Skiing

Mark, J & G

Kaylee, Zeb & J
G & J



Last year we tried J with skiing lessons and it was an hour of frustration and tears. She was terrified the whole time. Saturday morning we suited her up and sent her out to a lesson and she did fabulous! Yes, she got frustrated but she managed her emotions and we talked her through it. She kept trying and Kaylee worked with her patiently. An hour later she was skiing down the mountain and she skied the rest of the afternoon.

Everyone came in for dinner and (J didn't stop for lunch) and then I told her she could go down twice during the twilight skiing with G, Zeb & Kaylee. That was at 6:30. At 10 she still wasn't back and it was foggy and raining. I was really worried so Mary Alice went down the mountain to retrieve her.

When she & G got off the lift she started apologizing immediately. "I'm so sorry I worried you mama but I was amazing!" She had skied down the intermediate slopes (one level under black diamond) and was so proud of herself! And even though I had been so worried, Mama was proud too!

Sunday she skied all day long without stopping for lunch again!

We're going to try to take her back in the next couple of weeks just to get her confidence level up so that next year it will come more naturally.

Yesterday when we left everything was a sheet of ice and it was precarious getting to the truck. In all the commotion I left my luggage. Packed everything else but forgot my bag. I didn't remember until pulling into our driveway. Wide angle lens, computer, clothes, makeup, cash, photo albums are all still sitting in Banner Elk. Ugh. The overnight shipping on that is not going to be pretty.

J rode with G on the way home so I had a little quiet time. I called the vet to check on Stud and proceeded to blubber the remaining two hours home.

Praises

Something I've noticed this week....

My child who once would have a complete and utter meltdown if you gave her one word of praise now loves to receive it. A year ago....unconditional praise....heaven help us.

Shortly after J came home I took her for a haircut. My dear friend, Robin, unknowingly told her that she was so beautiful. It was repeated many times over during our visit. As soon as we climbed in the car complete destruction of my backseat occurred. Cupholders were ripped out, seats were damaged, console broken beyond repair. Screaming bloody murder all the way home. Needless to say it was a long evening. Anytime she received an unconditional praise it resulted in a nasty hot mess.

From that time on I spent hiding at far away grocery stores. Distant town shopping, dining, etc. Getting family/friends to get it. Fat chance.

So we spent months (years) working on praise but it was done with conditional praise. I like the way you tied your shoes. Nice job wiping the table. I noticed you did a good job on your picture. You matched your clothes well today. Nice job cleaning up your room. I noticed you were responsible with your laundry. Etc. I was also very careful to hold up on the negatives comments if at all possible. Not that I ever did this perfectly by any stretch of the imagination.

See....my child had no self-esteem. None. Nada. Zilch. On the inside she felt like one one organism lower than an amoeba. Telling her that she was beautiful when she didn't believe it for one whit of a second meant that she pulled out an all-out attack. Search and destroy. Take no prisoners.

When you love someone more than they love themselves they will ALWAYS attack you. Sorry, I don't know who that quote is from so I can't give proper credit. It is a true statement. Just think about it for a minute.

Today she loves to hear unconditional praise and she will feed on it. Now I can lavish her with loves and praises (hugs and kisses) and her little face lights up like a Christmas tree. Then mine reciprocates. It warms my heart. For over a year now she will melt into me when I hug her. A real genuine hug. Not board-stiff-something-might-break-and-fall-off hug.

A lot of people discouraged me from thinking we'd ever make progress. Truthfully there was many times that I doubted it myself. Grateful I didn't listen to anyone. Including myself.

So glad we made it.

Maybe

I've fixed the video below. Thanks Shanti for letting me know.

If it still doesn't work google Multiple Transitions and it should be the first one that comes up.

May I Always Be Mindful

Yes, I've posted this before but I still watch it often but I don't think anyone can ever see it enough.

Whenever I wonder why my kids act they way they do it helps me to be mindful of the traumas they have lived through. I never want to forget. It is so important to remember what happens when children have multiple placements.

May I always have compassion even when it's challenging. J is doing so well but it is still important to remember that we did not get here overnight. There have been ups and downs, and twists and turns along the way. Three steps forward and two back. there will be more.

Compassion and empathy are critical to her recovery. May I always meet her needs to the best of my ability. On of my favorite CD's is Parenting with Pizzazz so over and over I hear Deborah Hage in my head saying, "you can't bond with a bitch." Please let me have empathy and compassion in my voice and my heart when I am dealing with my children. They are so precious and wonderful gifts to my life. Help me to look beyond the behaviors to their heart. This is what matters. Help me meet them where they are right now. In this moment. Remember to never be punative. It only makes things worse. To keep my voice kind, loving and calm in the midst of the storm.

Today I watched the PBS special that Diana recommended. It is so good. In turn, I shared it with our AT who is purchasing it to share with other families and their support system. Yes, it is that good.

Whine Alert

It was some one's birthday today. A Someone who is NEVER happy on his birthday. I've tried ignoring his birthday....big mistake and I still hear about that. I've tried having low key birthdays. Not happy. I've tried having his best friend over for his birthday. Not happy. I've tried just about everything. Nothing works. So I figured I'd do it just like if it were one of the girl's birthday.

Grumpy started Thursday night, contaminated yesterday and today proceeded to bring the germs to today. Fun times.

When we arrived at the lake with birthday dinner, presents and balloons in arms Mr. Grumpy Pants met us in the driveway. He started with the grumps before we even got in the house and it didn't stop. Constantly picking at me, passive aggressive crap, and grump on crack. Pushing every button I have. Little Miss. Sunshine took it about as long as she could and then she blew. I had had enough. And I cried too. Ugh. Have I told y'all I'm not a pretty crier? Well, I'm not. It is U G L Y. Blubbering, can't catch my breath crap. I hate it when I cry because I pay all the next day. My face will be so swollen in the morning that I won't be able to open my eyes and I won't be able to breathe all night. Just lovely. Not.

We packed our belongings and came back home. The good news is that J wanted to pack all her stuff and never come back and I had the opportunity to tell her that we don't throw people away just because we're mad at them. Yes, I needed some time and space but tomorrow would be better and that I still loved Mr. Grumpy Pants.

Tonight Mr. Grumpy Pants can go party somewhere else. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Annie....do you hear the screaming in the attic? It's me.

No Fall Out

I waited all day on the fall out that was sure to arrive from fun overload. It hasn't happened yet. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Perhaps the panacea for J is to travel all the time. ☻

She had a fabulous time playing in the "snow" this afternoon! Hoping we get a little more just so they can play in it tomorrow.

So grateful for all of you that commented with suggestions this morning. Y'all are some very clever girls! I was on the precipice of panic as if you couldn't tell. My brain doesn't operate until a second cup of coffee is ingested.

Oh Crap!

The toothfairy forgot to come last night. No fairy dust, no treat. Oh no.
How am I going to get out of this one????

Total Rock Star

Kirk West

Gregg & J

I LOVE this picture! That's a K i n d l e in J's hands. Thanks to Yondalla for turning us on to the beloved K i n dle. It's her favorite possession.

G had a great surprise in store for us when we got on the plane. Kirk West was going with us. Kirk is the tour manager for the Allman Brothers Band and such a really great guy. We have a lot of history too. When I made the announcement to G that J was an impending arrival we were sitting around the kitchen table at The Big House with Kirk and his wife, Kirsten. It was their home at the time but is now the very cool Allman Brothers Museum. And...the first time J ever flew with us was taking Kirk and Kirsten home to Macon.

We had sushi upon arrival and made it to the concert with perfect timing. J did fabulous! Truly she was a total rock star the whole time. I couldn't believe she made it to the end of the concert. We had front row center seats and we hemmed J in between us to protect her from the crowd. Kirk got us back stage passes (he made J's night) and J was able to meet Gregg. Unfortunately my camera was not cooperating so most of my pictures are blurry. I could have cried. Grrrrr. On the way home Kirk repaired my camera so the rest of the pictures were in perfect focus. I got in trouble at the FBO for taking pictures. When we went out on the tarmac they informed me I could only take a picture of our departure. Department of H o meland Sec urity.

As soon as we arrived home J took a 3 hour nap. She was exhausted!

While I was away all my blogging friends decided to blog like rabbits procreate. Geesh. I read everyone but commented on none. Sorry. I'm starting over now and will do better. Pinky swear.

Packing

Flying to NJ tomorrow to visit grocery stores (every trip has to be work related) and go to a Gregg Allman concert. It will be J's first real concert. Gregg Allman concerts are very low key and mellow affairs in small venues so keeping my fingers crossed that all will go well. Going to use this as a training session for Bon Jovi in April.

G asked us a few weeks ago and I was really nervous about it but now I'm trying to put it into a positive spin. Wondering how positive I'll be this time tomorrow night? I did tell G that we may have to leave early and take a cab back to the hotel depending on how she reacts or if she's falling over tired halfway through. It's always good to have a backup plan.

Surprise for tomorrow as I didn't want J torturing K. ;)

Interesting

Someone has been very surreptitious. Not naming any names though. No amount of cajoling, it seems, is capable of creating a cease and desist order. Things that make you go "hmmmmm..."

Seasons of Love

Trying to focus on the positive. The last couple of days have been challenging. Piece of cake compared to past behaviors but still when taking the steps backward you forget all the progress. Things have totally changed up now but going to take a prescription from Christine and see how it works. "Mother may I" for every. thing.

In light of the positive I wanted to share this. Several (many) years ago (pre-RAD) I had the pleasure of seeing Rent on Broadway. It was incredible. This song moved me to tears (still does) and had to buy the CD the next day (before MP3). Watched the movie when it came out. Not so much. Some of you have heard it but it touches my heart every single time I watch/listen to it. Thinking this song is very appropriate for all of us parenting radical/special needs kids.
Measuring our lives in love. Doing the unbelievable. Loving when they are unlovable. Everyday. Some days I think what I am doing doesn't matter. It does.
Click play. Brighten your day. You won't be sorry.
Lyrics below video.



Lyrics:
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure,
measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of
love.

SOLOIST 1
525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure
the life of a woman or man?

SOLOIST 2
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or
the way that she died.

COMPANY
It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends. Remember
the love! Remember the love! Remember
the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

The first time I've ever successfully embedded a video in blogger!!!!!!

Big Day

Mom's spread always looks like it came straight out of Southern Living Magazine.

The table too...

We're all tired.

Great food, great family, no meltdowns = happy day. Yay for all of us.

Hard back memory books were a hit. Both girls got to open them last night and they spent 30 minutes admiring them.

Naps for everyone this afternoon.

Mom & Dad rocked the house this year. Santa left both girls 2 books in their stockings.

Tomorrow thank you notes will be written. They'll also do a toy cleaning of all old toys to give away to make room for the new.

Funny of the day....G told me to check my stocking and I did. It held a little jewelry box. Both girls immediately started screaming, "It's a ring, it's a ring!!!!!!!!" While I'm saying, "no it's not, no it's not." Opening the box to a beautiful pair of hand-made crystal earrings. Really lovely and I was impressed with G's shopping as our tastes are not the same. Did not tell the girls that I had already been given "The Ring" many years ago and returned it. :) Thankfully G didn't tell them the story either.

Once private, now public
Special K's Journey

Merry Christmas

Late, large breakfast and large lunch so tonight we're grazing. The first time it's ever happened here. Popcorn, chocolate oatmeal cookies, goldfish, crackers, cheese, etc. Charlie Brown Christmas later, Christmas stories, maybe a game of Trouble. Tracking Santa on Norad Santa with some geography lessons thrown in for good measure.

No major dramas. If we can make it a couple more hours, Christmas Eve could be declared a success.

Wishing you and yours a very happy (and safe) holiday.

Adoption Bracelet

Pictures don't do it justice. I've had about 20 thank-you's today.

Charms left to right:
State of Georgia, daughter heart, Mommy's Girl, Japanese Symbol of Love, Big Sister, adoption date heart, starfish (for love of the beach), Georgia Bulldog.

I still haven't figured it out yet but J is sleeping really late every day. I'm letting her and not waking her up unless we have to go somewhere cause I figure her body must need it or she wouldn't be doing it. Usually she's up at the latest 6:30 but lately it's been 8 or 9 before she awakens. I asked her what she thought about it and she said she thought it's because she's never slept well (hypervigilance) so she's making up lost time. She may be right.

Whew!

It's official. The private blog is now public.

Traditions

Tonight we went to see the Magical Night of Lights at Lake Lanier Islands. 7 miles and too much money. Ugh. But it's tradition. Missed you Chrissi.

Met a fabulous single mom that has two radlets. Can't wait to get to know her better. Hoping she visits here too. Broadening my support system is always a good thing. So excited.

Charm bracelet ready for the big day tomorrow. Low expectations and high hopes.

Private blog is going public tomorrow.

The big day is upon us. :)

Nervous Nelly.

Christmas Ornaments

Today the girls labeled Christmas ornaments with the names of people that they miss then we hung them on the tree. A concrete way to acknowledge the life they had before their forever home.

Heavy Sigh of....

Relief. The heavens were singing today.

First we did some anger work this morning. Serious whacking out the anger pillow. Did some more talking then I totally stole a recipe from Corey. LOTS of attention, more talking and it was revealed that she was scared to go with Papa & Monya to church. There's so many people that it was totally freaking her out. J had the brilliant idea to try having 30 minutes a week at their house until she feels safe. I can so live with that.

She's been begging for baby time for several weeks now and honestly I have just been putting it on the back burner. My cold has left me feeling so crudy that I just didn't have the energy. So I threw in a dose of baby time. As soon as she saw the bottle come out she was jumping up and down for joy. Then she asked me to please tell her adoption story. So I did. Usually when we do baby time we don't have an audience. Today we did so I had another little one clamoring for the same thing. So didn't happen. She's not ready yet.

Joy! Oh joy! It worked (for today).

And.... I got a foot rub. Gotta love that! ♥♥♥

Really grateful I can get out of my comfort zone and try new things. An open mind is key for this kind of stuff. And it's always wonderful (and comforting) to know that I have brilliant minds surrounding me. I don't have to know it all. I just have to listen and be ready to receive. You guys rock!

There's more

It appears that J is punishing me because she doesn't think that I have enough love to go around and she's pretty pissed off that she has a sister and has to share me.

More drama tonight. Don't even want to talk about it. Maybe later.....