Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Pressure Cooker Ranting Ramble

You know....when you're sitting on the outside looking in it's so easy to judge or be critical of someone's parenting, their life, their relationships, etc. I know I have been sooo guilty of this in the past and it's something I really work on today because I don't want to be that kind of person. It's really easy to be judgmental or critical when you don't live in the situation because you have nothing to lose. When you live with the problem it gives you a whole different perspective. I guess that's where the old saying comes in "never judge someone until you've walked in their shoes".

My daughter has been to hell and back with several round-trip tickets. She has seen more trauma than most adults and it was all before the age of 5. Her bio family started her journey to hell and foster care perpetuated and exacerbated the trips. It really pisses me off which is why I try not to focus on it too much because it takes my energy away from J. Actually pissing me off is a real understatement because I don't think there's a word to cover the emotions I have about what happened to her. No child should have to go through what she went through. It's unforgiveable.

That being said....(because she's been through so much hell)...she has a LOT of problems. I can guarantee you that any adult that has been through her circumstances would have significant issues too! Is it easy being her parent? Hell No! Do I love her? Beyond anything that I ever thought possible!!! Is it worth it??? Damn straight! Will I ever give up on her??? No way! Even if both of us are living in the state-run crazy house I will be her mom forever!

One thing I can promise you is that unless you have lived with my child who is a severely emotionally disturbed don't walk in judgment of me or my parenting methods. One thing I do know is that I know my child and I know what works for her and I, as her Awesome Mom, am duty bound to do whatever is in her best interest even if it's very painful for me. That's my job. I am the adult and I have to make the hard decisions. What works for your kid(s) won't work for my kid and I am sure probably vice versa. Wouldn't it be so easy if the same thing worked for all kids???? Life would be so simple. *Heavy sigh* It doesn't work that way unfortunately. All I can do is trust my instincts and know that I have her very best interests at heart and try to do the right things to give her the help she needs. When I do screw up I model making amends by telling her I was wrong and asking what can I do to make it right.

Rant over....I think I can breathe again.... Sorry... I just had to get that out. Had someone judging my parenting skills and it really pissed me off.

Fabulous AT session yesterday with lots of progress showing. J was able to say she felt lonely. This HUGE!!! A year ago all my child could say was that she was mad. Real tears too! Since I am so co-dependent I couldn't let her cry by herself. I had to cry too. Very emotional day but so worth it. I am so proud of her. She had a fabulous day at school today and the teacher incorporated the "rubbing technique" taught to us by AT which changes her energy around because J's gets flipped a lot. It worked wonderfully! Jumpings have been added at 10-15 minute intervals and that's helping a lot with her focus. Last night I gave J a Reiki session which always calms and centers her and I did Reiki on her lifebooks (distance Reiki to help her with the traumatic past events) and she crawled into bed telling me about all the wonderful dreams she was going to have about the angels.


laura said...

Anyone who is judging your parenting skills obviously doesnt know you. You are one of the most fantastic moms I know. I have only walked 1/2 mile or better yet not even 1/4 mile in your shoes and dont understand where you get your strength to keep haning in day after day. What I do know is that the power of the love you have for J is so overwhelming it will conquer anything. Dont let someones ignorance get to you. Keep up what you are doing and never change
Love ya

Lisa said...

Thanks Laura! You've always been such an amazing friend and I'm eternally grateful for you!
I just really needed to puke all that up before it festered and exploded. It's so hard when people don't live with us to explain it to them. Heck! I can't even explain it to the people closest to us most of the time!
I think I'm being paid back (only kidding) for all the times I would see the unruly kids in stores and say to myself...."my kid would NEVER act like that!" God sure does have a funny sense of humor!
Hugs, Lisa

Lauri said...

Big Hugs to ya....

only love coming at ya.. I hope you feel better now that you got all of that down on paper.. so to speak

You are a Great Mom

Alyssa's Mom said...

Wow Lisa! Your rant was everything that I feel and have been dealing with in regards to a "friend". You just say it so much better.

Never doubt that you are an awesome Mom! You have made such wonderful progress with J and have helped me make progress with Alyssa just by being a sympathetic ear! You have given me suggestions and advice and just a pat on the back when I really needed one!

How about next time someone pisses us off, I'll yell at your idiot and you can yell at mine? I think it would be fun!



Lynn said...

Hey honey.

I am so proud of you and all you are doing for your daughter. I know it is hard, and after talking to you the other night I now know it is worth it.

I'm sorry if I hurt you by asking if it was worth it. I have absolutley no experience with anything even close to what you're going through. I can only compare it to my experience of being a stepmother to kids who don't always appreciate what I do for them. And frankly somedays I think it's not worth the effort I put into those relationships (not often but some days suck).

Please forgive my ignorant question. I am going to stay abreast of your joys and struggles though your blog and I will "know" how you feel without having to ask.

I love you.

Accidental Mommy said...

I know this is old...but still very well said. Sending you hugs.