Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Doofus



Sometimes I am such a doofus and really, really slow.  Every Saturday and Sunday, for over a month, J was becoming dysregulated and it was continuing through until Therapy Tuesday's.  This is not normal and I kept becoming more and more confused because I couldn't for the life of me figure out the problem.

This morning it FINALLY dawned on me.  Someone (whose name we shall not mention) has been leaving presents and notes for J every weekend at the lake.  And signing the card "love" - (name we shall not mention).  While I know that he is acting in kindness, it is terribly upsetting to J.

J wrote him a letter last year and was very clear that she did not want him to sign any notes to her with "love".  And he kept breaking her boundaries.  Duh, Lisa.  Duh. Duh. Duh.

So enter 5:30 this morning when it hit me on the head like an anvil.  Now picture me banging my head on the wall.  I cannot believe I did not figure this out sooner.

J is up and dysregulated.  I was waiting to do "before school tapping" to address it.  That didn't work out so well.  She was spiraling down fast and it looked like there was no recovery.  She finally threw herself on the bed in a really crappy attitude and great dramatic fashion.  I grabbed her feet and pulled her toward me and threw myself on the bed too right beside her.  I pulled her up in a really tight compression hug (she was mad and not hugging me back of course) and whispered in her ear that I knew what was going on and I was going to fix it.  I knew he broke her boundaries and it was not okay.  She started crying so hard, wrapped her arms around me and asked over and over "why he does that" and "why does he want to hurt me".  In her mind he left her.   She kept saying she didn't understand.  Me either.  Yeah..... I'm on the right track.  Then she said, "we'll get through this, right?"  "You won't let him hurt me anymore?" You bet, honey!

I held her and she cried for a while during our conversation.  But she's back.

We finally got around to tapping about it and my girl is back.  Hallelujah!

When you know better....you do better.


5 comments:

Christine Moers said...

Love that girl.

Love YOU!

Last Mom said...

Sometimes it's the things that are so obvious (in retrospect) that are so trick to figure out!

Children Awaiting Parents said...

You sound like an amazing mom! Your little one is so lucky to have you.

Children Awaiting Parents said...

You sound like an amazing mom; that little girl is lucky to have you!

Annie said...

Oh, I feel SO much better! YOU are a brilliant mama, and if YOU can make these obvious mistakes then I don't feel so badly for doing it on a regular basis.