Tuesday, October 7, 2008


Adoption stuff is really setting J off and the Jesus incident isn't helping. Therapy was very challenging yesterday as J spent most of the time spitting, biting, hitting, kicking, raging and trying to hurt herself. *heavy sigh*

After dinner last night I spent time doing crazy stuff. Like leading her around by her hand in circles with no purpose, spinning her around, etc. Eventually I was able to get her to do some baby time and it seemed to improve her mood. While she was putting her dishes up she did tell me that "she did NOT want my love". No shocker there. She is RAD. Love is scary to a radish. Love equals pain to her, so even though she REALLY WANTS MY LOVE at her core, her survival self says "push away" or I will die.

This morning she did exceptionally well. Very fast & snappy girl. Made it through breakfast with time to spare and almost had time to ride her bike before Jessi got there. Woo hoo!

As of 8:16 this morning she was spitting on Jessi, raging, screaming obscenitites, etc.


thorn said...

But, hey, until 8:16....

I know how much pain this is putting both of you through. I hope it gets better after the anniversary. Well, really I hope it gets better NOW, but at least you both know she wants your love. I hope that helps.

Alyssa's Mom said...

I know that I have said it before, but the more secure that J feels, the more her behavior is going to spin out of control.

She is letting you in, and she is starting to feel love, and it is scaring the crap out of her!

Stay strong super MOM! You will past the test and sometime soon, you will be bored to tears because J will be well on her way to being just a "normal" kid!


Torina said...

This sucks. I am so sorry that you both are going through such a rough time right now. I hope it passes soon.

Kristina P. said...

Lisa, I'm so sorry. You sound like a very wonderful, patient mom.

You and Torina should be sainted!

Lauri said...

Hugs... hoping things mellow out soon, in the meantime don't forget to be good to yourself.

Perspective is Everything said...

I can relate to this... long periods of chaos & pain -- You are doing a great job! This kind of progress is so painful.. Keep up the awesomeness RAD MOMness! thinking and praying for you guys today..