All aboard! The holiday crazy train has arrived. The last 3 days have been difficult. I'm not sure if it's the holiday because last Christmas was great. We did have her practice dealing with having a sitter so that mom could have a night off. The AT told her that she would be gone next week on vacation. (The AT promised J after her last vacation that she would tell J the next time she was leaving because she has improved so much.) Or was it that we've cut the sessions down to one hour. I just don't know.
She had a holy roller meltdown when we got home. No biting, spitting, punching, or scratching but it was a really bad meltdown. I finally sent her to her room to get calmed down. Didn't work. Yes, I know I shouldn't send her to her room but I was out of options. I was ready to pull my hair out. Mom needed a time-out. When this happens she will start throwing herself against the door to keep me from getting out, screaming "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" at mind blowing decibels and grabbing me trying to pull me down to the floor. Clingy is not the word folks. Clingy on crack with a large dose of steroids. I had just spoken with the AT today about what to do when she does this. She told me to try to smother her with hugs, kisses and attention and usually a RAD kid will pull away and stop the behavior. Willing to try anything at this point I attempted this method. Nope. Didn't. work. Usually I can sit in the floor quietly until she's calm but tonight wasn't one of those nights.
Please.... does anybody have any ideas?
I'm floundering here.
After I managed to get out of the room she calmed down in just a few minutes and I went back in. She had scratched her face really bad and the inside of her right thigh. She said she didn't remember doing it. She said, "I guess that's why my face is burning." Ya think????
I waited until she was asleep and did regression therapy again so more will be revealed tomorrow.
Mom needs an adult night on the sane train. Just a few hours....
Just in case you're wondering...I love my kid but I need a break.
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17 comments:
I can only imagine!
Like I've said before, I wish you had respite options like we have in Utah.
Wow, sounds very intense and hard...Thank you for your nice comment on my blog, but no way can you call yourself the"queen of inadequate." You are an incrediable mom, and no one who reads this blog could ever doubt that.
Heck yes you need a break - and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Most people couldn't spend 24/7 (LITERALLY) with their "normal" children, let alone with the behaviors you face!
You're both going through a lot of changes with you at home all day and all the upset to her routine. And the holidays are just the cherry on top of the RAD sundae. Of COURSE you need a night off.
Hang in there. Everyone seems to be feeling it right now. It WILL improve with the New Year!
(((Hugs)))
Oh, man, I'm sorry!
Something I do with B that probably seems weird to most normal folks and you may do this or your dd may be too big for this...I literally lay on top of him. If there are sexual abuse behaviors I wouldn't do this, but I gently lay myself over him, but rest on my elbows and knees. When he starts melt downs at home and I know he's tired I do this and generally he falls asleep. I push my cheek up against his cheek and just shhhh him like a baby.
I am his giant over-weighted blanket, lol.
((HUGS))
You asked so of course you know I am going to open by big fat mouth, right? :) Have you ever tried screaming with her? Not AT her, but WITH her? Tara used to be the queen of screams and finally I got so tired of it that I would scream right with her (though I would try to do mine cheerfully) or else I would cheer her on. If I alternated between the two, it would throw her off. Of course, it will only work a couple of times but when you can't stop em, join em. It certainly doesn't hurt anything just as long as you aren't being malicious about it.
Good luck! I hope you get a break! I bet once you guys have one, it will get better. Your daughter could probably use a break, too :) I call breaks, "chances to miss each other".
Noooo!!!! It ate my comment!! CRAP!
My suggestions were to join her. Either scream cheerfully with her or cheer her on while she screams. It used to help with Tara. I had a much better explanation before but blogger ate it. Grrr.
I hope you get that much needed break soon. I don't have any advice, but I wish I had something to offer you so you could have a few moments of rest and restore your sanity.
no ideas but words of support.. I get it " the clingy on crack" thing hit home and we know how much you love her..
You need time for you...
hang in there
Oh wow, Miss Lisa, here's hoping you get that break you need... I agree with Torina, a break for you and J just might be enough of a "chance to miss each other."
Ashley
Here's a thought...it looks to me from your description that your efforts DID work. That in fact, leaving the room so she could pull herself together without distractions helped her pull herself together. And, there was no aggression or pain inflicted physically to anyone. I KNOW we are NEVER supposed to leave our adopted attachment disordered kids alone where they cannot see us. However, that is the only way my dd can pull through her meltdowns. I think she needs the chance to fall apart sometimes without the pressure of being family girl, then we discuss it after. If I am in there tryng to talk or whatever, it gets way worse. Anyway, I don't want to take up your whole comment section lol. Just a thought (or 2..)
Yes you need a break to regroup.. Have you ever started to sing to her in a very loving pitch. I sing to my son, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.. Then i go into another song that I have made up with his name in it.. By the second song , he starts to calm, if he his really pissed at me it may take three.. My son has a temper like his father, QUICK! Thank you for your suggestion, I had my husband pick it up on the way home from work last night, Yes he can drive in snow. :) My baby LOVED it!! He is on it now.
The snow is MELTING!! So sad.. I also start to dance in slow swishing movements as I sing. I am not a good singer but my son loves it.. As I said soft and very loving. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes at the way he starts to look at me, with such love..
Good luck to you, and I will try to think of other things for you. I am out the door for a tree right now.
Big hugs Lisa!!
As I've said before - I wish you lived close by!
Take a mental break whenever you can. Sit and drink a cup of whatever beverage calms you down (herbal tea, warm milk, hot chocolate, wine, tequila :^) ). Make it a tea party with J. Light a calming scented candle, take a hot bath, call a friend, do anything that will get J to laugh (the sound of a child's laughter is always a mood lifter for me. I chase my kids around the house as the "tickle monster" - of course we have lots of rules about stopping instantly if the child says stop, and for my adopted kids it's usually a hug instead of a tickle. It really gets your heart pumping and your face smiling!).
Have a "letter party." We have "E" parties, eating Excellent eggs (deviled) and Eclairs, Eating Elegantly (fancy clothes and candles and linens on the table).
Shopping for these is fun and challenging (quick, name three foods that start with K!), but not necessary. We also like to do an activity that starts with the letter, although sometimes it's a stretch to find something.
My kids favorites are
Picnics in our PJs eating pizza and pie and watching Princess Bride or The Pirate Movie.
Movies and munchies.
Nightwear and noodles watching Night at the Museum.
Sleepwear, spaghetti and singing or telling silly stories.
(They really like movies and wearing their PJs can you tell?!)
Sometimes I involve the children in the planning, sometimes I use it as a special treat (bribe) for getting something difficult out of the way - depends on if I think the child will sabotage it.
Love,
Mary in Texas
" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."
Ugh we have those too, its awful, I used to do the same thing but now I decided I don't want to let her damage the house or herself so I gently restrain. Either the nest one I think its called where you kind o hg them from behind or a new one I just read about. You sit them in a chair and hold them from behind, they calm down better if they don't see you. I wait (a long time though its getting less) for her to agree to calm down, take deep breaths, count,etc. I tell her I'm just trying to keep her safe.
Good luck and yes get a break!!! Now!
Thanks for the affirmation Lisa...we all are in this together! Get some rest when you can!
Lisa
I wanted to correct myself on the singing. I found myself singing today during a tantrum, and it is louder then him, but in a very nice loud voice. I am not sure if it will distract yours.. But it is kind of therapy for me as well. I really think singing is good for the soul..
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