Heart to Heart

If we're totally honest, we ALL have issues.  Every stinking one of us.  Not a single one of us is perfect.  It's just a fact.  One that drives a perfectionist like me crazy.

One of my core issues is anxiety.  Another is being accepting of myself and my challenges.  When J first came home my anxiety was through the roof.  And she fed off it.  Our kids are clueless about their own feelings but they can take on ours in a New York minute.  There was no progress until I could start letting some of that go because she was taking my anxiety and turning up the volume to 100.  Our household was anxiety on crack.  Kristy kept telling me she would feed off my feelings and to keep trying to relax.  Easier said than done but how was she ever going to get better if I didn't "fix" myself first?  I was telling my kid that I accepted her and her flaws yet if I didn't accept all my flaws how was I going to help J accept herself????

It took a lot of will power to want to let these go.  Those anxious feelings and feeling less than had become my comfort zone.  It was an eye opening moment of seeing into my kid's behaviors.  I lived through trauma as a child but it was NOTHING compared to my child.  I am an adult (sometimes) and have the tools to change and I still didn't want to do the work.

Looking back there was no wonder that she couldn't sleep well.  Living through the scary things that happened in dark rooms in the dead of night before she came to my house and I couldn't let the anxiety go so that she could feel safe at night.  If I was so anxious how was she supposed to relax and feel like I was strong enough to keep her safe?  How on earth she made it without any sleep those first few years is beyond me.

So I was back to putting the oxygen mask on myself first.  Double dog dang it.  I didn't like it one little bit and no one was going to make me like it.  I did it anyway.

I still have moments that I want to sit on my pity pot.  I allow myself to do that.  I'll put a time frame on it. Today I am going to sit with the pity pot, anxious feelings, etc until 5 PM.  When the time is up I do something about it.  Tap, brain gyms, Reiki, or whatever tool I need to use is then implemented.  Sometimes it is "D" all of the above.

I also allow J to do this.  I give her an allotted time (or she chooses a time) to enjoy the pity pot, anger, sad, whatever.  Then we get with it and do the tools.  Most of the time she picks the correct tool to help herself.  Sometimes I have to help her but I try to let her pick so that she can get in the habit of finding what works for her.

Before this journey no one told me I was going to have to fix myself before I could help my kid.  It's probably a good thing they didn't because it would've ticked me off.  I have left claw marks across the floor where J has dragged me with her on this healing journey.  I have had to heal searing childhood pain, bitter failures, practice using tools on myself, learned to regulate my emotions, and realized that I needed therapy and then utilized it.  My girl is dragging me into emotional health and well being.  I'm a better person for it and she is too.  The healthier I am the greater her chances of happiness.

It's worth the work.

Below are some of the tapping videos I use.  Yes, I tap in front of J so that I am always modeling that I have to use tools too.  No, tapping one time on any of these is not going to fix the problem.  It takes tapping several times a day for a while.  However long it takes..... but it does work.  Again, I would've never done all these things for myself but I did them to help my kid.




Trauma & Abuse


Loving Yourself


Rejection and Abandonment

Brain Gems

Brain Gyms are considered Brain Gems in our house.  Sometimes they can switch up things in a blink if things are spiraling out of control.  Kara & Jordan do them every hour, after their recess, during school hours too.  There's a video at the bottom of Kara doing her Brain Gyms before swimming at the lake.

Brain Gyms:

Focus on two-sided (left-right) movement across the midline of the body. Development and/or properly functioning bilateral movement skills are important for crawling, walking, seeing depth, and are a prerequisite for whole-body coordination and ease of learning in the near-visual area. The Midline Movements help integrate binocular vision, binaural hearing, and the left and right sides of the brain. Over the last century, crawling has been used in neurological patterning to maximize learning potential.


Activates the Brain for:

Ability to cross the midline.
Centering and grounding.
Relaxation of the central nervous system. Cranial rhythms.
Behavioral / Postural Correlates: Improved reflection and expression
A heightened energy level. Diaphragmatic breathing.
An improved attention span. 


More info here.


Brain gym exercises offer dramatic improvements in Asperger Syndrome, Autistic Spectrum disorders, Down Syndrome, ADD and ADHD, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia.  They are great exercises to do as a family and even NT children and adults will see great benefits.

Here's a link with more exercises and why they are good for kids (and adults).

If you're new to Brain Gyms, don't be surprised if your kid has a hard time doing them in the beginning.  That means you are seriously on to something that will help them and that they really need it.  Have them practice quite a bit and it will become more natural.

J's best friend, Kara, volunteered to model the series that we use daily.  There is a side view and a frontal view so that your kids can follow along if they would like.

Attachment to Time

One thing that Kristy has mentioned on many occasions is that our kids need to be attached to time.  It took me a long time to figure out what she was talking about but eventually I got it.  Our kids probably aren't going to have a strong attachment until they have an attachment to time.  They tend to be real floaty,  falling down over nothing, running into walls, not remembering when something happened....if it was yesterday, 5 minutes ago or 5 years ago.

Working on proprioceptive exercises is important to help the floaty, walking into walls stuff.  Building core muscles is really important because our kids really didn't get that in infancy.  They weren't bounced enough and held enough to develop the core muscles.  I've written more about that here.  Hooping helps, as does a bilibo.  Thanks Dia for turning me on to this.  Standing on a balance board.  Using a paddle board is really great if you can find one to rent and use in a lake.

For time attachment we go over the day's events with today's date, the order that each event that  happened during the day.

I woke up,
made my bed,
brushed my teeth,
brushed my hair,
hooped,
ate breakfast,
did the dishes
brain gyms,
tapped,
went to school,
worked on math,
recess,
language arts,
recess,
lunch,
etc.
all the way till bedtime

There was a time when this was a really frustrating exercise but in time it started getting better.  Then we added the events from the day before with the date and using "yesterday".  Enter more frustration.  Then it got better.  Then we added the day before that.  That one took a good bit of time.....and a good bit of frustration.  But we made it.

Now she can correctly state when things happened in this month, last month, last year, etc.  This is also really helpful for J to remember who caused the abuse in her life and that it was not me.  She doesn't confuse the times of the abuse now.  Huge!

That alone makes this exercise totally worth the initial frustration.

Attachment to time.....it's important.

Seashore

Anytime you want to go to the beach and be calm, peaceful and relaxed, here's your opportunity.

3 minutes of bliss to overcome the crappy day....



Script:

Even tho I’m so stressed, because it’s been a terrible, rotten, horrible, no good day, I totally love and accept myself.

Even tho it’s a horrible day, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Even tho I feel like I can’t go on another minute, I know I have tools to help me.

Even tho I don’t want to give up this feeling of stress, I love and accept myself.

Even tho these feelings have become my new normal and I don’t know how to change it, I totally accept myself and right where I am at the moment.

Even tho on this day I feel so much despair and crankiness, I can choose to change it.

Or not, 

or I can choose to keep it.

I know I have this tapping as a tool to help me to change it and I can change it, I really can change it.  

If I want to.

I can choose to change it right now.

Letting go of the stress,

Letting go of the fear,

Hearing the waves in the background

Lulling me into a calm and peaceful place.

So I know on a cellular level that when I hear the calm sounds of the waves of the beach I too can be calm, I can be peaceful, I can relax.

Because I deserve to relax and when I’m relaxed I can think clearly, I can take care of myself and in turn take care of my family.

I deserve that.

My family deserves that.

I really deserve that.

Anytime that I feel these stressful feelings coming on I know I can come here and I will be relaxed and I will be calm and I will be peaceful.

I will listen to the sound of the waves and keep them in my mind anytime that I’m feeling out of control.  The sound of the waves will calm and soothe me on a deep level.

I will be able to breathe in and relax immediately anytime I think of the waves gently lapping at shore.

I will let go of the fear

Letting go of the stress

Letting go of the crankiness

Just hearing the peaceful waves and I will be calm and soothed in body, mind and spirit.

(Change the words to whatever works for you.)

Feeling Claimed

It is blatantly obvious that J feels more "claimed" since the commitment ceremony.  She has a comfort level in our family environment that I have not seen before.  I hear her saying more "we" statements rather than "I" statements.  As in we're a team and she "feels" it on a very deep level.  How I wish we had done this sooner!  She laughs at herself more rather than feeling embarrassed.  She is laughing more period.  Appropriate, "I am delirously happy," laughter.  She is trying new things that before she wouldn't attempt for fear of failure.  She is sleeping better and her previous heightened startle response is almost nonexistent. 

It has been very interesting and informative to watch the difference.  Yes, I "knew" that I claimed her but on some level she didn't feel like I really meant it.  Even after 5 years of being home.  Now she feels safe and loved to her very core.  You can see the changes on her face AND in her actions.  Her breathing is even more steady.  She can hear better because she's not trapped in her amygdala wondering when the other shoe is going to drop.  She is more relaxed.  Things that used to frustrate her to no end is now a piece of cake for her.   She will readily admit when she has made a mistake and moves through it rather than feeling she has to be perfect. She feels safe. 

I am so glad that our anniversary will not be anywhere close to her traumaversary.  By family vote we have decided that from now on we're not going to celebrate the adoption date and instead celebrate our commitment day.  My gift to her was a music box that covers 4 of the 5 senses.  Another stellar idea from the keepers of wonderful ideas. It has a picture of us inside, peppermint essential oil (our favorite) dropped inside and it plays, "My Girl".  She keeps it very close to her and you can see her face light up every time she reads the engraving and hears the music. 

J gave me this beautiful angel.  Yes.... I was a puddle.  Not that I, in any way, think I'm the miracle in her life but that she is mine.  She has changed, touched and moved me in ways that I didn't think possible.  However, I was very touched that she was so very thoughtful. 

Garth Brooks, "You Move Me" speaks volumes of our journey.  Here are the lyrics:

This is how it seems to me

Life is only therapy

Real expensive

And no guarantee

So I lie here on the couch

With my heart hanging out

Frozen solid with fear

Like a rock in the ground

But you move me

You give me courage I didn’t

know I had

You move me on

I can’t go with you

And stay where I am

So you move me on

This is how love was to me

I could look and not see

Going through the emotions

Not knowin’ what they mean

And it scared me so much

That I just wouldn’t budge

I might have stayed there forever

If not for your touch

Oh but you move me

Out of myself and into the fire

You move me

Now I’m burning with love

And with hope and desire

How you move me

You go whistling in the dark

Making light of it

Making light of it

And I follow with my heart

Laughing all the way

Oh ‘cause you move me

You get me dancing and you

make me sing

You move me

Now I’m taking delight

In every little thing

How you move me

This mama's heart is singing. ♥

Vows

LISA AND JORDAN MOTHER/DAUGHTER

COMMITMENT CEREMONY

(originally posted June 29, 2011)

Jody:

We gather together at this time to celebrate and seal the commitment between Lisa and Jordan Amos. Lisa, you come here today to celebrate your adopted daughter. We honor and bless this child who is placed into your care and keeping.

A gift from life itself, she came to you -- a special gift because you have chosen and have been chosen to receive Jordan. To you she has been given. In due seriousness, and with joy and keen anticipation, we mark the moment of this new commitment to each other. This child has come into your life and you have come into hers. May this union bring happiness, growth, and lasting good to both of you.

Jody to Jordan: With joy and blessings we recognize you as daughter in this family. Your mom wishes to express in our presence her love and commitment to you as a parent and she has invited us to share this time with you.

Jody to Lisa: What is the name of your daughter?

Lisa: Jordan Olivia Amos

Jody to Jordan: I say your name in the presence of all, Jordan Olivia Amos, and welcome you into your mom’s love. The two of you share the name Amos as a sign to all that you are mother and daughter.

Jody to Lisa: Lisa, do you take Jordan as your daughter?

Lisa: I do.

Jody to Jordan: Do you take Lisa as your mom?

Jordan gave a very emphatic, "YES, I DO!".

Lisa to Jordan: I take joy today in recommitting my life to yours. From the first day I laid eyes on you. I knew you were the one. So beautiful then and even more beautiful now. Side by side, step by step, may our journey together begin here, from this day forward.

What I have promised before, I gladly promise again: I promise to love you forever. To love all parts of you. To be open, honest and faithful to you. To nurture your spirit and support your dreams. To honor your thoughts and feelings. I promise to comfort and challenge you. In return, all I ask is that you never give up.

When you need strength, I will offer mine. When you need words of encouragement, I will listen and provide support. When you need solace and comfort, I will understand. I place you in my heart today, before all others.

Jody to Jordan: As a symbol of your awesome mom’s commitment to you, she would like to give you a necklace that represents her love for you.  (This is where I explained each of the charms to J.)

Jody: With joy we greet you as mother and daughter.

To each of you in this new family we wish:

May each of you be a blessing to the other.

May your hours together be enriched by shared interests and pleasures.

May your home be a welcoming and safe place.

May you find strength and understanding in each other.

May you help one another to attain the best of which each of you is capable.

Let us pray.

We give thanks, O Spirit of God, for the blessing bestowed on this family in their commitment to each other. Confirm their joy by a lively sense of your presence with them, and give them calm strength and patient wisdom as they seek to love what is true and admirable, just and lovable and gracious, so that their lives may be a blessing to many. Amen.

***At the moment I'm reading these to J every morning while she's doing her strong sitting.  She loves hearing them each day. :) More on the ceremony in previous post.

Commitment Ceremony

Originally posted on 6/28/11

Last weekend when the Rancho Chico clan were here, N & C suggested having a ceremony to reaffirm J's place in the family.  They are brilliant!  The seed was planted and the plans started when they drove out of the driveway.

Tab (another trauma mom who still doesn't blog dang it) wrote the most perfect vows ever (I'm posting those later).  I scrambled to get a necklace together (again another brilliant idea from N & C) and a music box ordered to be here in time. 

On June 25, 2011 a commitment ceremony took place between J & I with Tab's husband, Jody (a pastor), officiating.  When her adoption went through in 2007 I was just praying she didn't tell the judge she wanted another family (or major expletives of hating me) and it took years before she was ready to be a family girl and accept love.  This has not been an easy journey or either of us.  Today, almost 5 years later, she wants to be my daughter.  Who knew?

Kristy came and she energy tested both of us to make sure we both were serious about the commitment. My friend, Connie, was the event photographer. J's long-time sitter and our friend, Ashley, was there as well.  The whole event was beautiful, meaningful, poignant and affirming.   There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Wishing the Rancho Chico fam could've been here with us but they were here in spirit. 

Kristy energy testing J.

Left to right: Jody Anderson, Tab Anderson, me, Jordan, Kristy and Ashley.

Here's a close-up of the family jewels:

Our commitment certificate created by Tab (can you spot all the words - mother, daughter, Lisa, Jordan, Amos, Family, Faith, Hope, Believe, Love, Commit, Kind, Courage, Peace, Forever.)  Tab is super talented as you can tell.

At the bottom Tab listed our gotcha and adoption dates:

The journey from this side is so much sweeter because of what we have gone through to get here. 

Never, ever give up!!!!!

Honest

I'm scared to put this out there because I don't want to offend anyone.  I'm certainly not trying to challenge anyone's faith or beliefs because it's not my place.  I make a conscious effort to never blog or speak on issues around religion or politics.  I have my own personal beliefs and choose to live by example and actions rather than words.  Hopefully.  Some days I'm just an example of "how NOT to be." Being J's mom has also taught me so many lessons in judging others too.  I'm much more careful today not to judge others.  It's really not my place.

I do have faith, even though during this journey I have lost it and found it many times.  However, for my child, who was punished (before me) in the name of religion too many times to count, faith is difficult.  In a previous foster family she was told she was the devil, she was evil and God was going to get her.  Then she was locked in a dirt cellar with no lights.  Understandably faith comes hard for her.

In fact, there was a time when it was a huge trigger for her.  Shortly after she came home I made the decision to not take her to church because this was not a hidden trigger.  It was easy to figure out.  If anyone mentioned God, the devil, Jesus, the cross, angels, Holy Ghost, etc. there was a huge tantrum almost immediately thereafter and weeks of night terrors followed.

Looking at a normal attachment cycle it's easier for me to understand.  When a baby is born they have no idea about faith or religion.  You, as the parent, are their god because you are meeting their needs.  They cannot think outside of what they see because Hello....they are infants.  Faith comes later in attachment when they are able to trust you, verbal skills are attained and they are able to see outside of their world.  It comes in time....not in infancy but after they have built a trust with their parent and are emotionally older than 5.

1. Baby is born.
2. Baby has a need.
3. Baby cries.
4. Needs are met by caregiver.
5. Trust is developed.

Somewhere between #4 and #5 is where faith starts to form.  They start to have faith that the caregiver will show up and meet their needs.

When this cycle is broken, how can they have faith or believe in anyone or anything???

If she didn't trust me and I was standing right in front of her, how on earth was I going to teach her to trust something that she couldn't see, feel or touch????  The answer:  Attachment had to happen first.

When J first came home she was five and had verbal skills but I wrongly expected her to have faith in God or some other higher force.  But how could she?  Emotionally she was an infant.  A very hurt infant whom all those people she could see, feel, and touch had hurt her on a cellular level.  This was not going to be easy.

So I didn't work on her faith until after she had achieved the emotional equivalent of age 6 around year 3 of her being home.  We worked on gratitude (and still do) instead.  Slowly she was able to start building on the gratitude into something more.   Then she started developing faith.  It has been a slow process of her finding her own faith and a God of her understanding.  Her God is a God of love and acceptance now, not a punishing God.  It took a long while for it to happen but first we had to have a good attachment.

In April, I read this post by LT.  I didn't comment but honestly, she spoke what was in my heart and exactly how I felt when J first came home.  I was pretty pissed that God had allowed all these horrible things happen to my child.  It took me a long time to forgive God.

Then shortly after I read an enlightening blog post by my friend, Sunday.  You can click here to read it.
She wrote, "Anyhow, I think people who deal with kids from trauma have to remember that they do not process things the same way as they do.  One person's source of comfort could be another's source of terror." 


One more thing to tell me I need to be more open to seeing the world as J sees it.  Her perception and mine are two entirely different things.  Praying I can be mindful of her needs....

My boyfriend (he doesn't know it so does it count?), Brad, is going to be on the free tapping world summit tonight.  Here's the link.  I believe it's on healing childhood stuff tonight.  You can attend for free for 24 hours from original posting.  Then tomorrow night there will be another posting available for 24 hours.

Despair

All of you know that the complete seminar is available on an audio cast on my blog here.  You can listen or even download to your i p*d.   Several of you have emailed me about video taping the tapping sequence.  So I did.  *gasp*  I transcribed the audio and did the video below.  If you're feeling despair and you have no idea how to keep keeping on.  Watch and tap with me.



Here is the script:

Even though I feel this despair. I choose to love and accept myself anyway.

Even though I feel this despair  I choose to love and honor myself anyway.

Even though I feel this despair because this is so hard 

I had the best of intentions but I’m not sure I knew it would be this hard and I’m not sure I can handle it .

In fact there are times when I’m sure I can’t handle it.

Even though I feel all this despair I choose to deeply and completely love, honor and accept myself and my kids and anyone else who might be involved in this.

All this despair

All these feelings of despair.

All these heavy feelings of despair

I’m not sure I can make it

I’m not sure I can do this

This is so hard

This is so challenging

And I’m not sure I can do it

And at times I’m sure I can’t do it.

I can’t hold on much longer.

I want to help

But I just can’t do this.

Oh me of little faith.

All this self doubt

It’s challenging

It’s hard to have faith in myself

and part of me doesn’t want to

Because if I have faith in myself I have to do this

And part of me wants a way out.

I want to be able to say I’m sorry I just can’t do this anymore

And no one can blame me

it’s a lot to ask to someone

and if I can’t keep going on I need to do what I need to do 

but I choose to give myself permission to clear the self doubt

that puts me into despair

and to clear all this stuff that puts me in to despair

all this despair

this fear that it will never get better

this fear that it will never end

clearing all that stuff that puts me into despair

this fear that it’s never going to get better.

this fear that its going to be forever

even though I know it will end because my kid is going to move out eventually

one way or another

they may not grow out of their issues but at some point they’re going to move out

in some way shape or form

this is not a permanent issue 

and maybe i do have what it takes to stick with it for longer

I choose to have more faith in myself

I’m also open to the possibilities that are there ways to make it less difficult

I’m giving myself a new tool right now

I’m giving myself something to help me cope

and cope in healthy way

this is a much healthier way to deal with stress

than maybe some of the things I’ve done in the past

and with this tool

I can let go of some of this despair

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel

in fact I can allow myself to see some light right here and now

and in fact I’m lightening up right now

I choose to lighten up

clearing the despair

clearing it at a cellular level

clearing it all the way back through my past 

back through the time I’ve been with this child 

and back through my own childhood

releasing it completely.

or as much as I can allow myself right now

I deserve to be free

I deserve to let go of the despair

I don’t need it anymore

it’s not helping me

its safe to let it go

its safe to let myself feel better

and as I let the despair go

I find myself having more patience

when I feel hopeless and I feel like I’m serving a life sentence it’s no wonder I get impatient

there’s no way I can feel patient when I feel like it’s going to be this way forever

Clearing these fears

and as I clear these fears I have greater access to patience and that feels good

that’s a gift I’m giving myself.

its a gift I’m giving my kids but it’s also a gift I’m giving myself

it’s a win-win situation

and we deserve that

continuing to let go of stress

releasing it from every fiber of my being

releasing these fears

releasing these doubts

I’m allowing myself to relax 

as an act of love to myself

which I really deserve

in body mind and spirit

Deep breath and slowly let it out.

Embrace the RAD

This was originally posted on February 21, 2011.

Last week I did something I NEVER thought I'd do.  I embraced RAD.  Before you haul out and clobber me hear me out.  Pretty please.  I'm going to muddle through and try to splain myself.  If something doesn't make sense please let me know.

During therapy and all the explaining of attachment cycles (as in previous post), Kristy has been actively telling J's RAD brain that we appreciate it coming and protecting her when she was little.  BECAUSE if she didn't have RAD she would certainly be dead by now. There is no doubt about it.  It served a purpose to keep her alive and it worked.  BUT...that she could tell her RAD brain that it could take a little rest "if it wanted to" because now she had a mom that could handle it and protect her.  Our homework for the past few weeks was to daily tell her RAD brain how much we appreciated it coming to protect her when she needed it the most.

OK...so y'all know about pink love right? ("Pouring" love in J by touching foreheads and humming sounds as it goes in.)  The color of her love is pink so that's why we call it by the color.  After every therapy session I "pour" pink love in her head.  I also give some to Little J.  Little J is the part of her that was so hurt when she was so young.  Little J needs love too.  No one was there for her.  No one saved her.  It was just one more trauma after another raining down on her.  Little J's love color is pink also.  Last week I had the stellar idea to ask her if RAD needed some love too.  She closed her eyes and asked RAD if it wanted love.  IT DID!  So then I told her to ask RAD what color it's love was.  She closed her eyes then said it was red.  Imagine that!  So then I told her I was going to give her some red love just for RAD and asked her if she would give it to "him." (she says her RAD brain is a boy).  I proceeded to pour red love into J's forehead that she was supposed to just give to RAD. 

I have been giving RAD red love every day whenever we do J's and Little J's pink love.  We have had 8 glorious days.  Like over-the-top, unbelievable, can't-believe-life-is-this-good, better-than-NT, is-this-really-my-kid days!!!  Freakily so because there hasn't even been a tiny little blip on the radar. 

Now you know the blog curses are going to get me.  I don't care.

Kristy and I always have a little 5 minute wrap up session without J after therapy.  Kristy was very proud that I thought to do this and also explained it as "embracing all of her".  Just like I have so many different parts of myself and have to accept all of those parts, the good and bad, to be a whole and healthy person, so should I embrace all of J.  Let me tell you that it is HARD to tell RAD that you love it.  BUT.....by envisioning RAD as what kept her alive and helped her survive during all the trauma I can indeed embrace it.  I do NOT focus on what it's like to live with RAD or the behaviors.  Only on the fact that RAD helped my daughter survive until she came home.  For that I am grateful and I can genuinely give RAD love for protecting my child. 

So I am consciously remembering that I am so appreciative of the people in my life that ACCEPT me and LOVE me.  All of me.  The good and the bad.  It's very freeing for someone to give me this acceptance.  Why should RAD be any different?  Don't we all want to be accepted unconditionally exactly where we are right now?  Am I not grateful for the people that protected me when I was a baby?  RAD was the only "person" that protected and "saved" her from volumes of abuse.  Shouldn't I be grateful for that?  Plus I have found that the more accepting I am of myself and others the more willing they are to reciprocate.

So I've forgiven RAD and am honoring and embracing it because it saved my daughter's LIFE and I've found a way to be grateful for it.  For today anyway I am embracing RAD.  With love.

Now you can clobber me.  Respectful clobbering will be published.  Mean clobbering.....probably not. :)

The quote of the day is from an anonymous friend.  We were emailing back and forth the other day and she made some profound statements.

"We have had struggles with our daughter since she was about 2 years old (adopted at birth), and I’ve just finally reached the point of being willing to call it attachment.  Therapeutic parenting works wonders with her, and ‘typical’ discipline is a flop!"

I get the being willing to call it attachment.....being willing to call it RAD.  It's tremendously frightening to admit and define what you're living in. Truthfully, I don't give a flying cow patty what you call it.... just do the right things so that the problem will get better.  Do the right thing so the child can heal.  

Just do it.