*Heavy Sigh....edited*

My precious angel is having a flashback to 18 months ago when she would argue with a fence post. Everything that comes out of her mouth is an argument. Chrissi left the dinner table last night because she just couldn't stand to hear the incessant arguing. Maybe she's practicing her skills to be an attorney. Lauri had a great post today to which I could so relate.

She was not happy about being in Mom's school yesterday and proved it by being sooooo slow. I've come up with a plan to help with this but I have to wait until after we get back from vacation. I don't think being in "Mom School" is helpful for bonding at all so I knew I had to get a plan of action. The week we get back May 21 the very first time she starts torturing Mrs. Kacak, Jessi will put her in the car and take her to Mrs. Gaddy's for some therapeutic motivational respite. Mrs. Gaddy knows how to do this better than anyone I know and hopefully it will give Jessi some power. I think it's very important that Jessi take her and pick her up since the battle is not with me. I am missing her already but am praying that J will have a new found respect for Jessi. Trying to have patience until the plan goes into action. Two weeks is a long time for my Type A personality.) :-) Last night she ended up having to write an apology letter to me, Chrissi and herself (for calling herself names). Brilliant idea just came to me. The next time she argues I'll sit her in front of the wall and tell her to argue with it. Then she can write a paper about what the wall said back. (I had a teacher do this to my whole classroom when I was in the 6th grade. He never had that problem in his class again!) I think I'll give it a shot.

I had ordered a cheap massage table to use with J and it came yesterday. Yippee! I've been giving J a massage to help with bonding (and to learn that touch doesn't have to hurt) but it's so hard to do when she's lying on the bed. It's not comfortable for my back, arms or legs so therefore I dread it and procrastinate. The table should make it much easier on me and J. A massage in in J's future for tonight. Hoping she'll be ready to have one and not pushing me away.

J earned a few nights in the respite room from beating on the door yesterday. I know to you that do not live with a Radish that it is truly hard to understand. Some of you probably think I am the mom from hell and that all she needs is more love. (Look Lauri...! I'm going to wear my new talent out. Thanks for teaching me!) Chrissi has been meeting other Au Pairs in our area and has tried to explain about J. The other Au Pairs are always curious why a host family with only one child needs an Au Pair. Chrissi tries to explain to them that caring for one J is equivilant to caring for 6 children. They never understand and always end up saying that I must be a crazy mom and something must be wrong with me. They are right! ;-) About 2 months into J coming into my home I learned the hard way that it is not smart to talk about radishes with normal parents or people that aren't educated about RAD. It wasn't good for me and really worked on my self-esteem. Now I don't share with people who don't "get it" and my sanity stays intact.

Brace yourselves.....the world has stopped on its axis. G just called to find out where he could order a copy of Coming to Grips with Attachment. Miracle of Miracles!!!!