Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Exhaustion

Stick a fork in me cause I'm so done. 3 months of basically feeling like crap. The cold that just never seems to go away and it's just a regular ole pain in the hiney.

Some stuff is going on with J and I can't seem to figure it out. Last week SK required most of the therapy time so J kinda got the shaft. The fall out of that has not been good. She went to Wednesday church program again with my parents and I could tell by the looks on my parents faces that things had not gone well. J would not tell me what happened so the next morning I quizzed my mom. Basic RAD stuff so obviously it was testing.

1. Not following Monya's directions.
2. Controlling with the food.
3. Bossy in the car.
4. Demanding over the radio.

I've worked out a plan (if she gets to go tomorrow night) with my mom that she will pick out what J gets on her plate and when they pick her up I will go over all the rules before they leave.

Yesterday was just NOT a good day. She woke up totally off kilter and it went downhill from there. She ended up on restriction and threw several very large tantrums to show her unhappiness with the consequences.

To end my perfect day the gas grill on the back deck caught on fire. Like flames coming out of the top of the grill. The temperature gauge exploded and it was not looking good. Smoke was billowing over the top of my house. Finally decided it was not going to put itself out so called 911 and by the time they arrived it was almost out. Lovely. All during this little drama J was downstairs throwing a huge screaming fit. Can you hear my heavy sigh?

This morning SK went to the coffee table to pick her homework for Miss. Kristy.
Lo and behold out of the whole stack of papers on the coffee table the only thing that's missing is SK's homework. Imagine that. J is in charge of dusting so she's the only one that touches this stuff. Lie detector test proved she'd taken it. More screaming and lying. Sent her downstairs to throw a fit. She came back upstairs and fessed up. She threw them away.

Not that it would do any good but I could have screamed at this point.

When your kid has come so far it's so hard not to take all this stuff personally. It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me. This shall be my mantra for the day.

18 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I'm so sorry things have been difficult, Lisa. Hang in there!

waldenbunch said...

Why is it we all know this is coming and it still drives us crazy? It's just so hard. We understand it. We expect it. We talk them through it. And still it comes. And yes progress is a blessing. But they're still damaged kids. Not our fault, but we take the brunt of it. Aaargh. Feelin' your pain. I totally believe it's impossible to go through all this stress in our lives without struggling with sickness, exhaustion, insomnia, pick one. Take care of yourself.

Sheri said...

So sorry, sending you lots of positive mojo your way! Love and peace!

SocialWrkr24/7 said...

(((((LISA)))))

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Aw dangit! Maybe she could fire her blog up again?
It really ISNT about you. For sure you and probably SK are the targets. But her behavior is about the many people who abused, dumped on, and neglected her for years.
You are the solution, not the problem. ESPECIALLY you!

:)De said...

It's not about you...it's not about you.

Peace

Diana said...

I am so right there with you! I've had the same stupid cold and my kids are to the point that they really are sometimes just normal kids...so when they aren't, it is hard to not take what they're saying and doing personally.

If you didn't actually scream, then you're a better woman than I am. When my kids pull this kind of stuff, I do scream. Not at them, but just a big old AAAAKKKKK Scream directed at no one and no where. Unfortunately, this is very often the only thing that gets my kids attention!

(((hugs!))) and hoping things are starting to improve.

Shanti said...

Holy cow, what a day. =(
I'm so sorry! I hope today is a much better day, and that J is able to reign it in...and YES, you are right--it's NOT about you!

Christine said...

Diana, I do something similar, but it is usually either singing really loud opera, or making jungle/animal noises.

They all know what it means - "We really have driven mom crazy."

And MAN does it feel good.

In the beginning they would ask, "Why are you doing that?"

I would stop abruptly and say, "I don't know, but it makes about as much sense as what you're doing."

:)

Ashley said...

Light, love and energy to you, Lisa....

J. said...

hang in there, it is so not about you! I thought of you today in therapy and how far J has come, she'll get back there, just a bump in the road.

Erika said...

I know it will get better, hang in there - you are doing a great job!

matryoshka said...

Hope tomorrow is better than today...sending hugs!

Mama Drama Times Two said...

It is sooo not about you. In fact, if you ask my kids, they'd tell you it is all about them...tee hee! Sorry it is a rough patch for you.

Thandi said...

Oy...Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Annie said...

Do you have the energy to take a step back and give her more? Maybe she shouldn't go with your dad and stepmom now. Maybe she reads that as you "getting rid" of her, rather than seeing it as a privilege now that she is feeling unsure of you.

Attention, attention, attention. With Anastasia, I feel I am always trying to make up for all that she didn't get in the years before she was mine.

BT said...

Here's my attempt at a re-send of my original comment. I'm usually so off the cuff in my comments that I have no idea what I wrote 24 hours later. But you gave me a clue about the "lulled." So here's my go at duplication:

Sigh. I can so relate to the exhaustion. And to the big blow of a set-back/regression. The more lulled we get, the harder we fall.
Hang in there. You (and J) are doing great work, and you're definitely getting results, and something must be up with her right now. Try to remember she's just a little hurt thing inside. I know it's harder for me to see that hurt little child inside P as he is getting bigger and bigger, but when I pull it off, it always helps.

I think I'm blabbing away more than I originally did.

Corey said...

Oh honey. It's not about you. It's about ME! (Everything is. Just ask Vivi.)

xoxo
Corey