Beach

Hi from the beach! We made it. Didn't know until the last minute if it was going to happen. Things were very touch and go for a while. I'd actually canceled Puddin's baby sitter because I didn't think we'd make it.

Even though I packed on the downlow Puddin was pretty distraught by the time we left. She's too intuitive. However, when Connie showed up to sit with her (thank goodness Connie was able to stay on such short notice) she was one happy camper.

We didn't make it in time to hit the grocery store so I took them straight to dinner. J ate 6 sets of crab legs (she did all the cracking). And....all the other stuff too I might add. Tomorrow when I'm in a better mood, we'll do grocery shopping.

Transitions

I got a lesson (again) in how hard transitions are for our kids. Even supposedly fun transitions. Heck...I'm not crazy about change either. Going to be mindful of that in the future by keeping my yapper shut....and everyone around me. Duct tape anyone????



We'll be here tomorrow....

The house of unbearably slow internet. While waiting on a page to come up I will cook bacon, eggs and whip up a pan of biscuits, two kids will strong sit and orange juice will be sipped. Maybe just maybe when I look at the computer again I will have a fresh page to devour.

Lows in the 40's, highs in the 60's (hopefully 70's by Thursday). Think the girls will brave the pool???? Sweats and jackets packed just in case. Tomorrow night my feet will be planted in the sand. Seashells will be in my bucket and the ocean will serenade me all night long. No matter how cold it is.

What is up with the cold weather? I've never turned the heat on before December and usually we're still swimming in the lake until Halloween. Geesh. It's freezing. This morning it was 35 and tonight is supposed to be colder. Dang.

Anybody in the North Myrtle area?????

By Request

Several people have asked me to describe a prescribed fit so I'll give it a try and attempt not to bungle it.

In the beginning, J couldn't do a prescribed fit so the AT & I modeled it for her. Screaming, yelling, wallowing around on the floor, kicking the floor, etc. Generally in a fixed spot called the "fit" rug to have a two-year-old temper tantrum. Let me just tell you it takes a lot of energy to throw a fit and do all that screaming and yelling. I don't know how they do it. Since I really don't "want" to listen to a fit at close range J uses the bedroom downstairs. I can hear very well but it doesn't send my blood pressure over the edge like it does in close proximity.

Now that we've practiced together several times J is well-schooled on how a fit should look. Yes...we all know that they know exactly how to have a fit but sometimes doing it with them is helpful. So every hour I tell her to run along and have a fit downstairs and I'll let her know when two minutes are up. She bounces down the stairs and proceeds to have a real screamer. She's pretty experienced at this now so she can choose her own phrases but when she first started we'd choose who she wanted to yell at and what she wanted to yell about and she would use that for the whole day. The next day we'd move on to something/someone else.

Some examples of her phrases (she chose):

I am mad at you birth mom.

You didn't take care of me.

You gave me RAD.

You made me different.

You were supposed to feed me.

You were supposed to keep me clean.

I hate you birth mom.

You were supposed to take care of me.

You were supposed to keep bugs off me.

(She doesn't always focus on her birth mom but this is who she's been mad at lately. She has a right to be mad and we'll work on forgiveness after some of the anger dissipates.)

Yes....I know it sounds crazy but it works. Part of it is giving her permission to be mad. She has a right to be mad. Part of it is taking the thrill out of having the fit. "Well if that's what you want me to do I just won't do it anymore," mentality. Part of it is realizing that she could be having fun doing something else. Duh.

If I see a blow out about to happen I hurriedly prescribe it. Usually it takes the whole edge off and things settle down quickly rather than having the major explosion. If I totally miss it then I'll say, "oh honey, thank you for reminding me it's time for that fit."

The more she does it the more she realizes that she has control over the situation. The real fits are becoming less and less frequent. (shhhhh)

I have totally great news but I'm not going to tell you about it until we get back from the beach. I'm not crazy enough to jinx myself. :)

Rockin Sheri gave me a super cool award. Sheri is this really cool mom who lets the snark rip. I love that about her. She'll totally say all the stuff I'd love to but can't because I'd get kicked out of the south. I realize I'm 2 behind but I promise to get caught up some day.

Broken Hearts

Seems like there are a lot of broken hearts going around these days. I've been asked to post about a little girl, 8, that needs a home. She looks astoundingly like J and has a lot of the same challenges. Yet, let us never forget that our kids can heal. They just need the right opportunity. Just because it hasn't worked in one family does not mean that things might not be better in another family.

Are you her family? Can you help start the healing journey? Can you send up some prayers, hopes, thoughts for this family and this child?

If you would like to know more please email me for details. lisaamos@payco.org
Hate mail not accepted. Snap judgements either.
There's a hurting child and family. Please be respectful of that.

For those of you that feel so inclined please link to this post.....this little girl has parents waiting on her somewhere. Please help us find them so she can begin to heal.

Remember that the "powers that be" considered J unadoptable. Miracles happen. Every day.

Trauma Anniversary

Things are steadily improving around here. Prescribed fits are lessening the "real" fits. Win-win for everyone. Still impressed that they started so much later in the year. (Usually start the first week of August and run through the first week of November.) Not saying it's not challenging some days but it is considerably better than previous years. There are some things going on that J has asked me not to blog about and that's OK. I'll put it in a draft to save for her later. The actual trauma date is October 23.

Even though I was sick we were not going to miss our 3 hour therapy session today. The girls loved my face mask and surgical gloves that I wore to keep Kristy from being exposed.

The anger that J is feeling toward her birth mom right now is really strong and rightfully so considering the abuse she suffered. Every morning she's been drawing a picture of birth mom and a picture of her anger that she feels toward BM. Thinking I came up with a pretty good idea to help her dispose of "some" of the anger. We're going to keep doing the pictures every day and save them. Next week when we go to the beach (bi-annual vacation) we're going to go to the most horrible public restroom I can find and dispose of them. We'll be in a different state and J grasps that concept really well so I think it will help her feel some relief.

The reason I think it will work for her is because the abusive foster mom is still "in jail" in Kristy's office and it was such a relief to J to put her there. She will still occasionally go make sure she's still there.

She's also working on making a list of gifts (gave birth to her, kept her alive, etc.) that her BM gave her and she has a special box to put them.

More will be revealed later......

Sunday was the worst I've had since being sick. She really made an effort to help and be considerate. This morning she made up my bed and left me a sweet note in the bathroom hoping that I would feel better soon. :)

We missed J's ortho appt since I was sick. Rescheduled for the 29th.

Home Again

We're home. So glad to be here. J did really well considering that Vegas is way over-stimulating. She loved Hoover Dam. As is tradition, we stopped in Boulder City to see the video of the construction of the Dam. Interesting to see the construction of the new road over the dam as well. I brought her in my room at 5:30 AM on Monday to see all the lights. "It's more beautiful than I ever thought it would be", she exclaimed. Then we proceeded to watch the sunrise over the mountains.

Monday night she ate more sushi at Nobu than I care to think about. Honestly, I think that child would eat sushi 3 times a day if you would let her. After dinner she hit a wall. Getting up at 4 AM and staying up till 9 was not a good thing.

Tuesday morning (as we were getting ready to go to the dam) she was grumpy and cantankerous. Ashley took her back upstairs to the room for a prescribed fit. She came back downstairs a different child. It totally changed things up for her and she had a fabulous day.

Tuesday night G took me to see Cher which he had been keeping a huge secret for 4/5 weeks. Great show!

Very grateful that G has to travel with work so that we have so many opportunities. Great geography lessons are had through travel!

Last night she was in the bed at 7, snoring at 7:05 and slept until 9:30 this morning.

Today we are doing mountains of laundry. Back to the real world...

Thanks to BT, Lee, and A for the award. When I'm not "Over the Top" with laundry....I'll be back.

On a sidenote: Does anyone know anything about lalemics? I have an appointment with an instructor for an evaluation with Special k next week.

Waking Up In Vegas Baby!

Still on Georgia time so I'm wide awake! Ugh. Fighting a cold. But the digs are great! Dinner tonight at Nobu. Can't wait!

Script

After talking with Christine last night, something she said caused me to have an epiphany in the shower this morning. I've been doing guided imagery with J for quite some time. Already know she loves it....why couldn't I change it up and do one about "just her"? Since I was going to write it out to record I'll just do it here, print it out and record it tonight. I've taken the very first part and very end of the script out of the book and put my words in the middle. We'll see what happens....

Please take a moment or two to position yourself as comfortably as you can, allowing your body to be well supported....and gently letting your eyes close, if they want to...and arranging it so your head, neck and spine are straight...

Letting your hands rest comfortably somewhere on your body so that you can feel the rise of your body when you breathe in....and the way it settles back down when you breathe out...and you're becoming more and more attuned to the feel of your breath moving in and out of your body....

And now...taking a nice deep, full, cleansing breath...and breathing out, fully and completely...feeling the expansion of your belly with each breath in....and the way your body subsides with each out-breath...

And again...breathing in...and this time imagining that you're sending the warm energy of your breath to places in your body that might be sore or tense or tight.....and releasing the tension with the out-breath...so you can feel your breath going into those places...warming and softening and loosening them...and then, gathering it all up...and breathing out...

So that more and more you can feel safe and comfortable..relaxed and easy...watching the cleansing action of your breath...

And any unwelcome thoughts....those too can be sent out with the exhale...so that just for a moment, your mind is empty...free and clear space...and you are blessed with peaceful stillness...

And any emotions that you might sense inside...those too can be noted and breathed out of your body... so you can be still and quiet...like a smooth and glassy lake with no ripples...

And now, if you would...relax even deeper....knowing in your heart of hearts that I love you no matter what you do...you can throw fits all day and I will still love you...there is nothing in this world that will ever make me give up on you...you are my child....forever....and forever....and forever...you deserve to be loved....you deserve to have fun....you deserve to be clean....you deserve to be happy....you are a precious child...you deserve to be safe....you deserve to be relaxed and calm....you are crystal clean on the inside....you deserve to be a normal kid...you deserve to have a good home with a family who loves you....you deserve to have a mom that loves you and takes care of you.....I love you with my whole heart and there is nothing that you can do that will change that....forever and ever....you are my daughter.... you were born in my heart and will live there for eternity.....

It is safe to open up your heart and let all of the love inside.....your heart is large enough to hold all of the love you are given...it is safe to love now....no one will hurt you anymore....I love you my darling daughter....and I am so proud of you.....

So with every breath you are letting the love fill your heart....feeling it move into your muscle, tissue and bone.....all the way down into each and every cell...

So with every breath, you're inhaling the nourishing beauty of this love...bringing it into your body...breathing it into your heart..and with each exhale, you're more able to release whatever you wish to let go of...

Breathing deeply and easily...taking the peaceful beauty of the love into your body with each in-breath...and letting it move all through you...and breathing out...whatever you wish to release...strong and steady...in and out...peaceful and easy....

Sleep peacefully....feeling the love all in your body knowing you are safe, cared for, deserving of all good things....

Knowing in a deep place that this place, this love, is inside you...that you are better for this....

And so you are.....

Lie Detector Test & Other Stuff

Here's the lie detector test video. J & I performed especially for you this afternoon. Sorry about the quality.

Rules on the lie detector test. Do not have a watch or cell phone on you. The test will not work correctly if you or your child are touching any electronic device.

You ask the question, have the child stick their arm out and repeat the statement. Tell them to resist you as you push down on their arm. If their arm stays strong and does not push down they are telling the truth. Always ask them to say their name first. If they can't hold their arm up when you push down on their name their energy is messed up and you need to straighten it out with rubbing or tapping. Test again after and see if energy is correct. If it is you can continue with other questions. If it's not rinse and repeat with tapping or rubbing. A lie or false statement will cause their arm to go down when you press on it. A truth will mean that their arm will stay firm and you can't press it down. If you think they might lie on purpose and let their arm go down without trying, use the opposite statement. For example, don't use, I hit Johnny, instead have them say, I did NOT hit Johnny.

Try it out on your spouse or friend to get the hang of it before using it on your child. I'm getting lazy lately and check for everything. Such as, if I don't want to go check to see if J has brushed her teeth well I just do the lie detector test. It's a fabulous time saver.
Think of all the things you can find the answers to.

I did not hit my brother.
Suzy is bothering me.
I feel sick.
I did my chore correctly.
My brother punched me in the stomach.
I did not start the fight.

You can solve all of life's whodunits. :)

I've had several people email me about the Guided Imagery so instead of going back and finding the link and all the other stuff so here it is again.

More free info on tapping is on http://www.tapping.com/. Sign up for their free weekly newsletter and it will let you print out a tapping map which is helpful until you learn all the appropriate spots. Once you get the hang of tapping it's a piece of cake and can be a lifesaver. Don't be scared of it because you cannot screw it up. Give it a shot!

Excellent energy info in Donna Eden's Energy Medicine Kit. A DVD, CD, cheat sheets, and book all for less than $20.

Guided Imagery. Invisible Heroes - Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal. $10 Must. Have. Book. Thousands of dollars of therapy in this book. Lots of them you can do at home. I have recorded sessions in my (soft, soothing, non-stressed out) voice for both J & Special K with soft music (Biolateral music, Delta Sleep music, Mozart, etc) in the background. I download them to a MP3 player or CD and they play all night long in their room on a boom box. I've tweaked all of the scripts for guided imagery so they have been "customized" for each of my girls individually. It's important to start at the beginning and don't miss any appropriate scripts because they build on each other. 3 stages. 1. Preparing to process trauma, 2. Processing trauma, 3. Trauma recovery. IMHO I would do stage one and two in the home but save the second stage to do in the AT's office. The second stage shouldn't be played all night long but processed with help and move on to the third stage. If you have a fabulous AT they will listen to you when you ask them to read this book. Chances are they have already heard of it and have it in their arsenal. If they haven't read it they will sing your praises for telling them about it. You will also get many other ideas that will help you help your child. No home with an adopted child should be without this book. Not. even. kidding.

Do one recorded script and play it all night long for a week. Note any changes. After a week or so add another one and play them in succession. So on and so forth.....

J update: Since adding the prescribed hourly fits things are improving rapidly. Yay us!

Idiocy Award

Mad

Happy
Scared



Sad



It's official. I am an idiot. I racked my brain, over and over and over. Still couldn't figure out the problem. Therapy today with a big ole slap across my face. J was all over the place and had totally regressed. Fear was imprinted all over her face. Huge, mind boggling fear. October 23 is the anniversary date. Big duh.













I started off all strong last January telling J almost daily that she needed to have fits starting in August and to start planning them because her anniversary date was coming up. Normally she starts in August and continues until about a week after the anniversary date. I have reminded her almost daily until August and the fits didn't come and I quit reminding her. Duh again.













Even when she didn't have a concept of time her body remembered it and they would start and be incessant. The good news is that now they're starting a month ahead instead of 2 months. Yay!

Now I'm prescribing an hourly fit. It needs to be at least 2 minutes. I've marked it on her calendar and we're counting down the days. We'll see....











Her birthday is also is big instigator of trouble. Therefore this year we are celebrating (in a small fashion of course) at least 2 weeks ahead. Going to cut that off at the pass.

In case you're wondering....above we're practicing using the correct facial affect for the emotion. Something most RAD kids have trouble with. J has it down pat but Special K is still learning. J did not want to be left out she so got to practice too. :)

Anybody know where I can pick up my idiocy award?????

Backward

I'm taking it down a notch and going back to M & M training today. Too lazy to find the link to explain it. Something needs to change and it needs to be me. Some of it is just the ebb and flow of RAD and that's ok. Some of it is just a battle of wills. It just doesn't need to be my will mucking it up.

Last of Summer

Lots going on but just don't feel like blogging about it. Decided instead to share some happy pics with you. Trying to figure out a new camera and photo shop el ements. Need a course. It would be a lot faster. The first 2 pics were taken last week. The last remnants of summer.

Fall arrived this weekend. 3.5 inches of rain in 2 hours on Saturday evening. Sunday was a glorious, sunny day. The leaves started falling yesterday and haven't stopped. My yard is now covered in leaves. The temperature fell fast and we slept with the windows open and the fall breeze drifting in the house. Tomorrow night is supposed to be in the forties. Thinking we're going to go from fry to freeze pretty quick.

Saturday morning, J tripped over the vacuum hose and slammed her foot into the vacuum cleaner. It's now bruised pretty bad. As soon as it happened she thought she needed to go to the hospital. LOL!

Promise to be working on a video of the lie detector test soon.

Cast Update & Flooding

We're all OK here and haven't floated away. Atlanta and several surrounding counties took the worst of it but most of northeast Georgia is OK. The county next to us took a pretty big hit though. Thankfully all of the dams held on all the local lakes. Several of them are a little iffy so we weren't sure if they would make it. Tuesday night the water was about 10 inches above the floor of the boathouse. We were going to go up and check it out yesterday morning but evidently Tuesday night they opened all the flood gates on the dam and it was just to the top of the sea wall by morning.

Tuesday morning, we were still without internet and the girls were itching to do something after being shut up for 7 straight days. So we made the big mistake of traveling to downtown Atlanta. It was fine on the way down but when we were starting home the major flooding started. I couldn't see in front of me it was raining so hard. A waterfall was coming down off of spaghetti junction. Truly scary. Hazard lights the whole way and white knuckling the steering wheel. It took me 2 hours to drive what should have been 30 minutes. I was afraid to pull off so I kept going. My hands were sore all day yesterday from holding the steering wheel so hard.

The surgeon removed J's cast today. Huge YAHOO! She's now in a soft wrist splint that she can take off when bathing, washing her hands and sleeping. We go back on the 12th and that should be removed. Think she's missing the cast and all the attention. :-)

I am so far behind on blog reading I'm going to start over tomorrow.

Nice Little Surprise

There has been a lonely subscription in my goo gle reader for a very long time. The author had to abandon it due to some hateful trol l. I just never could bring myself to delete it. So many giggles, snorts and hilarious antidotes were had reading that subscription that it just seemed wrong to remove it. This week I was rewarded for being nostalgic and sentimental. It magically turned black and I gasped out loud and practically fell all over myself trying to open the post. Then I did the ugly happy dance. Seriously.

So just in case you haven't heard.....the wigged out cat is back (y'all know who I'm talking about)..... yippee. So go add her to your reader. You can't beat me though. First!

Tough Week

It's been a pretty tough week around here. Solidifying my belief that if you blog about success that it will come back and give you a rather large bite in the arse.

When I finally remembered to do the lie detector test (energy test) it proved that J still has trouble believing that she deserves to have fun. And last week was fun on c ra ck. Nashville (not including the antics of Special k), the parkway, etc. J is temporarily residing in the guest bedroom downstairs until we get some things figured out. An antique chest, that was willed to me, paid the price.

Desperately needed to go to the grocery store and the pharmacy but couldn't go with both girls dysregulated. Connie came down to sit with them while I made a fast and furious 35 minute run to town. New world record.

Tapping of the week...."even though I don't believe I deserve to have fun, I'm a totally great kid and my mom totally loves me."

Shine On

Another motorcycle/mom mobile trip up the Blue Ridge Parkway this weekend. J really let her light shine this trip. She was so much fun to be around. We went to Santa Land on Saturday morning and she did the roller coaster and loved it. Huge for her. Normally her fear level won't let her do anything like this. Petting zoo, train ride, carousel, ferris wheel, etc. She had a blast.

She also rode on G's motorcycle for the first time. Just to breakfast and back to the hotel but still. Now I believe she's a biker in training. Time for my nerves to get rattled I'm sure. I had finally gotten up my nerve to let her ride a bit on the parkway since the speed limit is 35 mph and there's very few places for people to get on and off the parkway. So....I suggested it to G. He wouldn't let her. Turns out a driver pulled out in front of him and almost hit him on the way up and it had shook him up. Me too once I found out about it. I asked him if he understood why his mom almost had a coronary when he got his first bike at 9. He got it.

I let her ride up front with me so that she could see better and she loved it. Tons of fun and everyone remarked about her happiness. Even waiters and hotel clerks.

Fast forward to today. Lots of struggling going on. Me too. I just wanted to keep riding. Honestly, it's been too much for me too. Nashville, Chrissi leaving, 3 day trip to the mountains. Back to the real world.

Chrissi's Perspective

As y'all know Chrissi is here visiting us from Germany. She was J's au pair for a year and became all to familiar with the crazy stuff in our house. I've asked to write a post to document all the changes she's seen in J in the last two weeks and what's different since she left last September. Lisa

From Chrissi:
Last year J was always in a bad mood, grumpy and hateful. No fun to be around. She argued all. the. time. and didn't matter what it was about. She didn't understand any jokes. She didn't know how to express her feelings and she always wore her evil face if things didn't go her way. She had looks that showed she wanted to kill you. We slept behind locked doors. She just cared only about herself even though she hated herself. She was really mean. Very whiney all the time and controlling and bossy. She dragged to do anything that you asked her to do. Slow, slow, slow. She raged every day. Everyone was kept at a distance. If you got too close she made you regret it. Around G she was always very charming and a little angel. She viewed her relationship with G as boyfriend/girlfriend. Hitting, punching, kicking, biting, spitting on everyone and everything almost every day. She was never grateful for anything and always wanted more of everything. If we went somewhere or she had to be around strangers she would have total meltdowns after we came home. If you gave her a compliment she would rage. She constantly stomped through the house and the house would shake. She couldn't watch television without having a meltdown. You couldn't trust her with anything. Anything that came out of her mouth was a lie. She hated everyone and everything. She never did anything right the first time. She made everything a battle. She was always mean to Puddin. You could never take your eyes off of her because Puddin would be hurt. She was frustrated about everything. The smallest thing was too hard for her to do and she would give up. She worked to destroy everything. Her heart was filled with hate and anger.

Now J is fun to be around. We have had such a great time during my visit. It's been wonderful to see the changes. I still read this blog while I'm Germany but until I saw it with my own eyes I didn't believe the changes she has made. Her whole attitude changed. She can express feelings appropriately and show and receive love from Lisa. Everyone else too. She cares for others and shows her concern. She notices if there are things that need to be done and does them without being asked. If she gets into a bad behavior and she tries to catch herself not to throw a fit and change it up. Chores are no longer a battle. She does them willingly and with a good attitude. She looks to herself for a consequence when she has done something wrong to make it up to that person and it's appropriate. You don't have to be afraid to take her places or worry about being around new people. She can have fun without making everyone pay for it. She can understand jokes and laugh about them. She can be silly and funny now. Her imagination improves greatly. She is grateful and appreciates even little things. She sees Daddy G as her dad and not her boyfriend. You can trust her now. She doesn't kick, hit, punch, bite, or spit anymore. She doesn't try to hurt Puddin anymore and is very kind to her. We don't have to stay behind locked doors at night. She has found her place in the family and loves it and she knows that she belongs. She's not whiney, bossy or controlling anymore. She doesn't scream at you when things don't go her way. No more evil looks. Her face is full of joy now. She wants a relationship with her mom and looks to her for help and love. Now she doesn't give up and keeps trying. She still gets frustrated but it's rarely and like a normal kid. Now she only stomps when she is mad and that's very rare. The lies have stopped and you can trust her. She can watch television without raging. She has a real laugh and smile. They come from her belly and are genuine, which makes me smile, too. She loves others and herself. She is very proud of herself. Before she was never proud of herself.

Now J has a beautiful heart. She is not just beautiful on the outside she is really beautiful on the inside too. I'm really glad I got to see the new J. I would've never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. She's a totally different child. I'm glad she worked so hard on herself and I've had a blast spending every moment of my stay with her. I'm really proud of her. I'm glad she has so many people that helped her find her beautiful heart. I can't wait to see her the next time and experience where she is then.

Sincerely,
Chrissi

It's way cool to hear Chrissi's perspective since we were knee deep in troubles when she left. She knows what we lived through and to see it through her eyes helps me be even more grateful. There is hope. This post is all about hope. I can't wait to read it to J in the morning. She'll be proud too. Especially since she knows that Chrissi doesn't throw around compliments lightly. She is German. :)

Neuro Disorganization

I now have a nicely typed cheat sheet for neuro-reorganization exercises compliments of our AT. If anyone needs this for your kids please send me an email to lisa amos @ payco . org and I'll send it on to you.

We're doing these daily for SK since she struggles with balance, energy being flipped and:

Faltering Speech
Confusing L & R
Difficulties with spatial organization
Reversing letters/numbers
Restricted arm swing or homolateral arm/leg movement
Awkwardness
Clumsiness

Face book

More cool pics on my face book wall. I don't have the patience required for the 3 forevers it requires to post them here. So if you haven't already, go friend me on the button below so that you can see them.

Some day I'll figure out how to imbed the slideshow here. Or not.....

Long Days

Friday morning at 11 AM, J fell off her pogo stick onto her right arm (dominant). She has a high pain tolerance so when she was still crying 30 minutes later I knew that we needed to go to the hospital. Chrissi was trying to get her mind off of it by going to her happy place in her mind, the beach, etc. It wasn't working. Chrissi then asked her what was her greatest dream in her whole life. J emphatically replied, "to be with my mom." Awwwww..... The sweetest thing.

We arrived at our small county hospital at 11:45 AM. They finally took x-rays at 1:30. The NP came in to tell us that it was a compound fracture and in 3 different places. Two of them were in the growth plate. They didn't give her anything for pain until 3:30. Not kidding. J was very calm and patient. At 7 PM we were still waiting for the surgeon. At 7:00 they gave her another pain med and in 15 minutes she was screaming in pain. Her heart hurt, her lungs, stomach, and she was itching all over. I'm about to freak out. They evidently gave her some bene dryl because she calmed down in 15 minutes. At 7:20 I cleared out the floor and had a hissy fit. 7.5 hours of being calm and patient had just ended. 15 minutes later they wheeled her back to the OR with me in tow. I stayed with her the whole time they popped them back in place. 10 minutes later we were back in the room and she was waking up. Another hour of making sure that she was ok and we were out the door to Sonic to feed that poor child. She hadn't had anything since breakfast at 7:30 AM so she was starving! During the hospital visit she confessed that she was jumping without using her hands. I saw her on the way down to the ground so I missed the hands part.

Finally at home after 10 PM. One VERY long day. They had prescribed lor tab for the pain but since I'm extremely allergic I was afraid to give it to her when I couldn't watch for reactions. I gave her ad vil instead and she slept through the night and has been pain free. Still worried that they did a closed reduction on a growth plate but we'll try to deal with that next week. She goes back to the surgeon on Friday to check since it's not in a cast but a splint with a sling.

Eternally grateful that Chrissi was here. Cannot imagine having both of them in the ER for that long.

It's going to be a long few weeks with a high motion kid immobilized. She's frustrated because she can't do much. I concur. G saved the day yesterday and came to ride her around for amusement. Bless him he stayed at the hospital for a long time too.

Counting my blessings that it's the first trip to the ER for broken bones. Our AT called to check on us at the hospital and she said she'd love to see the stats for how many RAD kids had broken bones. Breaking everything around them yes but not themselves. It would have to be interesting.

J's Back in All Her Glory

Oh! How happy I am that J is back. Joyful and fun. Light and happy. After the discovery (on the other blog) she is back in full force.

Chrissi is visiting from Germany and cannot believe the changes in J. She does not even resemble the same child she was a year ago when Chrissi left us to go home. Chrissi didn't believe me until she saw it with her own eyes. It is something to behold.

Sunday J was able to go tubing with the big kids (11 y/o's). We were sitting out on the porch we heard a boat pulling up down at the dock and a girl saying, "stop, we've got to go get J so she can go tubing." Sweetest words this mom has ever heard. J has never been able to go tubing without screaming bloody murder in total fear. This year she aced it and had a great time. Then the other girls asked her to go with them over to G's sister's lakehouse and jump off the top of the boathouse. She had a blast. After coming back to the lakehouse she started swimming without holding her nose and jumping in without holding her nose. Monumental stuff!

Today we cooked Chrissi's famous soljanka soup. We put up a lot before she left last year and I rationed it as long as I could but we still ran out. Our freezer will be freshly stocked now since we cooked 3 stock pots full. One of the pots inadvertently received an extra dose of peppers and it will set you on fire. That's coming from someone that loves REALLY hot things. Oooooo baby! We'll be adding sour cream to that batch. ;-) J had the best time cutting and chopping the ingredients and was a huge help.

After a full morning of cooking, Chrissi took family photos while the soup simmered. My little girl is turning into such a little lady. We were all looking through the pictures together and it made my heart so happy to tell J that now she's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.

Back Again

To be greeted with 1000's of unread blogs in my reader. AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! I just had to mark all as read and start over. I was too overwhelmed. If I missed anything big please let me know.

We survived the week at the lake. The girls had a great time and have sunkissed faces to prove it. I, on the other hand, was almost going into DT's without internet. Honestly didn't realize how much support all of you are until I didn't have it. Then I forgot my books. Remembered every stinking thing for the girls and forgot entertainment for my ownself. Then the satellite was out. The girls don't watch TV but I will after their bedtime when I'm without books. Thursday I bribed (and whined) one of my friends to bring me some books. I was starting to get grouchy by Thursday so it's a good thing Connie showed up. I managed four 400 page books between Thursday to Sunday afternoon. Back to being a happy camper.

Dia and Laynie helped entertain me with phone calls or I might have stepped off the edge. Very grateful to Dia, Laynie, Christine and Corazon for standing in my stead and keeping y'all entertained. That Corazon is a really talented writer and I can't wait to see what she does when she grows up.

The tree murderers have left finally. I'm going to walk on the property behind me and see the destruction later. Seriously, if you want to build in a pasture buy a pasture. Why cut down a beautiful untouched forest to turn it into a pasture? I just don't understand. The critters are still crying around my property. Ugh.

Chrissi will be here from Germany tomorrow. For almost 3 weeks. I have a sitter coming to stay with the girls so that Chrissi and I will have a little bit of time just to catch up. Yahoo. Besides it would be way past the girls bed time before we get home.

Claudia's awesome new book arrived while we were gone. Autographed by Claudia and Bart. The library books are holding me hostage at the moment but as soon as they are done I'll be diving into Out of Many, One Family. In case you forgot, Claudia matched Special K with us. She rocks!

As soon as we got home the entertainment really began. More later.....

Twice the fun

Each of us(Welcome to my Brain, My Sweet Chaos and Rancho Chico) have 2 children with RAD that manifests in somewhat different ways. We wanted to share some of our thoughts and advice for meeting each of their needs (and our own) without losing our minds. We hope you enjoy our guest post.

The three of us agree that the joys and struggles of having more than one child with special needs are many. We have greatly appreciated hearing about Lisa’s transition to working to help both her daughters and we are learning a great deal from her experiences. We aren’t sure she really needs any advice from us but nonetheless we put our heads together to address some of our challenges and insights of managing life with two kids who battle RAD. Please feel free to add your own in the comments section and maybe we can pull them together in a future post.

Things to keep in mind:

♥ First, foremost, hardest, biggest thorn on the bush has to be that they are each other’s main trigger. Trying to regulate someone, when the one person that annoys them the most lives under their very roof, TIMES TWO, leaves me pleading with the universe for a break. It is exactly like having two 4 year olds constantly saying “He touched me!” “She got more milk than me!” “Don’t look at me!” on steroids. The actions, not the children.

♥ When you also have other children (ldw has 3, Dia has 4 and Christine has 5) each one could completely dominate with their needs and issues. Try to juggle everyone’s needs, pick battles, plan ahead, let things roll off your back, without driving yourself crazy or beating yourself up when it doesn’t go as smoothly as you’d like.

♥ They love to gang up on you, so TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Keep things simple so you can avoid some of those moments. You have to get a good night's sleep on a regular basis. You need to eat regularly and make healthy choices. Take your vitamins.

♥ Never feel guilty for sending kids to their rooms so you can have some downtime. Yes they have to be with us to attach but who wants to attach to an exhausted, stressed, feeling-down-on- herself mom?

♥ Separate them as much as necessary. In the beginning, make their interactions rare and highly supervised. Then, when you start to allow them more time to hang out, make sure you are available to coach them and have them practice using words, etc. For siblings, that trauma bond is STRONG, and it was a very long and slow process for us to teach them a completely new way to interact with one another. Yet, it was worth it. I rarely have to separate them now.

♥ Even when they aren’t bio-siblings and don’t share that bond, they can trigger each other in destructive ways so above applies.

♥ Chances are when one is “up” the other is “down.” Plan for it and enjoy the highs!

♥ Just say "NO!" to extra responsibilities. You will never regret cutting back on things, but I guarantee you will regret it if you push yourself too hard.

♥ The strategy or “school of thought” that works with one is worth trying on the other BUT may have a totally different impact. Be flexible to trying different strategies. For example, Nancy Thomas’ physical activities—jumping jacks, mini-tramp jumps, etc. worked well to get one child back on track whereas these same activities totally pushed the other over the edge to a full-blown meltdown.

♥ Be willing to try something again after some time has passed. If it is a good strategy it will probably work for both kids but maybe at different points in their healing.

♥ Don’t compare them to each other especially not in negative ways. It breeds hostility. However, we have found it useful because one of ours was here 2 year before the other one, to call attention to things one also used to do that has been changed to a more positive behavior. It seemed to give the other a concrete reminded of getting better.

♥ Finding support from others is so important. You can not do this ALONE! Pull your loved ones near, don't push them away because you are exhausted. Reach out and find others in your situation, it will make a world of difference, for all of you!

♥ For most of us, there is no one else around us who sees and understands what we do about our child. If they put on an “act” of good behavior and sweetness when others are around (thus making it harder for them to understand US) don’t let it get to you. ENJOY THE BREAK from the madness and treat it as a gift from your child.

Some other ideas that worked for us:

♥ Have them practice EVERYTHING including how to be with each other. In the beginning, we would have days where everyone taped a piece of paper on their backs and everyone else wrote something they like about that sibling/child/parent. We then slowly moved to saying these things out loud over dinner. It brought them to a point where they could actually say nice things about one another without melting or having their head explode. In fact, during this recent move, I watched my oldest gingerly packing away one of those pieces of paper, covered in loving thoughts from his family.

♥ When they were arguing with each other, making faces, or thinking mean things about each other validate their feelings that they won’t always like each other BUT that we are ONE family and we have to look out for each other and take care of each other. Sometimes I would let the face each other and guide them through getting all the “mad” out at each other and end it with the sharing of 1 or 2 positive things about each other. It always worked to diffuse the situation.

♥ Try really, really hard to help them be their own individual selves. My kids have started healing at different rates and in different ways. It is difficult to avoid just addressing them both the exact same way, because that is exactly what we did for so long. I made their lifebooks different, their life "timelines" different, etc. They both go to therapy back-to-back, so I would try to have discussions afterward in different ways with each of them. Of course you do many things the same, but it frees them to move forward at their pace when you give them a sense of separation.

It’s exhausting but we wouldn’t trade this journey for anything! We are all becoming better people as each day goes by. They are teaching us to be better moms and that gift is priceless!

From Corazon

My name is Corazon (That's not my real name. It's my blog name. I have a blog called Finding my Heartsmile.) Ms. Lisa asked me and my mom to do a post on her blog so here is mine. I hope you like it. Thank you Ms. Lisa.

On Sunday my family and I got up really early so we could get ready to go. I got dressed and then mom did my hair. She braided my hair that she had put into twists last night when we washed it. I put on my sandals, picked a book, Trouble River, for the car. We were going to go see a family that just moved here from Oklahoma. They live an hour away from us so I finished my book in the car really quickly. I read really fast so I read it again and then I looked out the window and read the signs.

I asked mom about the family we were visiting. They have 5 kids and 2 of the kids are kinda like me and my older brother because they have RAD. I don't like having RAD. The first RAD kids I met was J. (Ms. Lisa's daughter) and her sister K. I really liked them and when we met J and I talked about how we both had alarms on our doors, why we both homeschool, and some bad things we did in school. We also had alot of fun playing together and swimming. Mom said that one of her friends Ms. L. was bringing her kids M., H., and A. and I was excited because I just met them at my birthday party and 2 of them have RAD. I think my mom knows alot of moms with RAD kids now because we are meeting some of them. I used to think I was the only kid like me until mom explained RAD to me. Mom thinks I am getting better and I think so too.

When we got there we went to an RV park. It reminded me of when I went camping with my moms and my grandparents. We met Ms. C., her husband and her kids. Their names are R., A., MR, MC, and P. (these are not their real names.) We played with the volleyball and then P. asked if I wanted to ride her bike. P. is 6 years old but she is taller than me. I am nine now. Mom said yes. I felt so happy! I put the left pedal up and sat on the bike. I pushed and off I went. I pedalled really fast right after P. I have never ridden a bike so fast! When Ms. L. and her kids cam I was happy to see H. (she is 8 years old) and her little sister A. She is almost the same age as my little sister. Then all the girls decided to play with pretend makeup and do face-painting. My mom never lets me do face-painting at parties because we don't believe in that BUT this time she said yes because it was kids playing with each other. I was so happy. MC put makeup on me and painted my face like a cat. Then she painted a bracelet and some heart on my arms. It was cool!

Afer we ate some food P. and H. and I went exploring. I saw that P. was picking up something I stopped and saw that she had it by the hind legs and it was a HUGE grasshopper!!!!!!!!! It was big, long, yellow and black. I asked "are those poisonous?" She said "no they are not." I saw another big grasshopper and wanted to get it but I was scared that it was poisionous. M. came over (I think he is 12) and put it on his shirt. All the adults and the kids were looking at the grasshoppers and then one jumped up and we all ran and screamed! We were being very dramatic. As I was looking at one of the grasshoppers P. put a grasshopper on my back and I screamed and ran to my mom crying. She told me I was being dramatic and called me the number 1 drama queen.

Ms. C.'s husband, Mr. M. cut up some watermelon and we ate. I had 4 pieces because my little sister and my little brother didn't finish theirs so mom said I could finish them. I love, love, love watermelon and this one was really cold. They have a really neat gazebo and all the girls and the little kids were coloring and drawing. I made a picture frame for my mom that said "I love you." I got to cut it with special scissors so it would look pretty. When we were drawing P. came over and threw a grasshopper at us. I jumped and pushed my baby sister backward and she fell and hit her back on the railing. My sister burst into tears and I quickly scooped her up to make her stop crying. I was scared to tell mom I had pushed her but I told myself to tell the truth and so I went and told mom that I did it. Mom said I did a good job telling the truth and taking responsibility. I was proud of myself.

I worked really hard to do a good job but actually it was easy to do good thinks. I was also trying to find out which of Ms. C.'s kids also have RAD but I didn't see any of the kids act RAD today. Maybe we are all getting better. Sometimes kids, like my big brother, got a timeout in a chair and I saw that 1 kid stuck really close to her sister and did not play too much with the other kids. I think maybe she has RAD because she said she sleeps with her parents and not the other kids. I don't know but maybe I am wrong. I think that all the kids did a good job and no one got into trouble because we were having fun and our moms (and one dad) were close by.

At the end of the day Ms. C and Ms. L. and my mom took pictures of the kids and we all left for home. I think we were all sad to go and P. climbed into our car to say goodbye and she didn't want us to leave. They asked us to come back soon. I hope we do but we got really, really dirty from all the rolling around in the dirt but it was alot of fun. This was one of my most fun days this summer. And that is what I did on Sunday.

Ms. Lisa, I hope you like this when you read it.

Guest blogger today

I don't want to disappoint those who came hoping to get an update on how the vacation is going. Lisa is enjoying time with the girls and looks forward to getting back to "civilization" soon because she is in a no-Internet zone! In the meantime she asked me (Dia at Rancho Chico) and my daughter, Corazon, (blogs at Finding my Heartsmile) if we would "guest blog" here. We are thrilled and honored especially because this was the first blog I found that spoke to me directly about my life as a mom to kids with RAD and suddenly I didn't feel quite so alone anymore. Lisa opened up an incredible world for me and has done so much to encourage my daughter and me on this healing journey.

When I asked my daughter if she would like to do this she said she would but was not sure about the topic. I suggested she write about our day on Sunday when we got to visit with a few other kids healing from RAD because I knew she had really enjoyed herself. She thought that was a great idea and asked if she could write it the way she does her daily writing prompts (so it will probably also appear on her blog) and off she went to do her writing. As I was waiting for her to complete this I began to think about all the ways in which we witness healing in our kids. It doesn't happen in the way that taking medicine works on a sick kid who is stuck in bed for a while where you generally "see" the impact relatively quickly. It happens in a much more subtle and gradual way and sometimes you don't realize there's healing until you stop to think "wow, that hasn't happened in a long time!" or "I cannot remember the last time she did ____." Sometimes it's a more dramatic revelation such as "Did she really just stop and tell herself OUT LOUD to tell the truth even if it was hard and she knew she was going to get in trouble?"

With Corazon we have seen more healing in the past few months and about a week ago we were having some control issues and I had her pull out a sheet of paper and take a "pop quiz" with no right or wrong answers. I have found that these "pop quizzes" really help us process stuff in the moment and lest you think it was my idea I actually stole it from an awesome mom who blogged about it here a while ago in her blog Welcome to my Brain. Here's what we did and remember this is in the MIDDLE of a control "struggle":

Me: "When you think about me being in control and acting like the mom

with you how does that make you feel?"

Corazon: Happy

Me: "Why happy?"

Corazon: Because then I can have more fun when you decide things.

AND I don't have to think so hard.

Me: "So, if that is true, why do you do it? You like to have fun."

Corazon: I don't know.

Me: What did you mean by "think so hard"?

Corazon: (after a long pause she wrote:) because there is alot to have to remember when

I have to decide if I want to do it or not and when I don't do it the right way!

Me: "So, are you saying that when you are fighting me and not doing things the way you are supposed to do them you KNOW you are not doing them the right way and you are thinking about how to NOT do them the right way?"

Corazon: (with a smile on her face she writes:) YES!

Me: "Does this work out well for you?"

Corazon: No.

Me: "Has it ever worked out well for you?"
Corazon: No.

Me: "But you keep doing it. Do you think it will work for you in the future even if it has never worked for you before?"
Corazon: Yes

Me: "How many RAD kids do you think this has worked for?"
Corazon: Zero

Me: "But you still think it can work for you?"
Corazon: Yes. Maybe.

Me: "Let me get back to what you said in the first question. You said it made you "Happy" to think about letting me be the mom and be the one in control. Do you still believe that?"
Corazon: YES!

Me: "So even if it makes you feel happy to let me be in control and be the mom, you still don't do it. I don't understand. What do you think will happen (good and bad) if you let yourself be the kid and be happy letting me be the mom?"
Corazon: 1. Good things will happen to me. 2. I will be mad when you go away. 3. I don't know.

Me: "Do you still think I will leave you after 4 1/2 years together?"
Corazon: (she wrote this and the caps are hers) NO but sometimes it FEELS like, when or IF you leave me or die then I should not let me feel happy now because it is easier to feel mad all the time.

This led to a discussion of how disappointing it can be after having fun and feeling happy to have a let down of some kind and how it is "easier" for her (I suggested it was more comfortable rather than easier because they both work too hard for it to be easy) for her and her older brother to feel miserable and unhappy because it was predictable. It also surfaced something that seemed much more like regular kid feelings rather than RAD kid feelings: her classmate/gymnastics friend just lost her father in a sudden car accident a couple of weeks ago and she was scared that could happen to me too. We talked about that as well.

I had been trying to figure out how to write about this on my blog but until just recently I realized that the fact that we can have these conversations now is part of the healing. It used to be just me SAYING, YELLING, SINGING, CRYING at the top of my lungs: "I am not going to send you away!" over and over again and now she knows it but still has the fear that was put there by her experiences with all the other people that came and went in her life before me. She just has to figure out how to make herself believe that she is safe and that even when she does get hurt that I will be there to help her pick up the pieces. She has gotten it that things go better when she just lets herself trust yet those little voices and experiences inside of her keep the doubt very much alive so she still struggles for control in those areas where she can be in control even if she makes the wrong choices and knows it. It is so complicated and so hard yet I am ever so grateful that we have gotten to this point in her healing.

I will try to post her post later today or tomorrow. Thank you for listening reading. :-)

Various

There's a new addiction in this household. Scrapbooking. After we came home from NY, my best friend created a scrapbook for J to remember the trip. She finished it a few weeks ago and I was enthralled with the book. Now I'm trying to learn how to be crafty. It's a dangerous thing. Also very stressful because I'm not crafty naturally. I struggle and over think every stinking thing. At the moment I'm trying to create a scrapbook for J with all her worldly travels. Currently it takes me 4 hours to do 3 pages. At this rate I may never be done.

Picky Puddin is on a self-imposed fast. The stinker won't eat anything. I hate it when she does this. I wish she would march herself to the pantry and announce which dinner she would eat so that I didn't open 5 different cans only to have her turn her nose up. So far her face drips with disdain whenever I open Grammy's Pot Pie, Harvest Moon, Thanksgiving Day Dinner, Turducken, Wingaling, or Smothered Comfort. This is the only brand that she has consistently eaten so I suck it up and get it for her. She will.not.eat.dry.food.of.any.kind. I found out the hard way. Please don't ask.

Tomorrow morning we'll leave and be at the lake for a week. No internet. Boo. Although there will be much swimming and tubing going on. I am armed with books and scrapbooking stuff.
I will miss all of you. Don't do anything really exciting while I'm gone. K?

Tips to Share

Wonderful Wednesday's always include helpful new tips from our AT. I keep thinking some day I'm going to go in and she's going to be slap dab out of tips. Not yet though.

She gave me a new tapping thing for breaking a habit. Since J was never clean a baby/toddler her RAD brain thinks that she is dirty on the inside so she must look dirty on the outside and in turn has bad hygiene. So now we're going to try the new tapping thingy to break the habit of wanting to feel dirty.

You tap with your fingers all around your scalp around your ear starting at the top and working to the bottom. Very firm bouncy tapping with all four fingers. If you are right handed you state the negative behavior and bounce/tap on the left side of your head around your ear. J's is "I don't want to be dirty." Do this 5 times.

Then move to the opposite ear for the positive and do the same thing with positive words. The phrase is "I want to be clean and healthy." 5 times.

If your child is left handed just flip it and use the negative word on the right ear and the positive phrase on the left side. Clear as mud huh?


Doing this tapping routine 4 or 5 times a day.

We're also adding a new tapping on the sora spots or T3 spot (under the collar bone). Even though my RAD brain wants to show the world I'm dirty and bad and RAD I'm still a totally great kid and my mom totally loves me.

If I didn't know this stuff worked I wouldn't bother. Yet all I can do is heave a hefty sigh on adding one more thing to my daily list, suck it up, put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Someone asked on the other blog to explain the mouth hug. It's holding the mouth until they can control what comes out of it. Sometimes it's for interrupting, others would be incessant chatter or a spew of disrespectful words. Sometimes it takes 2 hands to hold the jaw still. ;-)

Hectic

Things have been pretty hectic around here lately. J has been struggling for the past week or so and most of it has been revolving around the new addition but some is just struggle. 3 steps forward, 2 back.

G and entourage rode the bikes up to Cherokee so we joined them via the mom truck and ended up being the support vehicle for stuff. Toured the Indian Village on Saturday which was really cool. It's always fascinating but G & I are both part Cherokee so it makes it even more so. Plus women ran the tribe so you gotta love that. Saturday afternoon and Sunday we rode up the Blue Ridge Parkway to Mt. Pisgah and beyond.

J was cantankerous the.whole.time. Rancid even. Every one of us tried to help her change it up. Nothing worked. Sunday I finally told her I wasn't going to let her steal my joy. And I didn't.

Yesterday was the bi-annual dental visit. Joy. She's been doing an extremely poor job of brushing her teeth and refuses to floss. Actually all hygiene issues are a constant struggle and most of them are caused by the severe neglect she suffered. I've harped, praised, scolded, lectured, timed, dental tablets, cute toothbrushes, vibrating toothbrushes, singing toothbrushes, shown, brushed myself, all of it....till the cows came home. It didn't work. Yesterday all the people at the dentist's office commented on her lack of oral hygiene. The word disgusting was even used. When she came out she told me she was really embarrassed. The truth hurts sometimes. I think it really hit home this time (I hope) because for once it wasn't mom harping about hygiene. It was "others". Assured her I understood her embarrassment but told her there was a surefire way to make sure it won't happen again. Brush well and floss. Very simple. Her mouth opened into a big O. More will be revealed later.

Today she has been such a joy to be around. Totally switched up. Yay!

Here's some pics from the trip:

Please Remember

Cindy Adam's family in your thoughts and prayers. I "met" Cindy through Cindy Bodie. For the past few days I've been worried that the worst had happened and it had. Cindy leaves behind a husband and 10 kids.

Weekend in Pics

After reading Essie's post I remembered that I hadn't started SK on any omegas yet. I had J on cor omega but have been slacking on giving it to her. We were out so we ran by our local health food store. The owner told me about Barleans. Figured we'd give the banana strawberry flavor a try and see if it tasted better than coromega. Of course I had to try it to. Normally I don't like banana flavored stuff. Oh my stinking heck. This stuff is the mac daddy. I could seriously take a bath in it. Yummy. My girls love it and beg to take it. You can't get better than that.