Friday, June 15, 2012


Today I have a guest blogger.  Wendy is a teacher, fabulous trauma mama and great friend.  We met in Orlando and haven't looked back since.  Here's her story:

My journey with tapping:
In the beginning there was me.  Single parent.  2 boys.  Foster care system.  Need I say more?  Things were great when they moved in.  Not really.  I had no idea what I was doing.  Didn’t know how to be a parent.  Let alone parent trauma and this little thing I learned about call RAD.  I was in over my head, but I survived.  My son ended up in RTC and eventually came home.  We learned.  We got a good attachment therapist.  Things calmed.  But I knew we needed more.  My kids didn’t talk about their past.  Ever.  I knew I had to get that to happen, but I had no idea how.
What I did know is that I was tired.  Tired of feeling crazy.all.the.time.   Tired of being angry.all.the.time.  Tired of my kids.  Tired of being a mom.  Just plain old tired.  So I decided to listen to the voices that kept telling me to go to Orlando and I went.
It was the first time I was ever away from my kids for an extended period.  First time in 3 and a half years.  And I left them with my mother.  And I was around 89 people I didn’t know.  It was all. too.  much.  We were doing this scavenger hunt and I was seeing all these new people and I was freaking out.  I was quietly freaking out, but I was freaking out.  I was anxious and scared.  Then I ran into someone who said, “do this”.  Here I am sure you want me to describe to you what happened.  I don’t know.  I was tapping on my head and on my face and on my chest and I was repeating the words this woman was saying and after about a minute or so when we were done, she left.  I stood there.  I couldn’t believe the calm that had come over me.  It was surreal.  That was my first experience with tapping.  I know it is vague and I apologize but I was taking in so much that day.  That weekend.  
That feeling stayed with me for a while.  The shock of how it came over me stayed too.  It was amazing.  When I got home I wanted to find out more.  And so I did.  Lisa had it on her blog here
And then I learned about Brad Yates.  I fell in love.  The words.  The tapping.  It was SUCH good stuff.  I missed a lot of those messages growing up.  Communicating.  Not my strongest suit.  But through tapping, we are learning to talk.  
Brad has tapping for kids and adults.  So I showed my kiddos the kids stuff.  Had them tap along.  We had some pretty big behaviors come out.  Big stuff.  So I took another look at tapping.  I wondered what in the heck was going on.  I found out that the words were really, super hard for my kids.  When he said, “even though blah blah blah, I am a totally awesome kid” MY kid would say under his breath, “not”.  I learned that my kids didn’t believe they were awesome.  THAT is big stuff.  So we slowed down.  I did more tapping around them, left it optional for them and tapped with them only if they wanted to.  When I did tap with them I made sure I said the message and looked at them when I said it.  I really need them to hear this message.  I really need them to believe in themselves.  We started to incorporate tapping in to our nightly routine.  My youngest really took to it and wanted to write his own script.  He came up with this.
“Even though I feel sad about my past, I’m a great kid
Even though I got tortured when I was a little kid, I’m a great kid
Even though I was hurt in my past, I’m a great kid
Even though I didn’t want to do things in my past and people made me, my mom still loves me.
Even though people in my past didn’t treat me right, I’m a smart kid now.
Now I don’t have to do what they told me to do
I’m safe at a nice home with a nice mother
I’m letting go of my hurt
I’m letting go of my sadness
I’m letting go of my weird feelings
I’m choosing to forgive them for what they did to hurt me
I’m choosing to forgive myself
Even though I am hurt I’m a really, really great kid.  I choose to deeply and completely love, honor and accept myself in body, mind and spirit.”
Keeping in mind this is a kid that never talks. THIS.WAS.HUGE.  It gave me something to work with.  I could be genuinely curious and ask, “what do you mean by that?  or tell me about this? or can you say more about this?”
Through tapping we are learning how to communicate.  How to communicate these really hard thoughts and feelings.  This is huge.
We also had a visit with their other mom and guess what they wanted to do when they got home?   Tap.  My oldest, who I didn’t think was that into it, tapped 3 videos with Brad that night.  
Tapping gives them a way to communicate.  
It gives them a way to feel ok with their feelings and talk about what is going on.
I had my son tap about school.  School is a big struggle for him.  I was getting calls and e-mails EVERY day.  Once he started tapping, I received 1 e-mail in a 3 week period.  I think my kids just need to believe in themselves and I am so glad I found tapping to help them do that.
For me, tapping has given me a whole new door through which to reach my children.  Earlier this week I had a super, crazy night.  Other mom was asking for money.  I was giving it.  Older son dropped my computer and then lied about it.  Which led to a little rage about it.  His rage led to the little one crying and through it all I was able to tap and talk to my kids.  “Even though your brother made a mistake, he can fix it and he is still an awesome kid”.  “Even though you broke your mama’s computer, your mama still loves you.”  And there he went with his “no you don’t, I hate myself, I want leave, I can’t live here” and I stayed.  With my tapping.  And my message.  And he eventually heard me.  He listened.  He slowed down.  He went to sleep.  Crisis averted.  Not too long ago that would have really escalated in to something big.
Tapping is a way for my kids to communicate and finally get some peace.   Obviously this only the VERY beginning of our journey with tapping.  But I must say it blows my mind what my boys have been able to do with this.  I blow my own mind with the skills I am gaining from this.
Want some peace?  Try some tapping.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Never Say..

When someone (especially with trauma) is upset......

Never tell them, "It'll be OK."

Instead say....

"I'm right here and I'm not leaving."