Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Never Say..

When someone (especially with trauma) is upset......

Never tell them, "It'll be OK."

Instead say....

"I'm right here and I'm not leaving."



10 comments:

GB's Mom said...

Perfect.

NoMatterWhatMom said...

Right on the mark.

Annie said...

Yes; yes, yes. I just need to remember to make it the FIRST thing I say....I usually remember it after a few other things bomb.

Lee said...

As usual, you are so wise! :-) I thought of your wisdom tonite when I put my foot in my mouth talking with Fiona. I complimented her on some really good choices she has made. She promptly told me how awful that made her feel and how nervous and scared. Sigh. I should know better. I DO know better. Sigh again.

Trauma Mama said...

Brilliant!

Seven From Heaven said...

Exactly!!!!!

Dia por Dia said...

Ummmm.... I need that reminder earlier yesterday when I almost blew the trauma drama demo my darling daughter was demonstrating. I stated with "it's ok" and she tried to bite me! Could you periodically text me that reminder? Please? Thank you!

Last Mom said...

I heard Becky Bailey talk about this topic live a few years ago. She showed a clip of a childcare worker telling a crying toddler "It's okay" after mom left and trying to distract her. The child was inconsolable. Then she showed another clip of a similar situation, but this childcare worker said things like, "I know it's hard." and "You miss your Mommy." The child relaxed so much quicker. I started using it in the childcare setting (this was before my daughter) and it worked amazingly well. Most of the little ones I tried it on calmed quickly when I noticed their emotions. Their teachers would say, "He cries for an hour every single morning. We just let him be. Nothing helps." Then they were shocked when I had him calm in minutes just by saying, "You seem really sad. I wonder why you're so sad?"

lisa said...

Maybe I'm asking this of J., maybe I'm asking this of you. How do you stay concentrated long enough to hold the anxiety at bay? I'll think, I'm okay. Relax. And I do, for a moment. But then I lose it and the anxiety bubbles up. And I'm not even aware that it has happened. How do I get off the merry-go-round?

Sunday Taylor said...

More great stuff! I needed this right this second…