it ever worked out well for you?"
Corazon: No.

Me: "But you keep doing it. Do you think it will work for you in the future even if it has never worked for you before?"
Corazon: Yes

Me: "How many RAD kids do you think this has worked for?"
Corazon: Zero

Me: "But you still think it can work for you?"
Corazon: Yes. Maybe.

Me: "Let me get back to what you said in the first question. You said it made you "Happy" to think about letting me be the mom and be the one in control. Do you still believe that?"
Corazon: YES!

Me: "So even if it makes you feel happy to let me be in control and be the mom, you still don't do it. I don't understand. What do you think will happen (good and bad) if you let yourself be the kid and be happy letting me be the mom?"
Corazon: 1. Good things will happen to me. 2. I will be mad when you go away. 3. I don't know.

Me: "Do you still think I will leave you after 4 1/2 years together?"
Corazon: (she wrote this and the caps are hers) NO but sometimes it FEELS like, when or IF you leave me or die then I should not let me feel happy now because it is easier to feel mad all the time.

This led to a discussion of how disappointing it can be after having fun and feeling happy to have a let down of some kind and how it is "easier" for her (I suggested it was more comfortable rather than easier because they both work too hard for it to be easy) for her and her older brother to feel miserable and unhappy because it was predictable. It also surfaced something that seemed much more like regular kid feelings rather than RAD kid feelings: her classmate/gymnastics friend just lost her father in a sudden car accident a couple of weeks ago and she was scared that could happen to me too. We talked about that as well.

I had been trying to figure out how to write about this on my blog but until just recently I realized that the fact that we can have these conversations now is part of the healing. It used to be just me SAYING, YELLING, SINGING, CRYING at the top of my lungs: "I am not going to send you away!" over and over again and now she knows it but still has the fear that was put there by her experiences with all the other people that came and went in her life before me. She just has to figure out how to make herself believe that she is safe and that even when she does get hurt that I will be there to help her pick up the pieces. She has gotten it that things go better when she just lets herself trust yet those little voices and experiences inside of her keep the doubt very much alive so she still struggles for control in those areas where she can be in control even if she makes the wrong choices and knows it. It is so complicated and so hard yet I am ever so grateful that we have gotten to this point in her healing.

I will try to post her post later today or tomorrow. Thank you for listening reading. :-)

Various

There's a new addiction in this household. Scrapbooking. After we came home from NY, my best friend created a scrapbook for J to remember the trip. She finished it a few weeks ago and I was enthralled with the book. Now I'm trying to learn how to be crafty. It's a dangerous thing. Also very stressful because I'm not crafty naturally. I struggle and over think every stinking thing. At the moment I'm trying to create a scrapbook for J with all her worldly travels. Currently it takes me 4 hours to do 3 pages. At this rate I may never be done.

Picky Puddin is on a self-imposed fast. The stinker won't eat anything. I hate it when she does this. I wish she would march herself to the pantry and announce which dinner she would eat so that I didn't open 5 different cans only to have her turn her nose up. So far her face drips with disdain whenever I open Grammy's Pot Pie, Harvest Moon, Thanksgiving Day Dinner, Turducken, Wingaling, or Smothered Comfort. This is the only brand that she has consistently eaten so I suck it up and get it for her. She will.not.eat.dry.food.of.any.kind. I found out the hard way. Please don't ask.

Tomorrow morning we'll leave and be at the lake for a week. No internet. Boo. Although there will be much swimming and tubing going on. I am armed with books and scrapbooking stuff.
I will miss all of you. Don't do anything really exciting while I'm gone. K?

Tips to Share

Wonderful Wednesday's always include helpful new tips from our AT. I keep thinking some day I'm going to go in and she's going to be slap dab out of tips. Not yet though.

She gave me a new tapping thing for breaking a habit. Since J was never clean a baby/toddler her RAD brain thinks that she is dirty on the inside so she must look dirty on the outside and in turn has bad hygiene. So now we're going to try the new tapping thingy to break the habit of wanting to feel dirty.

You tap with your fingers all around your scalp around your ear starting at the top and working to the bottom. Very firm bouncy tapping with all four fingers. If you are right handed you state the negative behavior and bounce/tap on the left side of your head around your ear. J's is "I don't want to be dirty." Do this 5 times.

Then move to the opposite ear for the positive and do the same thing with positive words. The phrase is "I want to be clean and healthy." 5 times.

If your child is left handed just flip it and use the negative word on the right ear and the positive phrase on the left side. Clear as mud huh?


Doing this tapping routine 4 or 5 times a day.

We're also adding a new tapping on the sora spots or T3 spot (under the collar bone). Even though my RAD brain wants to show the world I'm dirty and bad and RAD I'm still a totally great kid and my mom totally loves me.

If I didn't know this stuff worked I wouldn't bother. Yet all I can do is heave a hefty sigh on adding one more thing to my daily list, suck it up, put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Someone asked on the other blog to explain the mouth hug. It's holding the mouth until they can control what comes out of it. Sometimes it's for interrupting, others would be incessant chatter or a spew of disrespectful words. Sometimes it takes 2 hands to hold the jaw still. ;-)

Hectic

Things have been pretty hectic around here lately. J has been struggling for the past week or so and most of it has been revolving around the new addition but some is just struggle. 3 steps forward, 2 back.

G and entourage rode the bikes up to Cherokee so we joined them via the mom truck and ended up being the support vehicle for stuff. Toured the Indian Village on Saturday which was really cool. It's always fascinating but G & I are both part Cherokee so it makes it even more so. Plus women ran the tribe so you gotta love that. Saturday afternoon and Sunday we rode up the Blue Ridge Parkway to Mt. Pisgah and beyond.

J was cantankerous the.whole.time. Rancid even. Every one of us tried to help her change it up. Nothing worked. Sunday I finally told her I wasn't going to let her steal my joy. And I didn't.

Yesterday was the bi-annual dental visit. Joy. She's been doing an extremely poor job of brushing her teeth and refuses to floss. Actually all hygiene issues are a constant struggle and most of them are caused by the severe neglect she suffered. I've harped, praised, scolded, lectured, timed, dental tablets, cute toothbrushes, vibrating toothbrushes, singing toothbrushes, shown, brushed myself, all of it....till the cows came home. It didn't work. Yesterday all the people at the dentist's office commented on her lack of oral hygiene. The word disgusting was even used. When she came out she told me she was really embarrassed. The truth hurts sometimes. I think it really hit home this time (I hope) because for once it wasn't mom harping about hygiene. It was "others". Assured her I understood her embarrassment but told her there was a surefire way to make sure it won't happen again. Brush well and floss. Very simple. Her mouth opened into a big O. More will be revealed later.

Today she has been such a joy to be around. Totally switched up. Yay!

Here's some pics from the trip:

Please Remember

Cindy Adam's family in your thoughts and prayers. I "met" Cindy through Cindy Bodie. For the past few days I've been worried that the worst had happened and it had. Cindy leaves behind a husband and 10 kids.

Weekend in Pics

After reading Essie's post I remembered that I hadn't started SK on any omegas yet. I had J on cor omega but have been slacking on giving it to her. We were out so we ran by our local health food store. The owner told me about Barleans. Figured we'd give the banana strawberry flavor a try and see if it tasted better than coromega. Of course I had to try it to. Normally I don't like banana flavored stuff. Oh my stinking heck. This stuff is the mac daddy. I could seriously take a bath in it. Yummy. My girls love it and beg to take it. You can't get better than that.

Something Different Update

This morning I gave each girl 30 M & M's. Explained that today would be a quiet day and that they could pantomime, write or draw a picture for everything they wanted to say. Each time they forget I get an M & M from their stash. A hissy fit constitutes losing 10. At the end of the day they can have all of their M & M's before dinner. Taking bets on if any are left. ;-)

So far it has really cute and really quiet. The score: J has lost 4 M & M's and SK has lost 6. Oops 7 now. I might update more on twi tt er.

Something Different

Thinking that tomorrow there's going to be a new game in town. It's not out of my bag of tricks from 99 Ways to Drive Your Child Sane by Brita St. Clair but it should be. No talking. Nothing. Nada. Everything must be either written or pantomimed. All day. Could be fun!

We'll see how it goes.

Hmmm....

Can you spot anything suspicious in this picture?

Maybe this will help.

Let's take a closer look:

Just a grunt closer and the mystery pillow is revealed. Cutest pillow ever!

The Queen on her throne. She rules with kindness but expect belly rubs in return.

I'm channeling Pioneer Woman today. I wish.

Schedule & How to De-clutter Toys

Little Wonder asked so here goes:

Monday
5 - 6 AM Snuggle time with Jordan
6 - 7 AM Shower, dressed, coffee
7-7:45 Make-up beds/brush teeth and hair/get dressed/strong sitting/yoga, breakfast/clean up (in that order)
7:45-8 Walk/Run/Bike (any high energy activity)
8-9 Language Arts
9-9:15 Sensory Integration games and Occupational Therapy
9:15-10:15 Language Arts
10:15-10:30 Relay races
10:30-11:30 Language Arts
11:30-11:45 Walk/Steps/Mini-Tramp/bike/scooter
11:45-12:30 Lunch/Clean Up
12:30-12:45 Learning Breakthrough
12:45-1:45 Language Arts
1:45-2:00 Relay races
2:00-3:00 Play bonding games
3:00-4 Sensory integration games
4:00-5:00 Dinner/Cleanup
5:00-6:00 Play Time
6:00-7:00 Bath, brush teeth, Reiki, bedtime stories or independent reading
7- 8 PM Clean up house, wash and dry laundry (the girls do all the folding and putting away). J does all her own ironing.
8 - 9 PM Check email/read blogs and something to help my girls therapeutically (usually blogs because y'all give me so many ideas). Veg out. Read for fun.
9 PM Stick a fork in me. I. Am. Done.

Everywhere you read Language Arts it changes by day. On Tuesday's it is Math, Wednesday's are Language Arts Extension's which are lessons within a lesson, Thursday is Science and Geography, Friday is art and spelling. Art can be a play (we're about to start on the kids Shakespeare plays thanks to Pioneer Woman's recommendation, crayons, making a craft, etc.

We change up as needed and if one is stuck we move through it or have down time to help with regulation. I have to have a schedule or it would be too easy to roll with the day and nothing would get accomplished. I really, really try to stick to it.

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Get ready to realize I'm the worst mom ever. I NEVER pick up toys or clothes. Ever. Unless it's to throw them in the trash. The girls know that if I have to pick up something or they leave something out at bedtime that it will be going directly in the trash. I NEVER have to ask them to pick up their room or put away bicycles, bubbles, scooters or anything because before they go to bed everything (every single night) is picked up and put away. Nice and neat. They also pick up after themselves all during the day so that it's never bad at bedtime. They're probably terrified that I'll throw it away during the day too. ;-) Don't judge, it works for me. ;-) Clothes go in the hampers in the laundry room. Sorted at the time of deposit. Our towels are color coded (J is pink, Sk turquoise, mine are white) so J knows which ones are hers and Sk can identify too. SK is now Chief Laundry Folder and delivery girl. Doing quite well too.

Three things are accomplished. #1 Things never get out of hand (meaning really big mess) in a way that is too overwhelming for them to clean up. #2 I never, ever have to nag. Ever. I like that. I have to repeat myself over and over and over and over during the day about important things but at least I never have to nag about this stuff. I will never replace anything that has been thrown away but they can earn money to buy a replacement and I'll take them to the store. #3 I never have to sort laundry. Just throw it in and press start.

It was horrible to implement. On me that is. My wallet started shaking in my purse because all I could think about was the money I was throwing away when those toys landed in the trash can. I hate being wasteful and it felt terribly wasteful. I will admit that the leap fr*g quietly found it's way back to the toy box. However, J lost about 3 toys and 1 outfit before it clicked. Sk hasn't lost a thing yet because J made a believer out of her. I'm sure she'll have her turn before it's over. ;-)

Having them take the toys/clothes to a thrift store or salvation ar*y would be effective too but for J seeing it in the trash can worked like a charm. Plus at that time I wasn't doing much but surviving and didn't want to go through the public meltdown either.

Now if I could just get my stuff as organized and neatly put away as they do I'd be a real winner. Or wiener...depending on how you look at it.

Hope

In case you're having a day (like me) where you're feeling a little hopeless cause it's just been one of those days. Let me share this with you. When J first came her behaviors were over the top. It was. not. pretty. In any shape or form. She was always looking for something to kill or mutilate. I'm sad to say that some 2 to 3 ft long fish did not come out alive. At least it wasn't me or Puddin but it wasn't for a lack of trying and much effort. Fun stuff people.

Click here for a picture from before. Sorry I can't upload it here. Lost it in the computer death.

Here's a picture from Friday night:

So even on the bad days it helps me to remember the progress. She's nothing short of a miracle.

Did you know

that a piece of attachment is remembering what happened yesterday? Our first AT's mentioned it but I didn't "hear" it. I've read about it but don't remember where. Still it didn't click. Our current AT, Kristy, told me this again last week. My ears must've been open because I heard it this time. She encouraged me to have J remember the events of the previous day in the order that they happened. Thought it would be a piece of cake. Not so much. She really struggles to remember the events and gets very frustrated. It's not like she doesn't want to remember it's more that she can't. Interesting.

In case you're wondering how I posted 3 times during one day, it's because I have 2 kids in time-in. One on each side of me. They've been there most of the afternoon. Struggling with regulation. Joy.

Morning Activities

Our day starts at 5 AM. Yikes. I have the girls on a schedule that's very structured. It's been so hot that I've had to reverse it and have school in the afternoon. Below are some of the sensory things they do every day.

Dizzy Disk Jr. to strengthen body awareness and coordination. You have to move it with pressure and the goal is to keep it moving with the correct pressure on each foot until it will spin without stopping.

Brain Gym: drawing figure 8's.

Walking figure 8's (I trace it out with sidewalk chalk.)

Brain Gym: Cross Crawl to help both sides of the brain talk to each other.

Jumping rope. Gross motor skills and coordination.

Pogo stick jumping for vestibular balance. J has now mastered this and can get around great with it.


Giant hopper for vestibular orientation and for heavy work calmer.

They also did some activity (moonsand, dried beans, sand, play doh, etc) while wearing either a pressure vest or weighted arm bands.

Last week, at the recommendation of our AT, I added an all night bio-lateral Delta sleep CD to J. She loves it and it's reallly soothing. Actually it was for SK but wanted to try on J first.

Funny

After one of the girls has therapy they will go to the waiting room while Kristy and I do a wrap up session and I get my homework list. When we walked out yesterday J was talking to a woman in the waiting room while she was coloring. They said good bye, it was nice to meet you, blah, blah, blah.

Last night Kristy called me and said that the woman waiting let her in on the conversation she had with J. She said she asked J how she was doing and J said, "well, I've been working really hard to get rid of RAD and I'm almost normal now." ROTF! ;-)

Side note: The woman in question is a counselor at a school and very familiar with RAD.

Eye Candy

For your viewing pleasure.

Fully awake, ready for action:
Attitude:

Getting the sleepy eyes...

Uh oh...she's going down...

Popping up just to make sure she doesn't miss something:

Down for the count and waiting for mom:

Night, night....


Puddin in all her glory.

Fabulous Trip

J was such a dream kid on this trip. One of our friends that went had not seen her in a year. She was astounded at the difference in J. Every day she makes my jaw drop. Since she had touch privileges she was able to hang around all the other adults during the trip while my other appendage was attached to my side. She showed very appropriate touch, conversation and coping skills. A little independence too. Appropriate independence and yet still so very attached to me. It was so very cool.

She loved seeing the "Pacific Ocean" but was adamant in still declaring her love of Myrtle Beach. I have got to take that girl to see some windex water someday soon. Maybe if she discovers there are actually "clear water" beaches she can convince Daddy G we need to be at "those" beaches instead of MB. A girl can dream.

We truly had a great time. A couple of little maneuvers helped keep SK on the straight and narrow but I just stood back and watch J blossom.

Too much laundry, ironing and dirty house to clean up means that I have been astoundingly slow but if you haven't already you need to go check out Tuba. Now.

200 blogs behind means y'all have been breeding like rabbits while I've been away. Geesh folks.

Also, Michael has a new online consortium for RAD families. Bringing together families and professionals. Go check it out.

Regulation

I'm desperately trying to get ready to leave in the morning for California. Not enough hours in the day.

That rocking chick, Christine, had something wonderful to say in the comments so I cut and pasted it here:

I'm chuckling. You had a list of almost 30 items, and everyone is stuck on the Skittles! :)

I think what we're forgetting is Lisa is not handing over a Skittle each time. She's always changing it up. My kids are old enough now to verbalize, "We HATE it how you always give different consequences, because we want you to stick with one we don't mind so much!!"

Today Mar asked if she could help with lunch. I said, "No. I already have the help I need, but I'll let you know if I need you later." Now, I know she asked, because it was obvious the kitchen was full. She set me up.

Sure enough, she decided she would start her chores EARLY (ya' know ... cause that's what she does *COUGH*). Doing her chores would mean climbing over all the bags of groceries to get to the spray bottle of cleaner.

I just smiled and said, "Someone is mad at me because they couldn't help get things put away for lunch. Of course, you offered to help when you knew I would say no. (pause - little lift of my eyebrows) And now you're perturbed because I figured it all out!"

She was kinda' stunned. "Alright, why don't you jump in place about 15 times for me."

After she was done, "Alright, what was it you did?" "That's right. If it creeps up again, I'm sure we can find something else to help you get it all out, instead of making a bad choice."

When I find her destroying something, my favorite thing to do is put her in a giant bear hug and start singing 80's love songs (ya' know - when I AM FINALLY REGULATED!!). She starts screaming right away, but eventually calms and we can talk. We don't talk restitution until she's regulated.

What I think we should be focusing on in the list above is how it all brings our children closer to us in some way, or helps their brains regulate ... which then helps them to draw closer to us again.

My kids won't manipulate me so they can jump in place 15 times again. You change it up all. the. time. Having a shocker of a Skittle now and then will bring surprise and warmth and love. I make sure I have one shocker-consequence at least once a week, dripping with lots of verbal lovin'.

When we get back I'll try to do a video or something to show what I'm talking about but Christine did a beautiful job of explaining until I can get to it.

Punishment vs Consequences

These are my opinions people, so please don't leave me any hate mail. Thanks in advance.

IMHO I don't think punishment works for RAD kids. I think it makes them shut down, dissociate and locks them into the fight or flight part of their brain. This is why typically star charts and other behavior mods don't work. When they have shut down everything seems like Mt. Everest to them. They can't manage it in their brain. It's unattainable even if it's a 5 minute task. My job as a RAD parent is to help them shake that off. RAD kids have already been punished enough for a lifetime. Why would I want to continue that kind of treatment?! Why would that make them want to bond with me? I don't think so. Before J came home I heard Parenting with Pizzazz CD (couldn't find the CD anymore but the book is still in print) by Deborah Hage. One of the things she said was, "who wants to bond with a b*tch?" Nobody.

I've tried many, many, many different things but the things that I think that work the best for us are the short and sweet consequences. Why does a consequence have to be bad? Short means that the consequence should take less than a minute and the sweet part is a Skittle or such deposited from my hand to her mouth, a hug, a high-five, etc. "Good job with that consequence honey" and another hug. Then I ask her what happened. She 'fesses up and I'll give her another hug and congratulate her on telling the truth. Briefly talk about what happened and should've happened. Usually ends with a little dance spin and I send her off to her next adventure.

When there will be a natural consequence I just allow that to happen and let her learn from the experience.

Some of our consequences are:

1. Spin in a circle 3 times (I usually let them take my finger and spin them like we're dancing.)
2. Take your shoe laces out of your shoes and put them back in.
3. Run to the 1st drive way (we live in a low travel street in a subdivision so I send them to the neighbor's drive way. Its' about 50 ft away.)
4. Give Mom a hand rub.
5. Massage Mom's shoulders
6. 5, 10 or 15 jumping jacks (depending on age and ability)
7. Run jump on the mini-tramp for a minute. (Bouncing really helps change up brain function.)
8. Go swing (again, swinging really good for the brain)
9. Stand or sit in your think spot for a minute with their arms in the hooked-up position (brain gym).
10. Time-In's (sit beside me)
11. Hug Mom
12. Go find Mom a pretty leaf.
13. Go jump rope.
14. Follow Mom around (keeping them close to me)
15. Walk in a figure 8 pattern (brain gym)
16. Do the cross crawl. (left elbow to right knee and then right elbow to left knee in a marching pattern. (brain gym)
17. Tapping
18. Skip to the 1st drive way.
19. Hop 10 times then walk 10 steps to the first drive way.
20. Sit in Mom's lap.
21. Pull on your ears. (You start at the top of the ear and pull gently straight out all the way down to the ear lobe. brain gym)
22. Have a tea party.
24. Play doh time (moon sand, silly putty, whatever, just something they can knead)
25. Go color me a picture (can be very revealing of their feelings)
26. Blow up your imaginary black balloon with all the yucky feelings. Let it go and send all the negative energy away.
27. Put on your pink suit. (J's love is pink so she has an imaginary pink suit that she can put on from her toes up to her head. I "zip" it up to hold all the good stuff inside.)
28. You look like you need some pink love. (I "pour" my love into her forehead with my forehead touching theirs while I make silly sound effects of all the love going inside. I seal it up with a kiss and hold my finger on that kissed spot while she hugs me, closes her eyes and let all the pink love seep into her body.)
29. Hit your angry pillow.

Well, you get the idea. I used to have a consequence jar and and they could go pick their consequence. I still do it occasionally but I'm more practiced now so I usually just throw it out there. Copy, paste and use them if you like. Add some that are practical for your family or do some of the special things that are unique to your family. Don't forget the crazy nonsense things you can add too.

Your kid must be regulated BEFORE a consequence happens.  You will notice there are several things above to help get them regulated.

The major point is that I have tried punishment and it didn't work for us. I'm ashamed to admit that I have even swatted J's behind (after adoption). IT DIDN'T WORK. It only feeds the anger and self-loathing. If she has committed a serious offense I still do one of the above listed consequences and later after their brain is switched up from the fight or flight I'll whisper in her ear that she'll probably owe me something later to make it up to me. Then I assign the owed chore when she is in a happy mood. This means they will (usually) do it fast and snappy and not be stuck because they're brain is working right.

Then of course, there are the days that NOTHING works. Those days I just hold out for tomorrow. There are also the days that I am the queen b*tch. I hate those days. They just suck.

I don't have all the answers. I know it sounds insane. Probably goes against everything you know to be true or logical. Maybe that's why it works. I just keep doing trial and error stuff until I find what works. What works today might not work tomorrow. If something isn't working give this a try. Just for a day. Not a lifetime commitment. You've got nothing to lose.

4th & Shopping

The 4th was fabulous! J did great all weekend. Saturday night when we docked the boat I told G I was going up to put SK to bed and let J go to the bathroom. Thought he understood that J was staying up to shoot the fireworks they had purchased. Not.

I told J to wait on the porch for G to come up and get the fireworks. She did. Very patiently. He didn't come up. He left with friends to go to his sister's house for another firework show. J was so upset. Bless her little heart she cried until she couldn't cry anymore. She fell asleep crying in my arms on the porch.

When G came in I explained what happened. He felt terrible but he didn't express it well so it ticked me off. The next morning J didn't want to hang around because she knew he would be grumpy. I don't blame her. I'm not crazy about hanging around with grumpy either.

We came on home and the girls played all afternoon (after a nap). Daddy G came over and sincerely apologized and all is well. I was very proud of J for voicing her feelings. She did a great job.

Today we spent in Atlanta shopping for clothes for J. She has outgrown every.thing. that I bought her 2 months ago and they were huge on her when purchased. It is horrible trying to find things that are really cute (she is a huge girly girl) in her size. Everything looks like they would be more appropriate on a lady of the evening standing on a street corner.

Cindy joined us (after I did some whining and begging) since she is fully aware that I am a fashion challenged individual and detest shopping. Thank goodness she came with us because there's no telling what we would've come home with us. J's going to have to do some major sucking up to Cindy so that in the future maybe Cindy will take J shopping and it won't be so much torture like it is with me. I am NOT fun shopping. It's a fact.

The really great news: Cindy doesn't see J that often so she's able to see significant gains in J. It is noticeable. She even remarked that J was a lot of fun to be around. This is a huge compliment coming from Cindy because she's very astute at picking up on behaviors. Yay for J!

Dia commented that maybe J would benefit from some 60-70's television such as The Brady Bunch and The Electric Company. Everything is much slower so perhaps it won't cause the dreadful meltdowns. (SK doesn't have this problem.) I've ordered some and we'll see how it goes on a rainy day. She's also posted some more great pics of the kids having fun. It was such a great time!

Brace Yourself

Not sure if this will come to fruition or not but I'm thinking of doing a CD on adoption parenting strategies for our state. I've talked with a few people and have several ideas up in the air.



Please don't think I'm trying to act like I know it all. I'm not a doctor or professional in this field. Far from that. I'm also far from the perfect parent. I screw up more than I get it right. However, I would've really liked to have had a cliff notes version when I first ventured down this path. I'd like to do something with a strong overview that would be helpful to new adoptive parents in our area. Expectations, strategies, blah, blah, blah. Share our story and be a hopeful example.



Could y'all help me with ideas? For those of you that have already adopted, think about what you wish you'd known. Those still waiting....what do you want to know? What would be the most helpful to know? Would you rather know strategies or techniques? Expectations?



You know...I can read parenting books till the cows come home but it's so much more helpful to me when someone models the right tone of voice and attitude for me. I just can't seem to do that in writing so I was hoping a CD might be more helpful to new parents. I want to give people hope, ideas, something to ponder, etc. In other other words I want to cram a lot of information into 1 hour.



What do y'all think????? Don't be shy! Email me if you don't want it posted here.

Darn It

Dia and the gang came by this morning on the way out of town. Headed back home. It was very sad watching them pull out of the drive way. Waaaahhhh!

Now she can firmly picture me sitting on my throne while blogging. They were also able to meet Puddin and lo and behold, for the first time ever, Puddin grinned on command. Dia has more pictures that were taken this morning but she did leave me with several and permission to print them. She's quite the photographer! BTW, she has a fabulous camera and I am so envious. Therefore you'll get great pics!

The visit only confirmed my belief that all radical families need to live in a commune. ;-)

Special Day

It was a very special day. We spent it with Dia, C and all the kids at the lake. It was fabulous. The kids had a great time and J is smitten with Tortuga. ;-) She has very good taste. They were both exhausted by the time we got home. After a quick bath and faster dinner they were both down for the count. Both girls were sound asleep by 7.

It makes for such a great time when you're hanging out with people who are parenting exactly as you. Wonderful to put faces with names and to see that my tubes friends are just as wonderful in real life. Dia has all the control because she has all the pictures plus she and C are threatening blackmail. ;-) Pics of each family and the kids are coming. We also had a belated mini-birthday celebration for Dia to compensate for the lack of happy in the original day. Hoping they get to finish her cake before they leave in the morning.

If the stars align they might just make it for a quick good bye in the morning on their way out of town. I have my fingers and toes crossed.

Dia is without internet so be looking for her take on the visit when she is delivered to civilization. ;D

Changing It Up

After a tough couple of days, J has totally changed it up. I missed the sensory diet activities yesterday due to trying to help her cope so today it was back on schedule. The girls had so much fun. Lots of brain gym stuff going on here. Major physical activity in the morning since it's too hot to be outside in the afternoon.

SK had therapy today instead of J but Kristy met with J for a few minutes afterwards to congratulate her on changing it up and on the ways that she has handled several things that have come up in relation to the other blog. She beamed from ear to ear. Nothing compares to seeing people notice the changes she has made. Especially from Kristy because she knows first hand how hard J has worked.

Waiting to hear back from Chrissi (J's former Au Pair from Germany) on whether we will be blessed with a visit from her in August. We have our fingers and toes crossed. Chrissi is cursed with procrastination so I might not find out until the day before she gets here. You know I love you, Chrissi. ;-)

More big news. Dia just called and they are 13 miles from my house. Yahoo!!!!!!! I get to meet the whole gang.

Sucking Wind

Horribly embarrassed that I've neglected this blog. My apologies. Those of you reading the private blog understand.

It was a RADtastic day. Nothing really major but boy J got sucked into a lot of RAD stuff today. I'm tired with all the new HR management, so I did not handle it very well. Blech.

Good thing I get another chance tomorrow. At least I hope I do.

Blossoming J

J is really astounding me daily. Blossoming before my very eyes. Adding Special K to the family has been really good for her and she is loving having a sister. For now anyway. It's funny to watch Special K be a mirror for J to see how far she has come. She's blown away too. There may be regression at some time but I am enjoying it for now.

When SK arrived I gave J the option of going to bed at 7:30. She's only used it once and every night announces that she is a pooped puppy and ready to go to bed. 7 may sound early but we're all naturally early risers so we start our day around 5:30 - 6ish and go hard non-stop all day. They're exhausted come bed time. Mom is too.

"J" Time

I've been expecting full blown regression from J during this transition of Special K. I haven't seen any. She hasn't blown a tire or anything. It appears that she has again reached another level of healing. I had PRN meds on hand in case she needed them to cope. Truly impressed with how she's handled everything and meds have not been necessary.

Not sure if it's from all the preparation that we did or what but I am truly grateful.

Yesterday she had a great time with Daddy G while SK & I were managing appointments. As soon as G brought her back she announced that she now understood why I needed "mom" time and she thought it was going to be really important for her to have "J" time. I understand Honey Bunny...

Proud Mama

I am so proud of this beautiful girl. J is growing up so fast. Looking at these photos is shocking for me. There's something about the last photo that really moves me. I can't believe how much she has grown and what a little lady she has become. She has helped me so much in the last couple of days. So responsible and respectful. If it hadn't been for J Puddin probably wouldn't have gotten fed or the dishes washed. She totally rocks my world. Everyone should be so lucky to have such an amazing daughter!

Too Tired

Too tired to post but I'm trying the twitter thingy.

Waiting

While I'm waiting on my newest daughter to get home tonight go click here and register for Katharine Leslie's webinar. $30.00 The class is on June 18th from 3:30 to 5 PM CST in the comfort of your own home. You must be registered by June 17th.
You won't be sorry....

Click here.

One More Day

We have one more day with Special K until we have to go home. We've both fell hard and fast in love with Special K. Hook, line and sinker. I know there are challenges coming but we are enjoying this honeymoon while it lasts.

Both of us are also so hating having to leave her here. I know it will only be for a day till she will be home but it's so hard leaving your kid behind and letting your kid fly with a stranger.

Please

Please be thinking of us as we start this new journey with Special K. We leave tomorrow to go meet her and the worker will bring her home on Monday.

Really nervous. Anxious, scared, excited, scared, hopeful, scared.....

The Crafty Accidental Mommy

Crafty (in more ways than one) Essie, at The Accidental Mommy, designed and created J a beautiful new sister gift along with cards from her and Genea & Teena. It really touched my heart. I'm trying to "hide" a few special things for J to celebrate her when Special K arrives. This is one of them. I opened the package in the bedroom and came out sniffling. J wanted to know what was wrong and I told her not to worry they were happy tears. This is going to be a hard gift to hide because I'm dying to give it to her. BTW....if you haven't checked out Essie's blog....you don't know what you're missing. Go. Now. You know you need some grins and giggles.

J's pretty scared right now. The unknown is so scary. Heck. It is for me too. I'm really amping up the bonding activities right now. Usually she goes to school all summer. The past couple of weeks I've tried to replace it with the major bonding stuff. She needs it and so do I. Today she was actually able to tell me she was scared that I wasn't go to love her as much as SK. Huge.

Finished cooking today. I hope. Pioneer Woman's meatballs were the last dish. They are divine and get rave reviews everywhere I take them.

Farmer Franny

When we got out of therapy yesterday I had a message from my mom telling me they needed help in the hay field. That's an offer you can't refuse. When the hay is on the ground you have to work like the dickens to get it up before rain appears which will ruin it. I guess that's where the phrase "make hay" comes from. (For those of you that don't know, my dad is a CPA during the day and a gentleman farmer by night.)

We sped out to the farm and I didn't even go to the house to change out of my go-town-clothes. Also did a little happy dance in my head about the opportunity to help in the hay field. I'm probably the only person I know that LOVES to get up hay. I love the smell of the hay and the feel of it blowing all around me as I'm riding through the pastures. It's a beautiful thing. A trip down memory lane too. My dad and grandfather started me driving tractors in the hay field when I was around 6 or 7. It was a blast!!!! The only problem was that I had to drive the f*rd tractor and it was a hateful old thing. I'd have to stand on the brakes and clutch because they were so hard. Evidently my grandfather felt sorry for me around the time I was 12 and got me a used Internati*nal tractor that didn't require full body weight to stop. I was in heaven! My dad did have to remark about my (not) farming clothes and shoes. I thought my cute black sandals made a real statement on the tractor. ;-)

Today that wonderful tractor is still working on the farm and yesterday it was all mine again. Oh my! I was in heaven. It's a love thing with me and that tractor. Everyone else in the field had those fancy, smancy front-end loader tractors. Not me and I was as happy as a pig in slop. Me and the Love Tractor.

We didn't get all the hay in the barn yesterday so I knew I'd get the opportunity again today. The skies were cloudy this morning and it started sprinkling on us as we went to the farm. It was a race against rain to get the hay to the barn. Full RPM's speeding across the field. What a blast! The only problem was my sweet ole tractor can only carry one bale of hay at a time because it only has a spear on the back. A front-end loader has a spear on the front and back so you can do two at a time. I was getting a little frustrated because I could only carry the one bale and not having enough time with the rain coming. You can't put wet hay in a barn. It will catch on fire when it builds up heat. The only problem was I have never driven a front-end loader. It's pretty difficult to maneuver the front spear and takes a lot of practice. The brakes, clutch, gas and gears are all in different places from the Love Tractor.

My dad must have known I was getting frustrated so he called me over to the front-end loader and gave me the 2 second lesson. Like I was going to get it. Yeah. Let's put me on a tractor I've never driven with 3 spears on the front and 3 spears on the back. I wouldn't have wanted to be in the field with me. Scary stuff. I told everyone to clear out of my way and they all went to the hay barn to unload the last trailer that had left the field. I took off on my own to spear me some hay. Bet the hay was shaking too. ;-D

The bale I was after had turned over on it's side so I had to stand it up first with the spear then back up the tractor, readjust the spear and pick it up. I did it on my second try!!!!! I threw my arms up in the air in my best "Rocky" fashion punching the sky. Thinking I was alone. Hmmmm....not so much..... When I turned the tractor around to go to the barn there stood my mom. Starting to feel all embarrassed in an instant then my mom did the "Rocky" pose too. It was very cool. She couldn't believe I did it either. You know she was standing on the edge of the field because she was worried about me. Aaaawwwww....

Maybe the Internati*nal will be J's someday....cause I think I just fell in love with another tractor. ♥♥♥

Just call me Farmer Franny....

Why?

Socialwkr24/7 posted this a week or two ago. I've watched this many times because it helps me keep my perspective of J's life and it helps me keep my compassion. When we wonder why our kids do what they do it really helps. Why I have to repeat myself and model stuff millions of times. It's a great way to explain to people why I parent my child the way I do. This video moves me to tears every time and keeps me mindful of what J went through.

Before we went to the beach I emailed it to G. I think it made him more mindful of the reasons that stuff happens and helped him see J in a different light. It took him about 4 or 5 days before he mentioned it but then he told me he sent it on to others. Yay!

Click here for Multiple Transitions

New Family Pic

Still waiting on all the other spring pics (of J) that were taken. We've been waiting about a month now. Arrrrgghhh.

P.S. Marion: I posted an edited version on the previous post to answer your question and other stuff.

Major Cooking Sessions/Edited

Major cooking sessions have been going on here. So far we have cooked and frozen:

36 Texas size muffin tin mini-quiches
6 dinners of beef stroganoff
9 lasagna size pans of macaroni bake (recipe below)
8 enchilada dinners from The Pioneer Woman

Today we're making 6 Beef and Tomato Pies.
Tomorrow we're making 8 Black-eyed Pea Pies and I'll cook the pork roast for the tamales.
Thursday will be spaghetti and tamales.

Over the past few weeks I've made lasagna, vegetable soup, etc.

One hit wonders where you can just add a salad and presto dinner is done. I love it when that happens.

Because I love you I'm going to share my friend Susan's, recipe for the macaroni bake. It totally rocks the house. I haven't met a person yet who doesn't love it so you won't be disappointed. Huge hit for kids too! J begs for it.


Macaroni Bake
1 lb of ground beef
1 yellow onion
16 oz can of tomato sauce
1 tsp of celery salt
¼ tsp of black pepper
8 oz cream cheese softened
1 cup cottage cheese
½ cup sour cream
¼ tsp of either fresh cilantro (I prefer cilantro) or flat leaf parsley
8 oz of baby macaroni

Brown ground beef. Drain. Add tomato sauce, celery salt, pepper, salt to taste. Cook 10 minutes or longer to let it marry.

In another bowl mix cheeses, sour cream and cilantro/parsley.

Prepare pan. I made it in a throw away loaf shaped lasagna pan. A layer of macaroni, layer of cheese, layer of macaroni, layer of cheese. Top with meat mixture.

Bake @ 350 for 45 minutes to 1 hour or until bubbly.

You can thank me later. ;-)

*****edited to add that J & I had the enchiladas for dinner and they were so good we could've taken a bath in them. Worth the trouble of frying those corn tortillas. We're on our way back to the store to buy the stuff to make another 2 more batches. Those will go quick.

Marion: I usually cook then freeze everything (like my mashed potatoes) but on these recipes I'm preparing them and will thaw and cook them when needed. It beats frozen TV dinners by a long shot!

An Unwelcome Visitor

We've had so much rain that the lake was out of the banks. This doesn't happen often. Many docks were under water. We had to walk up to the floating dock instead of down the plank as normal.

At lunch time G was taking a nap on the porch up at the house. I was standing on the walkway at the dock as J walked down the steps into the lake. I was directly behind her and saw a 4 ft. snake in the water behind her. Between me and J. Oh dear lord. I'm not afraid of much but I really don't care for snakes. Snakes on land. Not so much a problem. A snake in the water between me and my child. This is not good.

Thank goodness these days J will actually do what I say. NT practice sessions are essential to staying safe at times. There was more to this precarious situation than getting my child out of the water. I had to get her out of the water without her noticing the snake. Y'all know how hard this is with a radical kid that misses NOTHING. If she spotted the snake I would never get her back into the lake ever again.

I told her to swim to the end of the dock (away from the snake). I ran out to meet her on the dock, watching as the snake is now ON the dock between me and the way to safety. I pull her onto the dock as carefree as nothing was at all wrong. Have her sit watching the lake while I am spying on the snake. As soon as he gets into the boathouse I send J up the 150 stairs to get Daddy G up from his nap. I chase the snake through both of the boat stalls and out of the boat house onto the other side. She comes back down. Gets in the water and we repeat this whole little performance again as the snake comes back to the steps and up onto the dock AGAIN. This time he slithers onto the seawall on the far side of the boat house and I throw rocks at him. I keep throwing rocks (big rocks) for about 10 minutes.

Later we're all in the water on submersible floats. All I can think is "please, for the love of all that is holy, don't let that snake get in the float with any of us."

As soon as we got home I had to find that booger on the internet. Water moccasin (cotton mouth). The internet (and so do many of my outdoor loving friends) will argue till the cows come home that they don't live this far north. They lie. Liar, liar pants on fire.

The raised water levels must have pushed them out of their den. I'm ready for the water to recede now.

Catch Up

Playing catch up on blogs. The internet was s o o o o o o o o o sl l l l l l o o o o w w w w that it just about drove me over the brink. I swear it was slower than last fall and I didn't think that was possible. Way slower than dial up. Click on a page. Cook dinner. Click on another page. Load the dishwasher. Click on another page unload the dishwasher. No joke.

J had a blast. I found 138 shark teeth. Tons of sunscreen but we all got burned a little. The waves were huge this year. G & J had a great time riding the waves. I stayed by the pool. I only get in the ocean when it's windex water and I can see what's in the water with me. Yeah. I'm a chicken. Way too many jelly fish stings.

Glad to be home. Tickled pink to have my computer and dsl too.

Holes

Way too cold to hang on the beach or by the pool so we did the dreaded mall thing. I am NOT a shopper but it was warm. Big news: I finally let J get her ears pierced. She sat still as a mouse, didn't flinch, or scream. Yay!

She's been responsible enough lately to earn it. She's been admiring herself all afternoon in the mirror. ;-) She even managed to keep it a secret from Daddy G during their "good night" call so that he can be surprised in the morning when he sees her. Now if I can just keep my big mouth shut.

Pics when we get home cause this computer is slower than molasses.

Tomorrow it's supposed to be up to 73. Hoping....

Crossing My Fingers

This internet thing is about to get on my very last nerve. Y'all know I don't have many left. Every.time.I.do.every.single.little.thing. A O L pops up and takes 3 forevers to go away. So I uninstalled it. Have to shut down the pooter to make the changes. If I don't reappear tomorrow you'll know things went badly. Of course you'll probably all hear me screaming on the west coast shortly if this doesn't go as planned.

Here we go....

Beach Sweet Beach

Ffffffffffrrrrreeeeeezzzzzzziiinnnnggggg. No joke. Glad I brought sweats.

G will be here tomorrow. Hoping he brings some warmer temperatures with him. J ate 5 sets of crablegs. On top of everything else. She went to bed at 7 and was snoring at 7:07.

Something is really freaky with the internet here. Trying my patience. What is left anyway.

Reminder

Don't forget the Katharine Leslie webinar is tomorrow at 10:00 AM CST till 11:30 CST. I'll be there.
It's not too late to register.

Click here for the link.

Beach

Apologies for neglecting this blog. It hasn't been intentional but so much has been going on with the new addition. After our adoption drama filled lives of the last month or so (drama details on the other blog), we are leaving for the beach in the morning. Yahoo!

I'm packing on the down low so that Puddin's (furry child) anxious attachment isn't activated. Sneaking around the house and tiptoeing stuff out the door and into the car.

J is doing amazingly well. Pretend I'm whispering because I don't want it to blow up in my face. This will be J's 5th trip to the same house in North Myrtle Beach. The new tapping thingy seems to be working like a charm. And without meds.

Preparing to totally veg out, put the brain on standby and come back with a tan. Expecting to come home feeling human again instead of a paperwork puppet.

TAT & New Tapping Spots

Kristy gave J a new tapping thingy. She does it twice a day. First you place your index fingers at the inside of your collar bones. Then feel down about one inch and tap 20 times. J's new phrase is:

Even though I feel so mad and scared about adopting Special K that I push my mom away, I choose to feel happy about adopting Special K and I choose to let my mom love me.

Repeat the phrase again (not the tapping). It's written down on a card and J has to pick it up, tap, read the phrase twice then forget about it until it's time to do it again.

Christine, this tapping made me think of you. Wonder why????

I'm happy to report that J is doing much better now but tomorrow morning she's sleeping in and I'm going to be quiet as a mouse.

TAT:

I'm copying directly from my treasured emails from Tapping.com Take what works and leave the rest.

One thing that often surprises people who meet me is that
I'm not attached to Tapping at all as a way of releasing
negative feelings.

Tapping is just the quickest, easiest, most reliable way
that I've found to activate the body's releasing mechanism.


That's the thing I'm an evangelical fanatic about - holding
on to negative feelings is the biggest thing holding you
back, and you should release negativity any chance you get.


So, I'm constantly on the look out for the something easier
and faster than Emotional Freedom Technique... a few things
have come along, and the most exciting so far is TAT -
'Tapas Acupressure Technique'.

This is based around a pose where you hold some acupressure
points... when you do this, some sort of circuit is
connected and negative feelings just drift away... and no
tapping, or anything!

Tapas Fleming brought it to the western world. She teaches her own
framework for using it, but the basic idea is simple: Focus
on a negative feeling, hold the pose, and let it go easily.


The benefit over EFT-style tapping is that you don't have
to tap feelings one by one. You can focus on a particular
memory and the layers and layers of feelings just peel
themselves away.

It seems to release negative feelings faster than tapping,
because Tapas says to only do a maximum of 20 minutes a
day, while most people can do a couple of hours of tapping
before their brain gets tired.

So the TAT pose is a very useful tool to add to your
toolbox. Tapping is more appropriate when you have a
specific feeling or belief you want to get rid of, and I've
found it's more effective than TAT to use that way.

When I found how easy TAT was, right away I sat down and
produced this video for a friend of mine in Iraq, who is
rather haunted by some of the things he's seen. The
counselling he's having is helping, but TAT instantly made
him feel better about a particular event he'd witnessed.

I'll be filming some shinier-looking videos soon, but in
the meantime, check out 'Tapping for the Troops', it's
enough to learn the pose and try it for yourself. Click here.


Of course, TAT is perfectly compatible with the ideas in my
book, anything you can tap, you can release with TAT.


ANOTHER fun and surprising technique is called Doyletics...
in a nutshell, find a feeling, and say out loud:

"I'm 29 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 25 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 20 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 15 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 12 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 10 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 8 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 5 years old and I have this feeling..."

You should notice that the feeling disappears. Don't ask
me how it works, I'm still working it out, and results are
a bit sketchy with this one - sometimes it doesn't work on
feelings that tapping shifts easily.

But it does work and it's quite fun as a party trick!

Be specific - substitute 'this feeling' for 'this sharp
headache' or whatever...

If it hasn't released or changed by '5 years old', carry on
for 4, 3, 2, 1 years, and then 9 months, 6, 3, 1 months, 1
day old... minus 1 day old, minus one month, minus 6
months.

Magnus

This might be particularly helpful with our kids who suffered trauma in the womb. Just saying....

Where'd My Kid Go????

Yesterday I had a practitioner come into therapy with us and do cranial sacral with J. OOOOOooooooooo bad decision. I think it was too much for her and threw her energy all out of whack.

It's been all downhill since then. Still sleeping at 7 this morning (should've let her sleep.) Disprespect, not listening, not following directions, bossy, defiant, slow-mo, and on and on and on and on..... Had to leave the 2nd swimming lesson. (There was one at 5 and another at 6 to make up for the problems the aquatic center had last week.) It took her till 9:30 to get breakfast!!!

Good grief! I am tired.

Edited to add: New tapping sequence

Rubbing on sora spots while saying 3 times:
Even though I don't like my kid right now I want to be a loving and kind mom.

Then tapping through the whole sequence:
I don't like my kid right now.

Followed by "I choose to be a loving and kind mom." Full sequence.

Then I did the TAT thing on feeling like a craptastic mom. (Martha, this is on the private blog but I will post about TAT on this blog soon.

Feeling much better now.

Woo Hoo!

Katharine Leslie is going to be doing a webinar. May 18th. 10 AM to 11:30 AM CST. $30.00 Grab all your fellow Radical mom's, invite them over for tea and split the cost. Continuing education credits will be issued if you need/want them. Dr. Leslie gets rave reviews every where she presents so I think you'll love it. Also a parent to radicals which gives her big stars in my book. ;-) She doesn't just "get it", she lives it. Please steal this and post it on your blog. You never know...there might be a radical mom out there that could really use this!


Parenting from the Trenches
Do you have a child who lies, steals, sneaks, stalks, hordes, chatters non-stop, or urinates in places other than the potty, etc? In this webinar Dr. Leslie will teach you essential, sensible, safe and effective solutions to your child's behavior problems that can also increase positive behaviors in your child, create an attachment friendly environment, simplify daily life, reduce family conflict, and even get some of your parental needs met. Dr. Leslie will weave lecture material around questions from the audience.


AGENDA
This is a 90 minute Webinar


Quick overview of attachment and brain facts

What children are supposed to give to the parent-child relationship

What do you really want from your child?

Preventing negative behaviors

Rehearsing positive behaviors

Punishment vs consequences: What's good for you?

Click here to sign up: Parenting in the Trenches

For Sale

I am trying to get Special K's closet cleaned out as it has become a home for various items since Chrissi left. During the cleaning I found a brand new boxed Wi i Fit. G & I both bought one without knowing that the other had already purchased one. Such is our communication skills. ;-) It is for sale if anyone would like to buy it. $80.00 plus shipping. Just email me to let me know.

J has been doing really well lately. She's had some interesting worries about her birth mom and a lot of anger. Apparently we've worked through those. Even though I'm still having her tapping on the anger surrounding BM and using the TAT method for trauma release. Dramatically better.

Also, she's starting to get more creative. It used to worry me that she couldn't pretend anything. No fantasies or creative mind things ever popped out of her mouth. Then I started to understand that in her world of trauma, who had time for a fantasy life or the time to be creative or inventive???? It was life or death man! It's was all about staying alive, protecting the heart....Couldn't waste time on wishes, dreams or fairies. Now I'm starting to really see her imagination come to life. It's so much fun to watch and listen to her these days. You just never know what might pop out of her mouth but it's almost always entertaining. ;-)

Last Tuesday the chemicals at the aquatic center were horrible. They're changing over from chlorine to salt and they were seriously screwed up. Wednesday J's hair was so brittle that it felt like it would break in your hands. I gobbed aussie mir*cle conditioner on her hair and left it for 45 minutes. She rinsed it out and I gobbed it with tons of mayo for 30 minutes. It was only slightly improved. Does anybody have any ideas to overcome the damage?????

This little cutie patootie is NOT for sale. ;-) Spring at the lake is glorious and the azaleas are in full splendor. So is J.