Fun oh fun I am telling you.
Anniversary dates are triggers we're already dealing with. Friday night, the sitter (without my knowledge or permission) talked with J about her bad choices and how Jesus died on the cross with nails in his feet and hands for her bad choices. Oh boy have we got problems now. Night terrors 3 or 4 times a night. Saturday morning telling me she is terrified of Jesus and that she's going to die with nails in her because of all her bad choices. I don't know this for a fact but my intuition tells me that she was "punished" with religion in another home.
Saturday was really terrible. Fit after fit after fit. We went to the lake against my better judgment. I told J if there was one step out of bounds we were going home. She held it together the whole time and by the time we got home I was starting to be able to stand being around her again.
This morning I asked her what she had to do after she made her bed. She replied, I don't want to tell you, blah, blah, blah... I went upstairs. Sneaking suspicion when she came up. Smelled her hands. Hadn't been washed. Asked if she did and she said yes. Went back downstairs to check it out. Before we got to the bathroom I told her now was the time to tell me if she lied. Yes she did. Asked her if she flushed and she said no. Flushed and washed but did a sorry job washing and wouldn't (refused) sing the ABC song. Got a book and told her that was fine. I'd wait. Huffed off to her room. Trying to hurt herself again so had to restrain. Then she went back and did it right. Came upstairs and couldn't get her teeth brushed, hair brushed, etc. Finally made it to strong sitting. Took 3 tries before she was able. At 7:30 when Jessi got there she was still doing strong sitting.
Jessi called and said she was refusing to do anything she tells her. The last I heard she is back in Reiki room and Jessi was going to give her a bit to calm down.
Lunch provided more calls on more defiance, shoving, growling, talking in a different voice, etc. Therapy @ 4.
On top of all this...I, like Tudu, am having nightmares. Ugh!
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7 comments:
Oh, Lisa, I'm so sorty! How stressful!
Or, sorry. :)
Oh Lisa. How do you do this? I am so sorry. I am praying for you.
Tell J that she is a brave, strong little girl that is loved very much!
I think I got a PTSD flashback just reading through your post! Ugh, it is SO HARD, isn't it?
Tara went through a big LONG, hard, exhausting phase where she was always trying to hurt herself, too. There was not much that we could do to stop her. We didn't restrain because she wasn't trying to kill herself.
I would just say, "I am sorry you did this to yourself. I love you and wish that you would love yourself as much I love you." then I'd slap a bandaid (or gauze and first-aid tape depending on how big it was) on it and give her a hug. It got worse when I would show emotion like horror or sadness at what she was doing. So instead, I had to become robot-like and I would just give her those same lines. It helped a lot but didn't "cure".
I hope you are able to find something that helps to alleviate J's behaviors. I find that improvement happens SOOOO slow, doesn't it?
Parenting kids with RAD is like a big backwards experiment where you sometimes wonder who is the one being tested...
I can relate on some of this. I think what you are going through is more intense than what we have had to deal with. Mr's always had night terrors; went through a scratching arms phase; and has said he loves Satan out of fear of him. That's where we have been and are at a much better place now. All of it scared & hurt me to see him going through such an intense range of emotion. Thinking of you guys today.. and prayers.
I am so sorry things have gotten tough. Where did you find a babysitter that would tell such lovely betimes stories?
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