Thursday, February 24, 2011

More on Embracing RAD

Thanks everyone for not beating me up on the last post.  It was a scary thing to put out there to bloggyland.

There's more to report.

So I've been keeping my mouth shut and waiting on the other shoe to drop and the blog fates to step in on this new HUGE step in J's healing heart.  She's holding her own so far and seems to be coming into another level of maturity as well. 

There's been one morning where she was a little iffy around the edges for a couple of hours and I was holding my breath waiting on it to sit and stay a while.  Immediately I went to her and told her I was so grateful for RAD that saved her life and I was glad he was still hanging around.  Now when I said it I was NOT genuine.  My tone was snide and dripping with sarcasm.  It. didn't. work.  Big surprise. :( We both took a time out.  A little bit later I was able to go with a genuine heart and thank RAD again and I apologized for being sarcastic before. I also told RAD that he deserved to have fun too because he'd been so busy saving J's life that he didn't have any time for fun before. Total change up.  Things that make you go hmmmmm.....

Lesson to myself a.g.a.i.n.:

 If I reject RAD I reject J because it is an inherent part of her. 

Now I have a big sticky note on the fridge that says "Thank you RAD for saving J's life" cause I need the visual reminder.  Then I put one on J's bulletin board that says,
"Thank you RAD for saving J's Life.

As you can see from the picture I am not crafty nor good penmanship mom.

That which I accept does not control me. 

Big "duh" moment for me.

Kristy had told us last week to start being thankful for ____________(insert whatever is the problem). 
Thank you for RAD.
Thank you for this problem.
Thank you for this chore that I don't want to do.

Well I didn't want to hear it and therefore didn't do it.  (Yes I was doing it on RAD but not on some other REALLY big, life changing, problems in our family.) So Kristy told us AGAIN this week.  J practiced in session over something that she didn't want to do.  When we came home she did it on her particular problem.  Then she opened her eyes and went about doing the thing she was just thankful for.  No complaints. As soon as she was finished she happily reported that it worked!  Well....I can't let my kid out-do me so I had to do it too.  It worked for me too.  I don't understand it but I don't have to.  I'm not one of those people who have to know why.  I just do it on faith.  I'm trying to do the same with all the changes in J.  Taking it on faith that we are on to something great here.

It is not lost on me that this goes hand in hand with my last post.

I wish someone had told me this 4 years ago.  WAIT! I wouldn't have listened 4 years ago.  I was too busy trying to exile RAD to have heard it.  This has been an enlightening and growing journey for me.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.


Sarah said...

I disagree. I think you are BOTH crafty AND good penmanship mom. But neither of those are as important as therapeutic mom, and I offically give you two gold stars at that one! wow. You give me so many great ideas.

Andy and Kiara said...

Thank you for sharing about this! I've been thinking about it. I may not be there yet. But.....I am willing to say that I'm thankful that my daughter's challenging behavior has made my DH and I think long and hard about how we parent. It has brought about some very positive changes. And it has caused us to be more intentional in our parenting than we might have been otherwise. It would have been way too easy to wing it and not connect as deeping with each of our kiddos.

I'm going to keep thinking on this. I'm sure there is much more I can take away. :)

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

You ARE the most awesome-est mom ever.

matryoshka said...

way cool....

TLC4evah said...

I will admit, the thought of thanking something so disruptive scares the bejeezus out of me. If we welcome it and appreciate it won't it stick around like forever? I want my problems to disappear. Just go away already!

I get what you're saying, and I'm glad it's working. I know in my head that acknowledging something isn't inviting it to stay, but my heart still hesitates.

I will try it this week and report back if it worked or not. :)

Mom of these kids said...

SO cool! I think I need to try some of your therapy techniques you are using, like being thankful for FASD, being thankful for sensory issues, being thankful for homeschooling, (which I am not enjoying at the moment) being thankful for housework...I am a big grumpy grump these days.

Mom of 5 said...

oh, my last comment showed up under my old profile, (momofthesekids) but it is still Maury :)

Locketts said...

Always moved and humbled by your constant, intentional, thoughtful parenting. Your strength and J's perseverance is such an encouragement to all of us who watch RAD through a blog window. Hope FL is a wonderful time for you!

baggage said...

Mom of a RAD 15 year old here, just found your blog and love it. Think I will show my daughter some of the videos. You are fabulous!