Kristy is having me model making mistakes in front of J. RAD makes our kids think they have to be in charge all the time as they have been taught they have to meet their own needs instead of relying on us. So they have to be right
perfectionists all.the.time. which is highly annoying to a Type A perfectionist personality (me). Not to mention I wanted to prove that I could indeed meet all of her needs so that she could trust me.
When she first came home I was corrected on a minute by minute basis about every. stinking. little. thing. I spent so much time in the past, double checking myself all.the.time. so she couldn't go "you didn't do it right" or "you forgot to do blah, blah,blah." Even though I would correct her and say "no, I've got it covered...
na na na boo boo." Having to do the opposite is incredibly difficult.
Now I'm working on purposely making mistakes (so that I can practice for the times that I legitimately make mistakes). Then modeling, "oh thanks for noticing I made a mistake! I love
hate to make mistakes. It makes me human." I "
know" I make mistakes I just have a really, really, really hard time admitting it. Ugh. I'm going to have to have a LOT of practice. I know this is going to be a learning and growing experience for me (can you hear my fingernails scratching as I claw to hang onto old ways?). Maybe there is hope for Ms. Type A. The jury is still out.
This is so very hard and I suck at it.
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9 comments:
You may suck at it now, but I bet with all that practice, soon you will be the very best mistake maker I know :)
Oh mercy, no. Please no. I have tried a lot of things but please don't ever tell me I have to do this one. I would probably have to admit defeat (that one time, of course) and ask for plan B. LOL
Good luck. I am queen of Type A and I enjoy my throne. :)
Wow - sounds like an interesting idea, albeit a hard one to do. Sometimes I can be so proud, even in front of kids, that this would be difficult for me too. Good on ya for lovin your girl enough to work this hard :) xo
Well, you know I love you Lisa, and so I am willing to loan you some of my mistakes. How many do you need?
Maybe you could start a little slower than "..... love to make mistakes it makes me human". Like, maybe say "oops" the first few times.
I am a little confused though. I have the same issue with Genea, hearing her constant "Mama, you forgot my ______", etc. I guess I thought the same as you, that she should feel like I have it covered. She can relax because I, as the parent and adult, have it down.
I was going to email you today to ask about some tapping phrase suggestions for Our Tiny Perfectionist, so I guess I came to the right place! Mara does some of that correcting and I think it's part of her hypervigilance. With two of us parenting, Lee and I have been able to show her that things can be done different ways and still work fine. But we're trying to help her learn to trust that she can learn to do things even if she can't do them the first time....
Even my (mostly) NT kids like to point out my mistakes. Part of it is them being kids, the other part is them being pains in my tail.
Just mostly kidding on the last part.
I laughed so hard when I read this because Jupiter and I definitely fit this description to a T!!! And she's ALWAYS pointing out that I messed something up, or (my favorite) when she THINKS I used the wrong word or pronounced it wrong and points out "my" mistake when she's the one who didn't hear me correctly. So now I'm supposed to make mistakes on purpose for the express purpose of her pointing them out? She'll probably tell me I made the mistake wrong :) :) :)
Oh my goodness! This sounds painful!!!
I need to put this into practice, but I want to act like I'm perfect. Sigh...
Great blog post. See you in Orlando!
Parenting RAD has sucked my Type A (and a lot of other things about me) dry. And I'm glad. Not glad for RAD, but glad I've finally learned to let a LOT (most) things go. I've also found there's great power in applogizing to my kids when I do screw up - which is about a million times daily. They're learing to do the same, which as you know, is a huge deal for RAD kids.
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