Quite a struggle going on here. Please send prayers, good vibes, positive energy or whatever you believe....
Those of you who do Reiki....that would be appreciated as well....
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Parents of Trauma - Edited
Christine has created a really great map to show that we really AREN'T alone. Go here if you're a parent of trauma and add yourself. Do it. Be connected. Just knowing there is someone close by is comforting.
Edited to add:
Things started getting wonky and moved around so now you need to email christine moers at hotmail . com and she'll put you on THE MAP! Just do it. You may have support right around the corner and not even know it.
View Parents of Trauma in a larger map
Orlando proved that we aren't alone. If you didn't go to Orlando you still aren't alone.
Edited to add:
Things started getting wonky and moved around so now you need to email christine moers at hotmail . com and she'll put you on THE MAP! Just do it. You may have support right around the corner and not even know it.
View Parents of Trauma in a larger map
Orlando proved that we aren't alone. If you didn't go to Orlando you still aren't alone.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
A Mom's Niacin Ephiphany
So many lessons over the weekend. Too many to count and I'm sure I'll remember others as time goes on. I'm slow like that.
One that really sticks out is about Niacin. Yes I know that Niacin is not a proper noun. You can read my explanation about that here.
Yes, I have been giving it to J for quite some time. We worked up to 1500mg a day (NON-FLUSHING)because she's the one who needs it. Riiiiiiiiggggghhhhttt. I wasn't taking it because I was trying to save money or at least that's how I rationalized it. Big mistake. Huge.
A couple of weeks ago I just happened to watch a commercial on N i a span. In the fine print on the commercial it said Niacin. Hmmm.... So of course I googled it. This revealed it's a prescription version of Niacin for high cholesterol. I have off the charts cholesterol numbers. Scary numbers. So I decided that I would start taking it to reduce the cholesterol. Uh huh. I doled mine out with J's every morning about two weeks ago. I just called the pharmacy to see how much it would be for a prescription of N i a span. A month's worth for the lowest dosage (500mg) would be around $90. My numbers are so high they said I would probably need 1500mg a day and it would be triple that amount. We get our Niacin from S a m's and 200 capsules runs about $15.00 for 500mg.
Sidenote: There has been a major upheaval in something that's going on in my personal life that has nothing to do with J. (My roommates were privy to this info but it's nothing I want to discuss on my blog.) I have been dealing with the situation in anger and pissyness rather than the sadness that would be more appropriate.
Fast forward to last Tuesday. I cried about the situation. (The ugly cry cause I don't do pretty crying. I fight it because I always have the Cry Hangover with swollen eyes and stuffy nose.) No anger or bitterness involved. Just appropriate grief.
Wednesday I cried briefly some more. Then I was really able to handle the situation appropriately.
Now fast forward again to last Friday night, sitting around the table and surrounded by greatness. We were discussing Niacin. Ding! Ding! Ding! Light bulb moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Niacin = all my appropriate feelings. HELLOOOOO!!!!!! That's why it's helped J so much. Insert duh moment. Peeling the layers of the onion. Yep. It works. Cholesterol lowering is just an added bonus. I have found that I am much better at handling many other things during this Niacin period. The person (not J)that is very adept at pushing my buttons is finding it is no longer working. Wowza. Another plus for J on the days that she does like to push. I can be a more regulated mother for her when she finds it necessary to poke me.
Christine wrote more about it here. She's written about it many other places on her blog too. She also wrote in the first post about helping cholesterol. I conveniently missed that part the first time around. Imagine that!
This household will NEVER run out of Niacin again.
One that really sticks out is about Niacin. Yes I know that Niacin is not a proper noun. You can read my explanation about that here.
Yes, I have been giving it to J for quite some time. We worked up to 1500mg a day (NON-FLUSHING)because she's the one who needs it. Riiiiiiiiggggghhhhttt. I wasn't taking it because I was trying to save money or at least that's how I rationalized it. Big mistake. Huge.
A couple of weeks ago I just happened to watch a commercial on N i a span. In the fine print on the commercial it said Niacin. Hmmm.... So of course I googled it. This revealed it's a prescription version of Niacin for high cholesterol. I have off the charts cholesterol numbers. Scary numbers. So I decided that I would start taking it to reduce the cholesterol. Uh huh. I doled mine out with J's every morning about two weeks ago. I just called the pharmacy to see how much it would be for a prescription of N i a span. A month's worth for the lowest dosage (500mg) would be around $90. My numbers are so high they said I would probably need 1500mg a day and it would be triple that amount. We get our Niacin from S a m's and 200 capsules runs about $15.00 for 500mg.
Sidenote: There has been a major upheaval in something that's going on in my personal life that has nothing to do with J. (My roommates were privy to this info but it's nothing I want to discuss on my blog.) I have been dealing with the situation in anger and pissyness rather than the sadness that would be more appropriate.
Fast forward to last Tuesday. I cried about the situation. (The ugly cry cause I don't do pretty crying. I fight it because I always have the Cry Hangover with swollen eyes and stuffy nose.) No anger or bitterness involved. Just appropriate grief.
Wednesday I cried briefly some more. Then I was really able to handle the situation appropriately.
Now fast forward again to last Friday night, sitting around the table and surrounded by greatness. We were discussing Niacin. Ding! Ding! Ding! Light bulb moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Niacin = all my appropriate feelings. HELLOOOOO!!!!!! That's why it's helped J so much. Insert duh moment. Peeling the layers of the onion. Yep. It works. Cholesterol lowering is just an added bonus. I have found that I am much better at handling many other things during this Niacin period. The person (not J)that is very adept at pushing my buttons is finding it is no longer working. Wowza. Another plus for J on the days that she does like to push. I can be a more regulated mother for her when she finds it necessary to poke me.
Christine wrote more about it here. She's written about it many other places on her blog too. She also wrote in the first post about helping cholesterol. I conveniently missed that part the first time around. Imagine that!
This household will NEVER run out of Niacin again.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Coming Home, Amazing Women, Facing Fear, etc.
So much to blog, so overwhelmed that it's hard to articulate.
I was terrified to make the step out there to go to Orlando. Social anxiety on crack. It turned out to be an amazing weekend with Amazing Women. Women that understand. You don't have to tell your life story. They already live it. There's so much comfort in that.
It's going to take a while to process all that I learned from so many different women. Women of different faiths, backgrounds, beliefs, anxieties, problems, strife, etc. We all live with a common denominator. Trauma, RAD, mental illness, etc. And it was wonderful, painful, scary, funny, sad, healing and ACCEPTANCE......a gamut of emotions. I LOVED it. I LOVED these women. So many women I didn't get to meet too. But I met the ones I was supposed to meet and realized that it was alright that I didn't get to spend significant time with everyone because we are ALL the same. These women are phenomenal and they don't even know it.
These women touched my heart in so many ways. The fact that I did not have to 'splain myself was an added bonus. I'll have much to say on this subject later.
Bouncing down the stairs on my hiney was not what I had planned during my weekend. Thanks to Reiki I am moving and the purple and black bruises disappeared by the next morning. Totally worth it though cause I was able to spend time with Thorn and Tubaville.
I flew home. In my car. Thank goodness Tab and Brenda didn't freak out on me because I was determined to get home as soon as possible. Last night I came home to a total rock star. She was so happy to see me. Even though she had been really stressed all weekend. Wow! She went to bed at the usual time comforted knowing I was home and she could relax. She wanted to do my birthday presents and I needed to rest. We did them today after I had recovered somewhat. More on that later too.
The best part.....
I went in to check on her around 9 last night. She was sound asleep. Her weighted blanket was missing so I put it on her. As soon as I laid the blanket across her she roused from her sleep. Her face lit up like a star with a smile upon her face and she spread her arms to hug me as she said, "Mom! I'm so glad you're home." I wish I had a picture of that moment. It was so genuine and loving. And incredibly moving. I am crying now just thinking about that. The picture of that moment will be a memory that I will remember forever. Where was Nelda when I need her and her camera???? This afternoon I recounted the event to her and she doesn't remember it but she said, "Mom, I AM so glad you're home." J is such a rock star. I'm so ever living happy she's my kid.
Remember this was not always the case. There was a time of much stick poking.
So to those of you that have kids who cannot speak the language of attachment and are still using the stick poking language when you return..... We have been there for too. This too shall pass. Some day you they will be able to say they are so glad you're home. For now just interpret the stick poking as "I'm so glad you're home." You can even give them the correct interpretation. It will come. In time. I'm so glad I lived to hear, see and feel it. I promise you there's nothing like it in the world.
I was terrified to make the step out there to go to Orlando. Social anxiety on crack. It turned out to be an amazing weekend with Amazing Women. Women that understand. You don't have to tell your life story. They already live it. There's so much comfort in that.
It's going to take a while to process all that I learned from so many different women. Women of different faiths, backgrounds, beliefs, anxieties, problems, strife, etc. We all live with a common denominator. Trauma, RAD, mental illness, etc. And it was wonderful, painful, scary, funny, sad, healing and ACCEPTANCE......a gamut of emotions. I LOVED it. I LOVED these women. So many women I didn't get to meet too. But I met the ones I was supposed to meet and realized that it was alright that I didn't get to spend significant time with everyone because we are ALL the same. These women are phenomenal and they don't even know it.
These women touched my heart in so many ways. The fact that I did not have to 'splain myself was an added bonus. I'll have much to say on this subject later.
Bouncing down the stairs on my hiney was not what I had planned during my weekend. Thanks to Reiki I am moving and the purple and black bruises disappeared by the next morning. Totally worth it though cause I was able to spend time with Thorn and Tubaville.
I flew home. In my car. Thank goodness Tab and Brenda didn't freak out on me because I was determined to get home as soon as possible. Last night I came home to a total rock star. She was so happy to see me. Even though she had been really stressed all weekend. Wow! She went to bed at the usual time comforted knowing I was home and she could relax. She wanted to do my birthday presents and I needed to rest. We did them today after I had recovered somewhat. More on that later too.
The best part.....
I went in to check on her around 9 last night. She was sound asleep. Her weighted blanket was missing so I put it on her. As soon as I laid the blanket across her she roused from her sleep. Her face lit up like a star with a smile upon her face and she spread her arms to hug me as she said, "Mom! I'm so glad you're home." I wish I had a picture of that moment. It was so genuine and loving. And incredibly moving. I am crying now just thinking about that. The picture of that moment will be a memory that I will remember forever. Where was Nelda when I need her and her camera???? This afternoon I recounted the event to her and she doesn't remember it but she said, "Mom, I AM so glad you're home." J is such a rock star. I'm so ever living happy she's my kid.
Remember this was not always the case. There was a time of much stick poking.
So to those of you that have kids who cannot speak the language of attachment and are still using the stick poking language when you return..... We have been there for too. This too shall pass. Some day you they will be able to say they are so glad you're home. For now just interpret the stick poking as "I'm so glad you're home." You can even give them the correct interpretation. It will come. In time. I'm so glad I lived to hear, see and feel it. I promise you there's nothing like it in the world.
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