New Trick?

Something from the other blog that I thought I'd share here. Trips are really hard for SK. So now we're going on "trips" or "vacations" a lot. Like everywhere we go I announce that we're going either on a trip or vacation or the beach or whatever.... A couple of times this week I've even packed their bags and threw them in the truck for the "trip." Yes.... I know it sounds crazy but I'm hoping to take the trigger out of these words for Sk.

Annie had a great idea (hoping she doesn't get mad that I've shared this) for one of her kids that has trouble with mom being sick. She could get "sick" a lot. I thought this was a fabulous idea! Lots of practice hopefully will help them actually cope when the real thing happens.

Who knows??? It might actually work.

Thought I'd share here in case it might be helpful. Change it up to whatever is the "hard" thing.

Essie's Too True Tuesday

Essie asked.....
First thing you would spend your lottery money on! Tell the truth! Spare us the crap about buying your kids a Carousel or paying off your parents mortgage. The REAL truth!









At first I was thinking this....




Then I thought again. This would be destroyed and deemed worthless in a matter of a week by the destruction crew that lives with me.


So I thought this would be better....

Then I read Corey's blog.... a staff. That's where it's at! A chef, maid, chauffeur, construction crew to repair the daily damages, sitters on call whenever I'm jumping off the roof....

A farm where the crazy can run free and wild. Goats, chickens, pot-bellied pigs, alpacas, and other fuzzy critters could be the calm in the storm. Our AT would live on the property in the first house and we'd live in the farm house. She'd be on call....all the time.... Personal trainer who would drag me out of bed every morning and force me to exercise. If you're going to dream you might as well dream big. Oh yeah....everyone would have their very own bathroom attached to their bedroom. This is a deal breaker.

I'd better win the 200 million lottery....not the measly 10 mil.

Pioneer Woman's cookbook is in the mail.....in it's honor we had this wonderful dish. Except I added sauteed baby bellas to the recipe.

One of those days....

happened yesterday. It was horrible. Wishing I could hit rewind and do it all over again. Tiredness and temper ruled my world yesterday. Ugh. I have modeled apologies and restitution. Christine talked me off the roof last night. God bless her.

Grateful all of you are part of my village.

J was asleep at 6:30 last night and I still had to roust her awake this morning at 7:15. Normally after we get back from a trip it takes several days of sleeping late for her to recover. We had to go to the dairy in SC early to pick up our order of this divine stuff so she couldn't sleep in this morning. 4 gallons will disappear like hot cakes. It's very common for RAD kids to be allergic to bovine milk but goat milk saves the day. This link explains why a lot of people have dairy allergies. Thought it was very interesting indeed.

Today was a much better day for everyone. Me included.

Big News

J had another stellar day today. Lots of fun on the beach and in the pool. Too much sushi for all of us. She is still working on her pictures of BM and the things (behaviors) she wants to leave in SC. We'll get them bagged up tomorrow night to throw away on the journey home.

Huge news. We have an adoption date for SK. 12/22. Yippee!!!! Hip! Hip! Hooray!!!

J's Birthday

We celebrated J's birthday today. 2 weeks early. Heading off any problems hopefully. She had a fabulous day. Tonight we ate at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse at her request and went to see Elvis at Legends. She was one happy camper!

Beach

Hi from the beach! We made it. Didn't know until the last minute if it was going to happen. Things were very touch and go for a while. I'd actually canceled Puddin's baby sitter because I didn't think we'd make it.

Even though I packed on the downlow Puddin was pretty distraught by the time we left. She's too intuitive. However, when Connie showed up to sit with her (thank goodness Connie was able to stay on such short notice) she was one happy camper.

We didn't make it in time to hit the grocery store so I took them straight to dinner. J ate 6 sets of crab legs (she did all the cracking). And....all the other stuff too I might add. Tomorrow when I'm in a better mood, we'll do grocery shopping.

Transitions

I got a lesson (again) in how hard transitions are for our kids. Even supposedly fun transitions. Heck...I'm not crazy about change either. Going to be mindful of that in the future by keeping my yapper shut....and everyone around me. Duct tape anyone????



We'll be here tomorrow....

The house of unbearably slow internet. While waiting on a page to come up I will cook bacon, eggs and whip up a pan of biscuits, two kids will strong sit and orange juice will be sipped. Maybe just maybe when I look at the computer again I will have a fresh page to devour.

Lows in the 40's, highs in the 60's (hopefully 70's by Thursday). Think the girls will brave the pool???? Sweats and jackets packed just in case. Tomorrow night my feet will be planted in the sand. Seashells will be in my bucket and the ocean will serenade me all night long. No matter how cold it is.

What is up with the cold weather? I've never turned the heat on before December and usually we're still swimming in the lake until Halloween. Geesh. It's freezing. This morning it was 35 and tonight is supposed to be colder. Dang.

Anybody in the North Myrtle area?????

By Request

Several people have asked me to describe a prescribed fit so I'll give it a try and attempt not to bungle it.

In the beginning, J couldn't do a prescribed fit so the AT & I modeled it for her. Screaming, yelling, wallowing around on the floor, kicking the floor, etc. Generally in a fixed spot called the "fit" rug to have a two-year-old temper tantrum. Let me just tell you it takes a lot of energy to throw a fit and do all that screaming and yelling. I don't know how they do it. Since I really don't "want" to listen to a fit at close range J uses the bedroom downstairs. I can hear very well but it doesn't send my blood pressure over the edge like it does in close proximity.

Now that we've practiced together several times J is well-schooled on how a fit should look. Yes...we all know that they know exactly how to have a fit but sometimes doing it with them is helpful. So every hour I tell her to run along and have a fit downstairs and I'll let her know when two minutes are up. She bounces down the stairs and proceeds to have a real screamer. She's pretty experienced at this now so she can choose her own phrases but when she first started we'd choose who she wanted to yell at and what she wanted to yell about and she would use that for the whole day. The next day we'd move on to something/someone else.

Some examples of her phrases (she chose):

I am mad at you birth mom.

You didn't take care of me.

You gave me RAD.

You made me different.

You were supposed to feed me.

You were supposed to keep me clean.

I hate you birth mom.

You were supposed to take care of me.

You were supposed to keep bugs off me.

(She doesn't always focus on her birth mom but this is who she's been mad at lately. She has a right to be mad and we'll work on forgiveness after some of the anger dissipates.)

Yes....I know it sounds crazy but it works. Part of it is giving her permission to be mad. She has a right to be mad. Part of it is taking the thrill out of having the fit. "Well if that's what you want me to do I just won't do it anymore," mentality. Part of it is realizing that she could be having fun doing something else. Duh.

If I see a blow out about to happen I hurriedly prescribe it. Usually it takes the whole edge off and things settle down quickly rather than having the major explosion. If I totally miss it then I'll say, "oh honey, thank you for reminding me it's time for that fit."

The more she does it the more she realizes that she has control over the situation. The real fits are becoming less and less frequent. (shhhhh)

I have totally great news but I'm not going to tell you about it until we get back from the beach. I'm not crazy enough to jinx myself. :)

Rockin Sheri gave me a super cool award. Sheri is this really cool mom who lets the snark rip. I love that about her. She'll totally say all the stuff I'd love to but can't because I'd get kicked out of the south. I realize I'm 2 behind but I promise to get caught up some day.

Broken Hearts

Seems like there are a lot of broken hearts going around these days. I've been asked to post about a little girl, 8, that needs a home. She looks astoundingly like J and has a lot of the same challenges. Yet, let us never forget that our kids can heal. They just need the right opportunity. Just because it hasn't worked in one family does not mean that things might not be better in another family.

Are you her family? Can you help start the healing journey? Can you send up some prayers, hopes, thoughts for this family and this child?

If you would like to know more please email me for details. lisaamos@payco.org
Hate mail not accepted. Snap judgements either.
There's a hurting child and family. Please be respectful of that.

For those of you that feel so inclined please link to this post.....this little girl has parents waiting on her somewhere. Please help us find them so she can begin to heal.

Remember that the "powers that be" considered J unadoptable. Miracles happen. Every day.

Trauma Anniversary

Things are steadily improving around here. Prescribed fits are lessening the "real" fits. Win-win for everyone. Still impressed that they started so much later in the year. (Usually start the first week of August and run through the first week of November.) Not saying it's not challenging some days but it is considerably better than previous years. There are some things going on that J has asked me not to blog about and that's OK. I'll put it in a draft to save for her later. The actual trauma date is October 23.

Even though I was sick we were not going to miss our 3 hour therapy session today. The girls loved my face mask and surgical gloves that I wore to keep Kristy from being exposed.

The anger that J is feeling toward her birth mom right now is really strong and rightfully so considering the abuse she suffered. Every morning she's been drawing a picture of birth mom and a picture of her anger that she feels toward BM. Thinking I came up with a pretty good idea to help her dispose of "some" of the anger. We're going to keep doing the pictures every day and save them. Next week when we go to the beach (bi-annual vacation) we're going to go to the most horrible public restroom I can find and dispose of them. We'll be in a different state and J grasps that concept really well so I think it will help her feel some relief.

The reason I think it will work for her is because the abusive foster mom is still "in jail" in Kristy's office and it was such a relief to J to put her there. She will still occasionally go make sure she's still there.

She's also working on making a list of gifts (gave birth to her, kept her alive, etc.) that her BM gave her and she has a special box to put them.

More will be revealed later......

Sunday was the worst I've had since being sick. She really made an effort to help and be considerate. This morning she made up my bed and left me a sweet note in the bathroom hoping that I would feel better soon. :)

We missed J's ortho appt since I was sick. Rescheduled for the 29th.

Home Again

We're home. So glad to be here. J did really well considering that Vegas is way over-stimulating. She loved Hoover Dam. As is tradition, we stopped in Boulder City to see the video of the construction of the Dam. Interesting to see the construction of the new road over the dam as well. I brought her in my room at 5:30 AM on Monday to see all the lights. "It's more beautiful than I ever thought it would be", she exclaimed. Then we proceeded to watch the sunrise over the mountains.

Monday night she ate more sushi at Nobu than I care to think about. Honestly, I think that child would eat sushi 3 times a day if you would let her. After dinner she hit a wall. Getting up at 4 AM and staying up till 9 was not a good thing.

Tuesday morning (as we were getting ready to go to the dam) she was grumpy and cantankerous. Ashley took her back upstairs to the room for a prescribed fit. She came back downstairs a different child. It totally changed things up for her and she had a fabulous day.

Tuesday night G took me to see Cher which he had been keeping a huge secret for 4/5 weeks. Great show!

Very grateful that G has to travel with work so that we have so many opportunities. Great geography lessons are had through travel!

Last night she was in the bed at 7, snoring at 7:05 and slept until 9:30 this morning.

Today we are doing mountains of laundry. Back to the real world...

Thanks to BT, Lee, and A for the award. When I'm not "Over the Top" with laundry....I'll be back.

On a sidenote: Does anyone know anything about lalemics? I have an appointment with an instructor for an evaluation with Special k next week.

Waking Up In Vegas Baby!

Still on Georgia time so I'm wide awake! Ugh. Fighting a cold. But the digs are great! Dinner tonight at Nobu. Can't wait!

Script

After talking with Christine last night, something she said caused me to have an epiphany in the shower this morning. I've been doing guided imagery with J for quite some time. Already know she loves it....why couldn't I change it up and do one about "just her"? Since I was going to write it out to record I'll just do it here, print it out and record it tonight. I've taken the very first part and very end of the script out of the book and put my words in the middle. We'll see what happens....

Please take a moment or two to position yourself as comfortably as you can, allowing your body to be well supported....and gently letting your eyes close, if they want to...and arranging it so your head, neck and spine are straight...

Letting your hands rest comfortably somewhere on your body so that you can feel the rise of your body when you breathe in....and the way it settles back down when you breathe out...and you're becoming more and more attuned to the feel of your breath moving in and out of your body....

And now...taking a nice deep, full, cleansing breath...and breathing out, fully and completely...feeling the expansion of your belly with each breath in....and the way your body subsides with each out-breath...

And again...breathing in...and this time imagining that you're sending the warm energy of your breath to places in your body that might be sore or tense or tight.....and releasing the tension with the out-breath...so you can feel your breath going into those places...warming and softening and loosening them...and then, gathering it all up...and breathing out...

So that more and more you can feel safe and comfortable..relaxed and easy...watching the cleansing action of your breath...

And any unwelcome thoughts....those too can be sent out with the exhale...so that just for a moment, your mind is empty...free and clear space...and you are blessed with peaceful stillness...

And any emotions that you might sense inside...those too can be noted and breathed out of your body... so you can be still and quiet...like a smooth and glassy lake with no ripples...

And now, if you would...relax even deeper....knowing in your heart of hearts that I love you no matter what you do...you can throw fits all day and I will still love you...there is nothing in this world that will ever make me give up on you...you are my child....forever....and forever....and forever...you deserve to be loved....you deserve to have fun....you deserve to be clean....you deserve to be happy....you are a precious child...you deserve to be safe....you deserve to be relaxed and calm....you are crystal clean on the inside....you deserve to be a normal kid...you deserve to have a good home with a family who loves you....you deserve to have a mom that loves you and takes care of you.....I love you with my whole heart and there is nothing that you can do that will change that....forever and ever....you are my daughter.... you were born in my heart and will live there for eternity.....

It is safe to open up your heart and let all of the love inside.....your heart is large enough to hold all of the love you are given...it is safe to love now....no one will hurt you anymore....I love you my darling daughter....and I am so proud of you.....

So with every breath you are letting the love fill your heart....feeling it move into your muscle, tissue and bone.....all the way down into each and every cell...

So with every breath, you're inhaling the nourishing beauty of this love...bringing it into your body...breathing it into your heart..and with each exhale, you're more able to release whatever you wish to let go of...

Breathing deeply and easily...taking the peaceful beauty of the love into your body with each in-breath...and letting it move all through you...and breathing out...whatever you wish to release...strong and steady...in and out...peaceful and easy....

Sleep peacefully....feeling the love all in your body knowing you are safe, cared for, deserving of all good things....

Knowing in a deep place that this place, this love, is inside you...that you are better for this....

And so you are.....

Lie Detector Test & Other Stuff

Here's the lie detector test video. J & I performed especially for you this afternoon. Sorry about the quality.

Rules on the lie detector test. Do not have a watch or cell phone on you. The test will not work correctly if you or your child are touching any electronic device.

You ask the question, have the child stick their arm out and repeat the statement. Tell them to resist you as you push down on their arm. If their arm stays strong and does not push down they are telling the truth. Always ask them to say their name first. If they can't hold their arm up when you push down on their name their energy is messed up and you need to straighten it out with rubbing or tapping. Test again after and see if energy is correct. If it is you can continue with other questions. If it's not rinse and repeat with tapping or rubbing. A lie or false statement will cause their arm to go down when you press on it. A truth will mean that their arm will stay firm and you can't press it down. If you think they might lie on purpose and let their arm go down without trying, use the opposite statement. For example, don't use, I hit Johnny, instead have them say, I did NOT hit Johnny.

Try it out on your spouse or friend to get the hang of it before using it on your child. I'm getting lazy lately and check for everything. Such as, if I don't want to go check to see if J has brushed her teeth well I just do the lie detector test. It's a fabulous time saver.
Think of all the things you can find the answers to.

I did not hit my brother.
Suzy is bothering me.
I feel sick.
I did my chore correctly.
My brother punched me in the stomach.
I did not start the fight.

You can solve all of life's whodunits. :)

I've had several people email me about the Guided Imagery so instead of going back and finding the link and all the other stuff so here it is again.

More free info on tapping is on http://www.tapping.com/. Sign up for their free weekly newsletter and it will let you print out a tapping map which is helpful until you learn all the appropriate spots. Once you get the hang of tapping it's a piece of cake and can be a lifesaver. Don't be scared of it because you cannot screw it up. Give it a shot!

Excellent energy info in Donna Eden's Energy Medicine Kit. A DVD, CD, cheat sheets, and book all for less than $20.

Guided Imagery. Invisible Heroes - Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal. $10 Must. Have. Book. Thousands of dollars of therapy in this book. Lots of them you can do at home. I have recorded sessions in my (soft, soothing, non-stressed out) voice for both J & Special K with soft music (Biolateral music, Delta Sleep music, Mozart, etc) in the background. I download them to a MP3 player or CD and they play all night long in their room on a boom box. I've tweaked all of the scripts for guided imagery so they have been "customized" for each of my girls individually. It's important to start at the beginning and don't miss any appropriate scripts because they build on each other. 3 stages. 1. Preparing to process trauma, 2. Processing trauma, 3. Trauma recovery. IMHO I would do stage one and two in the home but save the second stage to do in the AT's office. The second stage shouldn't be played all night long but processed with help and move on to the third stage. If you have a fabulous AT they will listen to you when you ask them to read this book. Chances are they have already heard of it and have it in their arsenal. If they haven't read it they will sing your praises for telling them about it. You will also get many other ideas that will help you help your child. No home with an adopted child should be without this book. Not. even. kidding.

Do one recorded script and play it all night long for a week. Note any changes. After a week or so add another one and play them in succession. So on and so forth.....

J update: Since adding the prescribed hourly fits things are improving rapidly. Yay us!

Idiocy Award

Mad

Happy
Scared



Sad



It's official. I am an idiot. I racked my brain, over and over and over. Still couldn't figure out the problem. Therapy today with a big ole slap across my face. J was all over the place and had totally regressed. Fear was imprinted all over her face. Huge, mind boggling fear. October 23 is the anniversary date. Big duh.













I started off all strong last January telling J almost daily that she needed to have fits starting in August and to start planning them because her anniversary date was coming up. Normally she starts in August and continues until about a week after the anniversary date. I have reminded her almost daily until August and the fits didn't come and I quit reminding her. Duh again.













Even when she didn't have a concept of time her body remembered it and they would start and be incessant. The good news is that now they're starting a month ahead instead of 2 months. Yay!

Now I'm prescribing an hourly fit. It needs to be at least 2 minutes. I've marked it on her calendar and we're counting down the days. We'll see....











Her birthday is also is big instigator of trouble. Therefore this year we are celebrating (in a small fashion of course) at least 2 weeks ahead. Going to cut that off at the pass.

In case you're wondering....above we're practicing using the correct facial affect for the emotion. Something most RAD kids have trouble with. J has it down pat but Special K is still learning. J did not want to be left out she so got to practice too. :)

Anybody know where I can pick up my idiocy award?????

Backward

I'm taking it down a notch and going back to M & M training today. Too lazy to find the link to explain it. Something needs to change and it needs to be me. Some of it is just the ebb and flow of RAD and that's ok. Some of it is just a battle of wills. It just doesn't need to be my will mucking it up.

Last of Summer

Lots going on but just don't feel like blogging about it. Decided instead to share some happy pics with you. Trying to figure out a new camera and photo shop el ements. Need a course. It would be a lot faster. The first 2 pics were taken last week. The last remnants of summer.

Fall arrived this weekend. 3.5 inches of rain in 2 hours on Saturday evening. Sunday was a glorious, sunny day. The leaves started falling yesterday and haven't stopped. My yard is now covered in leaves. The temperature fell fast and we slept with the windows open and the fall breeze drifting in the house. Tomorrow night is supposed to be in the forties. Thinking we're going to go from fry to freeze pretty quick.

Saturday morning, J tripped over the vacuum hose and slammed her foot into the vacuum cleaner. It's now bruised pretty bad. As soon as it happened she thought she needed to go to the hospital. LOL!

Promise to be working on a video of the lie detector test soon.

Cast Update & Flooding

We're all OK here and haven't floated away. Atlanta and several surrounding counties took the worst of it but most of northeast Georgia is OK. The county next to us took a pretty big hit though. Thankfully all of the dams held on all the local lakes. Several of them are a little iffy so we weren't sure if they would make it. Tuesday night the water was about 10 inches above the floor of the boathouse. We were going to go up and check it out yesterday morning but evidently Tuesday night they opened all the flood gates on the dam and it was just to the top of the sea wall by morning.

Tuesday morning, we were still without internet and the girls were itching to do something after being shut up for 7 straight days. So we made the big mistake of traveling to downtown Atlanta. It was fine on the way down but when we were starting home the major flooding started. I couldn't see in front of me it was raining so hard. A waterfall was coming down off of spaghetti junction. Truly scary. Hazard lights the whole way and white knuckling the steering wheel. It took me 2 hours to drive what should have been 30 minutes. I was afraid to pull off so I kept going. My hands were sore all day yesterday from holding the steering wheel so hard.

The surgeon removed J's cast today. Huge YAHOO! She's now in a soft wrist splint that she can take off when bathing, washing her hands and sleeping. We go back on the 12th and that should be removed. Think she's missing the cast and all the attention. :-)

I am so far behind on blog reading I'm going to start over tomorrow.