Fear of Blogging

As many of you have probably heard through the blog land grapevine, I've been through a really rough time lately. That is true. I have been. You have no idea how much your love and support has meant to me during this time, too.


I realize most of you don't know what happened or why I've been gone for so long. For about a million reasons, I'm not ready to share my whole story yet. I'm not ready to share most of it, actually. What I will share, though, is that K is no longer living with us. It's just J & I now. Please believe me when I tell you that the things we've been through in connection with this have been the HARDEST thing I've ever had to deal with. Be patient and gentle with me. I'm still very fragile and I'm still trying to work through all the ins and outs of it myself. I'll eventually share more details as I'm ready and able, but for now, I just wanted you all to know that much. I won't be answering any questions at this time regarding the hows or whys of what all has happened, so please don't ask. My heart is still broken and the grief is still overwhelming and at times paralyzing.  (Yes...I am rubbing, tapping, etc.)  I can't blog about what I haven't processed.  The pain is too raw right now and honestly is like a physical pain.  However, I can't stay away from blogging any longer. I miss all of you too much! I need this community! We need each other. So even though I'm terrified to put even this much information "out there", I'm facing my fears and doing it anyway.   Eventually I'm going to pull myself out of this deep, dark hole.

J was really abused by K.  She's had a really hard time too.  Thankfully she's doing much better now and she's trying really hard to help me.  I'm so grateful for her and proud for the sweet, kind person she's become.

I'm trying to get back to commenting on everyone's blogs.  Slowly but surely I am getting there.

She spent the night with Papa and Monya this weekend.  My Mom called this morning to tell me how wonderful she was and what a joy it was to have her and spend time with her.  (This has not been the case in the past.) This is two weekends in a row and even when she has come home she has been able to still be a joy instead of blowing out because she had too much fun.  We've been working toward this for a really long time so this is a huge event.  My Mom also said that people around them in church stopped them to comment on what a little lady she is.  They are correct!

She was very tired last night, as she always is when she spends the night away from home, but she was able to say that she was tired and asked to go to bed early.  She was asleep at 6 PM and slept until 8 this morning.  A late start to school but that's OK.

Thank you so much, Diana, for all of your help and encouragement.