Thursday, January 27, 2011

I Hear You Screaming

More things we love....

Opposite Day.
RAD = ODD (oppositional defiant) Right?  Of course it does.  Well it does for us anyway.

On the days that I have my therapeutic panties on, yesterday not being one of them, I can totally rock Opposite Day.  You know those days..... Those glorious days where RAD always does the opposite of w.h.a.t.e.v.e.r. you say.  These are those really fun days called Opposite Day.  It takes some practice but it can actually become fun sometimes and the looks you get are priceless.

Sometimes I announce that it's Opposite Day and tell J that that I want her to do the opposite of everything I say.  I keep score and check it at the end of the day. 
I tell her to walk slow when I want her to walk fast.
I tell her to stomp when I want her to walk softly.
I tell her not to do her chores.
I tell her to throw a fit.

At the end of the day the winner gets a treat or an extra game of Trouble or whatever....

Now when we were in the throes of RAD I could NEVER announce Opposite Day.  I'd just spring it on her with a straight face.  The looks were priceless!  The ODD was over the top so of course she was going to do the exact opposite of what I said.  Because her life depended on it.  She HAD to stay in control.

Dinner was breakfast.
Breakfast became dinner.
Whatever you do J do NOT eat fast.  Eat as slowly as possible.
Do NOT take a bath. 
Run go throw a great big fit....I'll wait here for you.
Or.... before I was about to ask her to do something that I knew she wasn't going to like I would say,
"I going to tell you something that you will hate so get it in your head right now how big a fit you want to have before I tell you.  (Give her just a second to think.) Now I want you to go brush your teeth but don't forget to have that fit first." 9 times out of 10 this totally stamps out the fit. Score!
Blah, blah, blah... you get the idea.

It keeps her thinking.  It makes her think I am C.R.A.Z.Y.  (She's right.) I got what I wanted.  She stayed in control.  Win/win.  Gotta love it.

Does this come naturally?  Heck fire no!  It takes practice and going against everything you know to be good and right.  But it works.  Most of the time anyway.... :)

Opposite Day can go hand in hand with Prescribing the Problem.  I'm guessing that you're going to start screaming right about now.  It's OK....embrace the screaming.  :)

Most of the time our kids will do things that will drive you to drinking or eating or screaming or whatever.....
Take the power out of it and say "way to go                  , why don't you run to your room (bathroom, outside, assigned spot, etc.) and keep picking, cussing, yelling, throwing a fit, or whatever it is that appalls you.
It really helps when you can keep a straight/cheerful face and not one of "oh dear lord I think I'm about to puke". 

Be prepared to be stared at as if you have 3 heads.  It will happen.

I had to think about the shocking, gross things that she loved to do to get a reaction out of me and practice in the mirror before I could do it with her.  Seriously.  We had some over the top stuff here most of which she cannot remember anymore and I would love to sear from my brain. 

The theory is that once you take the power out of the disgusting, shocking or annoying behavior they don't want to do it anymore.  That theory has proven to be correct for us.  Feel free to decide if it works for your kid.


What works for one kid might not work for another.  What works today might not work tomorrow.

Sarah at The Many Stars That Guide Us wrote a stellar post about what works for them here.

If you have things that have worked for your family....please chime in....I'm all ears and always looking for new ideas.  Oh yeah....if you feel the need to scream in the comments....feel free to do that too.

7 comments:

Anne said...

Hi Lisa! I just put you on my blog list (so glad you're back!), hope you don't mind my linking...:)
www.allaboutelizabeth-anne.blogspot.com

waldenbunch said...

I've missed you :)

Sarah said...

Thank you for the link. :) The first time I ever prescribed a tantrum, my son actually DID WHAT I SAID!!! And tried to throw a fit. But he realized how ridiculous he was, and started *giggling*. Like genuine, age- appropriate, silliness. Score one for mom! :-)

Seven From Heaven said...

Great post Lisa, we actually used this tonight. Our bedtime routine was interupted which always brings on a fit. So I told her right before bed I was fine with her throwing a fit. She kinda laughted and said "i'm not going to throw a fit" and she didn't. It worked wounderfully.

Seven From Heaven said...

Great post Lisa, we actually used this tonight. Our bedtime routine was interupted which always brings on a fit. So I told her right before bed I was fine with her throwing a fit. She kinda laughted and said "i'm not going to throw a fit" and she didn't. It worked wounderfully.

Mom of 5 said...

That is Amazing how that works! What a good idea!

Dia por Dia said...

Prescribing the problem sure has saved my life (and probably theirs too!) although the opposite thing just tends to lead to other attempts at starting a battle unless I can really sneak it in--like talk to myself about it in her earshot!
So glad you are back to blogging!!!