Punishment vs Consequences

These are my opinions people, so please don't leave me any hate mail. Thanks in advance.

IMHO I don't think punishment works for RAD kids. I think it makes them shut down, dissociate and locks them into the fight or flight part of their brain. This is why typically star charts and other behavior mods don't work. When they have shut down everything seems like Mt. Everest to them. They can't manage it in their brain. It's unattainable even if it's a 5 minute task. My job as a RAD parent is to help them shake that off. RAD kids have already been punished enough for a lifetime. Why would I want to continue that kind of treatment?! Why would that make them want to bond with me? I don't think so. Before J came home I heard Parenting with Pizzazz CD (couldn't find the CD anymore but the book is still in print) by Deborah Hage. One of the things she said was, "who wants to bond with a b*tch?" Nobody.

I've tried many, many, many different things but the things that I think that work the best for us are the short and sweet consequences. Why does a consequence have to be bad? Short means that the consequence should take less than a minute and the sweet part is a Skittle or such deposited from my hand to her mouth, a hug, a high-five, etc. "Good job with that consequence honey" and another hug. Then I ask her what happened. She 'fesses up and I'll give her another hug and congratulate her on telling the truth. Briefly talk about what happened and should've happened. Usually ends with a little dance spin and I send her off to her next adventure.

When there will be a natural consequence I just allow that to happen and let her learn from the experience.

Some of our consequences are:

1. Spin in a circle 3 times (I usually let them take my finger and spin them like we're dancing.)
2. Take your shoe laces out of your shoes and put them back in.
3. Run to the 1st drive way (we live in a low travel street in a subdivision so I send them to the neighbor's drive way. Its' about 50 ft away.)
4. Give Mom a hand rub.
5. Massage Mom's shoulders
6. 5, 10 or 15 jumping jacks (depending on age and ability)
7. Run jump on the mini-tramp for a minute. (Bouncing really helps change up brain function.)
8. Go swing (again, swinging really good for the brain)
9. Stand or sit in your think spot for a minute with their arms in the hooked-up position (brain gym).
10. Time-In's (sit beside me)
11. Hug Mom
12. Go find Mom a pretty leaf.
13. Go jump rope.
14. Follow Mom around (keeping them close to me)
15. Walk in a figure 8 pattern (brain gym)
16. Do the cross crawl. (left elbow to right knee and then right elbow to left knee in a marching pattern. (brain gym)
17. Tapping
18. Skip to the 1st drive way.
19. Hop 10 times then walk 10 steps to the first drive way.
20. Sit in Mom's lap.
21. Pull on your ears. (You start at the top of the ear and pull gently straight out all the way down to the ear lobe. brain gym)
22. Have a tea party.
24. Play doh time (moon sand, silly putty, whatever, just something they can knead)
25. Go color me a picture (can be very revealing of their feelings)
26. Blow up your imaginary black balloon with all the yucky feelings. Let it go and send all the negative energy away.
27. Put on your pink suit. (J's love is pink so she has an imaginary pink suit that she can put on from her toes up to her head. I "zip" it up to hold all the good stuff inside.)
28. You look like you need some pink love. (I "pour" my love into her forehead with my forehead touching theirs while I make silly sound effects of all the love going inside. I seal it up with a kiss and hold my finger on that kissed spot while she hugs me, closes her eyes and let all the pink love seep into her body.)
29. Hit your angry pillow.

Well, you get the idea. I used to have a consequence jar and and they could go pick their consequence. I still do it occasionally but I'm more practiced now so I usually just throw it out there. Copy, paste and use them if you like. Add some that are practical for your family or do some of the special things that are unique to your family. Don't forget the crazy nonsense things you can add too.

Your kid must be regulated BEFORE a consequence happens.  You will notice there are several things above to help get them regulated.

The major point is that I have tried punishment and it didn't work for us. I'm ashamed to admit that I have even swatted J's behind (after adoption). IT DIDN'T WORK. It only feeds the anger and self-loathing. If she has committed a serious offense I still do one of the above listed consequences and later after their brain is switched up from the fight or flight I'll whisper in her ear that she'll probably owe me something later to make it up to me. Then I assign the owed chore when she is in a happy mood. This means they will (usually) do it fast and snappy and not be stuck because they're brain is working right.

Then of course, there are the days that NOTHING works. Those days I just hold out for tomorrow. There are also the days that I am the queen b*tch. I hate those days. They just suck.

I don't have all the answers. I know it sounds insane. Probably goes against everything you know to be true or logical. Maybe that's why it works. I just keep doing trial and error stuff until I find what works. What works today might not work tomorrow. If something isn't working give this a try. Just for a day. Not a lifetime commitment. You've got nothing to lose.

4th & Shopping

The 4th was fabulous! J did great all weekend. Saturday night when we docked the boat I told G I was going up to put SK to bed and let J go to the bathroom. Thought he understood that J was staying up to shoot the fireworks they had purchased. Not.

I told J to wait on the porch for G to come up and get the fireworks. She did. Very patiently. He didn't come up. He left with friends to go to his sister's house for another firework show. J was so upset. Bless her little heart she cried until she couldn't cry anymore. She fell asleep crying in my arms on the porch.

When G came in I explained what happened. He felt terrible but he didn't express it well so it ticked me off. The next morning J didn't want to hang around because she knew he would be grumpy. I don't blame her. I'm not crazy about hanging around with grumpy either.

We came on home and the girls played all afternoon (after a nap). Daddy G came over and sincerely apologized and all is well. I was very proud of J for voicing her feelings. She did a great job.

Today we spent in Atlanta shopping for clothes for J. She has outgrown every.thing. that I bought her 2 months ago and they were huge on her when purchased. It is horrible trying to find things that are really cute (she is a huge girly girl) in her size. Everything looks like they would be more appropriate on a lady of the evening standing on a street corner.

Cindy joined us (after I did some whining and begging) since she is fully aware that I am a fashion challenged individual and detest shopping. Thank goodness she came with us because there's no telling what we would've come home with us. J's going to have to do some major sucking up to Cindy so that in the future maybe Cindy will take J shopping and it won't be so much torture like it is with me. I am NOT fun shopping. It's a fact.

The really great news: Cindy doesn't see J that often so she's able to see significant gains in J. It is noticeable. She even remarked that J was a lot of fun to be around. This is a huge compliment coming from Cindy because she's very astute at picking up on behaviors. Yay for J!

Dia commented that maybe J would benefit from some 60-70's television such as The Brady Bunch and The Electric Company. Everything is much slower so perhaps it won't cause the dreadful meltdowns. (SK doesn't have this problem.) I've ordered some and we'll see how it goes on a rainy day. She's also posted some more great pics of the kids having fun. It was such a great time!

Brace Yourself

Not sure if this will come to fruition or not but I'm thinking of doing a CD on adoption parenting strategies for our state. I've talked with a few people and have several ideas up in the air.



Please don't think I'm trying to act like I know it all. I'm not a doctor or professional in this field. Far from that. I'm also far from the perfect parent. I screw up more than I get it right. However, I would've really liked to have had a cliff notes version when I first ventured down this path. I'd like to do something with a strong overview that would be helpful to new adoptive parents in our area. Expectations, strategies, blah, blah, blah. Share our story and be a hopeful example.



Could y'all help me with ideas? For those of you that have already adopted, think about what you wish you'd known. Those still waiting....what do you want to know? What would be the most helpful to know? Would you rather know strategies or techniques? Expectations?



You know...I can read parenting books till the cows come home but it's so much more helpful to me when someone models the right tone of voice and attitude for me. I just can't seem to do that in writing so I was hoping a CD might be more helpful to new parents. I want to give people hope, ideas, something to ponder, etc. In other other words I want to cram a lot of information into 1 hour.



What do y'all think????? Don't be shy! Email me if you don't want it posted here.

Darn It

Dia and the gang came by this morning on the way out of town. Headed back home. It was very sad watching them pull out of the drive way. Waaaahhhh!

Now she can firmly picture me sitting on my throne while blogging. They were also able to meet Puddin and lo and behold, for the first time ever, Puddin grinned on command. Dia has more pictures that were taken this morning but she did leave me with several and permission to print them. She's quite the photographer! BTW, she has a fabulous camera and I am so envious. Therefore you'll get great pics!

The visit only confirmed my belief that all radical families need to live in a commune. ;-)

Special Day

It was a very special day. We spent it with Dia, C and all the kids at the lake. It was fabulous. The kids had a great time and J is smitten with Tortuga. ;-) She has very good taste. They were both exhausted by the time we got home. After a quick bath and faster dinner they were both down for the count. Both girls were sound asleep by 7.

It makes for such a great time when you're hanging out with people who are parenting exactly as you. Wonderful to put faces with names and to see that my tubes friends are just as wonderful in real life. Dia has all the control because she has all the pictures plus she and C are threatening blackmail. ;-) Pics of each family and the kids are coming. We also had a belated mini-birthday celebration for Dia to compensate for the lack of happy in the original day. Hoping they get to finish her cake before they leave in the morning.

If the stars align they might just make it for a quick good bye in the morning on their way out of town. I have my fingers and toes crossed.

Dia is without internet so be looking for her take on the visit when she is delivered to civilization. ;D

Changing It Up

After a tough couple of days, J has totally changed it up. I missed the sensory diet activities yesterday due to trying to help her cope so today it was back on schedule. The girls had so much fun. Lots of brain gym stuff going on here. Major physical activity in the morning since it's too hot to be outside in the afternoon.

SK had therapy today instead of J but Kristy met with J for a few minutes afterwards to congratulate her on changing it up and on the ways that she has handled several things that have come up in relation to the other blog. She beamed from ear to ear. Nothing compares to seeing people notice the changes she has made. Especially from Kristy because she knows first hand how hard J has worked.

Waiting to hear back from Chrissi (J's former Au Pair from Germany) on whether we will be blessed with a visit from her in August. We have our fingers and toes crossed. Chrissi is cursed with procrastination so I might not find out until the day before she gets here. You know I love you, Chrissi. ;-)

More big news. Dia just called and they are 13 miles from my house. Yahoo!!!!!!! I get to meet the whole gang.

Sucking Wind

Horribly embarrassed that I've neglected this blog. My apologies. Those of you reading the private blog understand.

It was a RADtastic day. Nothing really major but boy J got sucked into a lot of RAD stuff today. I'm tired with all the new HR management, so I did not handle it very well. Blech.

Good thing I get another chance tomorrow. At least I hope I do.

Blossoming J

J is really astounding me daily. Blossoming before my very eyes. Adding Special K to the family has been really good for her and she is loving having a sister. For now anyway. It's funny to watch Special K be a mirror for J to see how far she has come. She's blown away too. There may be regression at some time but I am enjoying it for now.

When SK arrived I gave J the option of going to bed at 7:30. She's only used it once and every night announces that she is a pooped puppy and ready to go to bed. 7 may sound early but we're all naturally early risers so we start our day around 5:30 - 6ish and go hard non-stop all day. They're exhausted come bed time. Mom is too.

"J" Time

I've been expecting full blown regression from J during this transition of Special K. I haven't seen any. She hasn't blown a tire or anything. It appears that she has again reached another level of healing. I had PRN meds on hand in case she needed them to cope. Truly impressed with how she's handled everything and meds have not been necessary.

Not sure if it's from all the preparation that we did or what but I am truly grateful.

Yesterday she had a great time with Daddy G while SK & I were managing appointments. As soon as G brought her back she announced that she now understood why I needed "mom" time and she thought it was going to be really important for her to have "J" time. I understand Honey Bunny...

Proud Mama

I am so proud of this beautiful girl. J is growing up so fast. Looking at these photos is shocking for me. There's something about the last photo that really moves me. I can't believe how much she has grown and what a little lady she has become. She has helped me so much in the last couple of days. So responsible and respectful. If it hadn't been for J Puddin probably wouldn't have gotten fed or the dishes washed. She totally rocks my world. Everyone should be so lucky to have such an amazing daughter!

Too Tired

Too tired to post but I'm trying the twitter thingy.

Waiting

While I'm waiting on my newest daughter to get home tonight go click here and register for Katharine Leslie's webinar. $30.00 The class is on June 18th from 3:30 to 5 PM CST in the comfort of your own home. You must be registered by June 17th.
You won't be sorry....

Click here.

One More Day

We have one more day with Special K until we have to go home. We've both fell hard and fast in love with Special K. Hook, line and sinker. I know there are challenges coming but we are enjoying this honeymoon while it lasts.

Both of us are also so hating having to leave her here. I know it will only be for a day till she will be home but it's so hard leaving your kid behind and letting your kid fly with a stranger.

Please

Please be thinking of us as we start this new journey with Special K. We leave tomorrow to go meet her and the worker will bring her home on Monday.

Really nervous. Anxious, scared, excited, scared, hopeful, scared.....

The Crafty Accidental Mommy

Crafty (in more ways than one) Essie, at The Accidental Mommy, designed and created J a beautiful new sister gift along with cards from her and Genea & Teena. It really touched my heart. I'm trying to "hide" a few special things for J to celebrate her when Special K arrives. This is one of them. I opened the package in the bedroom and came out sniffling. J wanted to know what was wrong and I told her not to worry they were happy tears. This is going to be a hard gift to hide because I'm dying to give it to her. BTW....if you haven't checked out Essie's blog....you don't know what you're missing. Go. Now. You know you need some grins and giggles.

J's pretty scared right now. The unknown is so scary. Heck. It is for me too. I'm really amping up the bonding activities right now. Usually she goes to school all summer. The past couple of weeks I've tried to replace it with the major bonding stuff. She needs it and so do I. Today she was actually able to tell me she was scared that I wasn't go to love her as much as SK. Huge.

Finished cooking today. I hope. Pioneer Woman's meatballs were the last dish. They are divine and get rave reviews everywhere I take them.

Farmer Franny

When we got out of therapy yesterday I had a message from my mom telling me they needed help in the hay field. That's an offer you can't refuse. When the hay is on the ground you have to work like the dickens to get it up before rain appears which will ruin it. I guess that's where the phrase "make hay" comes from. (For those of you that don't know, my dad is a CPA during the day and a gentleman farmer by night.)

We sped out to the farm and I didn't even go to the house to change out of my go-town-clothes. Also did a little happy dance in my head about the opportunity to help in the hay field. I'm probably the only person I know that LOVES to get up hay. I love the smell of the hay and the feel of it blowing all around me as I'm riding through the pastures. It's a beautiful thing. A trip down memory lane too. My dad and grandfather started me driving tractors in the hay field when I was around 6 or 7. It was a blast!!!! The only problem was that I had to drive the f*rd tractor and it was a hateful old thing. I'd have to stand on the brakes and clutch because they were so hard. Evidently my grandfather felt sorry for me around the time I was 12 and got me a used Internati*nal tractor that didn't require full body weight to stop. I was in heaven! My dad did have to remark about my (not) farming clothes and shoes. I thought my cute black sandals made a real statement on the tractor. ;-)

Today that wonderful tractor is still working on the farm and yesterday it was all mine again. Oh my! I was in heaven. It's a love thing with me and that tractor. Everyone else in the field had those fancy, smancy front-end loader tractors. Not me and I was as happy as a pig in slop. Me and the Love Tractor.

We didn't get all the hay in the barn yesterday so I knew I'd get the opportunity again today. The skies were cloudy this morning and it started sprinkling on us as we went to the farm. It was a race against rain to get the hay to the barn. Full RPM's speeding across the field. What a blast! The only problem was my sweet ole tractor can only carry one bale of hay at a time because it only has a spear on the back. A front-end loader has a spear on the front and back so you can do two at a time. I was getting a little frustrated because I could only carry the one bale and not having enough time with the rain coming. You can't put wet hay in a barn. It will catch on fire when it builds up heat. The only problem was I have never driven a front-end loader. It's pretty difficult to maneuver the front spear and takes a lot of practice. The brakes, clutch, gas and gears are all in different places from the Love Tractor.

My dad must have known I was getting frustrated so he called me over to the front-end loader and gave me the 2 second lesson. Like I was going to get it. Yeah. Let's put me on a tractor I've never driven with 3 spears on the front and 3 spears on the back. I wouldn't have wanted to be in the field with me. Scary stuff. I told everyone to clear out of my way and they all went to the hay barn to unload the last trailer that had left the field. I took off on my own to spear me some hay. Bet the hay was shaking too. ;-D

The bale I was after had turned over on it's side so I had to stand it up first with the spear then back up the tractor, readjust the spear and pick it up. I did it on my second try!!!!! I threw my arms up in the air in my best "Rocky" fashion punching the sky. Thinking I was alone. Hmmmm....not so much..... When I turned the tractor around to go to the barn there stood my mom. Starting to feel all embarrassed in an instant then my mom did the "Rocky" pose too. It was very cool. She couldn't believe I did it either. You know she was standing on the edge of the field because she was worried about me. Aaaawwwww....

Maybe the Internati*nal will be J's someday....cause I think I just fell in love with another tractor. ♥♥♥

Just call me Farmer Franny....

Why?

Socialwkr24/7 posted this a week or two ago. I've watched this many times because it helps me keep my perspective of J's life and it helps me keep my compassion. When we wonder why our kids do what they do it really helps. Why I have to repeat myself and model stuff millions of times. It's a great way to explain to people why I parent my child the way I do. This video moves me to tears every time and keeps me mindful of what J went through.

Before we went to the beach I emailed it to G. I think it made him more mindful of the reasons that stuff happens and helped him see J in a different light. It took him about 4 or 5 days before he mentioned it but then he told me he sent it on to others. Yay!

Click here for Multiple Transitions

New Family Pic

Still waiting on all the other spring pics (of J) that were taken. We've been waiting about a month now. Arrrrgghhh.

P.S. Marion: I posted an edited version on the previous post to answer your question and other stuff.

Major Cooking Sessions/Edited

Major cooking sessions have been going on here. So far we have cooked and frozen:

36 Texas size muffin tin mini-quiches
6 dinners of beef stroganoff
9 lasagna size pans of macaroni bake (recipe below)
8 enchilada dinners from The Pioneer Woman

Today we're making 6 Beef and Tomato Pies.
Tomorrow we're making 8 Black-eyed Pea Pies and I'll cook the pork roast for the tamales.
Thursday will be spaghetti and tamales.

Over the past few weeks I've made lasagna, vegetable soup, etc.

One hit wonders where you can just add a salad and presto dinner is done. I love it when that happens.

Because I love you I'm going to share my friend Susan's, recipe for the macaroni bake. It totally rocks the house. I haven't met a person yet who doesn't love it so you won't be disappointed. Huge hit for kids too! J begs for it.


Macaroni Bake
1 lb of ground beef
1 yellow onion
16 oz can of tomato sauce
1 tsp of celery salt
¼ tsp of black pepper
8 oz cream cheese softened
1 cup cottage cheese
½ cup sour cream
¼ tsp of either fresh cilantro (I prefer cilantro) or flat leaf parsley
8 oz of baby macaroni

Brown ground beef. Drain. Add tomato sauce, celery salt, pepper, salt to taste. Cook 10 minutes or longer to let it marry.

In another bowl mix cheeses, sour cream and cilantro/parsley.

Prepare pan. I made it in a throw away loaf shaped lasagna pan. A layer of macaroni, layer of cheese, layer of macaroni, layer of cheese. Top with meat mixture.

Bake @ 350 for 45 minutes to 1 hour or until bubbly.

You can thank me later. ;-)

*****edited to add that J & I had the enchiladas for dinner and they were so good we could've taken a bath in them. Worth the trouble of frying those corn tortillas. We're on our way back to the store to buy the stuff to make another 2 more batches. Those will go quick.

Marion: I usually cook then freeze everything (like my mashed potatoes) but on these recipes I'm preparing them and will thaw and cook them when needed. It beats frozen TV dinners by a long shot!

An Unwelcome Visitor

We've had so much rain that the lake was out of the banks. This doesn't happen often. Many docks were under water. We had to walk up to the floating dock instead of down the plank as normal.

At lunch time G was taking a nap on the porch up at the house. I was standing on the walkway at the dock as J walked down the steps into the lake. I was directly behind her and saw a 4 ft. snake in the water behind her. Between me and J. Oh dear lord. I'm not afraid of much but I really don't care for snakes. Snakes on land. Not so much a problem. A snake in the water between me and my child. This is not good.

Thank goodness these days J will actually do what I say. NT practice sessions are essential to staying safe at times. There was more to this precarious situation than getting my child out of the water. I had to get her out of the water without her noticing the snake. Y'all know how hard this is with a radical kid that misses NOTHING. If she spotted the snake I would never get her back into the lake ever again.

I told her to swim to the end of the dock (away from the snake). I ran out to meet her on the dock, watching as the snake is now ON the dock between me and the way to safety. I pull her onto the dock as carefree as nothing was at all wrong. Have her sit watching the lake while I am spying on the snake. As soon as he gets into the boathouse I send J up the 150 stairs to get Daddy G up from his nap. I chase the snake through both of the boat stalls and out of the boat house onto the other side. She comes back down. Gets in the water and we repeat this whole little performance again as the snake comes back to the steps and up onto the dock AGAIN. This time he slithers onto the seawall on the far side of the boat house and I throw rocks at him. I keep throwing rocks (big rocks) for about 10 minutes.

Later we're all in the water on submersible floats. All I can think is "please, for the love of all that is holy, don't let that snake get in the float with any of us."

As soon as we got home I had to find that booger on the internet. Water moccasin (cotton mouth). The internet (and so do many of my outdoor loving friends) will argue till the cows come home that they don't live this far north. They lie. Liar, liar pants on fire.

The raised water levels must have pushed them out of their den. I'm ready for the water to recede now.

Catch Up

Playing catch up on blogs. The internet was s o o o o o o o o o sl l l l l l o o o o w w w w that it just about drove me over the brink. I swear it was slower than last fall and I didn't think that was possible. Way slower than dial up. Click on a page. Cook dinner. Click on another page. Load the dishwasher. Click on another page unload the dishwasher. No joke.

J had a blast. I found 138 shark teeth. Tons of sunscreen but we all got burned a little. The waves were huge this year. G & J had a great time riding the waves. I stayed by the pool. I only get in the ocean when it's windex water and I can see what's in the water with me. Yeah. I'm a chicken. Way too many jelly fish stings.

Glad to be home. Tickled pink to have my computer and dsl too.

Holes

Way too cold to hang on the beach or by the pool so we did the dreaded mall thing. I am NOT a shopper but it was warm. Big news: I finally let J get her ears pierced. She sat still as a mouse, didn't flinch, or scream. Yay!

She's been responsible enough lately to earn it. She's been admiring herself all afternoon in the mirror. ;-) She even managed to keep it a secret from Daddy G during their "good night" call so that he can be surprised in the morning when he sees her. Now if I can just keep my big mouth shut.

Pics when we get home cause this computer is slower than molasses.

Tomorrow it's supposed to be up to 73. Hoping....

Crossing My Fingers

This internet thing is about to get on my very last nerve. Y'all know I don't have many left. Every.time.I.do.every.single.little.thing. A O L pops up and takes 3 forevers to go away. So I uninstalled it. Have to shut down the pooter to make the changes. If I don't reappear tomorrow you'll know things went badly. Of course you'll probably all hear me screaming on the west coast shortly if this doesn't go as planned.

Here we go....

Beach Sweet Beach

Ffffffffffrrrrreeeeeezzzzzzziiinnnnggggg. No joke. Glad I brought sweats.

G will be here tomorrow. Hoping he brings some warmer temperatures with him. J ate 5 sets of crablegs. On top of everything else. She went to bed at 7 and was snoring at 7:07.

Something is really freaky with the internet here. Trying my patience. What is left anyway.

Reminder

Don't forget the Katharine Leslie webinar is tomorrow at 10:00 AM CST till 11:30 CST. I'll be there.
It's not too late to register.

Click here for the link.

Beach

Apologies for neglecting this blog. It hasn't been intentional but so much has been going on with the new addition. After our adoption drama filled lives of the last month or so (drama details on the other blog), we are leaving for the beach in the morning. Yahoo!

I'm packing on the down low so that Puddin's (furry child) anxious attachment isn't activated. Sneaking around the house and tiptoeing stuff out the door and into the car.

J is doing amazingly well. Pretend I'm whispering because I don't want it to blow up in my face. This will be J's 5th trip to the same house in North Myrtle Beach. The new tapping thingy seems to be working like a charm. And without meds.

Preparing to totally veg out, put the brain on standby and come back with a tan. Expecting to come home feeling human again instead of a paperwork puppet.

TAT & New Tapping Spots

Kristy gave J a new tapping thingy. She does it twice a day. First you place your index fingers at the inside of your collar bones. Then feel down about one inch and tap 20 times. J's new phrase is:

Even though I feel so mad and scared about adopting Special K that I push my mom away, I choose to feel happy about adopting Special K and I choose to let my mom love me.

Repeat the phrase again (not the tapping). It's written down on a card and J has to pick it up, tap, read the phrase twice then forget about it until it's time to do it again.

Christine, this tapping made me think of you. Wonder why????

I'm happy to report that J is doing much better now but tomorrow morning she's sleeping in and I'm going to be quiet as a mouse.

TAT:

I'm copying directly from my treasured emails from Tapping.com Take what works and leave the rest.

One thing that often surprises people who meet me is that
I'm not attached to Tapping at all as a way of releasing
negative feelings.

Tapping is just the quickest, easiest, most reliable way
that I've found to activate the body's releasing mechanism.


That's the thing I'm an evangelical fanatic about - holding
on to negative feelings is the biggest thing holding you
back, and you should release negativity any chance you get.


So, I'm constantly on the look out for the something easier
and faster than Emotional Freedom Technique... a few things
have come along, and the most exciting so far is TAT -
'Tapas Acupressure Technique'.

This is based around a pose where you hold some acupressure
points... when you do this, some sort of circuit is
connected and negative feelings just drift away... and no
tapping, or anything!

Tapas Fleming brought it to the western world. She teaches her own
framework for using it, but the basic idea is simple: Focus
on a negative feeling, hold the pose, and let it go easily.


The benefit over EFT-style tapping is that you don't have
to tap feelings one by one. You can focus on a particular
memory and the layers and layers of feelings just peel
themselves away.

It seems to release negative feelings faster than tapping,
because Tapas says to only do a maximum of 20 minutes a
day, while most people can do a couple of hours of tapping
before their brain gets tired.

So the TAT pose is a very useful tool to add to your
toolbox. Tapping is more appropriate when you have a
specific feeling or belief you want to get rid of, and I've
found it's more effective than TAT to use that way.

When I found how easy TAT was, right away I sat down and
produced this video for a friend of mine in Iraq, who is
rather haunted by some of the things he's seen. The
counselling he's having is helping, but TAT instantly made
him feel better about a particular event he'd witnessed.

I'll be filming some shinier-looking videos soon, but in
the meantime, check out 'Tapping for the Troops', it's
enough to learn the pose and try it for yourself. Click here.


Of course, TAT is perfectly compatible with the ideas in my
book, anything you can tap, you can release with TAT.


ANOTHER fun and surprising technique is called Doyletics...
in a nutshell, find a feeling, and say out loud:

"I'm 29 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 25 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 20 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 15 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 12 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 10 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 8 years old and I have this feeling..."
"I'm 5 years old and I have this feeling..."

You should notice that the feeling disappears. Don't ask
me how it works, I'm still working it out, and results are
a bit sketchy with this one - sometimes it doesn't work on
feelings that tapping shifts easily.

But it does work and it's quite fun as a party trick!

Be specific - substitute 'this feeling' for 'this sharp
headache' or whatever...

If it hasn't released or changed by '5 years old', carry on
for 4, 3, 2, 1 years, and then 9 months, 6, 3, 1 months, 1
day old... minus 1 day old, minus one month, minus 6
months.

Magnus

This might be particularly helpful with our kids who suffered trauma in the womb. Just saying....

Where'd My Kid Go????

Yesterday I had a practitioner come into therapy with us and do cranial sacral with J. OOOOOooooooooo bad decision. I think it was too much for her and threw her energy all out of whack.

It's been all downhill since then. Still sleeping at 7 this morning (should've let her sleep.) Disprespect, not listening, not following directions, bossy, defiant, slow-mo, and on and on and on and on..... Had to leave the 2nd swimming lesson. (There was one at 5 and another at 6 to make up for the problems the aquatic center had last week.) It took her till 9:30 to get breakfast!!!

Good grief! I am tired.

Edited to add: New tapping sequence

Rubbing on sora spots while saying 3 times:
Even though I don't like my kid right now I want to be a loving and kind mom.

Then tapping through the whole sequence:
I don't like my kid right now.

Followed by "I choose to be a loving and kind mom." Full sequence.

Then I did the TAT thing on feeling like a craptastic mom. (Martha, this is on the private blog but I will post about TAT on this blog soon.

Feeling much better now.

Woo Hoo!

Katharine Leslie is going to be doing a webinar. May 18th. 10 AM to 11:30 AM CST. $30.00 Grab all your fellow Radical mom's, invite them over for tea and split the cost. Continuing education credits will be issued if you need/want them. Dr. Leslie gets rave reviews every where she presents so I think you'll love it. Also a parent to radicals which gives her big stars in my book. ;-) She doesn't just "get it", she lives it. Please steal this and post it on your blog. You never know...there might be a radical mom out there that could really use this!


Parenting from the Trenches
Do you have a child who lies, steals, sneaks, stalks, hordes, chatters non-stop, or urinates in places other than the potty, etc? In this webinar Dr. Leslie will teach you essential, sensible, safe and effective solutions to your child's behavior problems that can also increase positive behaviors in your child, create an attachment friendly environment, simplify daily life, reduce family conflict, and even get some of your parental needs met. Dr. Leslie will weave lecture material around questions from the audience.


AGENDA
This is a 90 minute Webinar


Quick overview of attachment and brain facts

What children are supposed to give to the parent-child relationship

What do you really want from your child?

Preventing negative behaviors

Rehearsing positive behaviors

Punishment vs consequences: What's good for you?

Click here to sign up: Parenting in the Trenches

For Sale

I am trying to get Special K's closet cleaned out as it has become a home for various items since Chrissi left. During the cleaning I found a brand new boxed Wi i Fit. G & I both bought one without knowing that the other had already purchased one. Such is our communication skills. ;-) It is for sale if anyone would like to buy it. $80.00 plus shipping. Just email me to let me know.

J has been doing really well lately. She's had some interesting worries about her birth mom and a lot of anger. Apparently we've worked through those. Even though I'm still having her tapping on the anger surrounding BM and using the TAT method for trauma release. Dramatically better.

Also, she's starting to get more creative. It used to worry me that she couldn't pretend anything. No fantasies or creative mind things ever popped out of her mouth. Then I started to understand that in her world of trauma, who had time for a fantasy life or the time to be creative or inventive???? It was life or death man! It's was all about staying alive, protecting the heart....Couldn't waste time on wishes, dreams or fairies. Now I'm starting to really see her imagination come to life. It's so much fun to watch and listen to her these days. You just never know what might pop out of her mouth but it's almost always entertaining. ;-)

Last Tuesday the chemicals at the aquatic center were horrible. They're changing over from chlorine to salt and they were seriously screwed up. Wednesday J's hair was so brittle that it felt like it would break in your hands. I gobbed aussie mir*cle conditioner on her hair and left it for 45 minutes. She rinsed it out and I gobbed it with tons of mayo for 30 minutes. It was only slightly improved. Does anybody have any ideas to overcome the damage?????

This little cutie patootie is NOT for sale. ;-) Spring at the lake is glorious and the azaleas are in full splendor. So is J.

Swimmingly

J's lessons have been going swimmingly well. Two days down and she's doing really great. We're working on her fears and worries that she won't be a good big sister. She didn't have a role model so we're trying to re-create that for her.

Sheri has a great post on alarms and a GPS tracking device over at her blog.

Pooped

The first swim of the season occurred yesterday at the lake. J that is....not me silly. 55 degree water and I don't get along well. It was beautiful 85 degree weather and she was loving it. Today she was a fish from 11 - 3. Geesh. More power to her.

J starts swimming lessons tomorrow. She had beginner lessons a couple of years ago but they were private lessons. Tomorrow she starts in the middle of the road group lessons M-Th. The following week she'll move up a level and start "Trout" lessons. If she does well I'll sign her up for the 4th level.

It's been a crazy week and it's looking like this week is going to be more of the same. I'm tired already.

Fear

The TAT exercise from tapping.com has been working wonders with J's fears. Today I signed her up for 2 weeks of group swimming lessons at our local aquatic center. She was a little scared that all the other kids will be better than her. I did TAT on her and her fears were alleviated. TAT was (I think) designed to help recover from traumatic events. I've tweaked it to work on J's fears of the future. So far.....so good.....

Sunday we're going to do cranial sacral work on J with AT afterwards. This should be interesting.

J is working on ironing these days (after school). She's done it before but now she is really trying hard. She is really learning to do a good job and I'm very proud of her. Yesterday she ironed all her play clothes and her good clothes and thoroughly enjoyed it. Know it won't last so I'm enjoying it now.....

Hands On....

Yesterday Kristy, Chris and J gave me Reiki for my hand. I'm happy to report that it's much improved today. It's not 100 % but still incredibly better. Still resting it today, as much as possible, but at least I'm not cringing with every little movement.


This morning when J was giving me Reiki it made my hand really hot and I could really feel the energy. Very cool!!!!!

Ouch!

Thursday night, sometime after 2AM, I broke or sprained my left hand. I thought I'd been stung by a scorpion but by last night it was much worse. When I went in to check on J before I went to bed last night, she accidentally kicked my hand as I was trying to pull the covers back up. I thought I was going to cry. This morning it was swollen, aching and throbbing. I just went to a cheap emergency care place and they gave me the news and wanted me to go to the hospital to have x-rays. No insurance so she told me to ice, ace bandage, sling, and ibu profen it.

The scary part is I apparently did it it in my sleep. I have burned a furnace grate into my feet before and didn't know it till the next morning. Weird crap happens to me in my sleep.

Now I am typing with my right hand and it's driving me crazy. Before I was an 80 WPM typist. Now I am lucky to peck out one word every two minutes. AAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAA! I tried commenting last night but it frustrated me so much I quit. So I'm reading.....know I'm out here in cyber land keeping up with a gag on my fingers and pretend there is a comment from me. You know it would be a nice one with exclamations. :-)

:)De & Llyn,
I can't send you an invitation without an email address. Once I get your email I'll add you.....

FYI

In case you haven't checked your email there is news on the other blog....

Somebody's Got Some Mad Going On

No names but boy has somebody been in a foul mood. Of course y'all know that I had to pay for being away a couple of weeks ago. Big mad session in therapy today. She got out lots of anger. On the inside she feels like a piece of trash (her words) and that I'm going to throw her away some day. Today she was able to get out all those angry feelings about the SW's that treated her like trash (again her words) and her birth mom that treated her like trash. It was a powerful session. Then she got out some more anger because she's really mad at herself for acting like a RAD kid. Whole lot of screaming that she didn't want to be a RAD kid anymore and that she wanted to be a normal little kid.

I was so proud.

The AT did some GI (the one on softening pain in the 2nd section) and she added the analogy that it was like her heart had black cords wrapped around it to protect it from the pain and hurt that she had felt. Then she added that some day when J is ready the black cords will fall away or she will pull them off and not need them to protect her heart anymore. She really related to the black cords so I had the idea to get a heart pillow and a skein of black yarn. Every morning she's going to check inside and see how many cords are around her heart then take her pillow and wrap it with the black yarn so it reflects what her real heart looks like.
Then she picked out another heart pillow that will reflect the way she want her heart to look. It was soft, pink and pretty large.

When we first got home she started wrapping her heart up in black cords. She wrapped it so much and so thick with yarn that you couldn't tell that it was even red much less heart-shaped. She worked on it for almost an hour. Then she announced that was the way her heart used to look. 15 minutes later she had unraveled it and wrapped it 3 times with yarn and told me that this is what her heart looked like now. This could be interesting.....

For those of you on the the other blog... 15 more hours. AAAAHHHHHHAAAAA

Cindy....I need you to email me.....pretty please. schmuv!

Scavengers

Thanks to the awesome Christine and her totally fabulous idea on scavenger hunts we've had several this morning. Some instructions were crawling forward and others were backwards. Crawling is so good for our kids.

Yesterday we had a mocking train. She had to mimic my every move through the whole house. Upstairs and downstairs. I incorporated some crawling into that as well as a lot of silliness.

Remember the poll over there on the right side?????? If you haven't voted please make your mark. Dr. Leslie is waiting for me to get back with her about the numbers to see if we have enough numbers to do a webinar. Thanks a bunch!

Playing Catch Up

It's been a long few days. Lots of traditional Easter stuff going on. Connie had a huge Easter egg dying party for us and we had a blast! She had set up 5 tables of craft stuff and probably 25 dying pots. We dyed and decorated about 5 dozen eggs. Great fun was had by all!

Phoebe and Winnie are staying with their grandparents for the week so school will probably be shortened some so that they can make the most of their time here. I just love it when those girls come to visit. We always have a blast!

I am "trying" to set up yet ANOTHER email group for the other blog since the one I have fails every time I send it out. Another 85 addresses to enter. Again......

Hoping you all had a wonderful Easter!

Special K

New post on Special K blog. Gmail isn't letting me send emails updates saying that it is spam. Grrrrr....

Help Me Out Here.....Please

My friend, Mike Groomer, of Advocates for Children of Trauma fame, is trying to put together a webinar of Parenting in the Trenches with Katharine Leslie for all of us out in cyberland that are unable to attend trainings in person. He's thinking that the session would be in the range of $60-70 (possibly less) and you would be able to take the training via the internet. Dr. Leslie is the parent of 4 special needs children so she comes at the radical topic from our viewpoint. I have thoroughly enjoyed her book, Coming to Grips with Attachment, so I would love the opportunity to take this webinar. Plus doing it in the comfort of my own home makes it even more appealing!

So this is a big pie in the sky but I'm trying to take a poll to see if this would be a possibility. The poll will be open until April 16th which is the day I find out about Special K. If you are interested in taking this training please take the poll on the right side of my blog. You can also leave a comment or email me privately so that we can see if this is doable. This is not a commitment. We're not getting married. Just poll that you are highly interested. Come on folks.....really!

I am sure she wouldn't consider doing it unless our numbers are high enough. Some of her classes are around $35 so if our number of potential students were high enough this might lower the price. If we had 52 people or more I'm thinking that the training could possibly be less. This is what I have dreamed up anyway.

She usually provides CPE credits and foster parent training credits so I would think this would be available too.

Anything new that I can add to my arsenal of radical interventions makes my motor run. ;-)

Setback

Puddin has little bumps on her skin. I had one removed last summer and 3 more popped up. They resemble something between a wart and skin tag. G & I have noticed over the past 3/4 months that one in particular has been getting larger. Several people have told me that they are caused by a virus. Yesterday morning Puddin was in J's room while she was "reading" and I was getting ready to run some errands. I heard a little yelp from Puddin. "What happened????" came out spontaneously. Puddin came tearing through the house to my bedroom. 15 minutes later J finally admitted that she had sat on Puddin's tail. I wasn't too sure of that but I put her pet restriction and let it go.

After J was in bed last night I found that the big spot was crusty. Closer inspection showed that it had been tampered with. This morning I confronted her with this information. She was emphatic that she hadn't committed any offenses. I smelled a rat. Another infraction (probably brought on by her lie) required that she stand on the front porch for 5 minutes. (This usually diverts a meltdown because she doesn't want anyone to see the crazy train ;D) As soon as I opened the door she apologized for lying and that she had been picking Puddin's bump.

I am disappointed today. I realize she has come so far but it's still hard to re-visit those behaviors that I thought had dissipated. She's on animal (any animal) restriction indefinitely. On a side note, she is sick again. Sore throat, fever, etc. So there's the good news of the day.

The best news is that I had a long conversation with the other joy in my life, Cindy. ~~~~~~~waving at Cindy~~~~~~~~~~MMMMuuuuwah and schmuv!

Reporting

Reporting in to let you know I'm still alive. It was a powerful, moving, inspirational and enlightening weekend. Many gifts were received and I'm still getting more as I process all that occurred. Grateful for my friends.

On the way to the island I received a phone call from Ashley (sitter) who reported that J had a tummy ache. J appeared on the phone and I asked her how she was doing and she burst into tears sobbing, "I miss you so much mommy." Yay me. It was good for my heart. This is the first year that she has really and truly missed me when I have gone on this trip. G stepped up and took her on an excursion every day to help her through it. She was so happy to see me when I got home last night. Almost as happy as I was to see her. We were both laughing through our tears. She had lost a tooth Saturday but thankfully the toothfairy waited on me to pick it up so she awoke to fairy dust in her hair and a buck for her loss.

She had found all but one of her hidden candy/love notes and she found it this morning. I asked her which note she liked the most and she told me it was the one that said, "I miss you so much! Love, Mom".

Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I spied a new object on the chest in the bedroom. Picture above. She had never mentioned a peep. Sweet little stinker had left a nice little suprise for me.

Knee deep in laundry and catch up.

Visit to adoption attorney will be posted on the other blog.

Fast & Furious

Packing as fast as I can and tying up loose ends. Leaving you with a wonderfully fabulous link on tapping which explains it so much better than I. Go here. Change your life and the lives of your kids. They also have a wonderful newsletter that you can sign up for and a pdf of all the tapping points.

Candies wrapped in neon green love notes are left hidden all over the house. hee hee.... Carmels filled with mom's pink love waiting on J. Wishing I could be a fly on the wall when she finds them. ;-)

No television, no phones, waves lapping at the shore, bonfire on the beach, great friends, lots of love.....coming up soon. Have a great weekend!

For All My LDS Friends

The picture above is the LDS Temple on Broadway in NYC which was a part of our view from our room. I meant to post this last week and totally forgot.

I also forgot to tell you about the little disruption in service Sunday afternoon and yesterday. As we were coming in the door at the lake, J slammed the door. I had her go back to practice shutting the door and Puddin came bounding through the house headed for the porch. I was standing right beside J when she looked at me (it was just a glimpse that you just know) at the same time she shut the door on Puddin. It was fleeting and then she caught herself and pulled the door back. I went after Puddin first to make sure she was ok and sent J to her room. Checked Puddin then went back in the house to talk to J. She was bawling and G was in her room. He said, "she didn't do it on purpose, she's sorry, ease up on her." I knew this was not going to be good. Told J to start packing and G followed me out of her room telling me how mean I was to her. Hmmmmm.....bad decision. I knew J could hear him. He repeated it 4 or 5 times which of course made me madder by the minute. I replied calmly several times and the last one I yelled that I knew what I was doing. He stormed out and J & I packed the car.

I didn't discuss it all the way home because I needed to get my thoughts together. I was going back over it again and again and trying to analyze the situation. Second guessing myself all the way but my gut knew. I just knew. When we got home I pulled J in my lap and asked her what happened. She was sobbing saying she didn't know. I told her I thought I knew what happened and explained that I thought that she was very, very mad and the old her wanted to hurt Puddin but the new J caught herself before it got bad. She agreed sobbing and made the sweetest apology to Puddin to which Puddin licked her face up one side and down the other. Then I told her that she was trying again to make G mad at me and she agreed with that too and said it was because she was still mad. G appeared a few minutes later and J told him exactly what happened and apologized for her behavior. I apologized for mine. Somehow he never apologized to me. I knew he was sorry but it sure would be nice if he would model an appropriate apology for J. Oh well....

Yesterday, at lunch, she got mad and put the dishes in the sink very hard. All while looking at me. I can't believe they didn't break. I let it go at the time. When dinner time came I cooked her dinner and put it on a paper plate. I didn't eat. After she finished and the kitchen was cleaned up I sent her to go get dressed and jump in the car. After we were both in the car I told her that she was going to buy me dinner at the Thai restaurant to make up for being mean to the dishes. She was not happy about that. I made a huge point of telling her that it was so sweet of her to take me out to dinner. Hardest meal I've ever had to eat. When it was time to pay and J was handing over her money, I made a really big deal telling Valentine that I had the most awesome daughter in the world because she took me out to dinner. Valentine thought that was so sweet. I got to brag on my kid even though it was a consequence. You should have seen her chest puff out and the grin on her face. The sweetest thing! The bonus: today she was so gentle with the dishes. Maybe the meal that I choked down was worth it. Yay!

Thank to the brilliance of Foster Abba I've now set up an email group to email all of you when there's a post on the other blog. It'll be coming from the gratefulhouse @ gmail dot com so be looking for it.

Busily Cooking

I'm working diligently to get more meals in the freezer in preparation of my long weekend off. A sitter is coming Thursday and I'm off for my annual Serenity Trip. (I pay every year in advance so that I'm committed.) Ooooo weee I can't wait.

It's worth all the extra work and I can sleep in on Friday. The sitter will be here till 4 on Sunday so it'll be a bit of a rush coming back home but that's ok. It'll be pedal to the metal.

Next week I'll be all aglow with serenity and joy. Rested and renewed in preparation for a new addition.

Priscilla, I'm waving at you. Can't wait to see you!

Various

2 new posts on Special K's blog. One being the Cliff N*tes version of tapping & rubbing on other blog with a perma link in the top right hand corner.

I have one person, that I know of, that is having difficulty getting on the blog and many people that haven't picked up invitations. I have invited everyone that sent me an email. Perhaps the invites are sitting in junk mail or some of you are also having problems? Please let me know if you're having issues getting on the blog.

If anyone can help me figure out why Linda can't get on the blog I sure would appreciate it. Tubaville did you have any problems with this?

We went by the other house this morning and discovered that the power to the fridge had been cut off. For a while. The smell almost knocked us down when we walked in the door. Joy. Did I clean it out. Nope. Cut the power back on and I'll deal with that another day. Yuck.

We're home now and I'm STILL fighting off something. It's not terrible but it sure is inconvenient.

All Done

All invitations are sent. If you haven't gotten one it's because I cannot find your email address. Sorry.

Thanks for your patience!

Things are rocking along here. J finished her Saturday chores in record time and she's now curled up on my bed re-reading Little House in the Big Woods. :-) We're getting a nice steady rain with a little thunder in the distance. Might be a nap day.

Later we'll be heading up to the lake, building a fire and roasting some marshmellows for smores.
I'm taking a non-therapeutic parenting book with me. ;-)

Have a great weekend!

Waaaahhhhh!

I'm trying so hard to get all of you set up. However, I'm finding that a lot of you don't have emails attached to your id. I HAVE to have an email to set you up. I will NOT post your email on the blog if you choose to give me your address in a comment. Once I enter your email address blogger will automatically send you an invite.

Please email me at LisaAmos at payco.org

Exciting News!

Click here now. Go find one of our old, figuratively speaking, friends. (Tiruba Tuba lives there in Tubaville.....hee hee.....

I've been to Tuba City but it won't be near as much fun as Tubaville.

New Posts

I am still going to keep this blog open and running. I have invited as many as blogger will allow me at the moment. Don't worry if you haven't gotten your invitation. More will be coming tomorrow.

There are 2 other new posts up now. To all those that haven't gotten your invitation yet please have patience with me. This invitation business is a royal pain in the hiney. I'm getting there....slowly but surely....

New Blog & Permissions

Ok....I have my first post up on the new blog for Special K. I haven't set up all the invitations yet. Waiting till later today. I'm going to print a copy of all the followers on this blog, then look up all the email addresses. Those of you that have emailed me....I have a list of all of you too. Discovered that there's just no easy way to do this. ;-(

Still a little off....

J was still a little off today. During school she kept mentioning that she was sooooo tired. Finally I threw school to the wind and put her down for a nap at 1:30. She was still SOUND asleep at 3:45. Had to shake her to wake her up which is really unusual.

Normally I'm the freezer queen for dinner. I cook everything then freeze it in individual portions then pull it out and have dinner in 15 minutes. Tonight I cooked a fresh dinner and we had Pioneer Woman's meatballs for dinner and they were sooooo yummy. Next time I'm going to use panko bread crumbs instead of oatmeal though. I always use panko for meatloaf instead of oatmeal and love it so much more so I'm thinking they'd be really good in the meatballs too. The panko crumbs seem to make it lighter. I added a little cumin to the sauce and I think it really added a little something extra. These would freeze really well but I'd freeze the sauce separately.

One of my new friends, fellow RAD mom Laynie, had a friend of hers send me an email about cranial sacral and somato emotional release. Her friend, Elisha, sent me a great link so I'm sharing it with y'all. Click here. Our first AT's were trained in CST, as most AT's are, but never used it on J. Have no idea why. It's one of the few things I haven't tried but I'm going to be looking into it. It might be another great thing to start with Special K.

No news on Special K. She's stable in the RTC, there's no fire to put out so she waits. And so do we.....

This weekend I'm going to be starting a new blog to chronicle the newest adventures and I'm going to make it private. Most of you are special needs moms so you'll know I need to vent and I'll need to do it without trolls judging our roller coaster ride. I'm also going to need all your ideas and brainstorming to help us along.

I'll invite everyone that's following here (if you have an email attached to your id - if not please email me if you want to follow along). Since private blogs only allow 100 readers and don't show up in google reader I'll put an alert on this blog to check the new blog. Is that convoluted enough???????

GI, etc

I've been recording all the guided imagery in Invisible Heroes for J. They play all night in her room. She LOVES them. I can see the progress daily. I also suspect it's another reason she was so successful in NYC. She's processed a lot. They build on each other as you go through the book so it's important to work through the book and not pick a few randomly.

We've made it into the 2nd section of the book that covers trauma. There's several that come before the actual GI for trauma. She made it fine with the first 2 in the 2nd section but Monday night I started the 3rd one. It's for softening pain so I thought that it would be easy peasy. Not. She was off kilter most of yesterday. About 9 last night it occurred to me that she had started a new one and that this might be a problem. You should have seen me sprint to her room to put it back on peaceful sleep. I was a blur.

This morning she was a little off too. Not bad....just off... Therapy day today. The AT & I discussed what I was worried about and she thinks that until we work through the trauma section that we'll do those in her office then I can go back to the recordings for the recovery section. She said it would be important to have someone holding her while we worked through this chapter. I'm single so we'll do it with Kristy (AT). She's gauging J's reactions and responses while we're going through it. So we cuddled on the couch under a blanket and when we got to the part that said to put her hand on the part of her body that hurt she put my hand over her heart. I almost burst into tears. I was already giving her Reiki while Kristy was doing the GI and I think it was extremely helpful in her processing and that intuitively she knew she needed Reiki on her heart.

I'm passing this info on to all of you if you are using this book (which I highly recommend) please hold your child while someone else is doing the GI during the trauma series and don't do random GI's. Allow them to build. So much of what our kids went through was pre-verbal so they won't have any idea why they feel the way they do so they need someone to comfort and hold them.

My friend, Sheri, took the words out of my mouth today. Go read here.

Message Regarding Torina

A troll nearly ate Torina and she is now hiding under the bridge at a Busy Intersection. Her blog, as a result, is now private and you will need a password to get in. If you are a reader, you can email her at torina.busyintersection at yahoo dot com for access.

Thanks!!!

Run along now and email her....she can only allow 100 readers on a private blog so you'd better be quick about it or she'll be a sold out show.

All Better?

I'm hoping and praying that every one is better now. It was a feverish, stinky, exhausting hot mess of a few days. I've been feeling a little icky myself but it seems that the anti-flu meds the doctor prescribed are going to do the trick. I hope.



This week I'll be able to pick up J's new psychological. I'm real interested to see the changes since the first one in 2007.



J did pretty well staying at G's. It was the first time she's stayed there so it was a new place therefore scary at night. We came home Friday night and it was time. J was really needing some one on one time with me. Truthfully I was too. We had snuggle time as soon as we walked in the door.



Since last week was a total bust for school we're starting fresh today. Monday is Language Arts day so J is working diligently. She loves LA!



Thanks to Mimi for the award. I had no idea she's been reading my blog. That was a really nice surprise!







I'll finish this up later. School is calling my name.....

Flu

I am behind again. G has a major case of flu and so does J. J is getting better but still sounds really croupy. We've moved into G's house temporarily because he is just pitiful he's so sick. My dr called me in some anti-flu stuff so I'm praying I don't get it. My hands are dry and cracked I've washed them so much.

Dia I haven't forgotten when I get home and back to my computer I'll send you my thoughts on our conversation. Tudu, I promise I'll call you back. SW 24/7 Thank you ever so much! I'll get an answer back to you too just as soon as I can.

I'm off to change the sweated sheets. Again.

Update

Just got off the phone with AT. It's appearing like it's a done deal. There will be a matching meeting with our s/w and Special K's worker to seal the deal. Then the ICPC paperwork will be started. I have a few connections with ICPC in GA but worried that with a state as big as Texas that it might take a really long time on their end. I'm also a little worried because a visit hasn't been mentioned.

A little more info on behaviors including that she is charming, attention seeking, aggressive, destructive, enuresis, poop holding, and been kicked out of school several times. Yep. She's my kid alright!

Special K

Our AT finally heard from a Texas worker regarding Special K. I'm waiting on her to call me after her last patient leaves. The caption on the AT's email said, "Wow, Wow, Wow!" So I'm sitting on pins and needles.

Pictures and a Sick Baby

Since I have no idea how to embed the slideshow click here. That is if you're interested.



Completely forgot to tell you that when we pulled into the FBO at Teterboro, it was swarming with Secret Servi*e. Interesting. Apparently an Ambassador was arriving shortly. This was my first trip ever to NYC that I didn't spot at least 2 famous people so I guess the SS will have to do.



J is down with a cold. 2nd time she's ever been sick. Last night she was still pooped and said she had a sore throat. This morning she woke up all croupy sounding. She had breakfast, a salt/soda bath then went back to bed. Slept all morning until I got her up for lunch! She has been a sweet little patient too.

Thanks to everyone for their help! I think photobucket is totally the bomb now! While J was sleeping I uploaded over 3 years of pictures! Yeah....I was really behind.

I Need Help

Tired, cranky and frustrated is living in my house. And it's not J. It's me. I've tried several different online photo thingy's and can't find one that is easy to upload (a lot of pictures at one time), allows me to order prints, AND lets me create a slideshow for blogger. Does such a thing exist?

I'm tired of looking so can y'all help me? Please I'm begging....simplify this for me.

I'm very overwhelmed at the number of blogs that I'm behind on so if I didn't comment. ... Sorry.... I'm way behind....

NY Girls Back in Georgia

42nd St. Love

J labeled us NY Girls this morning. Tee hee!

She loved NYC!!!! Better yet, she was able to hold it together just like a normal kid. I even called the AT last night because I was so excited that she did so well and had the best time!!! Yay J!!!!


We even exceeded my expectations. Our driver is a native New Yorker and he took a liking to J and made sure that she had the best time!!!! Here's our list of accomplishments:


Friday:

Broadway

Lincoln Center
Central Park Strawberry Fields
Look Sheri: (your reward for comments!)

A quick tour of Grand Central Station and dinner at Michael Jordan's.

Times Square

Back to the hotel to crash. J spent most of the night awake and if she wasn't she was kicking me and sleeping on my side of the king size bed. Finally at 3 I put her on the sofa since we had to get up at 5:30.

Saturday:

7AM Bright and early:
Harlem
Hell’s Kitchen
42nd Street (Love Statue)
NBC Building
Ziegfield Theater
Greenwich Village
George Washington Park (Arches)in Greenwich Village
China Town
Little Italy (Got J 2 mini-canoli from the famous Ferrano's Coffee Shop)
Central Park
Rockefeller Center
Empire State Building
NYC Sky Ride
Times Square
Madison Square Gardens
Chelsea Pier
NY Public Library
Post Office
Dakota Building (beautiful apartment building where John Lennon was murdered)
5th Avenue
Saks
Bloomingdales
Chrysler Building
Battery Park
Ground Zero
Alphabet City
Gramercy Park
City Hall
Mayor’s Office
Courthouse

Financial District
Midtown Manhatten
Broadway
Lincoln Center
Radio City Music Hall
Columbus Circle
Trump Towers
NBC Studios
Carnegie Hall
Tavern on the Green for lunch
Museum of Natural History
Nobu 57 (dinner) Sushi restraurant owned by Robert DeNiro. It was divine!
Beacon Theater (The theater has been purchased by the folks who own Madison Square Gardens so it has been completely renovated. Kirk brought me in the back stage door before the concert so that I could take a look around. Huge improvement!)

J crashed at 8 PM and I was right behind her. There was no kicking or taking over my side of the bed last night. She slept like a log.

This morning we went back to Battery Park and caught the ferry to Liberty Island to see the Statue of Liberty and to Ellis Island then back to Teterboro. Everybody was asleep on the plane within 15 minutes! The biggest news was that J fell asleep on the plane too! 8 people on the plane with lots of turbulence and she slept right through it! It's probably going to take 3 or 4 days to recover.

Home at 4:30, dinner and she was out like a light at 6:15! I'm having pate on mini-toasts for dinner.

I took 64 pictures. It's a record!

Sneaking Up on You

Muuuuuwaaaahhhh.... I'm stalking you from the Big Apple.....

No. Not really. I did not take my computer to NY but I typed this up on 3/12 and asked blogger nicely to post Saturday morning. We'll see if it works.

Right about now we should be at Rockefeller Center. Yay me. Already can't wait to post pictures for you. I'm going to "try" to do better in the picture taking department during this trip. I royally stink at taking pictures. I get so caught up in the moment, seeing everything and committing everything to memory that I forget to take pictures.

Mockery Mark once said that he spent a week in Las Vegas with G one night. That's going to be kinda like our trip.

Hoping we make it to the Museum of Natural History. The AT & I worked out a plan that I will carry J while she closes her eyes through the dinosaur exhibit. I think she'll really enjoy it once we get past the dinosaur at the front door. When I was at best buy purchasing my computer, they were playing Night at the Museum on all the screens. It terrified J and she had many nightmares afterward. (Remember we don't watch TV because it sets off triggers and it's never pretty.) We also talked about exactly what was going to happen and that I would always keep her safe. Changes in schedule are hard for most RAD kids but throwing in LOTS of new things can be really scary and will result in an off the chart meltdown. Trying to prepare her for all events may be helpful. More will be revealed later.

We did tell her that if indeed she did need to throw a fit that she needed to get out of the car or stand in the hall of the hotel until it was over. That may keep her from throwing one because she hates for others to see her on the crazy train. Hee hee.

If you haven't already, please check out Toolbox Parenting. I received an email from Nathan and he said the broken links were fixed so there's even more tools to discover. Nathan and Deb Fjeld created this site specifically for parents like us. There's even a community to join (free) to throw questions out and get help from other parents. To join look for the box on the right side of the screen. Honestly I haven't utilized it all yet but eventually I will.

BT....Thank you for de-lurking. It's great to see you. ;-) If you start a blog I'll be your first follower. Pinky swear!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

At this moment I am sitting on the plane en route to Teterboro and the Big City. Probably somewhere over Virginia right now. I didn't want to leave you hanging so I'll share some happenings around the house.

J and I have talked through the plan of how I'm going to keep her safe so that she can relax and enjoy the trip. The configuration of the plane is that the back two seats face forward, the middle seats face forward and the front seats face the middle and back seats. G & I always sit in the middle seats so J will sit in the seat facing me so that she can hold my hands and look in my eyes if she's scared. Plus it'll be a quick jump if she needs to get into my lap. Since 9/11 it takes a really long time to descend to the airport. This means she'll get to view the skyline of NYC for a good while. John and John (father & son pilots) are always extra cautious but they will let her come look out the cockpit windows if it's safe. She's had a little flying practice so this should be fun for her.

I've shown her pictures of our divine hotel room from online so that she'll know the set up and that Daddy G's room is right beside ours. She's also seen pictures of the restaurant and all the places we'll be visiting so it won't be too scary. I hope.

Sidenote: J has earned the privilege to be alone with the pets. Wednesday evening J went by herself onto the back deck to pet Stud (cat). She came back in the house very quietly. Too quiet for J. I asked her what was wrong and all she kept saying nothing was the matter. I knew better. She walked straight through the house and into the garage to go out the front of the house. I walked outside and put my arms around her. She started sobbing. Real genuine tears. I asked her what was wrong again and she said, "the cat bit me and I was being so nice to him." After I consoled her I explained that cats will sometimes bite you (you know the gently, playing bite) because they like you. (I had asked if it was a hard bite or gentle bite.) Then she felt much better and went back to pet the cat.

Last night she plopped down on the floor (right in front of me) to pet Puddin and accidently hit Puddin's paw and Puddin yelped. I consoled Puddin first and made sure she was ok then had J apologize to Puddin. She very quietly went to her room afterward. I went in her room and she was sitting on her bed facing away from me. She motioned her hand for me to go away and softly said, "please go away." I picked her up and sat her in my lap and she started sobbing so hard. "I didn't mean to hurt Puddin. I promise it was an accident. I would never hurt Puddin again. She's going to hate me forever because I broke the promise." Of course I told her that I knew it was an accident blah, blah, blah.

Later I told her how proud I was that she cried over Puddin because that meant she was becoming more like a normal kid because that's what a normal kid would do. She was very happy over that. I can't tell you how much it warms my heart to see genuine tears. Twice in 24 hours is a record!

There's Excitement in the Air

Ooooooo....I'm getting so excited about the trip to NYC. All a tingle. I'm dreaming big here but this is the list I hope to accomplish. I have been having J study about NYC and all the cool things we're going to do so that she is more familiar with them to alleviate the stress. This is her first trip there so I'm hoping it will special for her.

Friday night: Dinner at Michael Jordan's in Grand Central Station, drop G off at the concert, go back to the hotel, stop in Balducci's to pick up bagels and lox for breakfast and then up to the room trying to spot Jeffery Dean Morgan. :-0

Saturday morning up at 6, breakfast and downstairs as the driver is picking us up at 7 AM.

Greenwich Village

China Town

Littly Italy

Central Park

Rockefeller Center

Empire State Building

Lunch at Ray's Pizza

Times Square

Museum of Natural History

Dinner with G and company.

Yes, I know this is a long list and we probably won't get half of it done but I'm sure going to try.

Sunday - Statue of Liberty and Liberty Island (We are NOT leaving NY without this visit.) A quick trip to Balducci's to bring home some cool stuff that we do not have in GA.

Depart Teeterboro at 1.

Come home and crash for 3 days.

I ♥♥♥ NYC!!!!

Conversations

At lunch today, J and I were having a conversation about Special K moving home. (She's been renamed Special K by Torina and I love it.) I asked her what she remembered about moving here. She remembered absolutely nothing. I told her that her FM had brought her here on a plane. A couple of hours after this conversation she remembered that they served food on the plane and related it to G's plane in that there is not a flight attendant doling out food. She didn't remember her first night here or even several nights into the move. She did remember bleeding and the barbie incident. She could probably sense that I was freaking out when that happened even though I was so trying to fake it. After she was sound asleep I went into total freak out mode.

I reminded her of several things that she did during that time and she was stunned. She would walk into things (as in walls and furniture) all. the. time. She couldn't find her way from her bedroom to the kitchen and it's a straight shot. For days all she would say is, "stop, drop and roll" over and over and over. She refused to eat ANYTHING that I cooked declaring that she wasn't hungry. I asked her why today and she said, "I did not want anything to do with your love." Imagine that. She would not hug me up and would constantly play "keep away" and run away from me. No eye contact at all. Wailing for hours on end for the abusive FM. I asked her why. "Because I didn't know you. She was mean to me but I knew her."

Me: When you moved here were you scared of a new home or were you scared to have a mom.
J- I was scared to have another new mom.

She does remember the stuff she did to Puddin. When asked she said, "I have a promise between you, me and Puddin that I won't hurt her ever again. If I break that promise she'll never trust me again. She trusts me now.

I asked her what she thought would make this an easier transition for Special K. These are her ideas:

1. She can't call you mom until she gets better. She needs to call you Miss. Lisa until she decides to be a family girl. Moms are the enemy to a RAD kid.

2. You need to sit in the middle seat (on the plane) and I'll sit on one side and K will sit on the other so that you can keep me safe.

3. K will always be the last person in the house so that we can keep Puddin safe and she can't go in the backyard because she might hurt Stud (cat).

4. I'm going to be really quiet until I feel safe around her.

5. Show her where the alarms are so that she will know she is safe and that bad people can't hurt her in the middle of the night.

6. She doesn't need furniture in her room because she will break it because she will be so mad sometimes. Too much stuff in a room is too much mom. It's scary.

7. I will help protect Puddin because she's my sister too. (awwwww....)

8. I will never come out of my room without getting dressed first.

9. Can I have an alarm on the inside of my door so that I can be safe? (Not sure how I'm going to work that out because I like to check on her before I go to bed and I don't want to be setting the alarm off. But...if I put one on the outside of her door she can't get out without setting it off.) J hasn't needed an alarm on her door in quite a while and now she likes to have snuggle time at 5 AM. Any ideas????

10. If she shows me her private areas I will turn my head, tell her that's not appropriate and come tell you.

I was impressed with her list. Obviously she's more worried about when we get home than when we pick her up. That's totally understandable.

Just a FYI....the matching meeting still hasn't happened yet, the worker still hasn't even called our therapist (which she said she wanted to do) either but I'm still hopeful that it will happen. We're planning as if it were a sure thing but we won't know anything for a while. The worker has a whopping 60 kids on her caseload and I'm afraid if there's not a fire we're kind of on the back burner. Hoping that's not so but you know it goes.....

This afternoon we had to make a trip to the dreaded wally world to pick up my prescription that was I was shorted on. Usually J holds my hand all the way through the store or holds the cart. Today she wouldn't hold my hand. Not in a disrespectful way though. I asked her why she wasn't holding my hand. She said, "I'm eight mom and I'm walking right beside you." Geesh. Then we got to the parking lot and she held my hand. I said, "what? you want to hold my hand now?" She said, "I'm only eight mom." Hee hee....

Sidenote: The intimidating blogger I mentioned last night....she doesn't intimidate me in a bad way...it's more like the I'm not worthy way. Now you can wonder about my complex. I do it all the time. Hardy har.

P.S. J hasn't been blogging because the weather has been too nice to be inside so she's been playing hooky. 78 today and the windows open 24/7 for the last 4 days. Nice. You northern gals can be jealous now. Hee hee.