Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday Funnies

These were posted on a forum for RAD a few years ago.  We were in the throes of full blown RAD at the time and we all needed to find something funny to laugh about. When you're a RAD mom you start getting a sick sense of humor. You laugh to keep from crying.
Enjoy and I'm betting you can add some to the mix. :)
You know you're a RAD Mom when...

you suspect that the cat is limping because your child hurt his paw.

you panic when someone says your daughter is in the other room with a


you're cleaning up poop that you've found under the bed (and it's not

a pet's poop!)

you hear a child cry in the same room as your child, and you wonder

what your child did to that child.

your child goes up to strangers to ask them to buy her something

because Mom won't buy it for her. (Mom knows that she really doesn't

even want it and will destroy it anyway.)

you get upset when people give her things that you know she will just

destroy in a few minutes.

your child says she's hungry five minutes after she's eaten and makes

others believe that you're refusing to feed her.

you suspect your child of stealing whenever you can't find something

(and you're almost always right).

you don't believe the first answer your child gives you. You'll get

quite a few answers and may never get the truth from your child.

you cringe when someone (who does not know your child well) says that

you have a such a sweet child.

And you tuck your child into bed, turn on the alarm to their room and turn in yourself, locking your bedroom door behind you..............

You know you're a RAD mom when you take one child to be tested for STD after

molestation by another one and find yourself thinking, there one more task

off my to do list.....

you know you're a RAD mom when the threat of a snow day sets you into


you know you're a RAD mom when you know all the locks, alarms and security

devices and where to find them in your area

You know you're a RAD mom when you have 4 different phone numbers to get in

touch with the therapist and have the police on speed dial!

you know you're a RAD mom when you automatically check under your child's window in search or urine or feces

you know you're a RAD mom when you've contacted the fire dept to find out what locks you can LEGALLY put on your child's windows

you know you're a RAD mom when you purposely cut down a tree because it's too close to your child's windows

you know you're a RAD mom you your child's timeline is 4x as long as yours - and you're 3x older!

You know you're a RAD mom when you know all the psychiatrists in your city

and a 30 mile radius and which ones take medicaid........

You know the names of most psychotropic drugs

You know you're a RAD mom when your money is being spent on replacing things

your child has broken, medications, shelters, attorneys, RTC's

You know you're a RAD mom when you dread holidays and birthdays........

You know you're a RAD mom when:

*Every adult at your child's school knows him by his name and hug.

When you look at your bookcase and it's filled with books on attachment,

trauma, adoption along with other books on various learning disabilities and

a copy of Wright's Law and you have yet another book on trauma waiting in

the wings to be read!

When your friends ask you what you've been reading and you rattle off the

name of some research article and you're actually excited talking about it!

You find a pile of caramels vomited under her bed and don't even gag.

Your kid can projectile vomit on you from 6 feet away.

Your 5 y/o can take an entire door frame off in 10 minutes or less with her bare hands. 100+ nails

Your 7 y/o will stand looking at you and pee right on the carpet instead of walking 5 ft to use the bathroom.

Your 5 y/o kid looks like their head is going to spin around on their shoulders at any moment and you can calmly say, "it looks like you're having a big feeling, honey, would you like for me to help you with that".

Feel free to add your own. :D

Love the added funnies in the comments. Hilarious!


Kerrie said... child says, "Mom! I had a great day!" and you are on the phone to their teacher in less than three minutes to find out what horrible things happened. pin a note on your child's shirt that says, "I am not hungry. I just ate three servings of macaroni and cheese. Do not feed me," before dropping her off at the babysitter's.

There's my contribution.

:)De said...

Before you send your child out the door to school you check every inch of the backpack

When they come home you check the backpack, coat pockets, make him take his shoes and socks off to search them and do a general pat-down.

Whatever you find, you put in a Ziploc™ bag with an apology note to send back the next day.

You cut the bottoms out of all pant pockets to make it harder for your child to steal.

you draw marker lines on the juice bottles and put duct tape on the lid to give you that extra few seconds to catch him before he drinks the juice straight from the bottle

I will stop now 'cause I could highjack the whole comment area LOL!


Diana said...

Yikes!! Those aren't very funny. They are scary and sent my blood pressure through the roof. I've lived way too many of them. Maybe in a few years I'll laugh at them. Hopefully!! contributions come from just this week at my house.

You smell something burning, you inspect your child's room and smell buring matches. After he finally turns over the match and the strike plate, you find the rest of the box in his backpack ready to go to school the next morning! Yeah!

Your kid finds all the cool aps on your phone...except you don't have a data plan and get charged for every click. And then he rages when you turn on the music from your mp3 player because he knows he's been busted.

You start looking around the house for what/who is missing or broken or injured when your find your child hiding behind the door in his bedroom and indicates he just wants to play hide and seek with mom!

Anonymous said...

You refuse to pick your kid up from school unless the nurse verifies she actually saw the puke.

The Accidental Mommy said...

HA, I loved those last 2. Well, you know.

I don't have any good ones to add right now. Maybe later.

Hannah_Rae said...

You know you're a RAD mom if the state troopers get a detailed profile of your child cuz they "know they'll be back."

If you encourage your child to jump off the garage roof next time, because it is only a 1-story jump instead of a 2-story jump, because it would be safer.

If you know exactly how many dirt roads there are to pull off on are between you and home, just in case.

If you are so relieved by this post because you know you are not alone.