Saturday, October 17, 2009

By Request

Several people have asked me to describe a prescribed fit so I'll give it a try and attempt not to bungle it.

In the beginning, J couldn't do a prescribed fit so the AT & I modeled it for her. Screaming, yelling, wallowing around on the floor, kicking the floor, etc. Generally in a fixed spot called the "fit" rug to have a two-year-old temper tantrum. Let me just tell you it takes a lot of energy to throw a fit and do all that screaming and yelling. I don't know how they do it. Since I really don't "want" to listen to a fit at close range J uses the bedroom downstairs. I can hear very well but it doesn't send my blood pressure over the edge like it does in close proximity.

Now that we've practiced together several times J is well-schooled on how a fit should look. Yes...we all know that they know exactly how to have a fit but sometimes doing it with them is helpful. So every hour I tell her to run along and have a fit downstairs and I'll let her know when two minutes are up. She bounces down the stairs and proceeds to have a real screamer. She's pretty experienced at this now so she can choose her own phrases but when she first started we'd choose who she wanted to yell at and what she wanted to yell about and she would use that for the whole day. The next day we'd move on to something/someone else.

Some examples of her phrases (she chose):

I am mad at you birth mom.

You didn't take care of me.

You gave me RAD.

You made me different.

You were supposed to feed me.

You were supposed to keep me clean.

I hate you birth mom.
You were supposed to take care of me.
You were supposed to keep bugs off me.

(She doesn't always focus on her birth mom but this is who she's been mad at lately. She has a right to be mad and we'll work on forgiveness after some of the anger dissipates.)

Yes....I know it sounds crazy but it works. Part of it is giving her permission to be mad. She has a right to be mad. Part of it is taking the thrill out of having the fit. "Well if that's what you want me to do I just won't do it anymore," mentality. Part of it is realizing that she could be having fun doing something else. Duh.

If I see a blow out about to happen I hurriedly prescribe it. Usually it takes the whole edge off and things settle down quickly rather than having the major explosion. If I totally miss it then I'll say, "oh honey, thank you for reminding me it's time for that fit."

The more she does it the more she realizes that she has control over the situation. The real fits are becoming less and less frequent. (shhhhh)

I have totally great news but I'm not going to tell you about it until we get back from the beach. I'm not crazy enough to jinx myself. :)

Rockin Sheri gave me a super cool award. Sheri is this really cool mom who lets the snark rip. I love that about her. She'll totally say all the stuff I'd love to but can't because I'd get kicked out of the south. I realize I'm 2 behind but I promise to get caught up some day.


Anonymous said...

Ha ha, I love that it's the south that keeps you polite. I wouldn't last a day there....

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

It totally DOES sound crazy and it DOES really work- speaking from experience lol

Deborah said...

Glad the prescribed fits are helping. I'm sure it's different delivered at full volume, but on the screen it is heartbreaking to see a kid coming up with those words.

Diana said...

Thanks for sharing more details. I'm going to try modeling them and prescribing them for my kids!

I totally agree about them being angry. They have a right to be angry. They have a right to hate those who hurt them. We also know that forgiveness will eventually come for them, but we have to get the junk out of the way before there is enough emotional space and strength and maturity to do it. I think the hardest part about RAD is that while they do have a right to be mad, they don't have a right to spew their angry projections at me. That's something we've really been working's ok to be mad, but it's not ok to be hurtful or mean to mom because of other people's bad choices. So, I'm really looking forward to trying these prescribed fits.

Miz Kizzle said...

I've never heard of a prescribed fit before. How does she decide what phrases to shout? Does she remember being with her birth mother of have other people told her about it? Just curious.

Grammatically Delicious Designs said...

thanks for the great advice. we are currently waiting on word about a sib group of four. I will keep this in my back pocket if God blesses us with them. come visit sometime.