Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Chrissi's Perspective


As y'all know Chrissi is here visiting us from Germany. She was J's au pair for a year and became all to familiar with the crazy stuff in our house. I've asked to write a post to document all the changes she's seen in J in the last two weeks and what's different since she left last September. Lisa

From Chrissi:
Last year J was always in a bad mood, grumpy and hateful. No fun to be around. She argued all. the. time. and didn't matter what it was about. She didn't understand any jokes. She didn't know how to express her feelings and she always wore her evil face if things didn't go her way. She had looks that showed she wanted to kill you. We slept behind locked doors. She just cared only about herself even though she hated herself. She was really mean. Very whiney all the time and controlling and bossy. She dragged to do anything that you asked her to do. Slow, slow, slow. She raged every day. Everyone was kept at a distance. If you got too close she made you regret it. Around G she was always very charming and a little angel. She viewed her relationship with G as boyfriend/girlfriend. Hitting, punching, kicking, biting, spitting on everyone and everything almost every day. She was never grateful for anything and always wanted more of everything. If we went somewhere or she had to be around strangers she would have total meltdowns after we came home. If you gave her a compliment she would rage. She constantly stomped through the house and the house would shake. She couldn't watch television without having a meltdown. You couldn't trust her with anything. Anything that came out of her mouth was a lie. She hated everyone and everything. She never did anything right the first time. She made everything a battle. She was always mean to Puddin. You could never take your eyes off of her because Puddin would be hurt. She was frustrated about everything. The smallest thing was too hard for her to do and she would give up. She worked to destroy everything. Her heart was filled with hate and anger.

Now J is fun to be around. We have had such a great time during my visit. It's been wonderful to see the changes. I still read this blog while I'm Germany but until I saw it with my own eyes I didn't believe the changes she has made. Her whole attitude changed. She can express feelings appropriately and show and receive love from Lisa. Everyone else too. She cares for others and shows her concern. She notices if there are things that need to be done and does them without being asked. If she gets into a bad behavior and she tries to catch herself not to throw a fit and change it up. Chores are no longer a battle. She does them willingly and with a good attitude. She looks to herself for a consequence when she has done something wrong to make it up to that person and it's appropriate. You don't have to be afraid to take her places or worry about being around new people. She can have fun without making everyone pay for it. She can understand jokes and laugh about them. She can be silly and funny now. Her imagination improves greatly. She is grateful and appreciates even little things. She sees Daddy G as her dad and not her boyfriend. You can trust her now. She doesn't kick, hit, punch, bite, or spit anymore. She doesn't try to hurt Puddin anymore and is very kind to her. We don't have to stay behind locked doors at night. She has found her place in the family and loves it and she knows that she belongs. She's not whiney, bossy or controlling anymore. She doesn't scream at you when things don't go her way. No more evil looks. Her face is full of joy now. She wants a relationship with her mom and looks to her for help and love. Now she doesn't give up and keeps trying. She still gets frustrated but it's rarely and like a normal kid. Now she only stomps when she is mad and that's very rare. The lies have stopped and you can trust her. She can watch television without raging. She has a real laugh and smile. They come from her belly and are genuine, which makes me smile, too. She loves others and herself. She is very proud of herself. Before she was never proud of herself.

Now J has a beautiful heart. She is not just beautiful on the outside she is really beautiful on the inside too. I'm really glad I got to see the new J. I would've never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. She's a totally different child. I'm glad she worked so hard on herself and I've had a blast spending every moment of my stay with her. I'm really proud of her. I'm glad she has so many people that helped her find her beautiful heart. I can't wait to see her the next time and experience where she is then.


Sincerely,
Chrissi

It's way cool to hear Chrissi's perspective since we were knee deep in troubles when she left. She knows what we lived through and to see it through her eyes helps me be even more grateful. There is hope. This post is all about hope. I can't wait to read it to J in the morning. She'll be proud too. Especially since she knows that Chrissi doesn't throw around compliments lightly. She is German. :)

18 comments:

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

"she has found her place in the family and loves it and knows that she belongs"

AAAAhhhhhhhhhh.

Maury said...

All I can say is WOW!! That is just amazing! So, Lisa, when are you going to write a book? Or Books...one, just of yalls story, and the other one, a compilation of all that you do that has helped her heal. You are just amazing!

Kelly said...

You and J are amazing. I know you are so proud of her. Lisa you are such an inspiration and blessing. God gave you a beautiful gift in working with these children and I would like to thank you for allowing Him to use your hands and heart for His work. I am so happy for you and J. May God continue to bless you and J as you both work to heal SK.

Lauri said...

Loved this post

Tudu said...

I loved this post. I enjoy it so much when people see the difference in my children. I think it helps me take a step back and really look b/c the daily grind can get to be too much. I know you are beaming from ear to ear with pride.

motherissues said...

I think it's harder to clearly and fully see changes in someone when you see them day-to-day, so it's great to have Chrissi's input on what things look like after the gap of a year. It's amazing how much J has changed. I'm so glad she's had the support and dedication and love from you and Chrissi to get her there. This is fantastic!

Hannah_Rae said...

Beautiful! Thanks for the look from the outside, Chrissi!

Blessings!

Hannah

Christa said...

This made me cry. The changes are wonderful and I'm so happy for all of you.

I know a few Germans and you're right about the compliments thing. ☺

Tiruba said...

Awesome. Talk about a transformative year!

BT said...

So wonderful for you to hear this validation. You aren't imagining things. J really has healed a ton. She has come to love herself and see her own worth and value. I hope that J will be able to hear Chrissi's assessment -- and in the nice specific details. This is such a testament to J's and your work. Wooo hooo.

Deborah said...

How did you find an au pair willing to come live in that situation? Did she have prior training? I thought most au pairs were not looking for heavy-duty work, just a way to be in the US. But it sounds like you all developed a strong relationship, and it's great that she gets to see such changes in J.

Lisa said...

Deborah....Chrissy said she had no idea. That she must've been crazy. :)

Alexis! said...

That's really cool :)

Linda B said...

It is amazing to me how many changes have happened in only 1 yr. I'm sure it was a long one for you though! Some day you really should write a book, with side notes from J. We need your information and so do so many others. Congratulations on uncovering your true J.!

Jo said...

My eyes are wet with tears, my heart filled with warmth and joy. Who knew what miracles were waiting? Wow.

J. said...

wow, great to hear, what a journey.

PS - I started a new blog that is a little more anon so I can say more.

Miz Kizzle said...

I wonder if the little girl in the movie "The Bad Seed" had an attachment disorder? I guess Damien didn't because wasn't his father the devil? But I guess having the devil for a father would give you an attachment disorder.
I think standards of giving and showing affection definitely vary on a cultural basis. In Asian cultures respect is more valued than filial cuddlyness. The British don't go in for hanging all over each other, either, as a rule. "Normal" is what each culture or family defines it to be.
There's a neurochemical component, too, I would imagine that some children with autism or Asperger's Syndrome would feel like they were being tortured if their parents demanded that they hug and kiss them all the time.

pam said...

What a great report!

I am so proud of her.