Most days I can do therapeutic parenting. The post below was not describing one of those days.
Tuesday morning J needed to take a shower before we left to go to Betsy's and later to therapy. She didn't want to take a shower.
Did I let the chips fall where they may and let natural consequences follow. Nope. Did I step in and try to help her regulate. Nada. Did I try to talk with her about the "big feeling" that made her not want to take a shower. No way.
I stepped onto my high horse and got into a control battle. Ugh. I know better. Now she was rolling her eyes, throwing some stink bomb looks my way, stomped around the house and finally dramatically threw herself on her bed. She was done. No way she was going to take a bath. She had drawn a line in the sand. Did I let it go? Silly people....no way.
An argument ensued. Not a pretty argument. No yelling but an argument nonetheless.
Why? Because it was my stuff. I did not want J to leave the house dirty because it was a reflection on me and my parenting. Now picture me.....I am banging my head against the wall. Idiot. Imbecile. What was I thinking?!?!?!?!
I put myself into a timeout. I needed it. Serious talk with myself to get a grip Lisa. 5 minutes later I was able to go in and be the parent she needed me to be. She became calm and regulated. More talking about the feelings and an apology for not doing the right thing the first time. The thing that I knew worked. Apologies from her for the disrespect. Hugs and all was right with the world.
Then she took a shower with no problem. Shower, hair washed, dried and dressed cute as a button in 15 minutes.
Hugging the unhugable. Loving the unlovable. Taking the time to do the right thing and making the choice to do it. Control battles never work. Keep my eye on the prize. Keep my stuff out of the mix. Stay connected. All of these things need to be tattooed on my body.
Remembering there was a time I had to put vi*ks salve under my nose. Gratefully those days are long gone.
In case you were early to the game yesterday I added a link to Dia por Dia. Click here.