So much to blog, so overwhelmed that it's hard to articulate.
I was terrified to make the step out there to go to Orlando. Social anxiety on crack. It turned out to be an amazing weekend with Amazing Women. Women that understand. You don't have to tell your life story. They already live it. There's so much comfort in that.
It's going to take a while to process all that I learned from so many different women. Women of different faiths, backgrounds, beliefs, anxieties, problems, strife, etc. We all live with a common denominator. Trauma, RAD, mental illness, etc. And it was wonderful, painful, scary, funny, sad, healing and ACCEPTANCE......a gamut of emotions. I LOVED it. I LOVED these women. So many women I didn't get to meet too. But I met the ones I was supposed to meet and realized that it was alright that I didn't get to spend significant time with everyone because we are ALL the same. These women are phenomenal and they don't even know it.
These women touched my heart in so many ways. The fact that I did not have to 'splain myself was an added bonus. I'll have much to say on this subject later.
Bouncing down the stairs on my hiney was not what I had planned during my weekend. Thanks to Reiki I am moving and the purple and black bruises disappeared by the next morning. Totally worth it though cause I was able to spend time with Thorn and Tubaville.
I flew home. In my car. Thank goodness Tab and Brenda didn't freak out on me because I was determined to get home as soon as possible. Last night I came home to a total rock star. She was so happy to see me. Even though she had been really stressed all weekend. Wow! She went to bed at the usual time comforted knowing I was home and she could relax. She wanted to do my birthday presents and I needed to rest. We did them today after I had recovered somewhat. More on that later too.
The best part.....
I went in to check on her around 9 last night. She was sound asleep. Her weighted blanket was missing so I put it on her. As soon as I laid the blanket across her she roused from her sleep. Her face lit up like a star with a smile upon her face and she spread her arms to hug me as she said, "Mom! I'm so glad you're home." I wish I had a picture of that moment. It was so genuine and loving. And incredibly moving. I am crying now just thinking about that. The picture of that moment will be a memory that I will remember forever. Where was Nelda when I need her and her camera???? This afternoon I recounted the event to her and she doesn't remember it but she said, "Mom, I AM so glad you're home." J is such a rock star. I'm so ever living happy she's my kid.
Remember this was not always the case. There was a time of much stick poking.
So to those of you that have kids who cannot speak the language of attachment and are still using the stick poking language when you return..... We have been there for too. This too shall pass. Some day you they will be able to say they are so glad you're home. For now just interpret the stick poking as "I'm so glad you're home." You can even give them the correct interpretation. It will come. In time. I'm so glad I lived to hear, see and feel it. I promise you there's nothing like it in the world.