Sunday, October 26, 2008

Scattered Post

It is good to be home. J really did well at the beach. No meltdowns, took re-direction, and we all had a lot of fun. Then we got home. Yuck.

Maybe stubborn just lives here in my house. Maybe if we move to the beach the stubborn won't follow us. Hum....... Fat chance but at least it was a week of less hatefulness, stubbornness, spitting, growling. I'll take it.

Torina posted about a day with J. How'd she do that????

J doesn't have FAS. That is according to the tests done in two different states by 4 different doctors. But Kari posted a You T that looks glaringly familiar.

I use a gamut of BC, NT, Katharine Leslie, Karyn Purvis, L & L, Keck, lots of love, bonding activities, sensory integration therapies, AT, Reiki, lots of omega's, and a host of other things. Teaching life skills is big on our list because even though she is off the charts intelligent she refuses to learn anything academic. Oh and BTW she can memorize a vast amount of information verbatim and remember tiny details of things we did 2 years ago or 2 days ago.

I truly believe she has a lot more control than she would like me to believe. She can hold it together for periods of time (hint: beach) then she'll revert back to 2 y/o behavior when she doesn't get her way. "I don't want to!" "It's too hard for me." "You're a big weiner assh*le." (No she did not learn this language in my house. She came here at 5 with the mouth of a sailor.) Then whining enters the game and it's the kind that would make fingernails on a chalkboard sound appealing.

Today I was a crappy mom. I yelled. Loudly. It was not pretty. MANY things happened and then the straw on the camel's back. J refused to put on her seat belt so I pulled over to wait (this has not happened since she first got here) G was in the car ahead of us and after we had pulled over twice he pulled over too. Told J no problem we could sit here all day and then she started beating the seats, kicking with her feet, screaming, etc. After she put it on the second time we were able to move. I passed G on the road from where he had pulled over. He called. G, "y'all quit arguing now. I can tell you're arguing." Yeah, I'm arguing. Right. I am trying to be a parent. I am ticked with both of them now.

When we got home I put myself in time-out. When I went in to chat with J. I told her the jig was up. It is so fine with me if she wants to be disrespectful, call me names, refuse to obey household rules, throw fits, etc. Not a problem at all. Because....every time she commits a household felony I get a toy, book, clothes or whatever I want of hers. No big deal, I won't yell, get angry, argue with her or get into a control battle. I'll just walk to the toy box. So far this is working. I have 3 small items that have been paid for retribution. Do I think it'll work over the long haul? I doubt it. One thing I do know is I have to keep changing it up. Today she loves her toys and doesn't want to lose them. Tomorrow she won't care. Such is RAD.

I love my munchkin, warts and all...just some days I don't like her very much. This just happens to be one of those days. Tomorrow is another day.

Sorry for being so negative or sounding harsh to all the non-RAD parents.

12 comments:

Tudu said...

You hit the nail on the head, you have to keep changing it up. It is exhausting trying to find what works. In my case, what works for one would never work with another. They are all so different that I could see that they all had the same disorder. When my older ones were so out of control, I missed how stubborn and oppositional my youngest 2 were. They have quietly gotten worse and worse.

We all have really bad days, it is the first thing I tell parents I meet with traumatized children. You will not be perfect, you don't expect them to be so don't put that expectation on them. All you can do is apologize and try to do better. Sometimes, seeing Mom flip out and apologize really hits home for them. Not always, so don't get your hopes up. LOL

Kristina P. said...

I love that you put yourself in time out.

I think we've all been there.

Torina said...

I am so glad J held it together for your vacation. That is really, really, really good. Hope you got enough rest while you were out because now it is time for payback, right?

ali said...

lisa
COOL BLOG!!!! why dont you write the whole word when spelling medicine names? just curious. im WAY too open on mine, but no death threats yet, so... i just cant revert to calling my kids cupcake, cookie, candy cane & crab apple. know what i mean? also, when googling, parents who want to adopt HIV+ kids find my blog, and i can answer alot of questions for them. so... i keep it wide open(so far LOL)

Jillene said...

I have to put myself in time out all of the time so don't feel bad!!

Alyssa's Mom said...

I'm glad you had a good vacation!

Now time for payback - how dare you make her have fun!

Lisa, you are human. Mom's get mad and yell - Lord knows I do! Model responsible behavior, apologize, and move on.

Oh man, the whining! I have gotten to the point with Alyssa that when she whines, I remove her speaking privilege. It drives me right over the edge!

I'm glad you are home, I missed you!

The Cunninghams said...

Thank you for your comment on our blog... I came over to see yours and LOVE it!! I know exactly what you are going through! Kids with RAD are difficult and you can't be the 'perfect' mom all of the time. Thank you for being honest, it’s not always easy. I am just glad to hear your little one actually DID put her seatbelt on. Ours would have sat there ALL day! And then get mad at us because we did not go. Good luck! Karissa

The Cunninghams said...

Thank you for your comment on our blog... I came over to see yours and LOVE it!! I know exactly what you are going through! Kids with RAD are difficult and you can't be the 'perfect' mom all of the time. Thank you for being honest, it’s not always easy. I am just glad to hear your little one actually DID put her seatbelt on. Ours would have sat there ALL day! And then get mad at us because we did not go. Good luck! Karissa

Christa said...

I have plenty of days when I love my children, but I don't like them. It mainly comes down to my own lack of patience and I'm working on it, but it's still hard. I've had to seperate all of us and take time outs as well. I guess it's just part of being a parent. Good luck.

Christine said...

I personally have found that children who constantly have the rules changing will act out even more because their is no stability.

Thorn said...

Please don't apologize to those of us who aren't RAD moms. The way you're able to bring the highs AND lows to life is what makes this such a compelling blog. Of course you slip up like we all do, but the good things you do for J are just incredible.

jeri said...

You know, you're pretty darn smart for a weiner assh*le...sorry, I just imagine those words coming out of that sweet face and from this far away, it's too unreal. Not that I don't believe you...I've had "I'm going to kill you" spelled out in pennies on the carpet. My comment,"Gee Alex, your spelling has really come a long way. I think I ought to take a picture of that."

We can defintely say it's never, ever boring. Oh what I'd give for that!

If you need someone to vent to,
beemommy58@gmail.com
or come visit at

http://withlovefromsumy.blogspot.com/

I will warn you though, we're in a real rough patch right now. I wish, wish, wish that I'd have heard of some of the BC tips way back when my boy was five.