Sunday, January 10, 2010

May I Always Be Mindful

Yes, I've posted this before but I still watch it often but I don't think anyone can ever see it enough.

Whenever I wonder why my kids act they way they do it helps me to be mindful of the traumas they have lived through. I never want to forget. It is so important to remember what happens when children have multiple placements.

May I always have compassion even when it's challenging. J is doing so well but it is still important to remember that we did not get here overnight. There have been ups and downs, and twists and turns along the way. Three steps forward and two back. there will be more.

Compassion and empathy are critical to her recovery. May I always meet her needs to the best of my ability. On of my favorite CD's is Parenting with Pizzazz so over and over I hear Deborah Hage in my head saying, "you can't bond with a bitch." Please let me have empathy and compassion in my voice and my heart when I am dealing with my children. They are so precious and wonderful gifts to my life. Help me to look beyond the behaviors to their heart. This is what matters. Help me meet them where they are right now. In this moment. Remember to never be punative. It only makes things worse. To keep my voice kind, loving and calm in the midst of the storm.

Today I watched the PBS special that Diana recommended. It is so good. In turn, I shared it with our AT who is purchasing it to share with other families and their support system. Yes, it is that good.


Anonymous said...

Watching this just makes the kids even more remarkable. They are truly survivors. To quote my very favorite movie, "You are a hell of a lot more normal than you have any right to be." YA YA!

Shanti said...

Hmm, I can't see the video? I tried it in two different browsers but it's not working for me. Stink!

BT said...

Yes, that is one priceless video. I used to watch it all the time to keep myself mindful. Haven't watched it all that much lately, so this was a great reminder. Like J, our P is doing so great but that doesn't mean that his hurts are gone. I think there may always be a scared, hurt, and hurting little guy inside him. And understandably so. Thanks for this!

Shanti said...

What a great video. It's an excellent reminder of where our kiddos come from. Thanks for sharing!

Christine said...

I didn't know you were posting that video! I always have to sit and cry all the way through it. So powerful.

Today I'm struggling with following through on the consequences, even after Marah is regulated and relating again. That's when the Mom in my wants to just let it go ... and maybe even BUY her something! ha!

Of course, that led to the moment of me saying, "But if I just let it go, that would not be good practice for functioning in the world." To which she said, "Yeah, and if someone robbed a bank, but then was very, very sorry, they wouldn't say, 'Okay. You're not in trouble!'"

She was regulated out the whazoooo! How pitiful is it when SHE has to remind ME?!?

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Wow, that PBS special really rattled my brain. Showing that the levels of oxytocin did not change in the adopted Eastern European kids, as opposed to the "regular" kids who had a jump in oxytocin levels when being comforted, wow. NO change, that is unbelieveable. They don't feel love, safety or security AT ALL. With no potential interventions presented, except for essentially, teach the child how to fake like they love you and hope it sticks.
I researched oxytocin a bit and found this at good old wikipedia .
The connections in pregnancy, delivery, breast feeding etc along with a later massive deficiency in neglected children, leading to the inability to attach to trustworthy primary caretakers, well, like I said it is rattling my brain right now.
I am not going to hijack your comments any more! Going to take my brain and let it settle down some lol!

Little Wonder said...

Thanks, Lisa. Somber, sobering, powerful and empowering.

Lauri said...

great reminder