Wednesday, April 25, 2012


I've heard the rock star comment a few times.  While I so appreciate the affirmations, it's hard to hear at the same time because I have failed miserably so many times.

I am only human.  I screw up all the time.  I try things that don't work out so well.  I lose my cool.  I lose my mojo sometimes.  I've yelled.  More times than I can count I have cried for days on end because I just don't think I can give one more thing.  Emotionally bankrupt.  I've thrown my hands in the air and retreated to my room with my head buried under the covers.  I've thrown temper tantrums.  I've been sarcastic when I should've been loving, kind and understanding.  I lose my faith sometimes.  I forget to keep my eye on the prize.  I forget how far  J has come in terms of healing.  I fail to recognize progress.  J's progress and mine.  I fail to do a lot of things.

My list of failures is long.

I am only human.

Which reminds me of this quote:

“I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong”  ~ Benjamin Franklin

I have failed a million times but I get back up and try to do better the next time.   

I'm no different than you.   Just like you, I am only human and I keep doing the best I can with the information I have at the time.  When I know better I'll do better and until then I keep doing the best I can with the information I have.   Just like you....

This work is hard.  The most difficult job I've ever had.  We did not get to where we are overnight.  It has been a long and arduous journey.  J has survived and thrived in spite of my screw ups.  

It has been worth it.  


Unspeakable Joy said...

And THAT my dear makes you a rock star so just deal with it!! :) Seriously!

GB's Mom said...

You are a rock star and human. Such is life.

Diana said...

Unspeakable Joy stole my comment. :-)

If you didn't screw up and think this is hard, we wouldn't think you're a rock star. We'd just think you were a rock...or a robot...and we'd probably kick sand in your eyes (and we'd do it on purpose and call it an accident.)

Christina said...

I second what Unspeakable Joy and Diana said!!

matryoshka said...

Diana...I LOVE your last line!!!!!

Lisa..thank you for posting this because I often have the (completely unrealistic) goal that I should be perfect. And I most definitely am NOT. Even Close.