The View From Here....

Girl Trip

Early tomorrow morning J, Puddin & I are off to the beach at Cape San Blas, FL until next Wednesday.  I found an inexpensive rental on VRBO and called at the last minute to see if they had a vacancy.  I'm going to take advantage of the return of Real J and we're going to have a total bonding week.  J travels really well now and our trips are usually drama free.  Puddin isn't so crazy about the beach but at least she'll be with us. 

Hoping to get some great sunset shots too.

Ssssshhhhhh....

The wango tango is still not living here at the moment.  Freaky.  Traumaversary is coming up in a few weeks....will it last????  Not holding my breath but I am enjoying every moment.

There weren't even repercussions from the 6 hour DCFS worker visit this week.  Huge!

I did start her back on Abili.fy last Friday.  That's the only thing that's changed.  J's been on it before (2 years and 15 lbs ago) and it didn't change anything.  A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.  She might as well have taken a Tic Tac.  I gave her the same dosage (5mg) that she was on 2 years ago.  The RAD may not have let the Abili.fy work.  The power of the RAD control human spirit?  Maybe now that she's attached she'll actually allow the med to work???  I don't know.....  Kristy was shocked too and we both told her that we were so happy that the "Real J" was back and that we'd missed her.  She loved that!!!

Her sense of humor is back and there is lots of laughter and giggling which makes my heart sing.  I didn't realize how much I missed her laughter until it came back.  She has been really helpful and has a great attitude.  Not only that but she has her Attitude of Gratitude back instead of "oh woe is me" attitude.  The spark is back in her eyes too. 

Because the wango tango has been around for a while she hasn't spent much time with her dad.  Now that her normal brain is back she's going to stay with him all weekend starting around 10:30 tomorrow morning.  This is a huge deal for her dad because he normally only wants to do 1 night.  Kristy has been trying to educate him and he listens to Kristy. :)  I have a feeling he's going to be exhausted Sunday night. ;-)

Maybe I'm Back

We'll see...

The blogs weren't private.  They were completely down due to circumstances beyond my control.  Thanks to all of you that have offered support.  I'm so grateful for all of you.  Honestly y'all have been more supportive than a lot of my IRL friends. 

J has been struggling for the last couple of months and understandably so.  Understanding doesn't make it easier though.  We've been back at RAD 101.  I'm scared to type this but I think she may have turned a corner.  So picture me doing the soundless jumping up and down and mouthing "yay!" 

We've been trying to go out to capture life outside of our chaos.  Trying to find joy and beauty again.  Thank you, Diana, for "making" me. :)

Stress

Last week when Connie was keeping J while we were at the hospital, she noticed that J was fretting a lot. Connie asked her what was wrong and J said, "I'm afraid Katie is going to hurt my mom."

Insert heavy sigh..... I hate that she has had to worry about such serious things. I just want her to be a kid. She deserves that.... So much....

Friday night was the first night last week that I'd been home when J went to bed. She was tired at 6:00 so I sent her on to bed at 6:30. She slept straight through till 10:30 AM on Saturday!!!!!!!

Puddin didn't get up till 10 AM!!!!

I had to take a nap yesterday and today. If I were able, I think I could sleep for a couple of days.

We've tried to focus on nothing but fun things and making sure to laugh a lot. The Tickle Monster has been "in da house" quite a bit.

I've purposely not mentioned K so that J could have a break.


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She Ran Away

Not really but she did break down in tears and beg to go to Mrs. Gaddy's so that she could get a break from K. Evelyn picked her up Monday and she's having a lot more fun than we're having.

Why Our Kids Steal, Lie, etc.

Finally catching up on Brenda's blog. Keeping me mindful.....
And yes....you need to watch it too. :)

Please Support

Advocates for Children of Trauma is a huge resource for families like mine. They are based in Texas but have been extremely helpful for families nationwide. Mine included. Please take a few minutes and vote for them. They have been actively presenting classes for several years from some of the leaders in Attachment. This is strictly a volunteer based organization but need the financial resources to keep helping families. Mike Groomer, founder, has been a huge advocate for our family. Thanks, Mike, for all you do for our families.





Thank you in advance for your vote. I've got great hopes that they will FINALLY have some financial help. If you're feeling really benevolent please post this on your blog on FB page. They can use all the support they can get.

We Made It

J and I had a great time at the balloon race this morning. However, it was incredibly difficult to drag my bohunkus out of the bed at 5 AM this morning. I didn't sleep well and when I did there were very vivid dreams to greet me. More pics on FB of this morning and J's fishing trip. I do wish it weren't such a pain to upload pics here.

J loved having the one on one time with me and and I with her.

Terrified

Yesterday J was absolutely terrified about the peep that came out on the way to therapy. I had to turn the rear view mirror up so she wasn't freaking out by watching. Which meant that I was internally freaking out wondering who was going to strike me from behind. I kept turning toward J using peripheral vision to see if K was still in the back seat.



By Friday that hopefully won't be such a worry. See other blog.



I bribed my mom into staying with K while I took J to therapy today. J's session was hijacked by K yesterday and it's been happening a lot. It's important that J still gets her time so by not taking K we guaranteed J therapy time. She worked really hard today and admitted that she was terrified yesterday. Puberty it is coming. Dang.

I was really hoping to take both girls to see the balloons take off in Helen tomorrow as they race to the Atlantic. It's not going to happen for K. Alecia is being so kind as to be here at 6 AM tomorrow and I'm taking J to see it. Wondering how I'm going to drag my hiney out of bed at 5.

i p h o n e

Totally useless information but starting next Tuesday the dreaded mart of walls will have the 16 gig i ph o ne. I adore my i phon e but I so wish I'd waited just a few months.
Info found on C N N homepage.

Hanging

31 Puddin meals made today. Nothing else was accomplished but whatever. Liver, rice, carrots, sauteed spinach, yogurt then another recipe of chicken, mashed potatoes, English peas, apples and finally chicken, brown rice, green beans, yogurt and apples.

At least I'm making one person in this house happy.

Puddin & J

This precious little baby above has a really sensitive stomach and a very persnickety appetite. She will go many days without eating if it's not something she wants and I have seriously tried every dog food on the market including all the holistic brands. It hasn't worked. She also has a violent, gagging cough several times a day.

After yet another trip to the vet a couple of weeks ago for days of diarrhea I gave up. I have researched and read several books on making homemade dog food. I've lost a dog to stomach cancer something that I attributed directly to her food. After reading the books about the mystery ingredients in commercial dog food it became glaringly obvious that the food was making Puddin sick. The only things that stuck in my mind is that it would be horribly inconvenient and I didn't have the time. Then it dawned on me that I had to "make" the time. #1 Vet bills bad - #2 Can't lose Puddin cause most of the time she's my sanity and the only person in my house that loves me.

Two weeks ago I started making Puddin's food. She's actually happy to eat now and does a little dance as I get her food ready. I'm making a month of food at a time in individual servings and it's not terribly inconvenient at all. Her gagging cough is completely gone and the "end result" of the food is normal. No more diarrhea and vomiting and I "know" what she is eating. My friend, Priscilla, made the statement, "you wouldn't be excited about eating either if it hurt your tummy every time." Well duh Lisa!

J is back to acting neuro-typical and so glad to have her mom back. She had kept insisting that I was just like the Captain in the So u nd of Music so I gave her the Captain for 4 days. She discovered how many privileges she has and how wonderful her life is. I also discovered I'm not cut out to be a drill sargent. :)

Thanks again to everyone for all your support on K's blog. I'm going to try not to neglect this blog as we make our way through K's journey. Also going to try to keep J's life as normal as possible too.

Randomness

Ahem...someone has been trying to triangulate G & I. She's been busted and is so not happy about it. It's not working out well for her. Bummer. I dream of a day that both my kids can both be regulated at the same time.

On the bright side she is still mowing the grass every 3 days and still loves it. I never ask her or tell her to do it....she just takes it upon herself. Maybe it is a sensory thing.

Discovered that if you cook a potato in your beans that it will remove the gas. (Discard the potato when beans are done.) Little tip for all of you who do not enjoy the after-dinner entertainment.

Last fall while at the doctor's office, regarding my blood pressure, the doctor walked by and gave the nurse instructions to write down a website for a patient who had a nail fungus. My ears perked up and I asked her to give me the skinny. She said that my doctor hated giving a prescription for lam*asil because it has so many side effects and damaging properties so he had started making patients try this herbal remedy first. She also said that it had cured it on every one of his patients. And it is c.h.e.a.p. I've had one on several toenails for a looooong time but was too embarrassed to ask for help so I asked for the web address of Long Creek Herbs. Lo and behold it worked like a charm. No more fungus. I had to do it twice (which is recommended for long-term fungus) but now my toenails are beautiful once again and my liver hasn't been damaged. Yay me. Just in case any of you has been cursed with a fungus I'll share the link and you can click here. $13.00 is also much better than $100.

Wow!

My super cool kid mowed the grass for the first time today. She's been begging to mow it for 3 weeks. I didn't let her do it cause I thought she'd start and not be able to finish cause in case you didn't notice the pic above, there is no motor on my mower so it's not easy.

I thought she wouldn't make it through one lap. She did the front yard AND the back yard. AND she did an amazing job! My kid impresses me more and more each day! It may never happen again but it did today and she was begging Papa & Monya to let her mow their grass too. :)

Don't anybody worry....it won't cut moving backwards so no toes will be missing. :)

We had a fabulous time at the beach. It was so good to get away from home. However, I'm starting to get the itch to go on an adult vacation. Feeling kind of guilty about that too.

J did really great and ate her weight in crab legs. Seriously that child can put those things away like nobody's business. Unfortunately for my wallet we discovered a place that has the best crab legs ever and we had to go there twice.

The trip was relaxing and very low key. I needed that. Most of you have seen the majority of our pics on FB but I wanted to include a few here for those of you who don't check in there.

Just so y'all know...I am reading and keeping up. Just slacking in the comments department. Really slacking. I'm going to try to get started back in a routine tomorrow.

I'm In Love

with a new lens. :)

Wordless Wednesday

Not MIA

Still around....J is percolating beautifully and is amazing to watch. Planting flowers, taking care of me, managing behaviors, etc.

In case we're not friends on face book, I have been posting lots of spring pics there. Love spring....really love it. I discovered Erin through Pioneer Woman and it's been like crack. Seriously. I. can't. put. it. down. My camera is screaming uncle. Erin has been so helpful with elements and she's taught me lots of great tricks. We spent a couple of hours together Saturday night (phone/net) and I was on information overload afterward.

It's so interesting to me that I've met so many great friends in Texas.

Had a fabulous time with Sheri last week in Stone Mountain. It was very cool and like coming home to meet her. She's so real and genuine. Robert wasn't too bad either. :) The kids had a great time. They were in the pool at 7:00 in the morning! Unfortunately for Sheri she had to meet me on probably the worst day I've had all year. She really helped me feel better and totally understood when we had to crash early. Thanks Sheri! ♥

I'm not going to be able to go to my annual spring retreat next week at Seabrook Island. It's during the week this year instead of the weekend and sitters could not be arranged. Cried rivers over that. Blubbering fool. I live for that trip and pay for it in advance every year so I'm committed. That's all I can say about that or I'm going to start blubbering again. Priscilla suggested I do the below and it won't be my special weekend but it will be a break.

Next week is Bon J*vi. Really excited about that. The next day J is going to spend the weekend with G, K is staying here with Connie, and I am jumping in the car for a sabbatical until Sunday. Me...only me....well...my camera of course. Hoping to get lots of cool shots so be looking for them on FB. I have no idea where I'm going. The only thing I'm sure of is that I'm going north of here. Blue Ridge Parkway, Tennessee, Asheville????? I'm just going to jump in the car and go where the wind takes me. More will be revealed later.

Edited to add: Yes, I took the bee picture yesterday. Amazing detail. Especially if you click on it to make it larger. Lots more really cool shots on FB. Click on the link on the right.

Spring Pics

Hmmm....

Wellb*trin is really helping and I'm hoping that a quit date is imminent. Feeling ever so much better. I take a double dose 80mg of L*tensin for my blood pressure every day and on a good (low stress) day my resting BP runs about 150/95. Because it runs so high (hereditary and have been medicated since I was 15) I try to check it every other day or so. I've read several places that Wellb*trin can cause BP increases. Obviously don't need that so I've been checking it every day now. Today was 114/63! A miracle in itself. Woo hoo! Have no idea if it's the exercise (although it's never been this low before on an exercise program) or the vitamin regimen. Really don't care, just tickled to see those numbers.

Today the Chia Seeds came and I've started taking those. Yes....I do everything Christine tells me to do. :) I didn't listen to *prah or Dr. *z. cause Christine is where it's at. :) She's supposed to be working up a post on it so be looking. Among having omegas it also helps with:

•weight loss/balance
•thyroid conditions
•hypo-glycaemia
•diabetes
•IBS
•celiac disease
•acid reflux
•lowering cholesterol
•Provides energy
•Boosts strength
•Bolsters endurance
•Levels blood sugar
•Induces weight loss
•Aids intestinal regularity

There's more but you can click on the link above and check it out.

I've found a great company that is family owned, Nuts Online, has them for $7 a pound. Very reasonable. Love the stuff. Great straight out of the container and I've also made up some of the gel. Put the girls on it too. They included a gift bag of chocolate mint cookies in the package. That certainly made me appreciate them even more. :)

****Edited to add: Christine sent me this link right after I put this post up so I need to include it.

I'm also working up a post on what it's like parenting J these days. It's still rolling around in my head but it will come to fruition soon.

What a Difference a Day Makes

This morning I woke up back to me again. And ever so grateful. It made me have a new respect for how the wrong meds can affect you. Honestly it was pretty scary for a while yesterday. On top of that I felt like I was walking through mud that was as deep as I am tall. Struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I didn't realize how bad I was feeling until this morning and I was actually able to do stuff. Like make breakfast, walk, (today I finally mastered 31 minutes this morning and 20 tonight and it felt great!!!!!) act like a mom, make a sentence, brush my teeth, etc.

We made the trek to town and I got a script from a PA for welb*trin. Ten days to Q-Day.

Ashley became a mom today. A beautiful baby girl. J & I are over the moon for her!!!!

It snowed today. Nope. I am not kidding.

Not So Good...

I started chant*x last Tuesday. Everything was pretty good until day 3. On day 4 you're supposed to take 2 pills a day. Friday was so-so. Saturday it was a beautiful day and all I could think of was taking a nap. Today I barely got out of bed. I didn't even bother exercising. Didn't have the energy. This afternoon I finally figured out that I am depressed. Like majorly depressed. Knew all the B-vitamins should be picking me up so didn't think they were they cause and finally deduced that it had to be chant*x. Sure enough one of the side effects is depression. The nausea isn't so great either. This is so not cool.

Going to try to figure out an economical way to try wellb*trin. Not having insurance majorly stinks at times like these. If I am able to do wellb*trin I may have to re-think my quit date since it takes (I've heard) 5 to 6 weeks to get in your system. Having to wait 5 or 6 more weeks makes me want to cry and the thoughts of quitting on Tuesday makes me want to cry too. Having to sit for a doctor's appointment makes me want to cry. Puddin is looking at me and it's making me want to cry. Yep. You guess it....pretty much everything is making me want to cry. This is so not me.

This just sucks.

Hoping it's out of my system by tomorrow.

Changes

Just because I'm a sorry blogger lately doesn't mean there isn't a lot going on. Didn't want y'all to think it's all crickets over here.

I've really begun a plan to take better care of myself. I need to for me and my kids.

A few of the changes are:

1. I've given up coffee. (Actually it's coffee flavored milk but still....) no more caffeine at all. The weird thing is that now I have more energy. Can someone please explain that?

2. Lots of dietary changes including going pretty much vegetarian (except for sushi). I'm shopping the perimeter of the grocery store in fresh items only except for staples. I've never been big on processed foods but I've really cut them out now. Even tried quinoa for the first time. We made this dish yesterday and it was a big hit. Portobello burgers are a current favorite for everyone.

3. Started a vitamin regimen. I already had one for the girls but I'd left myself out mostly due to the expense. I have decided that I need them regardless of the expense and my repulsion of taking pills. Omega's, B-2, B-12, niacin, kelp, CoQ10 and magnesium in an effort to jump start my failing metabolism and for the energy boost. Click here to learn why you should be taking CoQ10. Kelp is here. You might know all this stuff but I was shocked.

4. Power walking 20 in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening.

5. Drinking 5 to 6 20 oz glasses of water daily.

6. Started drinking 4 oz of Essiac Tea daily to detox my system. It is mainly used to treat cancer homeopathically and I have several friends that are still living (many years later) from using Essiac Tea even though they had been sent home with hospice. I have taken it before for chronic constipati*n (like hospitalized for it and years on miral*x) and it cured my problem so I'm using it now as a detox. More about Essiac Tea here. I make it myself so that I know the quality and freshness cause it's a piece of cake and it's much cheaper than buying it pre-made. $20 makes about 4 gallons which lasts about 3 months. It's found here.

7. I've started taking Chant^x. Yes.... you heard me. My dirty, nasty, shameful secret is out there for all the world to see. *hanging head in shame* I smoke. (There's a saying that you're only as sick as your secrets so maybe I just got a bit healthier by admitting it.) I hate that I smoke. I hate the way it smells, hate that I'm a slave to them, just loathe the habit all together. It's nasty and disgusting. Don't hate it enough to go through the pain of quitting though. So I've resorted to chemical help. My quit day is next Tuesday. Just so y'all know....I quit before I got J. Then I got her.......and the stress went through the roof and I caved. Blech. Please pray, send energy, positive thoughts....whatever you believe in....send it my way. I could really use it. ♥ Planning on tweeting on the good, bad and ugly on quit day and after.

J had a pretty bad weekend. She was very pissed off that she didn't get to go to NYC this past weekend with G and you know that was all my fault so she showed me with her behavior. I had figured out that was the reason she was mad but since it was almost therapy day I left it to Kristy to address. Now she's not mad about that anymore but the time change is throwing things out of whack for the littles. I've noticed that the fact that I'm taking better care of myself is bizarre to the girls too. Yet I know I'm setting an example to do it for themselves when they are grown.

The Painful Truth

Forgive me for rambling. It seems my life has become very rambly and if I don't just throw it out there I'll lose my nerve to post. Apologies in advance for the heavy.

Sometimes I'm hanging by a thread or so it seems. One minute at a time, one second at a time.

Grief is a funny thing. Well not really. It's sneaky and cunning. One second I am fine and the next overwhelmed. I still feel no need to grieve G because I've really worked hard on processing it for years. I am grieving a relationship that happened eleven years ago and the bad decisions I made at that time. There was a casualty, figuratively speaking, and I was the one that held the knife. My behavior was reprehensible. Not sure why it has hit so ruthlessly now. I'm doing a lot of writing, processing, tapping and therapy regarding that time. Regrets. Too many to count. I've done quite a bit of work on my life over the years and thought I covered my regrets. That's what I get for thinking. Somewhere deep down I knew it was there but it was too painful to face it. My behavior during that time still makes me cringe every time I think of it. Another layer of the onion to peel away. Recovery is a process not an event, I suppose.

I think I'm right in the middle of a miracle and lordy it's hard when you're in the middle of it. I know the outcome will be a bright, shining rainbow and another layer of freedom and joy but dang, when you're right in the middle it's so painful.

Working with my girls has forced me to look at things differently. That's a good thing even if it hurts for now. Settling for less of myself would make me a very bad role model.

I wish I'd done things differently. I wish I didn't care. I wish, I wish, I wish. Daammmmmnnnn.

Knowing it will be worth every second of pain when I come out of the darkness.

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." Mark Twain

Working on forgiving myself. Working on letting go of the past and the future. Letting go of the outcome. Grieving what I thought my life would be. It's all going to be OK.




I've written it all down extensively and put it in my God Can. It's not mine anymore. Every time I think of it I'm writing it down and putting it in the can. So far there's been 10 more additions.

Things are very calm now with G. I'm keeping my side of the street clean and setting up clear boundaries. I'm moving forward and reclaiming my life.

Overwhelmed

Truly I am overwhelmed by all the birthday wishes. They brought tears of joy and really touched my heart. Y'all made me feel so special and loved. Thank you all so much.

Dia, thank you so much too. You are such a thoughtful, special friend, very dear to my heart and I am so grateful for you. Knowing you are always just a phone call away is a true comfort.

It has been such a great day. A sitter was arranged and I spent it with my BFF, Connie. Fabulous lunch, a wee bit of shopping and ended watching Valentine's Day.

I'm expecting great things this year. So glad all of you will be along for the ride. It may not always be pretty but I promise it will be real.

XOXOX

***A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT***

Did you know that today is

Lisa's birthday???!!!

She is taking a little time to enjoy her day and won't be back for a good part of the day so I hijacked her blog. I want her to remember how important she is to so many of us and I thought it might be nice if we surprised her with our birthday greetings when she check in tonight. Personally, she has been a life-line for me on this rollercoaster journey of parenting children with RAD, PTSD, ODD, etc. and I know that I have her to thank for many of the strategies that have made a world of difference for my kids and for my own sanity! So come on over and leave her a little birthday love if you wish! Thanks, Dia @ Rancho Chico.

Self-Care

Several have asked/mentioned what I'm doing to take care of myself. It turns out to be quite a lot. These are in no particular order....

1. Reiki at least once a day and twice a week I go to get Reiki from someone else.

2. I'm doing a lot of reading.

3. Losing myself in music. I love music and it can really transport me to a different mood.

4. Singing at the top of my lungs and doing the crazy dancing around the living room. Neither of which are very pretty but I'm OK with that. :D

5. Having quality time with Jordan without the crazy.

6. Quiet times alone at least 3 times a day. Even if it's 5 minute increments.

7. Salt/soda baths occasionally.

8. Extra long gratitude lists.

9. Therapy

10. Phone conversations with really good friends.

11. Daily meditation

Truly I'm not grieving. As hard as that might be to understand I think I've grieved for so long that it no longer feels necessary. The only thing that has changed is what we call it. We called it a relationship, when in fact, it was just a friendship. We're just calling it what it is. We'll remain friends. Well...I'm doing my part at least.

Pathetic Update

Weekend visitations are working out pretty well. She was a little shaky when she came home Sunday but she figured out the problem and re-grouped quickly. He wanted to keep her again that night but one night was enough and she needed to come home. G is holding her routines so that is really helping her feel safe enough to go.

It snowed today and I got stuck on a hill trying to get to therapy. Note to self....next time be sure and get 4 wheel or AWD. G picked up J to take her to see more snow and she ended up spending the night at the lake. There's a lot more snow up there so she'll have a blast. Make up therapy at 10 tomorrow. Hoping we can get there since it's going to freeze over tonight.

Recipe

Refried Beans

I've heard several of you speak of fear of the dried beans. I've broken down the how-to to give you a no-fail recipe. I'm a refried bean snob and won't even think of buying that canned stuff so see if you enjoy these as much as we do.

2-lb bag of dried pinto beans
2 cloves of garlic minced
1 large onion diced
2 jalapenos roughly chopped (seeds too)
Salt and pepper to taste

Soak dried beans in water at least 12 hours. (I soak mine on the counter not the fridge.) After soaking rinse and make sure there aren't any questionable beans (or rocks).

Pour beans into a crock pot. Cover with water until the beans are submerged by about an inch of water. Cook on low all day (8 hours?). (Do not season!!!!!) If you season now the beans will remain hard and inedible.

In the last hour season move the temp up to high then add salt, pepper and jalapenos (don't worry they will not be too spicy). Saute the onion and garlic in olive oil and add to beans. I usually use habanero peppers because I like the heat and so do the girls.

After they have cooked for another hour use a submersible blender, potato masher or blender till smooth (unless you like chunky beans).

We use these for a lot of things but our favorite is have bean burritos. I use whole wheat tortillas, sprinkled with cheese, homemade pico de gallo, sour cream and guacamole. We freeze the leftovers in z iplock bags pressed flat.

Pico de gallo
1 large tomato diced
1/2 onion diced
1 T fresh cilantro
salt to taste
juice of 1/2 a lime

Guacamole
2 avocados
2 T fresh cilantro
juice of 2 limes
couple of dashes of hot pepper sauce
salt

Sidenote: I'm so grateful for all of you. Starting to pull myself out of the hole. I've even started (baby steps) on commenting again. *gasp*

Faking It till I Make It

Things are pretty tough on the other blog so I'm trying to fake it here.

Last week G took J skiing again and now she's catching air! Doing the trick slopes and managing 3 - 5 ft in the air. Totally impressed with her. She's doing amazingly well and trying her very best to pick me up. It was G's weekend so he took her to the lake and she did really well there too.

A shopping trip was required today for new shoes since all have been outgrown. 6 1/2ladies! I'm still in shock. So long cute kid shoes.

I have put both girls on 1500 mg of niacin after reading and talking to Christine and Dia. Increased omega's too.

After about 4 days I started noticing a difference.

During the above mentioned shopping trip I purchased wi-fi blu-ray player. (Thanks Cindy) Purchased so that I could download instant net f li x educational documentaries for J to watch. Many hours of frustration later I discovered that unfortunately ancient TV's and blu-ray's don't get along so well. Now it looks like I'm getting another TV.

Thanks for hanging with me till I get my crap together. I've been a horrible bloggy friend. My sincere apologies. I just don't have much positive to say these days and I'm trying to keep it to myself.

Still Here

I'm still here. Muddling through. J is doing amazingly well.

A bunch of you have called, emailed or commented and I'm truly grateful. Socialwkr24/7 put it best when she said, "it's hard to be a person isn't it." Some days it really is.

The award was so sweet. Boy. Soooooo not feeling like a ray of sunshine lately.

Feeling woefully inadequate for this job.

Trying to do things to fill me up.

Please think of Claudia. I'm really worried about her and have been obsessively checking her blog & Kari's.