Hmmmm....

There is a love/hate relationship for me regarding followers. I love getting new followers for obvious reasons, as well as, being able to follow others on their journey. But boy do I hate losing them. It hurt my feelings. *insert whine here* So today I seriously considered taking the follower gadget thingy off. I was afraid that I would lose some with the "Nailed It" post because this topic is surrounded by such controversy created (mostly) by the professionals. Typically I just tip toe around my recovery beliefs but Christine modeled bravery for me so I took a risk. I'm not going to take it back either because I still believe it's true. Taking on this disability takes a heck of an education. Lots of it is the school of hard knocks too.



So if I offended anyone...I am sorry. It wasn't my intention. If you're still reading my blog without following, please do. It's encouragement to me to read along with all of you. If you're following now and I'm not following you please let me know. Blogger has rearranged all of the follower thingys and now I can't tell who's new and who's not.



Oh and Dia....I'm so tickled to see you out there in cyberland. Since I can't leave you a comment I wanted you to know that I'm really enjoying your blog.

G is making his annual March pilgrimage to NYC on 3/13 to see the ABB at the Beacon Theater. He's invited us to come along! Yahoo! We won't be attending the concert but J will get to see the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Empire State Building and Grand Central Station. 48 hours isn't near enough time but I'll get J up at the butt crack of dawn to pack in as much as possible. Central Park, Museum of Natural History, Greenwich Village, China Town and Little Italy. The list is too long but I'll be a whirling dervish trying squeeze in as much as possible. Plus I'll get to buy some cool groceries at Balducci's, have Ray's Pizza..... Maybe he'll forget about us and leave us there for a week. ;-) Essie's got me wondering who I'll spot... In 2007 the apartment across from ours was occupied by Jeffrey Dean Morgan who was so much hotter in person than TV. Hoping we get that room again. ;-0

Birthday Party

Tonight we commence birth week. We are all in the same 10 days. Talk about pressure. Or lack of planning possibly. Starting it off I had my parents over for their birthday dinner. Spinach lasagna and homemade Caesar salad dressing over crisp romaine. Yum. My poor mother had to make her world famous chocolate meringue pie because I was afraid I couldn't pull it off. My Mom's pie is always in such demand that lies and deception have been known to occur in order to keep the pie a secret from others.

G picked up J this morning to go birthday shopping for me. J had saved $64.00 of her hard earned chore money and packed it into her little purse. She had informed me that she had a plan and that Daddy G was going to help her pull it off. OK then. They arrived back home this afternoon and she left my present in his truck so that I wouldn't peek over the next week. As if. I'm not a peeker.

Right before everyone got here she told me that she had put some money in my birthday card to go along with the present she got me. Immediately I started assuring her that she could keep the money that she didn't spend and save it to buy a toy. Which started a very animated J, complete with a slight stamping of her foot, trying to explain the situation to me. "But Mom, I want you to have it. You are the best Mom in the whole world and you deserve to have the best birthday ever and I'm going to make sure it happens." (Oh my stinkin heck. I am crying again just typing it.) Then I proceeded to feel about 2 inches tall. For those few of you that have been reading since last year you'll know this is an unbelievably huge event. I would post the link for you but honestly, I don't want to re-live that week again. I just want to bask in the joy of now. What a difference a year makes. Heck. What a difference a few months make. Last year there were tears of despair and this year it's tears of boundless joy.

During dinner, J left the table for a bathroom break and I told my parents and G what she had said. Everyone at the table is in tears. Even G. He said that when she was wrapping my present, over at his house, she told him the same thing and that he cried then too.

Right after she had gone to bed tonight she came back out and said, "Mom, I really think I need some baby time to help me sleep. May I please have some?" This coming from the kid who has done everything in her power to push me away. So much so that I had to "sneak" baby time in on her by waking her up after she had been sleeping for a bit. Because that's when she was sweet and wouldn't push me away. Every day she is getting braver at telling me what she needs. Yesterday she told me she needed some pink love so that she could make it. Big stuff.

I am so humbled and so blessed.

Nailed It

The professional attachment community has a long history of pointing fingers and saying this professional has it right and everyone else is wrong. Then they switch it up and it's that professional has it all wrong and this other one has it all right. Personally I'm sick to death of the arguing. Parents of RAD kids need help and they needs lots of it. One thing is NOT going to fix my kid. Oh wouldn't it be oh so nice if one thing would work? However, that's living in fantasy land. Again this is strictly my opinion. Please don't send me hate mail for my opinion because I'm just trying to do the best I can for my child. I respect your opinion too and will honor it.

It seems that every one has an opinion on who has the right way to help kids with RAD. I have an opinion too. My conclusion is that there's not one person that has it all right. It takes all of it. A huge education is needed to help these precious kids become securely attached. Take what works and leave the rest. For J, I had to change it up on a minute by minute basis. Approaches by Katharine Leslie, Nancy Thomas, BCI, Dan Hughes, Love and Logic, Deborah Hage, Dianne Craft, Martha Welch, Greg Keck, Terry Levy, Michael Orlans, Brita St. Clair, Ken Magid, Deborah Gray, Karyn Purvis, Cathy Helding were used when they were appropriate. No matter which one is used it has to be done in a loving manner and with the right attitude. I have to remind myself daily that any intervention can be considered coercive or punitive if not used appropriately and in the manner intended. Facial expressions and tone of voice included. All our little ones are different and will respond differently to each approach. Again, take what works. A pinch of this and a dash of that....

I don't have all the answers. I never will. But I will keep reading and researching to make a difference. I need a big bag of tricks daily. This journey has forced me to think outside the box and I have been really rewarded for being able to do so. It also takes an open mind and thankfully today I have one. This was not always the case as those of you who know me IRL are aware.

I could go on ad nauseum but my friend, Christine, sums it up best right here. She totally nailed it! Plus she had a fabulous interview with her radilicious kid that I am totally going to steal.

Tiny Tidbit

Just a tidbit of news. Not much but it is something.

My worker just emailed me and said that she has tried calling K's worker but she's been out. On the message she did say that she knew I was very excited about K. Guess Claudia shared my uncontained joy. ;-) Wonder how she could tell?!? ♥♥♥

No News

A very big thank you to every one out there. Keep'em coming please.



Still hanging on by a thread here. No news. Dang it. No responses from my worker. Phone or email. Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Trying to show some patience here but patience has never been my long suit. Those of you who know me IRL.....you can stop snickering now.



G and I had a conversation tonight about J's progress. We both agreed that J has truly reached new levels since I've been a SAHM. Emotionally and academically. I'm so grateful that I was forced to do this. I came into this adventure kicking, screaming and hanging onto the shreds of carpet by the tips of my perfectly manicured nails as I was dragged into this endeavor. Actually I spent several weeks grieving my loss of being a professional career woman. Then after I put on my big girl panties and "got over it" things just started changing. Kudos must be given to G for recognizing the changes and being willing to help facilitate the process. This is big stuff for him. I can't do this forever but for right now, just this moment, we are ok.

Which means that right now, during this next year, is the perfect time for K to come home. Yes, I am an adrenaline junkie, but also, I know that I am very good at being a mother to a kid with RAD. I don't have many talents. I'm not a talented writer as all of you can attest. Nor am I a crafty person or a knitter, seamstress, painter, designer, singer, dancer, actor, creative, funny or even clever. Truthfully, I am so jealous of people with talents. But I do have one talent. I am great at this RAD mom thing.



No. I've never met K. I haven't even been able to read her whole file. However, I am willing to fully commit to her attachment and walk with her. Coaching her along, helping her heal, therapy, PT, sensory integration therapies, home school, guided imagery, neurofeedback and whatever else is necessary. Whatever she needs to help her recover from a lifetime of abuse, neglect and bouncing around foster care. I am willing to be her mom forever. Moving heaven and earth daily. I'm ready to have my house destroyed, be pushed away, cursed, hit, pinched, screamed at and spit and peed - pooped on. Again. Maybe crazy is one of my talents. ;-0

I've never met her but I'm fighting for her.

K is my daughter too and she is waiting on me.

SOS SOS

Please, please, please....I'm begging all of you......please send up some prayers, energy, light, love, positive thoughts or whatever you believe in. There are an extreme number of kids waiting for homes. One in particular is waiting on us.

A worker in another state is supposed to be talking to my worker about a 6 y/o little girl living in an RTC (residential treatment facility). They've read my home study and are supposedly trying to call my worker today. Oh, please let them connect. Please let them see I won't quit and I won't give up. Please let them try something different. Do you know how hard it is to get two SW's on the phone? I am willing to fully commit to her attachment and walk with her. Forever.

I really want her to hurry up and come home before the RTC does anymore damage (not intentionally). RAD kids don't fair well in RTC's at all. For many reasons but the main one is that they are usually based on the level system and RAD kids could care less about level systems. 6 y/o ....she has a chance to get better and she can't do it in an RTC. The worker wants her to "graduate" from the RTC but IMHO that just means she's getting sicker by the day instead of attempting to get real help.

I'm begging here.....and counting on a miracle.

Sorry I'm so scattered. I can hardly type I'm so excited, nervous, anxious, nauseous. I can do this. I know I can. I may have to open a sparkling grape juice bottle tonight. (By that I really mean sparkling grape juice...I love the stuff.) It might be a whole bottle night.

Overwhelmed

Some days I'm totally overwhelmed with how much stuff there is to learn. Today is one of those days. Multiplication tables, geography, spelling, history, science, geometry, creative writing, conjunctions, interjections, prepositions, adverbs, adjectives, states, capitals, main ideas, purpose of a story, grammar, and the list keeps stretching out in front of me until I feel like I'm drowning. It's all the responsibility that "I" am "the" one that has to get said information into her head. I get tired just thinking about it. If she were in public school I could "blame" someone else. That won't work since I'm the teacher. Geeessh.....

At this moment she's working on multiplication tables with School House Rock while she's working on pulling a tooth that has been loose for almost 8 months. Multi-tasking. Afterward she'll be doing the Timez Attack. Why oh why didn't we have these cool things when we were kids? What did we ever do without the internet?

Breathe, Lisa, breathe.......

Busy Weekend

Thanks for all the face b o o k support. I feel so much less alone now.

It's been a weekend on speed. J was a speedy girl and finished all her Saturday chores on Friday in anticipation of a play date with another friend with RAD. Both girls did very well during the entire 2 hours. Then I waited for the fallout. You know the one.....If you have too much fun you have to have a meltdown to prove you didn't deserve to have so much fun. It didn't happen. She successfully navigated the rest of the day and through today, as well.

Daddy G bought her a new bike for home so that she could take her bike from home to the lake and leave it there. She had been riding her itty bity bike at the lake and it had finally gotten to the point that it was impossible. So that one is waiting in the garage for the next pink princess. He also got her some new shoes. The child has gone from a 2 to a 5 in 2 months! What the heck?!? At this rate her feet are going to be bigger than mine. And that's saying something!

Last night she watched the School House Rock America DVD and held it together! Yay hoo! It was so cool because afterwards she was asking questions about the Electoral College and the making of a Bill. She also enjoyed recognizing the Statue of Liberty, Capitol Hill, and the White House.

She couldn't wait to get home and ride her new bike. She rode in the freezing cold from 2 to 6, only coming in for dinner.

This mom is a pooped puppy and she's going to bed!

Confessions

I am thoroughly confused by face book. Seriously. Plants and groups.....I accept then I have no idea what to do. Moron. Am I being rude if I don't send a plant back? I have no idea of how to get back to groups to see what's going on. Pokee I am. What the heck do I do with that? My life is so mundane that I never write what I am doing. It would be too sad.....Is it considered rude if you don't write on walls? Never thought I would be left behind by technology since I am the person who buys a car based on how many buttons it has because I LOVE to be entertained by figuring out the buttons. Reading the directions? Fahgetaboutit. I exist to figure out the buttons without the assistance of directions. Where's the challenge when you read the directions?

Still hanging in there with w i i and walking. 2lbs down! 28 more to go! I've only had 1 coke (it's sinful not to have coke with mexican food plus otherwise it's just painful) in 5 days! It's truly a miracle. I'm not a breakfast person. I prefer to have a pack of peanut butter crackers around 9, however, this week I've had dry granola courtesy of a recipe from Cindy Bodie's daughter Sarah.

There have been some challenges (for both of us) this week getting on this strict schedule but we're making slow and steady progress.

Last night J was able to tell me that she needed baby time to help her! Woo hoo!
This morning she told me she needed some pink love to help her!!! Another time she was able to pick the tool that would change things up! I'm also going to add a list of tools to her bulletin board to help her find her coping strategy quickly. It was in her classroom but I think she needs another one in her room as well.

Stormy Night in GA

It's been a night of storms here. Every 30 minutes or so another storm rolls through. We may be sleeping in the basement shortly. The lightening has been so bad I'm expecting the electricity to go any minute. Welcome to Georgia in the spring. Great....now we've got hail....

I'm fighting off a sore throat with tons of emergen C. Yuck.

Puddin's beautician, Crystal, is taking her to a national beauty parlor show in Atlanta in March so she's convinced us to let her grow out so that it will have a dramatic effect. It's going to be dramatic alright. Puddin is getting fluffier and fluffier by the minute. I no longer have a furbaby. I have a fur ball.

Another One

My friend, Mike Groomer, is at it again and now has Dr. Steven Gray, author of The Maltreated Child, presenting a workshop in Fort Worth. Check out this link for more info. Early registration is strongly encouraged. Fees are $35!

Somebody (no names) has had a pretty bad attitude at different times during the day. Lying about everything. I FINALLY had an idea just a few minutes ago. I told her I was going to ask her some questions and I WANTED her to lie with every answer. It was a requirement. Prescribing the problem. Usually prescribing the problem eliminates the problem in our household. However, this time I stumbled onto something by complete accident.

I proceeded to ask her the color of basically everything in her room (which is pink BTW) and she called almost everything black or brown. Hmmmmm.... Then she started crying and telling me that I should just give her away. I hugged her and reassured her that I was never going to give her away no matter how much she lied. She sobbed some more. Black and brown in J's world is the color of grumpies and yuckies. So I had her blow up her imaginary black balloon with all the blacks, browns, grumpies and yuckies. She blew so hard and so long that she made herself dizzy. Then we threw the imaginary balloon outside. Where it belongs.

She feels much better now and so do I. Whew!

On a completely different note, the wi i really hurt my feelings. It added many years to my age. Hateful thing! Sticking to the walking every hour deal.....today I have walked 4 times and also climbed 40 flights of stairs and I am SOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEE. It may take some asprin to get me out of bed tomorrow..... I'm going to show that mean ole wi i a thing or two...one way or another....

North Texas Workshop

Jacquelyn E. Meyer

MS, LIMHP, CPC

Presenting a one day workshop on:



COMPLEX POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

EVALUATION AND TREATMENT OF CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS



Date: Thursday, March 5th, 2009
Time: 9:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
Location: Ruthe Jackson Center
3113 South Carrier Pkwy, Grand Prairie, Texas 75052

To Register: Call 817-509-4694
All Classes: $20 (Pay at the door, cash or check)
Make checks payable to: Millwood Hospital



Who Should Attend? Parents and Professionals working with children diagnosed

ADD, ADHD, FASD, ODD, CD, RAD, OCD, PTSD, Bipolar and Depression



Workshop Will Encompass:



Defining Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) and describe how it differs from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Identifying the primary causes of CPTSD.
Identifying the domino effect of CPTSD including the physiological, memory, emotional and behavioral issues.
Recognizing the impact that CPTSD has on families and significant others, who were not traumatized.
Participants will be able to describe two major treatment interventions for use in the treatment of CPTSD.
This will be an information filled workshop for both parents and professionals on Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The material will range from the causes and effects in children to the treatment and relief of symptoms. Current research has shown that traumas experienced in life can result in physical damage to the brain affecting such things as long term memory, impulsiveness, and ability to connect to others. Through fun, interactive and experimental methods participants will learn to be the key in helping to healing the brain.



About the Speaker

Jackie Meyer, MS, LIMHP, CPC, is the director of two agencies, the Building Blocks for Community Enrichment and the Counseling Enrichment Center in Nebraska. Meyer’s passion for over 20 years has been treating traumatized and attachment disordered children. She now trains parents and professionals across the nation enabling these children to lead productive lives. Meyer also serves on the national board of directors for ATTACh, an organization that focuses on treatment and training of attachment related disorders.

Exhausting Success

The first overnight was a success. She called me and was doing well so there didn't need to be a rescue mission. Of course she was working the "want to stay up late and I need a glass of water" thing but that is totally to be expected. She didn't sleep too soundly in a new place, but again, to be expected. I called again at 9 and it sounded suspiciously like I woke my dad up. I picked her up at 7 AM. J laid down for a nap at 10:30 and didn't get up until 2 and that was because I woke her up! Geesh! My parents stopped by this afternoon and my dad said they went to bed before 9 instead of their normal 11. Teee Heee! Now they know why I go to bed early. :-) They probably needed a nap too.

Tomorrow I am getting my feet firmly back on the ground and we're going to be back on a committed schedule instead of having such a relaxed day. It's so easy to just kind of let the day go by and before you know it, it's dinner time. We really got off schedule after the ski trip 3 weeks ago and it's easy to do because J is so far ahead and we do school year round. Tomorrow though it's back to the grind. I've worked in a 15 minute power walk every hour in the hope that some fat will slide off. I'm also committed to opening the Wi i fit box and actually giving it a try. The hateful thing has been taunting me from the closet for 2 1/2 weeks now so I guess it's time to set it free.

Big Day for J

This morning I woke J up singing Happy Valentine's Day to the tune of Happy Birthday. She was all agiggle. Totally blew off her healthy breakfast and she had cupcakes, chocolate and sparkling grape juice. When she pulled out her chair she found her card. When she made up the bed she found a book (we're big on books here) and when she was doing her chores she found another book. Totally rocked her world. Then she brought in mine. She bought me (with her hard-earned chore money) a huge heart balloon, the sweetest card and a present she wrapped herself containing a teddy bear. It was the sweetest thing. J is big on cards and studies for a really long time trying to pick out just the right card. Here's what mine said:

"A mother walks ahead of us

to guide us when we're small,

And then she walks behind us

with a hand in case we fall.

Then one day, when she's taught us

everything we need to know,

She points the way to future dreams

and gently lets us go."

You've taught me so much

about life and love and giving,

and those are lessons

I'll never forget.

So don't ever think

I don't appreciate you

and love you, because I do....

with all my heart.

Thank you for your guidance and love.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

J

Let me pause while I puddle up some more.......

That had to be the sweetest thing ever especially considering our journey.

Tonight is a huge monumental night. This will be the first time she has ever spent the night with Papa and Monya!!!! She's really excited. Honestly she was ready in November but it was calving season (my dad's a CPA by day and a gentleman farmer nights and weekends) and that was not something I wanted to expose J to. Not that it's not part of life but pulling a calf from a cow in distress is not pretty and can get very intense (and dangerous) to save them both. I grew up on the farm and still managed to exempt that class.

She wants to go but is a little nervous so we worked out a back up plan. If she's scared at bedtime she can call me and I'll come and get her. If she gets scared in the middle of the night she can wake up Papa and Monya, have them call me and I'll come pick her up. Now she's breathing a sigh of relief and all is right with the world.

Just For Alyssa

For all your hard work to be a Family Girl! You rock!

Lack of Drama

There is a serious lack of drama on the homefront. So sorry. Every day is just more and more settled it seems. Yay us! Hopefully before long J will have moved up from anxiously attached to securely attached. We're working on several tools to help her through the transition of another child. The AT suggested getting a journal and writing love notes in it. Just short love notes from my heart to hers. What a cool idea! Plus it's something that she can keep forever. When the newest radilicious (cause you know they will be) kid arrives and they are throwing fits J can go read her Love Notes Book. I'm working on it now. We've talked about how she can be a good example and show her sister all her tools. Plus we're practicing now so she'll have a good basis when a bouncing 60lb baby arrives.

On the adoption front, the AT is writing emails to get things moving along on a possible placement. I am so lucky to have Kristy. A wonderful AT is truly priceless. I can't wait to have another RAD kid! I really believe I was meant to be a RAD parent. I'm all excited because I know sooooooo much more now than I did when I got J. Doing respite for rad kids, plus J, has given me an excellent education. (Not that I'm dismissing all the training but there is nothing quite like hands on learning.) We've been to the pit of hell and have risen with a whole new outlook and a world of opportunity stretching before us. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades! ;-0

G has left on his motorcycle, traveling to Daytona for the race. I'm always a little wistful when he first leaves because there are a few times that I miss riding. I have seen most of America on the back of a Harley. Utah was one of favorite riding states, followed by Arizona. Then he called a few minutes ago and said he's freezing. Not so wistful anymore.

It's a free weekend for us girls. There's a strong possibility that I might get an evening off for dinner and a movie with my best friend. J is doing really well with me leaving but I always fill up a stuffed animal with my pink love before I go just in case she needs an extra dose of loving.

From my chair I can see that J is typing furiously in her room. Wonder what she's got to say today??!!

I'm really starting to hit my stride with this SAHM business. It's becoming comfortable and easy. One thing I've really got to work on is getting a better schedule down. Some days I can be too relaxed and not as well focused. I work better in 15 minute increments so I better get back with it quick.

Frustrations

It frustrates me to no end that my state doesn't care for single parents. Now they are cutting more staff and it looks like a placement in GA will never happen.

I have inquired on several kids in different states, emailed my homestudy and I have always gotten a call back except in GA and MN (big surprise Torina?). I've had a couple of calls from SW's that have found me on adoptuskids.org. Navigating this process is very difficult and frustrating.

I know that J needs the child to be younger than her so I'm focusing on 4-8 age group. She has voiced her opinion and I have taken that into consideration. I would rather stick with this age group myself too as I think it would be a much better fit overall. I also want to be able to homeschool my next child alongside J. I think it will be a huge step in facilitating the bonding process, focus on being a family and meeting their needs and now that I am taking this next year off the timing couldn't be better. I had over 200 hours of training on Attachment, RAD, AD, ODD, OCD, PTSD, ADHD, grief and loss, etc. before J moved home. Now I have well over 700 hours into training. Not to mention that I think I am good at this and so does my caseworker and our AT.

Through a friend's contact I sent my study to a county close to mine regarding a 5 y/o little girl. The worker told me I was a perfect fit and wished she could move her today. Except she can't. It's going to be a long time because A was adopted by her grandmother in FL then disrupted 6 months later so she's now involved somehow with her birth parents again and they are having to get another TPR which is going to take a long time. Grrrr....

Even more frustrating is the fact that every day is ticking by and getting closer to the end of my homestudy date. 3 1/2 months will go by in a blink and I'm running out of time. I know this is what I am supposed to do but I am NOT going through more paperwork to update the study. (Famous last words.) Then I feel guilty about that too.

Must Be The Moon

She spent Friday with Daddy G most of the day running errands and buying Valentine presents for me, Papa and Monya. She was able to contain herself once she came home. Usually all the over stimulation that comes with an outing with G sends her over the edge. She got right to her chores with a happy go lucky attitude. Finished most of her Saturday chores Friday evening. Woo hoo!

Saturday at the lake she started with the triangulation, spotted it, changed it up and confessed to G what she was trying to do. Then congratulated G for changing it up too.

It has been a challenging day. Miss Grumpy Pants has been in residence. Maybe she's changing it from Tuesday to Monday now in which case this will mean (hopefully) that tomorrow will be fabulous. Everything has been a frustration for her today which is another reason she didn't blog today. She's taking a salt bath now and there will be Reiki afterwards. Nothing over the top just cranky. I have taken the opportunity to make labels for most of the black cords that live in the black cord hole.

Must be the full moon.....

75 degrees today. Windows open filling the house with clean, fresh, pollen-free air.

P.S. The GI works on babies to ancients like me and it's not specific for RAD. It's for any trauma events. Including alcoholism, rape, car accidents, domestic abuse, etc. Many different ones to choose from. See...if I write it in a really small font it doesn't count that I mentioned it again. ;-)

The Last Time....I Swear

I was only going to share this revelation with a couple of folks but started feeling really bad about keeping this information on the down low. Especially considering how many kids this might help it would be negligent on my part to withhold the information. Consider I'm still giving you this information in spite of the fact that I know there will be a serious lack of comments. This is the pure, genuine love I have for you, people.

The book that I told you about, Invisible Heroes, is a must buy. Don't walk...run to amazonian or wherever and purchase this book. You will NOT be sorry. Ten bucks people. Ten bucks with amazing interventions for our kids. Heck, not even for just our kids, for ourselves as well.

I'm not kidding you when I tell you that I feel that this is going to be one of the most important things I've ever done for J. I'm beyond impressed.

I've recorded 3 sessions of guided imagery (now I don't have to pay the AT to do this because it gives it to you word for word.) I know guided imagery works because I've seen the things it's done for J when the AT has recorded sessions for J. Now that we're down to one hour of therapy a week instead of two, I just want to use therapy for therapy instead of guided imagery and now I can!!!!! Plus the AT & I both believe it will be much more successful with my voice. The first half of the book has survivor stories and how they recovered from trauma. The rest of the book is all the guided imagery. Now I don't have to pay for the impersonal pre-recorded imagery. They are great, don't get me wrong, but it's expensive when considering all the ones J would need AND it's much better because it's in my voice.

The first section of GI is getting the body prepared to release trauma, the 2nd is letting go of the trauma and the 3rd is recovery from trauma and to encourage self-confidence. It explains how to do it and to put soothing music in the background to make it more effective. Instructs cadence of voice, not using punctuation such as hypnosis, etc.

You can pick and choose from MANY different ones to record so I've chosen the ones that I think will be helpful to J where she is now in recovery. You, too, will be able to easily ascertain the correct GI for your kids. It's intuitive. This GI is not specifically for RAD kids. It's for many different kinds of trauma including grief, car wrecks, abuse, alcoholism, rape, etc. GI is even recommended for babies who have had trauma and it's known to work really well for them.

We are on the fourth night of GI and J is sleeping MUCH more soundly now that I've been playing them all night plus I think she's comforted just hearing my voice. Of course at the end of the GI for sleep I whispered, "I love you" over and over several times. J LOVES it!!!!

If you have a RAD kid that is still actively pushing you away I think this would really work as well. They can "be" with you without having to "face" you and push you away. Make sense?

It's not rocket science people. This is easy peasy stuff and takes just a minimum of time to create a recording for a lifetime benefit. What could be better? I tried to upload an audio file so that you could have an example but blogger keeps giving me errors dang it.

I created her recordings the day I received the book but didn't actually read the book till last night. I'm a backwards kind of gal. Luckily I didn't screw anything up. Today I finished a good novel just to get me off the the therapeutic track. My kid is sleeping like an angel and she's still getting therapy. ;-) I'm going to download the tracks onto my mp3 player and give myself a dose too. :-)

Sweet dreams.....

Question - Edited

Now I ask you, when you go to the dentist do you get a manicure and polish? Humph...I didn't think so. Me either. J, on the other hand, did. Hot pink, sparkly nail polish too. Good thing this didn't happen 2 years ago or I would've flipped my lid. Because "I" am the the keeper of all things wonderful such as gifts, hugs, sweets and sparkly pink fingers. Luckily it's not as big a deal now that J is attached, albeit an anxious attachment. So I let the pink sparkly fingers slide although I'm sure my eyes were wide as the dental assistant announced the joyous event. PTSD I tell you.

Invisible Heroes finally arrived today. Woo hoo! I've been attempting to break my habit of reading books on therapeutic parenting, trauma, RAD, ADHD, PTSD, grief, loss, and ODD. For the first time in over 3 years I've actually been reading for the pure enjoyment and bliss of escaping into another world instead of delving head first into educational material. I am putting my addiction on hold just to read this book then I'm back on the wagon. I promise. I've already skimmed through it and found some guided imagery that I'm going to record onto her mp3 to play all night. At first I thought about ordering some of Naparstek's cd's then the AT and I thought it would be so much better with Mom's voice. It is recommended to have low, soft, relaxing background music playing and that it intensifies the healing. That makes perfect sense. I'm focusing on page 216, Healing the heart; and page 221 affirmations. Play them for a week or so then move on to the 2nd stage of healing from trauma. We'll see how it goes.

So now I'm frantically searching for the cord that connects the recorder to the mp3. One of these days I'm going to get smart and put labels on each black cord as it enters my house. Unfortunately I'm now going to search the black cord mess that I have created. You know the ones. Cables for mp3, ipod, earphones, cameras, camcorders, usb, etc. They are breeding like rabbbits in my house. Feeling overwhelmed already. It's around here some where. I know it is.....

The elusive black cord has been located and it's gray BTW. It was located in the black hole of all cords. Recorded 3 sets of imagery. One for healing the heart, one for affirmations and one for sleep. Then the joy of figuring out how to transfer said imagery onto the player. Easier said than done but done it is. Playing as I type and hoping for a blissful night sleep for J. Hot damn I'm good.

My Favorite Day of the Week

This will come as no surprise that Wednesday is my favorite day of the week. Therapy, sweet therapy. We came up with a plan to give J Reiki on Monday nights and switch down to 2nd grade work on Tuesday. Tuesday seems to be a day that J gets frustrated. Since she has moved to 3rd grade in every subject except math and is now actually being a little challenged she is getting a little frustrated with the challenges. So thanks to Time4Learning she can move up to 4th grade or down to 2nd grade with the simple click of a button. I think we'll re-visit some lessons in 2nd grade on Tuesday's just to alleviate some stress for her.

When she is getting frustrated she is supposed to change her inner dialogue to "I'm not stupid, I just made a mistake" since she is such a perfectionist. We also explored some past trauma issues to gauge her response. She totally nailed it. She never dissociated and stayed totally focused the entire time. The AT & I were both impressed. The sister issue was also addressed and she did extremely well.

She's up to 25 books a week at the library! Four were devoured before the AT appointment today. She will always carry a book around with her to keep herself amused. She is so me. I lived in books as a kid. My newest favorite author is Mary Kay Andrews, "Hissy Fit". Hysterical book and it had me laughing out loud. It is pee your pants funny so check it out! Today I had to venture out with another one of her books. This weekend I will make time to read, Savannah Breeze. I couldn't help myself and started reading it while waiting on J to pick out all her books and it has me hook line and sinker already. Just finished, The Shack, and CJ, you were right. Excellent book.

Tomorrow J has a dentist appointment. Maybe they'll pull the tooth that has been loose for 8 months. At the last appointment they told her to keep wiggling it and it would fall out. She doesn't want the hole. I don't blame her. I hated the dreaded "hole" too. Yuck. Although I don't think the dentist could appreciate how far she has come. When J first moved home she would take a perfectly attached tooth that hadn't even started getting wiggly and jerk it out of her mouth just to see my shocked expression. Thank goodness she's past that stage now or she'd have a mouth full of dentures by 12. ;-)

A Date with Clint

My big night out consisted of PF Changs and Clint Eastwood. Gran Torino was an excellent movie. It surprised me by being a very touching movie on many levels. I've never been a big Clint fan so I was kind of shocked. Yeah, we were supposed to see Revolutionary Road but GT started earlier so that settled the discussion. It was so nice to be out with adults and have adult conversations. My goal is to try to have a night out at least every other week even if it's just to the library.

Have you noticed J is working the sister thing? I asked for her opinion on the subject and we discussed that it might be a possibility and she's going to town with it now. She also understands that it might not happen too so I'm encouraged to see her using the word "might" in her blog. The chances of it happening are very slim so I don't want to get her hopes up too high.

Plain noodles.....the last three times we've had spaghetti she has been adamant that she wants plain noodles with no sauce. Well Toyota, you asked for it, you got it. L & L baby. Wonder if she'll ask for plain noodles again?

She has been a grumpy girl today. Starting to pick up a pattern here. Every Tuesday = Grumpy Girl. Day before therapy, Tuesday Tantrums, trying to divine the reason why and figure out a solution. It seems to be the only day that she's out of sorts. Maybe I need to change it up and do Reiki on Monday nights instead? Regression therapy on Monday....
I'm just not sure but I aim to come up with a solution. Hoping anyway..... ;-)

A Night Off

I have a sitter coming and I'm off this evening to see Revolutionary Road. I am beside myself with excitement! Yay me! J is doing surprisingly well with the advance notice and was totally cool with it.

We went to the lake this weekend and J had a really great time and appropriate behaviors. This is 3 weekends in a row that she has been successful at NOT triangulating. I'm not sure but I think that's a record. We've been studying Native American History so we went up to Cherokee yesterday in the hopes that we could go to the Cherokee village. The village doesn't open until May. We'll try again in June when they start Unto These Hills again. I am ashamed to say that I have never seen it but just the thought of watching The Trail of Tears reduces me to a puddle. There was a lone statuesque man in native dress standing on the corner and he waved to J which sent her over the moon. See...if we had phones or internet at the lake I would've known they were closed.....

When we got home there were 2 huge dogs that had taken up residence. Beautiful hunting dogs and sweet as they could be. Puddin was not amused. The smaller of the 2 dogs would sit on the porch and whine. Finally I couldn't take it so I went outside. I started walking and they would run ahead of me down the road. When they got out of sight I would turn around and walk back to the house. I could never make it more than 30 feet before they had discovered that I had disappeared and would run back to me. They seemed to be taking me somewhere. My imagination went into overdrive and scenes from Lassie kept playing over and over in my head. This went on for over an hour. I had called the number on one of their tags and left a message but no one was calling me back. Giving up as it was time to come home we packed up and headed out. J was scared because they were as tall as she is. It was the saddest thing to drive out and leave them in such a desolate place. I kept calling the phone number on the way home and finally someone answered. The family had been in Chattanooga for the weekend and had left them out with automatic feeders. Poor things. The gentleman called me back and he had gone to pick them up so they made it home by dark.