Thursday, October 9, 2008

Less Drama

Ok...this may or may not be a rambling post. Apologies now rather than later cause you might not make it to the end.

I am projecting my thoughts on a happy, peaceful, calm child. I am going to put all my energy into these thoughts instead of worrying about the next meltdown. Secondary PTSD wants all my energy to go into projecting the next drama and it sends me into the same flight or fight that J battles. I. AM. NOT. GOING. TO. GO. THERE. (today)

This morning J & I created a new set of beliefs for ourselves and read them over and over. Some of them are below:
1. J is a normal, happy, healthy child.
2. J isable to show me love and be loved by me.
3. J is completely healed.
4. J is nice to me.
5. J is nice to Mrs. Kacak
6. I live in a calm and happy home that will be filled with peace and light.
7. I help others.
8. God & angels watch over me.
9. My home is safe.
10. We won the lottery!

J wrote her own set of beliefs in her own words:
1. I have an awesome mom.
2. I am a very good girl.
3. I can make mistakes.
4. Mom, Miss Kristy and Miss Chris help me get out my yuckies.
5. I will have a great day.
6. Mom keeps me safe.
7. All my yuckies have left.
8. My dreams came true. They are I give love and get love.
9. I am a normal 7 y/o.
10. I am magic.
11. I make good choices.
12. I play with friends.
13. I am a good friend.
14. I am nice to mom every day.
15. I love to learn.
16. I am carefree.
17. I have a happy life.
18. God & angels watch over me.
19. I love myself.
20. I show my mom I love her.

I woke up in a happy, carefree mood and expecting a loving, cheerful little girl with a great attitude instead of the dreaded wondering of what I'm going to find and what is going to be the next fight. Attitude of gratitude and great expectations. Opening her door to find exactly what I expected. A loving, cheerful little girl who had a great attitude. Who would've ever thunk it? How much of my mindset controls J's behaviors is something that is bewildering. Can she read my mind?

I am enjoying the shift so far and not thinking about what's going to happen next.

Feeling a like a celebrity with all you followers. Warm fuzzy feelings...
Christa's "I root for you everyday" and Andra's "Looking forward to walking with you..." really moved me. I would tell you I teared up (which I did) but then Torina would think I am a big wuss but I guess that's ok because she already knows it. Putting on my patience panties and waiting for the promised pictures. All the positive comments are really taken to heart and some days it's y'all that get me through.

Posted by:
Positive Lisa


Kristina P. said...

Blogging is wonderful because you really do build this online community of support and love.

You are awesome!

Kelly said...

Good for you and J. I saw an sign at a church today that said "God meets you at your place of expectations". Your post today is a wonderful example of this. Keep your faith. God is going to heal your little girl. You are doing a wonderful job with amaze me.

Torina said...

Remember that old song, "You don't own me"? When Tara is pooey, I like to trot around and sing that, only I make up a lot of my own words cause I can't remember the real ones:

You Don't Own Me
you're not going to make me mad
you're not going to make me sad
I can do this today
I can do it everyday
Don't tell me what to do
Don't tell me what to say
Cause you don't own me
I'm not your puppet today

You are not a wuss for tearing up. You are normal. I wish that I could cry sometimes. Instead, I just get occasional panic attacks.

Christa said...

Having an attitude of gratitude is something I need to shoot for more. I tend to take too much for granted.

Jillene said...

I agree with Christa. I loved your lists!! What a great idea! It seems to me that you are a GREAT mother and J is very lucky to have you!!

Alyssa's Mom said...

Yeah for J!

Wanting to be normal is half the battle!

Will continue to send "Warm Fuzzies".


Holly said...

I love the list idea. What a great way to set the stage for the day. I'm glad you had a better day and I hope to hear more of the same, but I'll be here either way as I know not every day is a good day.

Brenda said...

GREAT lists!

Brenda said...

I'm a followin'! Thanks for helping me set that up!