Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Our AT

I have had our AT on my mind lately. We are so fortunate to have her. She is open-minded and willing to try different approaches. Her work in trauma is really amazing and she is always right-on the mark for what is going on with J. She is still willing to work with Janice & Barbara if it's needed and always builds me up and gives me great ideas. She always honors my ideas and never makes me feel like an idiot (I realize there are days that I am one ;-)). When she saw how much difference Reiki made with J she quickly made the decision that she would be attuned for Reiki as well and is using it in her practice with much success. How cool is that?!?! Most people would have just poo-pooed the whole idea but then again not everyone is as open-minded as Kristy.

My dear, friend Chris (who attuned both Kristy & I to Reiki) came over Monday evening to give J some crystals and a dream catcher. It worked out that Chris was able to give me a Reiki treatment with J watching so that she could see what is going on since most of the time her eyes are shut. Then Chris & I did Reiki on J together. It was really cool. Chris said that she could tell that some of her chakras are not right because of the sexual abuse but that her heart chakra was very strong. Chris told J that her spirit was a beautiful pink rose and that someday that pink rose would be where everyone could see it as she continues to get better. Something about that statement was very profound for me (it was for J too) and moved me to tears. Thank you Chris for all you do for us. I am so grateful to have you in my life.

Helping another RAD mom get started on the program to homeschool her radishes. Very exciting although I have no idea where I'm going to fit this in but tickled she's going this route since it's turned out to really help J in so many areas. How I wish that I could be a SAHM.

Lunch was such a nice treat today. I got to see my friend Mary (Mountain Mary) which always just makes my day! I'm expecting a 30 lb box of books from my other Mary (Texas Mary) and can't wait for them to get here. Monday I ordered the whole Little House collection (Laura Ingalls Wilder). As a child these were my favorite books so I'm really excited to start this journey with J. It should be a trip down memory lane for me.

G is somewhere in WV having a grand ole time on a motorcycle trip. I'm trying not to worry. Part of me pines for the Harley days. Then I hear his voice at the end of the day and he is soooo dragging and I remember that tired feeling and the sore butt feeling and the can't walk feeling and the next morning trying to get my leg over the motorcycle feeling and then I don't feel so bad anymore. I get to sleep in my comfy bed and walk like a lady instead of a bow-legged cowboy. :-)

This afternoon my darling little Mattison will be back. How unfortunate for her....but when you throw dirt in your Awesome Mom's face (on purpose) twice bad consequences will occur. Lucky me house will be spotless soon.

Lisa's Gratitude:
1. Chris
2. Mountain Mary
3. Texas Mary
4. Book anticipation
5. Mattison

J's Gratitude:
1. Learning about silkworms
2. Learning about the Great Wall
3. Bubble Wars
4. Mattison is coming to do my chores
5. ?????

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Bubble War

Rock Star (that's Mr. Rock Star to you) (a/k/a Hunka Hunka Burnin Love) & Little Miss Drama Queen facing down for a bubble war....

Friday, July 25, 2008

Napper has a new foster mom!

God bless my friend, Sandy, for helping me find Napper a foster home. It was hard to do but I know it would've been so much harder for J if we had waited 3 more weeks. She had meltdowns last night and ALL day today. It was really funny ( it's funny). I had let the dogs out to potty and J decided to throw a big screamer for who knows what. I had opened the door to call the dogs back and usually it takes a few minutes to get them both inside. They heard J and came running to protect me. I mean in a FLASH! got interesting for a few minutes.

I had to meet Sandy at 7 in C'ville to transfer Napper. J & I talked about appropriate reactions to Napper leaving. She did really great while we were with Sandy but as we were pulling out of the parking lot she started crying real. genuine tears and talking about her feelings and that she was going to miss him. I pulled into another parking lot and let her crawl up in my lap to comfort her. She started feeling a little better and I said, "why don't we go see Big Mama"? (G's mother) J didn't get a chance to answer because there goes Priscilla (Big Mama's weekend caretaker & driver) and Big Mama driving through the parking lot. I was the crazy woman running across the parking lot to catch them. Hope no one I know saw that. ;-0

So J got to see Big Mama for a few. It always makes me a little sad to see her because now she doesn't remember us (Alzheimer's) and it always stings since she's been a part of my life for over 30 years but I know it's part of it. Been there done that with my grandmother. But it still stings.

Then of course we had to go to the DQ and get a milkshake. Yep I know J's shouldn't have dairy but sometimes nothing fixes a heart quite like chocolate milkshakes. Home to bed and hopefully tomorrow's going to be a better day.

Lisa's Gratitude:
1. Sandy
2. Sandy
3. Sandy
4. Sandy
5. Sandy

J's Gratitude: (yep...she did one even though she was Bad Attitude Betsy today)
1. Napper will have a great new home tonight
2. Homegrown blueberries in my Cheerios
3. Learning about shadows in science
4. Awesome Teacher
5. I have my own room

Thursday, July 24, 2008

What Lies Beneath....

He's still below the surface. I am so praying that they find him instead of having to wait till the water flips in October.

J has been playing dumb blonde all day. (No offense to all the blondes out there, natural or bottle). Ya know it's kinda cute the first time but by the 1000th it's not so darn cute anymore. I sent her to her room a few minutes ago to go find her brain or someone else's. Really didn't matter which it was just as long as she had one. It took about 5 minutes and she did find hers which is a relief. ;-0

Picked Napper up from the vet after the dentist visit and have decided to just be his foster mom. So any of you dog lovers out there that is looking for a fabulous dog...I'm your girl. Plus he's free with all problems fixed. He's a really awesome dog. Very kind, loving, well-mannered, good disposition, trainable, intelligent and cute as a button....well he will be when his hair grows out. Would be a great lap dog. Right now he kind of resembles a skinned rat. eek But give him a week or two and he'll be as cute as pie and look just like Mr. Muttley who is a friend of mine. How I wish his Mom, Mary Alice, (really awesome woman) would consider him as an addition to her family.

Lyme Disease

Well....Napper has Lyme disease. Damn. That's why he had the uncoordinated movements of a puppy when in actuality he's around 5-7 y/o. So, no ta-ta removal or teeth cleaning today. 3 weeks of antibiotics twice a day and meds in his ear twice a day for 3 weeks. Then we'll see if he's ready for the rest. Anal glands rescued but now he needs another bath so he won't be a stinky boy tonight.

He was very well behaved last night. Learned quickly to get in his crate and slept through the night without so much as a whimper.

J's a little out of sorts today but that's to be expected with a new dog in the house and the events of last night. Dentist visit this afternoon.

Welcome Maia! I am so glad that you joined in and it's great you're de-lurking. Love to hear more from you.

I have a new addiction: The Pioneer Woman. When I grow up I want to be the Pioneer Woman. Now there's something to aspire to..... Now I've heard Lauri & others talk about her but I just didn't get it. Unfortunately now I do....and my work suffers....

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Proud of being a dog napper

Here's Napper! He did have long hair like Puddin but Crystal had to cut him really short to get all of the mats out. He's going to the vet tomorrow for a check up, antibiotics for the eye infection & ear infection, cutting of the ta-ta's, a teeth cleaning and something to fix the problem with his anal glands. I know....TMI...

Sushi was great. Had to rush back to pick up Napper (best I can do for a name till I know him better). Introduced Napper to Puddin which surprises of surprises she wasn't too upset. Well....she didn't attack him. Usually she doesn't like other dogs. Getting aquainted in the house and then let them both out in the back yard (fenced in). J was going around the house because she had smushed wild black cherries all over the bottom of her feet. She left the gate open because she wasn't too happy about having to walk around the house. She didn't do it on purpose just that she was mad so she didn't check to make sure it closed. Napper took off....down the bank and was walking down the middle of the road. Told G to get J in the house and ready for bed as I rushed to get in my car in a hot pursuit dog chase. Mind you I did not do all of this gracefully or eloquently to put it mildly.

Found Napper, he came right to me, loaded him up in the truck and back to the house. J & G are outside the house. J stormed past me crying when I told her the dog was fine. I think it was the sudden relief of knowing the dog was ok and feeling guilty for leaving the gate open. She went into her room and threw herself on the bed in dramatic fashion (just as a teenager would) and proceeded to cry (real genuine tears!) J's crying..."it's all my fault." G said, "J it wasn't your fault" I pulled her up in my arms and said, "yes, J it was your fault but everything turned out ok. What was the lesson you learned to which she answered, "never leave the gate open mommy....oh mommy....I am sooo sorry and I was so scared that something was going to happen to Napper." Then we talked about what I had done wrong and I apologized. She forgave me and she'll get eggs for breakfast to make restitution. Do y'all realize how BIG this is???????? She had clear signs of a conscience!!! While believe me I could've done all this much more gracefully I was sooooo excited to see clear, distinct signs of a conscience.

I've had a weeks worth of adrenaline rushes in one day so it very possible I'll be in the bed shortly. Remembering I have to stay up and let the new baby out to potty before bed now....
P.S. If you're just joining us since yesterday morning you need to keep reading below. I've been very prolific today.

I am now also a dog napper

Sorry to leave in mid blog....

Call from G who said there was a Puddin look-a-like in the middle of a 4 lane hwy. Two teenage boys 300-400 ft away so he asked if it was there dog. Yup.... don't have a collar on your dog nor a leash in a 4 lane hwy....not your dog anymore. So I am officially a dog napper now too. ( know you are not shocked....) So to the 4 lane in the dogbulance. Picked up the cutest little fellow...called the groomer for emergency clean up (covered in mud, sand, matted horribly and panting like there's no tomorrow) and dropped him off. He's happily sitting in a crate with a plate of food and water waiting on his bath.

G: What's Puddin going to think about this?
L: Can't think about that now. I'll think about that later (can't say tomorrow since I have to pick him up after sushi.)

I think I'm going to need a bigger bed.....

Wow! (Edited) Made an oops!

4 comments in one day....I think that's a new record too. I've been worrying lately that my blog is sooo boring and mundane because I believe I have either lost all my creative writing skills that I once possessed or I've turned into a pretty boring person. Thank goodness I have loyal readers that are tracking our ups and downs. I really appreciate you sticking with me. Tudu (who got me here), PeWee, Gerri, Maggie, Torina, Mary & Lauri, you're all appreciated more than you know. Then there's all you lurkers out there, you know who you are....I can see you and I'm so glad you're here. Would love to hear from you sometime....that is if you have something nice to say. ;-) Priscilla for lurking nearby, always only a phone call away when the world is falling apart. Knowing that you're always cheering for us when we're up and crying with us when we're down. I am so grateful for you.

PeWee, that Laundry Pure thing is one of the most amazing inventions ever. At first I thought it was pretty hokey and that I was wasting my money at first but I love that thing! I did use a demo machine for 2 weeks before I bought it and then I wouldn't let him have his demo machine back. I held it hostage! The nice salesman thought I was kidding. Not! He didn't get his demo unit back until my unit had arrived. Sorry buddy! Nice soft towels, colors never fade, no more buying detergent or fabric softener. It's truly an addiction. When it broke I swear I thought I was going to start hyperventilating! How silly is that?!?

Now on to J....
She was such a fast & snappy girl this morning that she had time to get her hair straightened and put up just like mom's. Scrambled eggs and homegrown tomatoes for breakfast was a real treat. Usually during the week it's a cereal breakfast. Personally I just hate breakfast before 9 AM. Never have liked food early in the morning. Yuck! Cooking eggs at 9 is fine. Cooking eggs at 7 AM is pure love.

Maggie is's best to enjoy all these precious moments of "wonderful". They do hold me together when things go downhill. So much progress has been made. I am so grateful!

This afternoon Daddy G is taking us girls out for sushi. J will soooo be loving that!!!

I should be working right now but I've got to finish a story. Maybe someday I'll be a Pioneer Woman. Priscilla you've got to check this out. You will love it! Yup...all of them. You won't regret it. I am so hooked....

They're searching the shorelines today. Rescue was out at 7 AM this morning according G.

G just called and there's a Puddin look a like in the middle be back...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Cloudy with a chance of rain

Another cloud was painted today. Yahoo! At this rate, with our current drought situation, the chances of it raining is greater in her classroom than it is outside. Last night the clouds & strong winds were just teasing us. Same thing tonight.

J earned a page full of check marks today so she got a bottle of nail polish, barrettes and a yummy sweet & salty breakfast bar for snack. She was also excited about tacos for dinner. She loves tacos and we use lettuce for shells instead of tortillas. Yummy!

Right before bed she got a little out of sorts and had a mini-fit. No big deal and she recovered quickly. Y'all do realize that it's been 7 days of having "fun to be around J". Enjoying the good while it lasts. Yes, Tudu, it's been such a blessing. Thanks to you too Torina. I suck at taking pictures. I get too busy living life and forget that it's important. PeWee don't feel bad. I have this effect on just about everyone including myself. ;-) Remember that when the student is ready the teacher appears. ;-)

3 days and counting and they haven't found the body yet. Hating it for the family and hoping he turns up soon preferably not under G's dock (which is what I'm dreaming about). G is on his way up there and he's braver than me. I told him to go look under the dock and he asked what he should do if he found him and I told him to start screaming like a little girl. J should've taught him a thing or two about that! Nothing on the news about it except these 2 articles.

Lisa's Gratitude:
1. Clouds
2. Fresh blueberries. Yum!
3. More homegrown tomatoes
4. My Laundry Pure is fixed finally. I was lost without it. Some of the best money I've ever spent.
5. High winds & thunder may mean some rain. Doubtful but a girl can still hope....

J's Gratitude:
1. Having an awesome day at school
2. Popping shipping bubbles
3. Popping my poppers
4. Having a hot recess
5. 36 good choices
6. Only 3 bad choices
7. Invitation to Natalie's B-day pool party
8. Barrettes
9. Pink nail polish
10. Mrs. K for painting my nails & toes
11. Mrs. K for buy me a bottle of polish & barrettes
12. Have salty crunchy bars for snack

10 of these she listed as fun. Y'all can figure out which ones. ;-)

Monday, July 21, 2008

Falling down with gratitude

Chrissi is gone on vacation to NYC, Boston, DC, and Niagra Falls with a group of German Au Pairs so this leaves J staying with Mrs. Kacak until I get off work. Now usually a huge transition like this is really hard for my baby girl. It would usually result in meltdowns because that's what you do when you're emotionally 2/3. J had a great day. Things were a little tricky before lunch but she was able to talk about it and move on. More beaming from proud mom.....

She wrote a lovely thank you note to Mrs. Kacak:

Dear Mrs. Kacak,
Thank you for the spelling book. Thank you for the children's thesaurus book. Thank you for the children's dictionary book. Thank you for the children's encyclopedia book. I'm going to have a blast with these books!
Pretty great for 1st Grade! I purchased these books and decided to let Mrs. K take the credit for them to give her some more power.

Tonight she had time to play with her poppers and she had a great time helping in the kitchen for dinner. Right after I had put her in the bed I realized that she hadn't thrown a fit during the transition so I went right back in her room.

Mom: Honey bunny do you realize that you had a huge transition today?

J: I did????

Mom: Yes, ma'am. Miss Chrissi was gone and you spent the whole day with Mrs. K and didn't throw a fit.

J: Wow! I didn't! I am really proud of myself!

Mom: Me too honey bunny!

J: I'll just bet I can do that again tomorrow!

Fingers crossed for her...

They're still dredging & diving for the body. Please Lord let them find him soon. We heard today that he was swimming and started feeling bad so he told his wife to bring the boat closer so he could hold on to the side. Before she got to him he went under. 53 y/o. How sad for his family...

Really bad storm heading our way so I've got to check out soon.

Ok....I've been really lazy lately and we haven't been doing our gratitude lists at dinner. My bad... So tonight we had to make up for some lost time so hang in there:

1. Rain
2. Homegrown tomatoes, green beans, cucumbers, silver queen corn
3. The hands that grew them & the hearts that shared them.
4. A great weekend
5. No meltdowns

J's Gratitude:
1. Having a blast in school
2. Riding my scooter, bike and playing with my hula hoop
3. Excited to see mom
4. Mrs. K letting me look at pictures of reptiles and mammals online.
5. Having a great time at lake
6. Got to see Daddy G
7. Going swimming
8. Making cookies with mom
9. Daddy G reading to me
10. Daddy G for taking me for a boat ride
11. Playing bubbles with Daddy G
12. Getting to pet Puddin
13. Books from Mrs. K
14. Going to the beauty parlor
15. Playing in the bumper boat
16. Playing ball with Mom

God works in mysterious ways....

Friday J got her ears lowered by a couple of inches and the cut is very cute! We did a quick run by the grocery store and headed to the lake. We made it there just in time to unpack and throw some dinner together before it was J's bedtime. I forgot the cable for the MP3 player so we made the decision to get up really early and head to Wally world to pick up another. Girls have to have tunes ya know! Saturday morning we blew in and out of Clayton in record time. Even stopped by Mickey D's to pick up J's 3 biscuits which were promptly devoured. We were in the lake by 9:30! We are fast & snappy girls!

A glorious day relaxing & splashing in the lake. Daddy G arrived just in time for dinner and read J her new Junie B book so he certainly made up for last weekend. After J went to bed we spent the rest of the evening watching Charlie Wilson's War. Fabulous movie by the way!

Miss Meg's for breakfast. 3 giant pancakes, 2 pieces of bacon, 2 sausage patties, 2 fried eggs over medium disappeared in one inhale. My girl can make food disappear faster than you can say grace.

G & J had a great time with some big bubble makers. Then J was in the water playing with her bumper boat. Squirting everything to her hearts delight! G drove back home to get his trunks and came back by boat. He had forgotten J's lifevest in his boathouse so we loaded up to run pick it up. Just as we got to his cove a boat pulled up beside us and said we couldn't go in and that the lake had been shut down because someone had drowned. J was a little upset about this but we quickly closed our eyes and sent some pink love, blue light and asked God to watch over the person who had gotten hurt and his family. That seemed to make her feel so much better.

As y'all know we were at my lakehouse this weekend because of last weekend's events. J had said that we needed to spent the weekends at my house for 2 weeks to get over last weekend. Boy was that ever a God thing! G said when he was leaving his house there was a boat of screaming people and he didn't get that something was wrong. If J & I had been there that would've really freaked J out! Probably me too.... Sure am glad I wasn't in control of that situation.

Last night J unpacked fast & snappy then came to help me in the kitchen. She was quite the helper too! She VOLUNTEERED to unload the dishwasher all by herself. You heard the "volunteered" right??? Then she asked to cut up the tomatoes and peel and cut the cucumbers. She is really doing great at learning to peel & cut. Very proud of my muchkin! We had home-grown tomatoes which I swear is manna from heaven, home-grown cucumbers, smushed potatoes (courtesy of Sarah in Ode to a Potato), home-grown silver queen corn, and hamburger steak. I am so grateful for everyone that sends us home-grown veggies to adorn our table. Next year I have got to find a place to have a garden!

P.S. They still haven't found the body yet even though the search started about an hour after the accident which was around 11 AM. They've brought in cadaver dogs, 3 sets of divers and rescue boats and no luck yet. Guess it would be fair to say we won't be going swimming.

Friday, July 18, 2008

More good days....

No med change since J is maintaining very well. We had a great time hanging out yesterday afternoon. She was lots of fun to be around. 10 minute p-doc appt (whoo hoo) got us out in time to hit the health food store and get the heck out of the dodge before the moving parking lot started. I pined (and whined) as I passed Pappadeaux's but I didn't want to risk the parking lot fiasco. I do not do moving slower than a snails pace well. Knowing full well that I probably scared PeWee this week with our phone conversation. I am a full speed ahead, don't slow down for anything but animals & children kinda girl. So.....I just had to dream about crawfish etoufee instead. North of the "parking lot" we had dinner and made a quick trip to Sam's for a big bag of baking soda for J's baths.

Quick stop to drop off Monya's wheat free items that I picked up at the health food store. After J was in the bed I started googling wheat free items for my mom. She just recently discovered that she is allergic to wheat so we're all in the process of trying to find foods that could replace. It's astonishing all the products that wheat is in! I read enough to just get me curious enough to wonder if this could be contributing to J's serious farting problems. Seriously people, the child farts like Uncle Arnold in How to Lose a Guy in 10 days. Wednesday morning she had to have another bath before she started school because she reeked from 10ft away!!! The wheat allergy didn't show up when she tested positive for bovine allergies (she can have goat milk/cheese) and there are a high number of RAD kids that have an allergy to milk so not shocking.

The thought of having to change our diet even more is a revolting thought so I am going to start doing a food/fart journal somehow (I know you are praying at this very moment that it won't be here) and see if we can trace it back to food. Oh joy of joys.....

Waiting to hear how G did at the Grand Ole Opry last night. I am sure he will be feeling like a rockstar again today. Chrissi is leaving in the morning for her 2nd (10th) vacation. This time she's going to NY, Boston, DC, Niagra Falls and she's really excited.

Jessi is out sick today with strep so J is working on her Saturday chores. Chrissi will drop J & Puddin off this afternoon at my office and we'll head to the beauty parlor to see Robin for a snip (J not me), grocery stop & to my lakehouse for a weekend of swimming and just being generally lazy. Whoo hoo!

Please pray for my friend, Torina. Rough times right now and she could use some extra ones going up.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

It's a New World Record!

J had 5 straight days of really trying hard and having great days. I am beaming with pride. Can you see the glow where you are????

Now the last 2 days have been difficult for her but we've attributed it to Mrs. Kacak having a hard time in her personal life right now and J seems to be feeding off it since she doesn't have really good boundaries yet. We worked out things for J to do if Jessi felt bad today...being helpful, getting her a glass of water, making good choices so that Jessi isn't more stressed, etc. Hoping it helps but still happy to have 5 straight days.

Sunday & Monday she did salt baths which really cleansing for toxins. 1lb sea salt and 1lb baking soda, soaking for 20 minutes. I set her up with soft music, glasses of water (she gets really thirsty doing this) and candles. You know....a big girl bath.... Well...for people who actually have the patience to sit in the tub. I am not one of those.... She gets out of the bath really relaxed and yawning. Her sleep is much deeper and less hyper-vigilant after these baths.

Yesterday she had way toooooo much energy. Like jumping out of her skin energy. Could hardly calm down enough to work in therapy. I think I made the mistake of giving her Reiki 2 days in a row which is something I don't usually do. Note to self: no more Reiki until a little calmness appears.

New technique from AT to switch up the brain: Sit on floor with feet stretched out in front. Put right hand over left hand and pull into the power-sitting hook-up position. Put left foot over right foot. Put tongue on roof of mouth and breathe in a short breath. Close mouth and exhale slowly through the nose. Repeat breathing technique 15 times. Worked like a charm!

Today we are heading to the p-doc for a med refill. 2 hours getting there, 1 hour in office, 3-4 hours home since we'll be sitting in the moving parking lot that is Atlanta. Yippee...insert sarcasm here. Tomorrow is hair snipping day for J.

Hoping to order the Brain Gym teachers edition tomorrow (if I can find it) so that we can start doing that at home too.

My friend, Chris suggested a "dream catcher" in her room and I think that's a great idea. J will love the story.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


Now if I could just get over my addiction to Gray's Anatomy & Desperate Housewives I could do this. Just thinking about it is giving me the shakes though....

Monday, July 14, 2008

I am a smudger

Where to begin....

Friday J had a great day in school! Yippee! I have been told by 3 different people that I needed to smudge my house, myself & J. What the heck is smudging???? Was told to use copal instead of sage and be sure to get behind doors, inside closets and drawers. So my friend Chris gave me enough to get started and Saturday morning we had a smudging ceremony. "God please take away all the negative energy and leave us with a house of peace." J loved it and had the best time. She helped show me where all the negative energy was hiding!

We left early to go to the lake and J swam all day and had a blast! She learned to dive and swim underwater (without holding her nose)! It was a big day. JJ and AJ (friends of G) arrived by boat around 4:30. I sent J up to the house to see if Daddy G was there yet and if so, to tell him that JJ & AJ were there. He was but wouldn't come down to the dock. Trying to be polite (note to self: don't do that again!) I invited AJ & JJ to come up. Invitation accepted. Keep in mind that AJ is very loud and add some alcohol and it's totally out of hand. G is naturally loud too a lot of the time.

G was cooking (big gasp here) dinner when we got up to the house. I started J on her bath noticing that things were loud in the kitchen but didn't pay it a lot of attention. Passing through the kitchen offering to help AJ had taken over my kitchen and was cooking dinner and I was told to get out. Not a good sign. Where's a taser when you need one???? Gracefully excused myself and I started getting cleaned up for dinner. G came in and said J was screaming for me. Running in the bathroom expecting disaster and finding that J just wanted to get out of the tub. Bad mama did not see the signs of distress. Totally missed it in the chaos. Gave her 5 more minutes to soak as she was doing a sea salt soak. Went back in a few minutes and got her out and started her drying her hair. This was my attempt to keep her out of the chaos for a few more minutes hoping against hope that JJ & AJ would leave. No such luck.

Dinner ready and instead of leaving JJ & AJ wait for us to finish. See the clouds going across J's face since the chaos is sitting behind her. J decides she's not hungry. Huge sign of distress. My child is ALWAYS hungry. Finally JJ & AJ decide to leave and G walks them down to the dock. He's gone for over 1 1/2 hours talking to them at the dock. Also keep in mind that Daddy G only sees J (by his choice) Saturday evening (J goes to bed at 7) and Sunday until 3:30 or 4 when we leave to come home. They have a tradition of laying on the couch reading stories, playing games and other fun stuff before bedtime. So J is waiting patiently for the couple of hours that is precious to her with her Daddy G and he's blowing her off (in her mind). G calls up and says he's going on a boat ride with JJ & AJ. Well....I am not going to deliver this news to J so I politely say that we're going to go on home but to go ahead and have a great time. Big huff! "Fine! I won't go! I'm coming up!" Well... that is code for "I'm coming up but you're going to pay cause I'm going to be in a crappy mood so we'll all be miserable." NOT going to happen.

By the time he came up we had the car packed and very kindly said thanks for letting us swim & for dinner and then we split. When we got in the car J let out a heavy sigh. I asked her how she was feeling. She said, "thanks for letting us go home Mom. I really want to sleep in my bed tonight because that was really scary." Me, "what was scary honey?" J, "Those people were really scary and I was really scared of them last week too." (They came by after the fireworks last weekend.) Next was, "why didn't Daddy G not want to see me?" I tried to be honest but w/o making G look bad. Wasn't easy at this point. I understand he wants to see JJ & AJ. I totally get that! Yet he sees them 4 or 5 times a week and J only a 24 hour period and she's sleeping for 12 of those hours! On the good side I am so proud of her to be able to tell me what she was feeling instead of throwing a fit and to know that going home to sleep in her bed would make it all better. Very HUGE! She was really down but we were able to talk through all her feelings. I asked her what would it take to make her feel better and she said that Daddy G needed to apologize to her and she didn't want to go there for 2 weeks and to go to my lakehouse instead. Very cool again! Right before I put her to bed she said, "Mom, we need to smudge the lakehouse and Daddy G too." That child amazes me sometimes with her astuteness. You said it sweetie!

Sunday morning G arrived with the J's crystals and salt that I had forgotten. J was able to tell him what happened and I was proud yet again. He apologized. We went to the DQ for breakfast and all was right with the world. G left right after breakfast because J had a play date with her friend, Maddy, after church. A few minutes after he left June called and Maddy wasn't coming because her father had hurt her feelings and had some really bad behavior. J was disappointed but accepted it.

Shopping was next on the list. Now shopping is most certainly my most dreaded chore but it is J's favorite thing so shopping we went. J had $23 of her own hard earned money that she had budgeted for spending money. (Y'all know she budgets her money into categories of Spending, Christmas/gifts, Tithes & Savings.) My smart girl has $44 in savings, $40 in Christmas & $15 in tithes! So to Target we go and she discovered she had enough to buy this toy which was on sale for $17.48 and a hula hoop! She was so proud of herself!

Daddy G showed up with sushi in hand. I had already made home-grown fried okra, juicy red tomatoes, silver queen corn, fried green tomatoes, cucumbers and corn bread so we had a spread. Did I mention that my kid loves to eat????? Daddy G asked J how her play date went. Black cloud across her face again.....Then she told him that Maddy didn't get to come. "Why not," asked Daddy G. Very matter of factly J said, "her daddy hurt her feelings too." Ouch! That stings! After Daddy G picked his feelings up off the floor he apologized.

Very proud of J for telling yet again how she feels. Using words instead of meltdowns......Very big stuff!

Now I need help....anybody know where you can buy boxes of good, cheap children's books. J's in 1st grade but reading on 3rd grade level. Anybody got any ideas???? I am listening.....

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Poopy Panty Patrol

It's baby steps I tell ya but I'm so happy to have them. Lots of processing in AT but that dadgum hateful FM still keeps turning up. The AT put Daddy G on Poopy Panty Patrol with J. He's to come randomly and intermittantly to do a panty check. Not the ones that are on her of course but the ones in her diaper pail. We're all hoping that this will assist in clearing the problem up because she DOES NOT want Daddy G to find poopy/peed panties in an inspection. God bless Daddy G. He agreed to do it. Gotta love him.... The rest of the day was hit or miss and not really stable.

Today started off pretty shaky with a whole lotta lying going on and the speed factor was slower than a snail's pace. Then more visualizing, tapping and pushing Lying, Sneaky J out and bringing Sweet, Strong, Brave J back. When Jessi arrived things improved greatly and she had a really good day in school. Her awesome teacher (me) made chocolate chip oatmeal cookies (it's a southern staple I swear!) last night for snack today in school and she had such great choices she had 2!

Hoping all goes well the rest of the day.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


1 step forward....2 back....
Yesterday J sat in her classroom chair (after school doing homework) and decided her chair was a good enough toilet. *heavy sigh* More meltdowns....ODD....
The good news is that it's been a while since this behavior has appeared around Chrissi & I. The bad news is it brings on PTSD for me.

Any holding and talking about what could be the problem is a dead end. She can't seem to make heads or tails of it. Regular AT appt @ 11 is being anxiously awaited by all of us. More will be revealed later.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Yesterday we had emergency therapy and it helped. (J even asked to go to therapy. Woo hoo at recognizing her needs! Turns out it was the movie was the problem. The wicked witch sent her into another realm. Her perception of scary is much different than most kids. Pretty much anything is really scary but the witch really bothered her this time (she's watched this movie before). It triggered memories of the bad foster mom and something that happened with macaroni & cheese. (This seems to happen no matter what we watch that something is triggered) The AT is working on a new tapping algorythym (EMDR) to work out some of the trauma because this is not in the past in J's perception.

Reiki last night and this morning she was extremely fast & snappy and in a great mood. She did very well until 9:30 and things went downhill. Threw a major screamer. I went home and tried to help her work through some of it and thought it helped until I called for an update later. On my way home to see if she can turn it around......

Monday, July 7, 2008


Back to the real world. Friday J did wonderfully. We had a great time swimming and she was tuckered out by 6:30 and asked to go to bed early. When we got up Saturday it was raining so I thought (bad thought bad) watching a Barbie movie cuddled up on the couch would be a good idea. Now I know I've been told over and over that TV is bad for RAD but we will watch an occasional Barbie movie and it's proven to me over and over again that it's not good because it always seems to suck her brain right out of her head. Well it did it again. It was downhill from there. A bunch of bad decisions meant that she had a time in with me on the dock before she could go swimming. After time-in she swam for several hours before G arrived. G took her on a boat ride to his sister's house and there were lots of people there which meant "scary" for her. Of course that didn't help. Several more bad decisions.

At dinner it was obvious that she was pooped so she went on to bed at 6:30 with the promise that I would wake her up for the fireworks. She did really great at the fireworks except for being disrespectful to G about blowing the horn. (She thought she should be in charge of blowing the horn.)

Sunday AM more of the same and she came very close to throwing a full blown meltdown in front of G & Craig which amazed even me. I had her do some running up and down the steps and things improved slightly and I let her go on a boat ride with all of us instead of us sitting the boat ride out. Hindsight being 20/20 we should've stayed at home because it was worse. The naked eye would not pick up on her behavior but being eagle-eye mom it was glaring me in the face. Kira came over for a playdate and J was rude and disrespectful to her as well. Ignoring, bossy, controlling, hateful at times and not willing to share any of her water toys that she has an abundance of. 4:30 rolled around and it was time to head home to get ready for the school day. She went home with Chrissi so that I could go to dinner with G, Craig & Murray. She threw one more screamer about that even though she knew ahead of time.

This morning she was soooooo slow that she didn't make it to eat breakfast until 7:45 instead of 6:55. Very disrespectful, couldn't remember how to strong sit, ODD, couldn't remember her metta prayer. I've done rubbing & tapping with her, blowing up her yucky pillow, etc....nothing is seeming to work. At school she was very much the same. After school major meltdowns so far, ODD, etc. Cannot put my finger on the problem for the life of me.

P.S. The gas is horrible around our house. I mean seriously like bad. G got sick at the smell. You could smell it two rooms away from her bedroom. What is up with that??????!!!!! It's always been really bad (ever since she's been here) and I've taken her to the doctor and he poo poos me away as being silly. Last weekend and this weekend it's been off the charts. Her pooh looks fine and everything seems to be in working order but it's constantly a problem. Any ideas????

Thursday, July 3, 2008


J had another fabulous day in school. Another cloud painted and so many check marks that she got to make July 4th cards for her treat! She is very proud of herself. I asked her if Mrs. Kacak changed. She said "no ma'am I changed and I just discovered she is awesome." She got all of her Saturday chores completed this afternoon so we can leave first thing in the morning to go to the lake. We'll have all day to ourselves until Saturday when Craig, Murray, Beau & Chrissi will be there to watch the fireworks. The firework display at Lake Burton is always stellar and the booming echoes from the mountains are fabulous! God help me...I even bought some junk food to take with us. The world must surely be coming to an end. ;-0

This evening she made some sassy (disrespectful) remarks to Chrissi but she's outside cleaning out Chrissi's van to make restitution (her idea). I'm hoping she gets to bed before midnight.

Lisa's Gratitude:
1. Great friends
2. Kisses from an awesome daughter
3. Packing for the lake
4. J having 3 bad choices and 30 good choices in school today!
5. Some bad people who did bad things to Tudu's babies were arrested yesterday!

J's Gratitude:
1. Having an awesome day in school! (fun)
2. Painting a cloud in the classroom (fun)
3. Awesome teacher
4. Making Independence Day cards (fun)
5. Cooking with Miss Chrissi (fun)
6. Dancing to music (fun)
7. Discovered my teacher is awesome! (fun)
8. Having a great attitude (fun)
9. Did chores fast & snappy so I can go the lake sooner
10. Talking to Daddy G on the phone (fun)

Actually there were 17 but I spared you some reading. Lucky you!
Over & outta here....we're gone to the lake!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The Great News & The Bad News

Bad News first so we can just get it over with and out of the way. Chrissi backed (plowed) the mini-van into Jessi's SUV while it was sitting in the driveway. Don't ask me how it happened. I have no idea. The good news is that the only thing broken on Jessi's car is the cover of a tail light. The mini-van didn't fair so well. The whole back door is completely unsalvageable. Dagnabit....more money.... :-(

The Great News is that J had another fabulous day at school. Jessi put an index card on J's desk and anytime she notices that J is doing a great job she doesn't interrupt J, she just puts a check mark on the card. The card was full today so her awesome teacher took her to Mickey D's for a Happy Meal. This was a real treat for J because we don't do fast food. J finished all her classwork with time to spare and has another cloud on the wall to prove it.

J also worked very hard in therapy today. She was very proud of herself and described the proud feeling as being very pink, warm & fuzzy. Pretty cool! The AT gave her a Metta prayer to repeat softly (like a chant) while she's doing her strong sitting and J already has it memorized. It's "May I be responsible. May I be respectful. May I be peaceful. May I be happy. May I be fun to be around. " She repeats it softly for 5 of the 7 minutes that she does strong sitting.

After AT we went to eat Mexican (kind of tradition for us) then to get a manicure & pedicure and on to see Daddy G. His secretary let her have some packing bubbles so J had a fabulous time popping them. There was a virtual symphony of popping!

When we got home (1 1/2 hours after eating mexican) she ate 2 peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. I swear that child eats more than 5 adults put together. I asked her how she kept from being 500 lbs. She said, "I have a tube that runs down into the ground and that's where it all goes. I have to clean out the tube every couple of years with special cleaning spray that only I have." I told her I needed one of those tubes and she said, "mom, I'll wave my magic wand over you then you can eat as much as me too." I NEED one of those tubes. ;-) The child had 3 bowls of holy moly ravioli for lunch @ 1!

Lisa's Gratitude:
1. Awesome daughter
2. Jessi's car wasn't hurt as bad as the van
3. Great time with J
4. Connie (she knows why)
5. Lauri, Laura & Gerri (you gals like totally ROCK!)

J's Gratitude: ( is long) (RAD kids think they never have fun so she puts "fun" after all the things she considers fun then is always amazed that one little kid could have so much.)
1. Awesome mom
2. Dad
3. Awesome teacher (fun)
4. My awesome teacher knew I needed a brush
5. My awesome teacher took me to McDonald's (fun)
6. My awesome teacher let me have a Happy Meal and a Sprite (fun)
7. Great day at school (fun)
8. Being with my awesome teacher (fun)
9. Being with my awesome Mom (fun)
10. Learning about the Trojan War in history (fun)
11. Got to see Susan (fun)
12. Got to see Daddy G (fun)
13. Susan let me have popper bubbles (fun)
14. Manicure & pedicure (fun)
15. Pink nails from mom
16. Awesome teacher let me write my name on a Children's Miracle network foot (fun)
17. I made so many great choices
18. Worked really hard in therapy
19. Ate Mexican with Mom (she ate my plate & hers too!) (fun)
20. Awesome mom let me have a peppermint patty for dessert (fun)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

J's Gratitude List
1. Awesome Mom
2. Dad
3. Great day at school
4. Making clouds in a science project
5. Mom giving me a massage & Reiki
6. Listening to Reiki music all night
7. Going to Papa's & Monya's
8. Going to the cow palace with Papa

Pressure Cooker Ranting Ramble

You know....when you're sitting on the outside looking in it's so easy to judge or be critical of someone's parenting, their life, their relationships, etc. I know I have been sooo guilty of this in the past and it's something I really work on today because I don't want to be that kind of person. It's really easy to be judgmental or critical when you don't live in the situation because you have nothing to lose. When you live with the problem it gives you a whole different perspective. I guess that's where the old saying comes in "never judge someone until you've walked in their shoes".

My daughter has been to hell and back with several round-trip tickets. She has seen more trauma than most adults and it was all before the age of 5. Her bio family started her journey to hell and foster care perpetuated and exacerbated the trips. It really pisses me off which is why I try not to focus on it too much because it takes my energy away from J. Actually pissing me off is a real understatement because I don't think there's a word to cover the emotions I have about what happened to her. No child should have to go through what she went through. It's unforgiveable.

That being said....(because she's been through so much hell)...she has a LOT of problems. I can guarantee you that any adult that has been through her circumstances would have significant issues too! Is it easy being her parent? Hell No! Do I love her? Beyond anything that I ever thought possible!!! Is it worth it??? Damn straight! Will I ever give up on her??? No way! Even if both of us are living in the state-run crazy house I will be her mom forever!

One thing I can promise you is that unless you have lived with my child who is a severely emotionally disturbed don't walk in judgment of me or my parenting methods. One thing I do know is that I know my child and I know what works for her and I, as her Awesome Mom, am duty bound to do whatever is in her best interest even if it's very painful for me. That's my job. I am the adult and I have to make the hard decisions. What works for your kid(s) won't work for my kid and I am sure probably vice versa. Wouldn't it be so easy if the same thing worked for all kids???? Life would be so simple. *Heavy sigh* It doesn't work that way unfortunately. All I can do is trust my instincts and know that I have her very best interests at heart and try to do the right things to give her the help she needs. When I do screw up I model making amends by telling her I was wrong and asking what can I do to make it right.

Rant over....I think I can breathe again.... Sorry... I just had to get that out. Had someone judging my parenting skills and it really pissed me off.

Fabulous AT session yesterday with lots of progress showing. J was able to say she felt lonely. This HUGE!!! A year ago all my child could say was that she was mad. Real tears too! Since I am so co-dependent I couldn't let her cry by herself. I had to cry too. Very emotional day but so worth it. I am so proud of her. She had a fabulous day at school today and the teacher incorporated the "rubbing technique" taught to us by AT which changes her energy around because J's gets flipped a lot. It worked wonderfully! Jumpings have been added at 10-15 minute intervals and that's helping a lot with her focus. Last night I gave J a Reiki session which always calms and centers her and I did Reiki on her lifebooks (distance Reiki to help her with the traumatic past events) and she crawled into bed telling me about all the wonderful dreams she was going to have about the angels.