Sunday, March 21, 2010

Not So Good...

I started chant*x last Tuesday. Everything was pretty good until day 3. On day 4 you're supposed to take 2 pills a day. Friday was so-so. Saturday it was a beautiful day and all I could think of was taking a nap. Today I barely got out of bed. I didn't even bother exercising. Didn't have the energy. This afternoon I finally figured out that I am depressed. Like majorly depressed. Knew all the B-vitamins should be picking me up so didn't think they were they cause and finally deduced that it had to be chant*x. Sure enough one of the side effects is depression. The nausea isn't so great either. This is so not cool.

Going to try to figure out an economical way to try wellb*trin. Not having insurance majorly stinks at times like these. If I am able to do wellb*trin I may have to re-think my quit date since it takes (I've heard) 5 to 6 weeks to get in your system. Having to wait 5 or 6 more weeks makes me want to cry and the thoughts of quitting on Tuesday makes me want to cry too. Having to sit for a doctor's appointment makes me want to cry. Puddin is looking at me and it's making me want to cry. Yep. You guess it....pretty much everything is making me want to cry. This is so not me.

This just sucks.

Hoping it's out of my system by tomorrow.

18 comments:

GB's Mom said...

I hope so. I am sending you a virtual shoulder to cry on. {{{Hugs}}}

Lauri said...

generic wellbutrin is pretty affordable...


get better soon

Hugs

waldenbunch said...

Depression is the pits. I think our situations are enough to cause depression anyway! You will get through this rough transition and be back to yourself soon, I hope. You have amazing strength and you can do this!

Tracey said...

Maybe this isn't the right time to quit? You have enough stress in your life... don't set yourself up to fail. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. I think quitting can wait a bit, at least until you're past the other major life change of the moment. (Of course that just my two cents and I'm supporting you no matter what you decide!)

Diana said...

Depression bites! I hate being stuck in that black hole abyss!! I'll come cry with you!

Many doctor's offices offer samples of wel*butrin...or at least they did a couple of years ago.

I'm a little scared to post this, but I can't shake the feeling that I should. So here goes! I actually used to teach a stop smoking program years ago. I have never been a smoker, so I can't speak on it's effectiveness or ease from that perspective, but it was quite helpful for those I taught it to (well, the ones who were serious about life and serious about quitting that is.) Email me offline if you want more details about it. (((hugs!)))

tubaville said...

You saying you want to cry makes me want to cry. Crying with you...quitting can wait, mental health is just as important...

Little Wonder said...

HUGS to you!! My hubby has the nasty chewing tobacco habit and he's tried various quitting devices (patch, gum, etc etc) and everything makes him so grumpy and depressed that it makes giving up almost as hard on the rest of us as it is on him.

SassyCupcakes said...

Oh sweetie. *hugs*

Ashley said...

I use Wellb*trin for depression, but I'm going to echo the others... Maybe it can wait.

Sending hugs.

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Ugh, that really stinks that the chantix stuff isn't going to work out for you. For me, I loved that gum, it really helped a lot. I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide to do!

Mama Drama Times Two said...

If I remember, you quit on day 10 with Wellb*trin...Side effects for a week or two were feeling a little dizzy now and then - which went away after a two weeks. Besides FINALLY quitting smoking, the bonus was no depression, decreased appetite, no weight gain, and it didn't mess with sex drive or orgasms as some anti-depressants are known to do. Side effect of a headache if a dose was missed. Don't abruptly discontinue: taper off.
Wishing you success.....

Annie said...

Odd that I just had this conversation with my son Aidan yesterday... Thinking of you, really, I asked if he still smoked. He said no. He'd started when he did restaurant work and everyone thought that if he didn't smoke, he shouldn't take a break. (Huh?) He quit by just going cold turkey. So did my mom, years ago; so did my husband. I MET him when he was quitting, as it happens, and that level of self-control provided that initial "good first impression".

Ilya, on the other hand, has quit by tapering down (with his father's help) one less cigarette a day, each week for ....well, quite a few now....14? But he is smoke free for two weeks now. He proudly tells me this is THE way to quit and I was so foolish to suggest using gum or patches. It was his idea so perhaps that is what made the difference.

So... Two thoughts about smoking, but here's more unsolicited cogitations:

I was a little worried about you, frankly, because a lot of change [read loss] can cause depression and you dove into basically a whole new life-style that eradicated so many (perhaps needed and fairly innocent) pleasures, and comfortable habits, heaped on top of the loss that was thrust upon you (sort of). In any case that seemed to me to be adding a heck of a lot of "irritation" (in the purest sense) and upset to your system at a time when you are already coping with parenting challenges that would overwhelm almost any strong and balanced person.

Seems to me that there's a reason people lie in a warm bath reading junk novels and eating chocolate cake when they've sustained an emotional loss. I think it really helps! And while it is not "taking care of oneself" in the contemporary sense, I think it is sometimes giving a person who needs it deeply a few little pleasures in order to ward off falling into a deeper depression. It says: life is enjoyable, there are still little bits and pieces that can bring a smile and some wisps of anticipation. It is not all pain, self-denial and hard work!

And then, the emotional shock wears off, the hurt dissipates, and you can go back to a more "normal" state of mind......and THEN, maybe you can decide to buck up and power walk and eat vegetables and stop smoking and do yoga, and learn Latin and memorize Scripture and clean the basement cabinets, and all good and effort-full things.

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

Praying for you girl! ;)

J. said...

i had a lot of luck with Zol*ft, perhaps trying another family migh tbe better if the side effects fromt eh Well* were an issue. Hang in there.

obladi oblada said...

Hoping and praying that you feel better soon and are able to get on something that works for you! Hang in there.

BT said...

So sorry to hear about this setback because it sounds like quitting smoking was/is really something you wanted for yourself. One way to look at the cost aspect of the wellbttrin is: Can you cover a significant portion of the expense with your savings from not buying cigarettes?

Lastly, I'm with Annie: You have been through a lot in the past few years, and the loss or even reclarification of a significant adult relationship is a major loss which needs to be grieved and processed. I hope you will go easy on yourself and not feel guilty about having some indulgences just because they bring you pleasure. However, I understand if smoking doesn't fall in this category for you!

Take care, and hope you can get that drug out of your system lickety split.

Shanti said...

{{hugs}} so sorry to hear it's so tough right now...and sorry about your insurance. keep on truckin' girl! you can do it!

marythemom said...

This is what I use. http://www.unarxcard.com (I don't have insurance either). EVERYONE is eligible for this program. There are no age or income restrictions. Each family member must have his/her own card.

This program is not insurance. It is a "point of sale discount plan."

The instructions say: This card is pre-activiated and can be used immediately. Simply print this card and take to any participating pharmacy to receive a discount. You can search pharmacy, pricing info, and FAQ’s on the website. We are restricted from disclosing drug pricing over the phone. Customer Service (TOLL FREE) 800-726-4232

Wellbutrin is usually $127/mo. I get it for $41.75! Trileptal is usually 153.98/mo. I get it for $53.75

Mary in TX