J has had a lot of anger toward a certain someone. Rightfully so. We've been doing anger work in therapy and it's been helping. A couple of weeks ago a lightbulb went on and I remembered something that really helped me many years ago. You write down the reason (person, place, event, etc) on the bottom of your shoe and stomp on it. Usually by the time the writing has disappeared so has your anger. A couple of times I had to do it twice but it worked.
I mentioned it to J and she loved that idea! So she wrote her anger all over the bottom of her shoes with a sharpie. Complete with mean faces. Then she stomped. Now I don't know about your child my but mine could make a Tennessee Walking horse jealous with the strength and volume level that she can stomp. Kristy and I both thought her legs would be sore but miraculously they weren't. Must be all those years of practicing. She ended up stomping for several days. Then it started dissipating and she only asked to do it every couple of days. Now she doesn't think about it much. Amazing!
Another anger tool I need to write down and put in my toolbox so that I don't forget.
Do you have any good anger tools to share? I'm writing them down and would love to have some more.
Loved all your suggestions on the "No" post. They're now in my toolbox too. Signing "no"......I loved that and had to go look it up. So grateful for all you smart mom's.
Thanks to blogger's like Corey's and Barb's I no longer have to pay for tv. Saving mucho bucks and ever so happy about it.
About Me
- Lisa
- Watching and learning from my daughter every day. She is recovering from childhood trauma and growing emotionally in ways I never thought possible. She's taking me with her on the journey and I've had to learn and grow with her. She inspires me every day!
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11 comments:
I LOVE that idea! We find physical activity helps a lot- especially running and bike riding. Also one of my favorites-- draw all the angry bad feelings in a picture (Mine usually looks like a very dark scribbled stick figure) and then crumple, tear, flush down the toilet... we sometimes burn them but use your own judgment on whether or not that is safe for you. :)
OK I am going to remember this one! My Lissa has a prodigious temper and is a stomper extraordinaire. This would be a way to make something she is doing to try and make me go nuts (LOL) have a positive reason and outcome. Except. . . she loves shoes more than Imelda Marcos. Don't know if she would deign to draw anything on a shoe, even the bottom. LOL Yup, and she is 4!!!
Save old phone books and let the kiddo rip away. The pages are thin and rip easily so you can do a lot in a short amount of time. Works at our house sometimes!
I'm going to have to try that if it comes up again. My kiddos have anger issues with their sister. I've been letting it be, and they've been getting on but it feels wrong to me to let it fester.
I should probably leave well enough alone...
I recognize that this is beyond some of our kids (it was useless with my younger one) but with the 18 year old, deep-thinking foster son, it made a huge impression: Years ago I overheard a counselor tell someone that there is no such thing as anger/or rather that anger is always a disguise for some other emotion. So, when you are angry, think: What am I really feeling? And deal with that. This had the most profound effect on me.
With few expectations I shared it with my PTSD/Radish foster son a few weeks ago, and since then he has brought it up frequently, even managing to make a breakthrough realization about his need for control via thinking about a specific anger issue.
What a GREAT idea, Lisa. Just reading it, I know this is something that will work well for our son.
Something else that works for him is writing his feelings down, then setting the burn pile on fire with it. I tell him this is a brave way to 'send his anger to God' because God's strong enough to handle it.
Annie, FEAR is at the base of OUR son's anger. Fear of something drives many of our negative emotions. I try to get at what it is our son is fearful of, and it's worked miracles in our home. Looking behind the emotion is huge. Glad it's working for you too. :-)
We are so going to do that! Love it!
We have written things at the sand at the beach and let the waves wash it away. We have torn paper into shreds. We deliberately scream. (Funny, how when I tell my child who shakes the earth with her tantrum/rage screaming that it is okay to scream, how self conscious and reserved she is with it.) We talk about what is hiding behind the mad. We put it into words. "You are my biological parents and you should have taken care of me! I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I was just a baby! I am mad at you for not keeping me safe!"
LOVE THIS!! We have some seriously big angry feelings towards a few select people at our house right now, too. I'm going to try this first and then see if I can get my kids to try it. I'm pretty sure when I get my own angries in check, my kids will follow suit.
what a great idea, we need to do that one too!
We got permission at our Y for the boys to use the big punching bag. We got them boxing gloves, and they punch and punch -- also kick and kick the punching bag. They've had some training with this through their taekwondo. In a pinch, we use punching the bed mattress and/or pillows and couch cushions. We've also used angry jumping on the trampoline.
We also do a LOT of talking about what Annie commented on -- that anger is a surface or cover-up emotion, that it's usually an easier emotion to acknowledge, and that it's important and helpful to try to identify the more difficult feelings underneath, which are often fear or sadness and sometimes shame. P is getting fairly adept at this, and I continue to be astounded by his developing self-awareness and emerging willingness to express the fears, sadnesses, and feelings of lack of worth. I think he's ahead of many adults at this point, and he certainly humbles me often!
Dancing and stomping to loud, angry, stompy metal music.
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