Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Please excuse me while I cry... a lot.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Too tired to write.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

The Thing That Will Push Me Through Today

I asked Marna if I could post her email that got me through yesterday.  I have printed it and will read it several times today.  J has read it and loves it too so I'm pretty sure she'll be reading through the day as well.

Man, NR does SUCK. It's so hard, harder then just one hard thing. It is beyond hard. It reaches into hard and turns it inside out!!!! Because of that....keep kickin' it in the butt!!! Fight harder. Beat it. Keep going. Going. Going.

What you have seen on the fast track of kickin' it proves you are reaching areas that would never have been. So now, we love NR and HATE it ALL at the same time. Stink!! I hate that love hate thing!!!

This is why I keep going. Just when I think I can let up, not do it, I see those kind of "deeper issues" arise, and I know I have been the fuel behind the fire to reach our children's pain. It has been brought to the light of exposure to only get released and hopefully GONE!!!

I'm/your stronger, a fighter, and NR will not beat me/you. Whether we are on the slow track or fast.....we will DO NR cause it does work!

Go, go, go LiSA!!!!!!!!!



Saturday, March 2, 2013

NR - Day 5

This morning was soooooo not good.  I was just on the verge of a big blubberfest and then I received a wonderful and encouraging email from Marna and I picked myself up and kept going (without the blubberfest).

I was so worried about leaving her for Orlando in this shape because it would be like leaving a newborn.  I couldn't do that to her.

This afternoon the tables turned and J turned loose of whatever she was processing in TRE and a shift has happened.  A wonderful and "happy dance worthy" shift.  The heavens parted and the angels sang Hallelujah!  The sucking thing she was doing with her lips/teeth completely stopped and didn't happen again the rest of the day.

Later I received an equally amazing email from my SW, Wendy, who totally touched my heart.  Celebrating the connections of Orlando and the ways that it keeps me sane and motivated.

This afternoon J announced that the NR is working and she needs to keep doing it because her brain feels better.  We have completed the equivalent of 25 days worth of NR work in 5 days. The blog curses may get me but I really want to track the progress of this journey.  My fingers and toes are crossed that this sticks.

My friend's daughter has now completed the equivalent of 65 days of NR work in 13 days.  She is doing AMAZING!  Like off the charts,  things I never thought possible, for her amazing.  Just today I noticed that her eye movements have changed too.  Her eyes have always been a little wobbly (best way I know to describe it) and we've always attributed it to the FAS.  She now has steady eye movements.  She has also been completely regulated for 13 days straight.  That's something that has never happened before.   And she's happy.  Like genuinely really happy.

I have used the word "extremities" twice while doing the patterns over the course of the last 13 days.  Today she correctly used extremities in a sentence that had nothing to do with body parts.  Did you hear me?  She used this word in a completely different context CORRECTLY.  This is HUGE for her!!!!

My huge moment came when I was able to do 5 full minutes of belly crawling without stopping.  Twice!!!!  AND I didn't bang myself into any furniture so no boo boos for me today.

My pedometer says that I have walked 18,000 steps today.  Literally.  Now I will go collapse into bed.  Starting again at 7:30 tomorrow morning.   We are going to power through this.

Friday, March 1, 2013

NR - Day 4

Tough, tough, tough.....

My sweet girl is processing something so big and she cannot turn loose of it.  If I knew what it was I would fix it or walk her through it.  It has to be something pre-verbal.  I am sure of that.  

I know this is a process and I really believe that we're right in the middle of a miracle but it sucks in the middle.  Wishing I could make it better for her.  Wishing I could carry it for her.  Feeling helpless.

I love my girl so much and I hate, hate, hate not knowing how to help her. At this very moment in time my mind is spewing venom at ALL the people who hurt her so badly.  This does not make the situation better but I need to be mad at someone right now and they are it.  I'll work on forgiving them later but not tonight.

All I can do right now is tell her, "I'm right here and I'm not leaving."