Friday, February 27, 2009

Nailed It

The professional attachment community has a long history of pointing fingers and saying this professional has it right and everyone else is wrong. Then they switch it up and it's that professional has it all wrong and this other one has it all right. Personally I'm sick to death of the arguing. Parents of RAD kids need help and they needs lots of it. One thing is NOT going to fix my kid. Oh wouldn't it be oh so nice if one thing would work? However, that's living in fantasy land. Again this is strictly my opinion. Please don't send me hate mail for my opinion because I'm just trying to do the best I can for my child. I respect your opinion too and will honor it.

It seems that every one has an opinion on who has the right way to help kids with RAD. I have an opinion too. My conclusion is that there's not one person that has it all right. It takes all of it. A huge education is needed to help these precious kids become securely attached. Take what works and leave the rest. For J, I had to change it up on a minute by minute basis. Approaches by Katharine Leslie, Nancy Thomas, BCI, Dan Hughes, Love and Logic, Deborah Hage, Dianne Craft, Martha Welch, Greg Keck, Terry Levy, Michael Orlans, Brita St. Clair, Ken Magid, Deborah Gray, Karyn Purvis, Cathy Helding were used when they were appropriate. No matter which one is used it has to be done in a loving manner and with the right attitude. I have to remind myself daily that any intervention can be considered coercive or punitive if not used appropriately and in the manner intended. Facial expressions and tone of voice included. All our little ones are different and will respond differently to each approach. Again, take what works. A pinch of this and a dash of that....

I don't have all the answers. I never will. But I will keep reading and researching to make a difference. I need a big bag of tricks daily. This journey has forced me to think outside the box and I have been really rewarded for being able to do so. It also takes an open mind and thankfully today I have one. This was not always the case as those of you who know me IRL are aware.

I could go on ad nauseum but my friend, Christine, sums it up best right here. She totally nailed it! Plus she had a fabulous interview with her radilicious kid that I am totally going to steal.

7 comments:

Lauri said...

Good post.. thanks for the link

Kristina P. said...

I completely agree. But I think that consistency in whatever you do is a major key!

Alyssa's Mom said...

Amen Sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Exactly!
The one thing I know, is that regular parenting is not going to work. Yet.
As Kristina said, you have to be consistent, but you also have to know when to switch it up. If something is not working, do you firm it up more or do you try something different.
My epiphany came when I realized one day that while Genea was ratcheting up her behavior, I was becomming more and more tense waiting for the next step so I could react with the consequence and I went, wow this is SO not working if I can predict the end of it and the end is her meltdown! How do I break into this cycle and turn it into something else?
Yep, read all the books. Absolutely. Even the ones that you don't think you want to try, because then you can compare that to what you do want to try. Anyway, I was thinking about a post going through some of the various techniques and now I put it all in your comments, LOL!

Muppet Soul said...

I completely agree - actually about most medical things - that one person can't have all the answers, and usually it's a combination of things. (And if some guy somewhere has this perfect combination that he believes in, he's definitely not a finger-pointer!)

My only minute experience with RAD ( before I started reading you) is with people who are now adults.. (I'm adopted - we tend to know other adopted people). But no story is the same as the other one.

Oh! And by the way I meant to tell you - I read your daughter's blog! However I won't follow/leave notes because we all know I can be wildly inappropriate and would get in trouble if she got on my site, lol. But I read from afar.

Holly said...

Thanks for the sharing. You are so right.

Torina said...

Oh yes. Plus, not only are the kids all different but they evolve and so do we as parents. What worked last month may not work this month...but it may work next month...