Blogging Love

Do all of you know how much I love you? Seriously. I don't think I realized how much until Torina's post yesterday. It scared the bejesus out of me. Then I felt so helpless because I can't do anything to fix it. Frustrating. She had to talk me down off the ledge. Whacked. Someone with no sense of humor was mean to Sheri. I did. not. appreciate. it.

Y'all are with me through all the ups and downs, trials and tribulations, highs and lows. You listen without judging and boost me up when I'm wailing. I am so grateful for all of you. Then I follow along with your stories and ride the roller coaster with you. When you cry I'm likely to cry too, when you scream I'm screaming with you, when you've reached new milestones, I'm cheering for you like I'm watching the Dawgs play, when the fun stuff happens, I'm rolling around on the floor all agiggle.

When I first arrived on the blogging scene there seemed to be an inner circle. I was so intimidated by many more experienced bloggers. Too scared to comment on their blog. Someone might find out I'm not cool and it would be just like high school. Horrors. So I hid in the shadows until one day I ventured out of my safety zone and started commenting on a couple of blogs. Lo and behold they commented on my blog! I was in the "In Club". Yay me!!!! I became more and more brave with each passing day. Now there's only one blogger that intimidates the heck out of me. There I said it! I'm getting more courage though because I have left her a comment recently. ;-) Wonder if she'll click on the link and find out she's the "one?" Nah. She doesn't read my blog. She doesn't intimidate me in a bad way just in an "I don't feel worthy way." My complex needs work.

Through email I told Dia, that I speculated that we should all live in a commune. That way we could all support one another. Your kid's having a bad day. No problem. Another mom could swoop in and give you a break. You're sick and don't feel like cooking dinner. Another mom could deliver dinner to the troops. Kid won't get out of bed to go to school...another mom will rush right over and help them practice getting ready. Etc. Life in fantasy land. Humph. I'm a pansy though so you all have to move to Georgia ....no snow for me 8 months out of the year. ;-)

Funny and fascinating Sheri gave me an award Sunday night. Getting her to comment is like pulling teeth ;-) but it's comforting to know that she's there. She's one of the ones in the experienced blogger arena. I literally jumped for joy when I saw that she was following my blog. I have struggled mightily with who to pass this on to because I REALLY don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. This has happened in the past. I am a southern girl y'all so it's against my religion to hurt someone's feelings. That is unless someone pisses me off then they'd better watch out. Sorry that just sort of slipped out. ;-)


The Dardos Award is given in "recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing. These stamps were created with the intention of promoting fraternization between bloggers, a way of showing affection and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web."


The rules:
1) Accept the award by posting it on your blog along with the name of the person that has granted the award and a link to his/her blog.
2) Pass the award to another five blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment, remembering to contact each of them to let them know they have been selected for this award.





Drumroll please....

And the winners are:

Eyes Opened Wider - It is so obvious that this social worker truly cares for the kids in her care. I admire that so much.

Rancho Chico - Dia is in the same radical boat and paddling like the dickens. I love that about her!

Faith Makes Things Possible - Linda takes me with her on the roller coaster and I love it. I am an adrenaline junkie. This is not a secret folks. The cat was out of the bag when I said I was going to adopt another radical.

Essie the Accidental Mommy - Oh! She makes me giggle hysterically and roll around on the floor all the time.

Raising Alyssa - Gerri cracks me up and keeps it real all at the same time. She's been hanging with me since J has arrived home and I drug her into blogging land with me.

Tudu's a Mom - I met Tudu at a RAD support group in Atlanta. I immediately connected with her and she talked me into blogging (probably just to shut me up.) ;-) She has been such a great support and taught me lots of stuff.

Yeah... I know it's six but I have to be a rebel.

I am so grateful for y'all. You get me better than most of my IRL friends.

Cheating

Today I'm posting over here so please stop by and show me some comment love.

Kristina...that means you too.

Lost: Half a Dog

Before:

After:

I can't believe how much Puddin had grown out. Seriously, like half of her has disappeared. Freaky.

It was a clothes shopping weekend. Shopping really stresses me out. When I do go I am a woman on a mission. J has outgrown EVERYTHING. Those cute little bathing suits (never worn) that I got her in October at Myrtle Beach (home of the cheap swimsuit) are never going to grace her body. Nope. I had to cry a little over that. Play clothes, go-to-town clothes, socks, underwear, belts, sandals, etc. Nothing fits. Talk about stressful. This required a LOT of shopping. She was swimming in a 6x for almost 2 years. In November she moved to swimming in a 7. Now she's jumped to a 9/10. Yikes.

Saturday night after picking up Puddin in Atlanta we stopped by Tarzhay and I got her 5 play outfits. No trying on mind you.... Nope. Grabbed them and ran. Sunday morning she tried them on and and 2 shorts and 2 shorts had to be returned. Too small. So G came over and talked us into sushi so we returned the favor by talking him into shopping. Hee hee. Never ever take G shopping unless you are expecting to do some mighty buying. 7 go-to-town outfits, 2 new pajamas, 2 dresses, 6 play outfits and all the acroutrements that go with them. My budget was so relieved. ;-)

J's closet has been cleaned out, reorganized and everything has been packed away for K's arrival. New clothes have been ironed and put away. The cutest shoes, dresses, capri outfits, etc. Someone failed to tell me that all the cute clothes stop at 6x.

J is doing state testing today so it's taken me all day to get this post completed. More to come later....

It's 80 degrees outside!

I hate it when blogger takes out all my paragraph lines.

J's Gift

J gave me an arrangement of silk gerbera daisies. My favorite! Also, $41 cash and an arrangement of balloons! Which I will spend taking her to do something fun this afternoon. Ssssshhhhh....it's a secret.

Feeling much better today but not so much sleep last night... weird nightmares, endless trips to the bathroom and two cats fighting outside my bedroom window at 1:30 AM then up at 4:30 to get Puddin ready for her big day. Crystal picked her up at 5 on the dot and I've been a nervous Nelly ever since. She called me a bit ago to let me know that she was walking Puddin outside because she didn't like being around all the dryers. Crystal & Puddin will be judged and finished around 5 but Crystal won't be able to leave until 9 or 10 tonight. So....I'm driving down to the Hilton this afternoon to pick her up. I can't wait!

60 degrees at 8 AM! Supposed to be a high around 78. Yay! Gets me in the mood to garden. Wishing I lived on a farm. I'd be planting my potatoes and spring greens! All shade here so only flowers....

Pooped Puppy

I'm tired and cranky. Just haven't felt too well for the last couple of days. J is doing extremely well and has been very helpful, attentive and caring. Yay me! Today she insisted on doing my chores and hers too so that I could rest. With a great attitude I might add.

Despite feeling under the weather I had a wonderful time with my friend last night. Great company and dinner. It was really nice to be out with an adult and to be treated like a lady. Andrea Bocelli, Michael Buble....it was fabulous.

Tonight we did the family celebration thing. It, too, was wonderful but boy am I ever tired.

This afternoon J stopped doing chores and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you that's really embarrassing. I didn't notice until I got to Daddy G's that I had gotten the wrong kind of card. It's for a sister but I got it for the picture and the words inside the card. Will you please not show anyone else because I'm embarrassed?" No problem honey. It was really sweet and I was proud of her.

Tudu, thank you so much for my birthday serenade. I LOVED it!!! You have a beautiful voice and it meant a lot! I save the voice mail. Hee hee!

Tomorrow morning Puddin leaves to go to the beauty parlor show at 5 AM. I'll remember to take pictures tonight so you can have before and after. I'll worry about her all day but I know she's in good hands. Puddin has anxious attachment too so she'll miss her mama all day. Plus she'll be around all those dogs all day long. Horrors!

Two awards today from Muppet. She cracks me up with her special brand of humor. She's not for the feint of heart. I'm not going to give them to any particular person because you are all too special. I just can't pick out a few so it's for all of you. Sticking with me through thick and thin. Being supportive and tolerating my antics through the good and bad. You all rock!

A giant cyber hug to all of you:


And Cute blogger:
This pooped puppy is going to bed with the other patchouli scented pooped puppy.




Good night John Boy....

Great Day!

Apologies for the sideways picture. This is the arrangement that G sent me for my birthday. I've received some beautiful arrangements in my lifetime but this one took the cake. Not sure if you can tell but it is a VERY tall vase with an orchid stem in it. 12 orchids blooming! If I were Pioneer Woman I'd be able to take a picture to do it justice but instead this will have to do. The best part was that he went to the florist and picked them out himself. Yay G!

Thanks everyone for all the FB birthday, email and phone call wishes. Truly I am overwhelmed by your kindness! This birthday has been a dang site better than last year which was spent in a 48 hour crying jag. Major PTSD flaring up....better change the subject.

By 6:30 AM I had been serenaded by 6 different people. Phone calls. My friend, Connie, wrote me the sweetest poem:

Relationships are like fairy tales....fleeting and hard to maintain.

However, you and I have discovered a wonderful friendship

even through the midst of our pain.

I know we'll be friends forever and no better will we find...

Because no one else could put up with us

We are two of a kind!

A phone call from Chrissi in Germany made my day. Out to dinner tonight with a friend. Tomorrow night is family celebration and my parents are taking us out to dinner.

Little Miss Priss has actually been trying hard today instead of punishing me for having a birthday. Yahoo!

The Matching Game

I finally heard from our SW. K has ODD & ADD. Bi-polar ruled out but I'm thinking there's some RAD in there too. We go to match in 2 weeks!!!!!! The SW is advocating that K be moved now but K's worker is thinking May placement.

I am a little slow sometimes

But eventually I'll get there. Yesterday that rocking Torina gal posted a link about toolboxes. Uh huh. Forgot to click on the link. Today slow girl (me) remembered that she didn't click on that link. So I ventured over there to take a gander. She. Wasn't. Kidding. It's a great site!

Check'em out:

Tools for Fostering Attachment

Tools for Rage

Tools for Sensory Integration

Tools for Sleep

I was really disappointed that the Progressive Muscle Relaxtion and school IEP links didn't work but other than that this is one of the best all-in-one sites that I've seen. Thanks Torina!

There's tons more so go investigate.

No More Whispering Allowed

Yesterday I was a less than stellar mother. Blech. I sucked at it. Something happened after dinner and it was all downhill from there. She lost her temper then I jumped in the fire with her. Understandable for J but I hate it when I do it. Yuck. Yuck and double yuck. I went in her room after all was calm and apologized for losing my temper. She said, "Mom, I'm sorry I lost my temperature too." ;-)

It was too late for restitution last night so this morning she had chocolate from me. J then reciprocated by drying my hair so all is well. We're both in a better mood today.

My worker has talked to the K's worker. We're supposed to talk this afternoon. Trying to put my patience panties on but dang it's hard.

Check out Dia. Just click here.

Snow!!!

Well...technically no snow at our house but J bundled up and we drove to the next county south and saw 4/5 inches. We would've driven farther to see the reported 7 inches but the roads started getting a little dicey and my truck is neither 4WD or all wheel drive so we settled for the parking lot at Cracker B*rrel to play a little. A big snowiceball fight was had by all.

I'm whispering here. Sssshhh.... So far no meltdowns over the impending trip. It's early yet but still..... I'm taking medication with us just in case she needs it. The AT has encouraged me to take her off it since it's having no effect on her behavior. So I have even though I love the placebo effect it gives me. I scheduled an appointment for a new psychological on the 16th. I'm interested to see how that goes. She's only had one and that was June 2007. The doctor recommended doing another one in a year but I completely forgot last year. I can't imagine why.

I am kind of trying to lose a couple of chins before NY. Nothing like a trip to give me some incentive. You know you have to take pictures on trips and I hate having my picture taken with my 5 chins. Ugghh. Having left over chocolate pie in the house is NOT helping. I refuse to throw chocolate away though! Bad food choices for lunch too. 80 flights of stairs so far today. 2 rounds of w i i fit. Have got to get some more water down. Did I mention I loathe exercising and would really rather have a coke than water?

Dia would you email me privately? Pretty please? My address is under my profile.

Hmmmm....

There is a love/hate relationship for me regarding followers. I love getting new followers for obvious reasons, as well as, being able to follow others on their journey. But boy do I hate losing them. It hurt my feelings. *insert whine here* So today I seriously considered taking the follower gadget thingy off. I was afraid that I would lose some with the "Nailed It" post because this topic is surrounded by such controversy created (mostly) by the professionals. Typically I just tip toe around my recovery beliefs but Christine modeled bravery for me so I took a risk. I'm not going to take it back either because I still believe it's true. Taking on this disability takes a heck of an education. Lots of it is the school of hard knocks too.



So if I offended anyone...I am sorry. It wasn't my intention. If you're still reading my blog without following, please do. It's encouragement to me to read along with all of you. If you're following now and I'm not following you please let me know. Blogger has rearranged all of the follower thingys and now I can't tell who's new and who's not.



Oh and Dia....I'm so tickled to see you out there in cyberland. Since I can't leave you a comment I wanted you to know that I'm really enjoying your blog.

G is making his annual March pilgrimage to NYC on 3/13 to see the ABB at the Beacon Theater. He's invited us to come along! Yahoo! We won't be attending the concert but J will get to see the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Empire State Building and Grand Central Station. 48 hours isn't near enough time but I'll get J up at the butt crack of dawn to pack in as much as possible. Central Park, Museum of Natural History, Greenwich Village, China Town and Little Italy. The list is too long but I'll be a whirling dervish trying squeeze in as much as possible. Plus I'll get to buy some cool groceries at Balducci's, have Ray's Pizza..... Maybe he'll forget about us and leave us there for a week. ;-) Essie's got me wondering who I'll spot... In 2007 the apartment across from ours was occupied by Jeffrey Dean Morgan who was so much hotter in person than TV. Hoping we get that room again. ;-0

Birthday Party

Tonight we commence birth week. We are all in the same 10 days. Talk about pressure. Or lack of planning possibly. Starting it off I had my parents over for their birthday dinner. Spinach lasagna and homemade Caesar salad dressing over crisp romaine. Yum. My poor mother had to make her world famous chocolate meringue pie because I was afraid I couldn't pull it off. My Mom's pie is always in such demand that lies and deception have been known to occur in order to keep the pie a secret from others.

G picked up J this morning to go birthday shopping for me. J had saved $64.00 of her hard earned chore money and packed it into her little purse. She had informed me that she had a plan and that Daddy G was going to help her pull it off. OK then. They arrived back home this afternoon and she left my present in his truck so that I wouldn't peek over the next week. As if. I'm not a peeker.

Right before everyone got here she told me that she had put some money in my birthday card to go along with the present she got me. Immediately I started assuring her that she could keep the money that she didn't spend and save it to buy a toy. Which started a very animated J, complete with a slight stamping of her foot, trying to explain the situation to me. "But Mom, I want you to have it. You are the best Mom in the whole world and you deserve to have the best birthday ever and I'm going to make sure it happens." (Oh my stinkin heck. I am crying again just typing it.) Then I proceeded to feel about 2 inches tall. For those few of you that have been reading since last year you'll know this is an unbelievably huge event. I would post the link for you but honestly, I don't want to re-live that week again. I just want to bask in the joy of now. What a difference a year makes. Heck. What a difference a few months make. Last year there were tears of despair and this year it's tears of boundless joy.

During dinner, J left the table for a bathroom break and I told my parents and G what she had said. Everyone at the table is in tears. Even G. He said that when she was wrapping my present, over at his house, she told him the same thing and that he cried then too.

Right after she had gone to bed tonight she came back out and said, "Mom, I really think I need some baby time to help me sleep. May I please have some?" This coming from the kid who has done everything in her power to push me away. So much so that I had to "sneak" baby time in on her by waking her up after she had been sleeping for a bit. Because that's when she was sweet and wouldn't push me away. Every day she is getting braver at telling me what she needs. Yesterday she told me she needed some pink love so that she could make it. Big stuff.

I am so humbled and so blessed.

Nailed It

The professional attachment community has a long history of pointing fingers and saying this professional has it right and everyone else is wrong. Then they switch it up and it's that professional has it all wrong and this other one has it all right. Personally I'm sick to death of the arguing. Parents of RAD kids need help and they needs lots of it. One thing is NOT going to fix my kid. Oh wouldn't it be oh so nice if one thing would work? However, that's living in fantasy land. Again this is strictly my opinion. Please don't send me hate mail for my opinion because I'm just trying to do the best I can for my child. I respect your opinion too and will honor it.

It seems that every one has an opinion on who has the right way to help kids with RAD. I have an opinion too. My conclusion is that there's not one person that has it all right. It takes all of it. A huge education is needed to help these precious kids become securely attached. Take what works and leave the rest. For J, I had to change it up on a minute by minute basis. Approaches by Katharine Leslie, Nancy Thomas, BCI, Dan Hughes, Love and Logic, Deborah Hage, Dianne Craft, Martha Welch, Greg Keck, Terry Levy, Michael Orlans, Brita St. Clair, Ken Magid, Deborah Gray, Karyn Purvis, Cathy Helding were used when they were appropriate. No matter which one is used it has to be done in a loving manner and with the right attitude. I have to remind myself daily that any intervention can be considered coercive or punitive if not used appropriately and in the manner intended. Facial expressions and tone of voice included. All our little ones are different and will respond differently to each approach. Again, take what works. A pinch of this and a dash of that....

I don't have all the answers. I never will. But I will keep reading and researching to make a difference. I need a big bag of tricks daily. This journey has forced me to think outside the box and I have been really rewarded for being able to do so. It also takes an open mind and thankfully today I have one. This was not always the case as those of you who know me IRL are aware.

I could go on ad nauseum but my friend, Christine, sums it up best right here. She totally nailed it! Plus she had a fabulous interview with her radilicious kid that I am totally going to steal.

Tiny Tidbit

Just a tidbit of news. Not much but it is something.

My worker just emailed me and said that she has tried calling K's worker but she's been out. On the message she did say that she knew I was very excited about K. Guess Claudia shared my uncontained joy. ;-) Wonder how she could tell?!? ♥♥♥

No News

A very big thank you to every one out there. Keep'em coming please.



Still hanging on by a thread here. No news. Dang it. No responses from my worker. Phone or email. Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Trying to show some patience here but patience has never been my long suit. Those of you who know me IRL.....you can stop snickering now.



G and I had a conversation tonight about J's progress. We both agreed that J has truly reached new levels since I've been a SAHM. Emotionally and academically. I'm so grateful that I was forced to do this. I came into this adventure kicking, screaming and hanging onto the shreds of carpet by the tips of my perfectly manicured nails as I was dragged into this endeavor. Actually I spent several weeks grieving my loss of being a professional career woman. Then after I put on my big girl panties and "got over it" things just started changing. Kudos must be given to G for recognizing the changes and being willing to help facilitate the process. This is big stuff for him. I can't do this forever but for right now, just this moment, we are ok.

Which means that right now, during this next year, is the perfect time for K to come home. Yes, I am an adrenaline junkie, but also, I know that I am very good at being a mother to a kid with RAD. I don't have many talents. I'm not a talented writer as all of you can attest. Nor am I a crafty person or a knitter, seamstress, painter, designer, singer, dancer, actor, creative, funny or even clever. Truthfully, I am so jealous of people with talents. But I do have one talent. I am great at this RAD mom thing.



No. I've never met K. I haven't even been able to read her whole file. However, I am willing to fully commit to her attachment and walk with her. Coaching her along, helping her heal, therapy, PT, sensory integration therapies, home school, guided imagery, neurofeedback and whatever else is necessary. Whatever she needs to help her recover from a lifetime of abuse, neglect and bouncing around foster care. I am willing to be her mom forever. Moving heaven and earth daily. I'm ready to have my house destroyed, be pushed away, cursed, hit, pinched, screamed at and spit and peed - pooped on. Again. Maybe crazy is one of my talents. ;-0

I've never met her but I'm fighting for her.

K is my daughter too and she is waiting on me.

SOS SOS

Please, please, please....I'm begging all of you......please send up some prayers, energy, light, love, positive thoughts or whatever you believe in. There are an extreme number of kids waiting for homes. One in particular is waiting on us.

A worker in another state is supposed to be talking to my worker about a 6 y/o little girl living in an RTC (residential treatment facility). They've read my home study and are supposedly trying to call my worker today. Oh, please let them connect. Please let them see I won't quit and I won't give up. Please let them try something different. Do you know how hard it is to get two SW's on the phone? I am willing to fully commit to her attachment and walk with her. Forever.

I really want her to hurry up and come home before the RTC does anymore damage (not intentionally). RAD kids don't fair well in RTC's at all. For many reasons but the main one is that they are usually based on the level system and RAD kids could care less about level systems. 6 y/o ....she has a chance to get better and she can't do it in an RTC. The worker wants her to "graduate" from the RTC but IMHO that just means she's getting sicker by the day instead of attempting to get real help.

I'm begging here.....and counting on a miracle.

Sorry I'm so scattered. I can hardly type I'm so excited, nervous, anxious, nauseous. I can do this. I know I can. I may have to open a sparkling grape juice bottle tonight. (By that I really mean sparkling grape juice...I love the stuff.) It might be a whole bottle night.

Overwhelmed

Some days I'm totally overwhelmed with how much stuff there is to learn. Today is one of those days. Multiplication tables, geography, spelling, history, science, geometry, creative writing, conjunctions, interjections, prepositions, adverbs, adjectives, states, capitals, main ideas, purpose of a story, grammar, and the list keeps stretching out in front of me until I feel like I'm drowning. It's all the responsibility that "I" am "the" one that has to get said information into her head. I get tired just thinking about it. If she were in public school I could "blame" someone else. That won't work since I'm the teacher. Geeessh.....

At this moment she's working on multiplication tables with School House Rock while she's working on pulling a tooth that has been loose for almost 8 months. Multi-tasking. Afterward she'll be doing the Timez Attack. Why oh why didn't we have these cool things when we were kids? What did we ever do without the internet?

Breathe, Lisa, breathe.......

Busy Weekend

Thanks for all the face b o o k support. I feel so much less alone now.

It's been a weekend on speed. J was a speedy girl and finished all her Saturday chores on Friday in anticipation of a play date with another friend with RAD. Both girls did very well during the entire 2 hours. Then I waited for the fallout. You know the one.....If you have too much fun you have to have a meltdown to prove you didn't deserve to have so much fun. It didn't happen. She successfully navigated the rest of the day and through today, as well.

Daddy G bought her a new bike for home so that she could take her bike from home to the lake and leave it there. She had been riding her itty bity bike at the lake and it had finally gotten to the point that it was impossible. So that one is waiting in the garage for the next pink princess. He also got her some new shoes. The child has gone from a 2 to a 5 in 2 months! What the heck?!? At this rate her feet are going to be bigger than mine. And that's saying something!

Last night she watched the School House Rock America DVD and held it together! Yay hoo! It was so cool because afterwards she was asking questions about the Electoral College and the making of a Bill. She also enjoyed recognizing the Statue of Liberty, Capitol Hill, and the White House.

She couldn't wait to get home and ride her new bike. She rode in the freezing cold from 2 to 6, only coming in for dinner.

This mom is a pooped puppy and she's going to bed!

Confessions

I am thoroughly confused by face book. Seriously. Plants and groups.....I accept then I have no idea what to do. Moron. Am I being rude if I don't send a plant back? I have no idea of how to get back to groups to see what's going on. Pokee I am. What the heck do I do with that? My life is so mundane that I never write what I am doing. It would be too sad.....Is it considered rude if you don't write on walls? Never thought I would be left behind by technology since I am the person who buys a car based on how many buttons it has because I LOVE to be entertained by figuring out the buttons. Reading the directions? Fahgetaboutit. I exist to figure out the buttons without the assistance of directions. Where's the challenge when you read the directions?

Still hanging in there with w i i and walking. 2lbs down! 28 more to go! I've only had 1 coke (it's sinful not to have coke with mexican food plus otherwise it's just painful) in 5 days! It's truly a miracle. I'm not a breakfast person. I prefer to have a pack of peanut butter crackers around 9, however, this week I've had dry granola courtesy of a recipe from Cindy Bodie's daughter Sarah.

There have been some challenges (for both of us) this week getting on this strict schedule but we're making slow and steady progress.

Last night J was able to tell me that she needed baby time to help her! Woo hoo!
This morning she told me she needed some pink love to help her!!! Another time she was able to pick the tool that would change things up! I'm also going to add a list of tools to her bulletin board to help her find her coping strategy quickly. It was in her classroom but I think she needs another one in her room as well.

Stormy Night in GA

It's been a night of storms here. Every 30 minutes or so another storm rolls through. We may be sleeping in the basement shortly. The lightening has been so bad I'm expecting the electricity to go any minute. Welcome to Georgia in the spring. Great....now we've got hail....

I'm fighting off a sore throat with tons of emergen C. Yuck.

Puddin's beautician, Crystal, is taking her to a national beauty parlor show in Atlanta in March so she's convinced us to let her grow out so that it will have a dramatic effect. It's going to be dramatic alright. Puddin is getting fluffier and fluffier by the minute. I no longer have a furbaby. I have a fur ball.

Another One

My friend, Mike Groomer, is at it again and now has Dr. Steven Gray, author of The Maltreated Child, presenting a workshop in Fort Worth. Check out this link for more info. Early registration is strongly encouraged. Fees are $35!

Somebody (no names) has had a pretty bad attitude at different times during the day. Lying about everything. I FINALLY had an idea just a few minutes ago. I told her I was going to ask her some questions and I WANTED her to lie with every answer. It was a requirement. Prescribing the problem. Usually prescribing the problem eliminates the problem in our household. However, this time I stumbled onto something by complete accident.

I proceeded to ask her the color of basically everything in her room (which is pink BTW) and she called almost everything black or brown. Hmmmmm.... Then she started crying and telling me that I should just give her away. I hugged her and reassured her that I was never going to give her away no matter how much she lied. She sobbed some more. Black and brown in J's world is the color of grumpies and yuckies. So I had her blow up her imaginary black balloon with all the blacks, browns, grumpies and yuckies. She blew so hard and so long that she made herself dizzy. Then we threw the imaginary balloon outside. Where it belongs.

She feels much better now and so do I. Whew!

On a completely different note, the wi i really hurt my feelings. It added many years to my age. Hateful thing! Sticking to the walking every hour deal.....today I have walked 4 times and also climbed 40 flights of stairs and I am SOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEE. It may take some asprin to get me out of bed tomorrow..... I'm going to show that mean ole wi i a thing or two...one way or another....

North Texas Workshop

Jacquelyn E. Meyer

MS, LIMHP, CPC

Presenting a one day workshop on:



COMPLEX POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

EVALUATION AND TREATMENT OF CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS



Date: Thursday, March 5th, 2009
Time: 9:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
Location: Ruthe Jackson Center
3113 South Carrier Pkwy, Grand Prairie, Texas 75052

To Register: Call 817-509-4694
All Classes: $20 (Pay at the door, cash or check)
Make checks payable to: Millwood Hospital



Who Should Attend? Parents and Professionals working with children diagnosed

ADD, ADHD, FASD, ODD, CD, RAD, OCD, PTSD, Bipolar and Depression



Workshop Will Encompass:



Defining Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) and describe how it differs from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Identifying the primary causes of CPTSD.
Identifying the domino effect of CPTSD including the physiological, memory, emotional and behavioral issues.
Recognizing the impact that CPTSD has on families and significant others, who were not traumatized.
Participants will be able to describe two major treatment interventions for use in the treatment of CPTSD.
This will be an information filled workshop for both parents and professionals on Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The material will range from the causes and effects in children to the treatment and relief of symptoms. Current research has shown that traumas experienced in life can result in physical damage to the brain affecting such things as long term memory, impulsiveness, and ability to connect to others. Through fun, interactive and experimental methods participants will learn to be the key in helping to healing the brain.



About the Speaker

Jackie Meyer, MS, LIMHP, CPC, is the director of two agencies, the Building Blocks for Community Enrichment and the Counseling Enrichment Center in Nebraska. Meyer’s passion for over 20 years has been treating traumatized and attachment disordered children. She now trains parents and professionals across the nation enabling these children to lead productive lives. Meyer also serves on the national board of directors for ATTACh, an organization that focuses on treatment and training of attachment related disorders.

Exhausting Success

The first overnight was a success. She called me and was doing well so there didn't need to be a rescue mission. Of course she was working the "want to stay up late and I need a glass of water" thing but that is totally to be expected. She didn't sleep too soundly in a new place, but again, to be expected. I called again at 9 and it sounded suspiciously like I woke my dad up. I picked her up at 7 AM. J laid down for a nap at 10:30 and didn't get up until 2 and that was because I woke her up! Geesh! My parents stopped by this afternoon and my dad said they went to bed before 9 instead of their normal 11. Teee Heee! Now they know why I go to bed early. :-) They probably needed a nap too.

Tomorrow I am getting my feet firmly back on the ground and we're going to be back on a committed schedule instead of having such a relaxed day. It's so easy to just kind of let the day go by and before you know it, it's dinner time. We really got off schedule after the ski trip 3 weeks ago and it's easy to do because J is so far ahead and we do school year round. Tomorrow though it's back to the grind. I've worked in a 15 minute power walk every hour in the hope that some fat will slide off. I'm also committed to opening the Wi i fit box and actually giving it a try. The hateful thing has been taunting me from the closet for 2 1/2 weeks now so I guess it's time to set it free.

Big Day for J

This morning I woke J up singing Happy Valentine's Day to the tune of Happy Birthday. She was all agiggle. Totally blew off her healthy breakfast and she had cupcakes, chocolate and sparkling grape juice. When she pulled out her chair she found her card. When she made up the bed she found a book (we're big on books here) and when she was doing her chores she found another book. Totally rocked her world. Then she brought in mine. She bought me (with her hard-earned chore money) a huge heart balloon, the sweetest card and a present she wrapped herself containing a teddy bear. It was the sweetest thing. J is big on cards and studies for a really long time trying to pick out just the right card. Here's what mine said:

"A mother walks ahead of us

to guide us when we're small,

And then she walks behind us

with a hand in case we fall.

Then one day, when she's taught us

everything we need to know,

She points the way to future dreams

and gently lets us go."

You've taught me so much

about life and love and giving,

and those are lessons

I'll never forget.

So don't ever think

I don't appreciate you

and love you, because I do....

with all my heart.

Thank you for your guidance and love.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

J

Let me pause while I puddle up some more.......

That had to be the sweetest thing ever especially considering our journey.

Tonight is a huge monumental night. This will be the first time she has ever spent the night with Papa and Monya!!!! She's really excited. Honestly she was ready in November but it was calving season (my dad's a CPA by day and a gentleman farmer nights and weekends) and that was not something I wanted to expose J to. Not that it's not part of life but pulling a calf from a cow in distress is not pretty and can get very intense (and dangerous) to save them both. I grew up on the farm and still managed to exempt that class.

She wants to go but is a little nervous so we worked out a back up plan. If she's scared at bedtime she can call me and I'll come and get her. If she gets scared in the middle of the night she can wake up Papa and Monya, have them call me and I'll come pick her up. Now she's breathing a sigh of relief and all is right with the world.

Just For Alyssa

For all your hard work to be a Family Girl! You rock!

Lack of Drama

There is a serious lack of drama on the homefront. So sorry. Every day is just more and more settled it seems. Yay us! Hopefully before long J will have moved up from anxiously attached to securely attached. We're working on several tools to help her through the transition of another child. The AT suggested getting a journal and writing love notes in it. Just short love notes from my heart to hers. What a cool idea! Plus it's something that she can keep forever. When the newest radilicious (cause you know they will be) kid arrives and they are throwing fits J can go read her Love Notes Book. I'm working on it now. We've talked about how she can be a good example and show her sister all her tools. Plus we're practicing now so she'll have a good basis when a bouncing 60lb baby arrives.

On the adoption front, the AT is writing emails to get things moving along on a possible placement. I am so lucky to have Kristy. A wonderful AT is truly priceless. I can't wait to have another RAD kid! I really believe I was meant to be a RAD parent. I'm all excited because I know sooooooo much more now than I did when I got J. Doing respite for rad kids, plus J, has given me an excellent education. (Not that I'm dismissing all the training but there is nothing quite like hands on learning.) We've been to the pit of hell and have risen with a whole new outlook and a world of opportunity stretching before us. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades! ;-0

G has left on his motorcycle, traveling to Daytona for the race. I'm always a little wistful when he first leaves because there are a few times that I miss riding. I have seen most of America on the back of a Harley. Utah was one of favorite riding states, followed by Arizona. Then he called a few minutes ago and said he's freezing. Not so wistful anymore.

It's a free weekend for us girls. There's a strong possibility that I might get an evening off for dinner and a movie with my best friend. J is doing really well with me leaving but I always fill up a stuffed animal with my pink love before I go just in case she needs an extra dose of loving.

From my chair I can see that J is typing furiously in her room. Wonder what she's got to say today??!!

I'm really starting to hit my stride with this SAHM business. It's becoming comfortable and easy. One thing I've really got to work on is getting a better schedule down. Some days I can be too relaxed and not as well focused. I work better in 15 minute increments so I better get back with it quick.

Frustrations

It frustrates me to no end that my state doesn't care for single parents. Now they are cutting more staff and it looks like a placement in GA will never happen.

I have inquired on several kids in different states, emailed my homestudy and I have always gotten a call back except in GA and MN (big surprise Torina?). I've had a couple of calls from SW's that have found me on adoptuskids.org. Navigating this process is very difficult and frustrating.

I know that J needs the child to be younger than her so I'm focusing on 4-8 age group. She has voiced her opinion and I have taken that into consideration. I would rather stick with this age group myself too as I think it would be a much better fit overall. I also want to be able to homeschool my next child alongside J. I think it will be a huge step in facilitating the bonding process, focus on being a family and meeting their needs and now that I am taking this next year off the timing couldn't be better. I had over 200 hours of training on Attachment, RAD, AD, ODD, OCD, PTSD, ADHD, grief and loss, etc. before J moved home. Now I have well over 700 hours into training. Not to mention that I think I am good at this and so does my caseworker and our AT.

Through a friend's contact I sent my study to a county close to mine regarding a 5 y/o little girl. The worker told me I was a perfect fit and wished she could move her today. Except she can't. It's going to be a long time because A was adopted by her grandmother in FL then disrupted 6 months later so she's now involved somehow with her birth parents again and they are having to get another TPR which is going to take a long time. Grrrr....

Even more frustrating is the fact that every day is ticking by and getting closer to the end of my homestudy date. 3 1/2 months will go by in a blink and I'm running out of time. I know this is what I am supposed to do but I am NOT going through more paperwork to update the study. (Famous last words.) Then I feel guilty about that too.

Must Be The Moon

She spent Friday with Daddy G most of the day running errands and buying Valentine presents for me, Papa and Monya. She was able to contain herself once she came home. Usually all the over stimulation that comes with an outing with G sends her over the edge. She got right to her chores with a happy go lucky attitude. Finished most of her Saturday chores Friday evening. Woo hoo!

Saturday at the lake she started with the triangulation, spotted it, changed it up and confessed to G what she was trying to do. Then congratulated G for changing it up too.

It has been a challenging day. Miss Grumpy Pants has been in residence. Maybe she's changing it from Tuesday to Monday now in which case this will mean (hopefully) that tomorrow will be fabulous. Everything has been a frustration for her today which is another reason she didn't blog today. She's taking a salt bath now and there will be Reiki afterwards. Nothing over the top just cranky. I have taken the opportunity to make labels for most of the black cords that live in the black cord hole.

Must be the full moon.....

75 degrees today. Windows open filling the house with clean, fresh, pollen-free air.

P.S. The GI works on babies to ancients like me and it's not specific for RAD. It's for any trauma events. Including alcoholism, rape, car accidents, domestic abuse, etc. Many different ones to choose from. See...if I write it in a really small font it doesn't count that I mentioned it again. ;-)

The Last Time....I Swear

I was only going to share this revelation with a couple of folks but started feeling really bad about keeping this information on the down low. Especially considering how many kids this might help it would be negligent on my part to withhold the information. Consider I'm still giving you this information in spite of the fact that I know there will be a serious lack of comments. This is the pure, genuine love I have for you, people.

The book that I told you about, Invisible Heroes, is a must buy. Don't walk...run to amazonian or wherever and purchase this book. You will NOT be sorry. Ten bucks people. Ten bucks with amazing interventions for our kids. Heck, not even for just our kids, for ourselves as well.

I'm not kidding you when I tell you that I feel that this is going to be one of the most important things I've ever done for J. I'm beyond impressed.

I've recorded 3 sessions of guided imagery (now I don't have to pay the AT to do this because it gives it to you word for word.) I know guided imagery works because I've seen the things it's done for J when the AT has recorded sessions for J. Now that we're down to one hour of therapy a week instead of two, I just want to use therapy for therapy instead of guided imagery and now I can!!!!! Plus the AT & I both believe it will be much more successful with my voice. The first half of the book has survivor stories and how they recovered from trauma. The rest of the book is all the guided imagery. Now I don't have to pay for the impersonal pre-recorded imagery. They are great, don't get me wrong, but it's expensive when considering all the ones J would need AND it's much better because it's in my voice.

The first section of GI is getting the body prepared to release trauma, the 2nd is letting go of the trauma and the 3rd is recovery from trauma and to encourage self-confidence. It explains how to do it and to put soothing music in the background to make it more effective. Instructs cadence of voice, not using punctuation such as hypnosis, etc.

You can pick and choose from MANY different ones to record so I've chosen the ones that I think will be helpful to J where she is now in recovery. You, too, will be able to easily ascertain the correct GI for your kids. It's intuitive. This GI is not specifically for RAD kids. It's for many different kinds of trauma including grief, car wrecks, abuse, alcoholism, rape, etc. GI is even recommended for babies who have had trauma and it's known to work really well for them.

We are on the fourth night of GI and J is sleeping MUCH more soundly now that I've been playing them all night plus I think she's comforted just hearing my voice. Of course at the end of the GI for sleep I whispered, "I love you" over and over several times. J LOVES it!!!!

If you have a RAD kid that is still actively pushing you away I think this would really work as well. They can "be" with you without having to "face" you and push you away. Make sense?

It's not rocket science people. This is easy peasy stuff and takes just a minimum of time to create a recording for a lifetime benefit. What could be better? I tried to upload an audio file so that you could have an example but blogger keeps giving me errors dang it.

I created her recordings the day I received the book but didn't actually read the book till last night. I'm a backwards kind of gal. Luckily I didn't screw anything up. Today I finished a good novel just to get me off the the therapeutic track. My kid is sleeping like an angel and she's still getting therapy. ;-) I'm going to download the tracks onto my mp3 player and give myself a dose too. :-)

Sweet dreams.....

Question - Edited

Now I ask you, when you go to the dentist do you get a manicure and polish? Humph...I didn't think so. Me either. J, on the other hand, did. Hot pink, sparkly nail polish too. Good thing this didn't happen 2 years ago or I would've flipped my lid. Because "I" am the the keeper of all things wonderful such as gifts, hugs, sweets and sparkly pink fingers. Luckily it's not as big a deal now that J is attached, albeit an anxious attachment. So I let the pink sparkly fingers slide although I'm sure my eyes were wide as the dental assistant announced the joyous event. PTSD I tell you.

Invisible Heroes finally arrived today. Woo hoo! I've been attempting to break my habit of reading books on therapeutic parenting, trauma, RAD, ADHD, PTSD, grief, loss, and ODD. For the first time in over 3 years I've actually been reading for the pure enjoyment and bliss of escaping into another world instead of delving head first into educational material. I am putting my addiction on hold just to read this book then I'm back on the wagon. I promise. I've already skimmed through it and found some guided imagery that I'm going to record onto her mp3 to play all night. At first I thought about ordering some of Naparstek's cd's then the AT and I thought it would be so much better with Mom's voice. It is recommended to have low, soft, relaxing background music playing and that it intensifies the healing. That makes perfect sense. I'm focusing on page 216, Healing the heart; and page 221 affirmations. Play them for a week or so then move on to the 2nd stage of healing from trauma. We'll see how it goes.

So now I'm frantically searching for the cord that connects the recorder to the mp3. One of these days I'm going to get smart and put labels on each black cord as it enters my house. Unfortunately I'm now going to search the black cord mess that I have created. You know the ones. Cables for mp3, ipod, earphones, cameras, camcorders, usb, etc. They are breeding like rabbbits in my house. Feeling overwhelmed already. It's around here some where. I know it is.....

The elusive black cord has been located and it's gray BTW. It was located in the black hole of all cords. Recorded 3 sets of imagery. One for healing the heart, one for affirmations and one for sleep. Then the joy of figuring out how to transfer said imagery onto the player. Easier said than done but done it is. Playing as I type and hoping for a blissful night sleep for J. Hot damn I'm good.

My Favorite Day of the Week

This will come as no surprise that Wednesday is my favorite day of the week. Therapy, sweet therapy. We came up with a plan to give J Reiki on Monday nights and switch down to 2nd grade work on Tuesday. Tuesday seems to be a day that J gets frustrated. Since she has moved to 3rd grade in every subject except math and is now actually being a little challenged she is getting a little frustrated with the challenges. So thanks to Time4Learning she can move up to 4th grade or down to 2nd grade with the simple click of a button. I think we'll re-visit some lessons in 2nd grade on Tuesday's just to alleviate some stress for her.

When she is getting frustrated she is supposed to change her inner dialogue to "I'm not stupid, I just made a mistake" since she is such a perfectionist. We also explored some past trauma issues to gauge her response. She totally nailed it. She never dissociated and stayed totally focused the entire time. The AT & I were both impressed. The sister issue was also addressed and she did extremely well.

She's up to 25 books a week at the library! Four were devoured before the AT appointment today. She will always carry a book around with her to keep herself amused. She is so me. I lived in books as a kid. My newest favorite author is Mary Kay Andrews, "Hissy Fit". Hysterical book and it had me laughing out loud. It is pee your pants funny so check it out! Today I had to venture out with another one of her books. This weekend I will make time to read, Savannah Breeze. I couldn't help myself and started reading it while waiting on J to pick out all her books and it has me hook line and sinker already. Just finished, The Shack, and CJ, you were right. Excellent book.

Tomorrow J has a dentist appointment. Maybe they'll pull the tooth that has been loose for 8 months. At the last appointment they told her to keep wiggling it and it would fall out. She doesn't want the hole. I don't blame her. I hated the dreaded "hole" too. Yuck. Although I don't think the dentist could appreciate how far she has come. When J first moved home she would take a perfectly attached tooth that hadn't even started getting wiggly and jerk it out of her mouth just to see my shocked expression. Thank goodness she's past that stage now or she'd have a mouth full of dentures by 12. ;-)

A Date with Clint

My big night out consisted of PF Changs and Clint Eastwood. Gran Torino was an excellent movie. It surprised me by being a very touching movie on many levels. I've never been a big Clint fan so I was kind of shocked. Yeah, we were supposed to see Revolutionary Road but GT started earlier so that settled the discussion. It was so nice to be out with adults and have adult conversations. My goal is to try to have a night out at least every other week even if it's just to the library.

Have you noticed J is working the sister thing? I asked for her opinion on the subject and we discussed that it might be a possibility and she's going to town with it now. She also understands that it might not happen too so I'm encouraged to see her using the word "might" in her blog. The chances of it happening are very slim so I don't want to get her hopes up too high.

Plain noodles.....the last three times we've had spaghetti she has been adamant that she wants plain noodles with no sauce. Well Toyota, you asked for it, you got it. L & L baby. Wonder if she'll ask for plain noodles again?

She has been a grumpy girl today. Starting to pick up a pattern here. Every Tuesday = Grumpy Girl. Day before therapy, Tuesday Tantrums, trying to divine the reason why and figure out a solution. It seems to be the only day that she's out of sorts. Maybe I need to change it up and do Reiki on Monday nights instead? Regression therapy on Monday....
I'm just not sure but I aim to come up with a solution. Hoping anyway..... ;-)

A Night Off

I have a sitter coming and I'm off this evening to see Revolutionary Road. I am beside myself with excitement! Yay me! J is doing surprisingly well with the advance notice and was totally cool with it.

We went to the lake this weekend and J had a really great time and appropriate behaviors. This is 3 weekends in a row that she has been successful at NOT triangulating. I'm not sure but I think that's a record. We've been studying Native American History so we went up to Cherokee yesterday in the hopes that we could go to the Cherokee village. The village doesn't open until May. We'll try again in June when they start Unto These Hills again. I am ashamed to say that I have never seen it but just the thought of watching The Trail of Tears reduces me to a puddle. There was a lone statuesque man in native dress standing on the corner and he waved to J which sent her over the moon. See...if we had phones or internet at the lake I would've known they were closed.....

When we got home there were 2 huge dogs that had taken up residence. Beautiful hunting dogs and sweet as they could be. Puddin was not amused. The smaller of the 2 dogs would sit on the porch and whine. Finally I couldn't take it so I went outside. I started walking and they would run ahead of me down the road. When they got out of sight I would turn around and walk back to the house. I could never make it more than 30 feet before they had discovered that I had disappeared and would run back to me. They seemed to be taking me somewhere. My imagination went into overdrive and scenes from Lassie kept playing over and over in my head. This went on for over an hour. I had called the number on one of their tags and left a message but no one was calling me back. Giving up as it was time to come home we packed up and headed out. J was scared because they were as tall as she is. It was the saddest thing to drive out and leave them in such a desolate place. I kept calling the phone number on the way home and finally someone answered. The family had been in Chattanooga for the weekend and had left them out with automatic feeders. Poor things. The gentleman called me back and he had gone to pick them up so they made it home by dark.

Admitting

An interesting conversation just occurred. J had just finished her blog and she was doing a double check for errors and I spotted a missing punctuation. She proceeded to have a fit. Hmmmm... It's almost time for bed so I went for her meds and got the defiant "I am NOT going to take them." Fine. I wasn't willing to argue about it so I shut the door on my way out to take the water and meds back to the kitchen. Much wailing, crying and screaming ensued. You're all familiar with this. I put everything up and went back in. I asked her if she would like for me to hold her while she was crying. "No ma'am. I won't cry when you walk out the door. It's just RAD crying. It's all fake. I'll stop it as soon as you shut the door. I'll quit rubbing my eyes too hard too when you're not watching." And she did. It was all I could do not to giggle.

This is not news to me but it sure was interesting that she recognized and admitted it.

It's been a long day of idioms, homophones, prefixes, suffixes, adjectives, verbs and nouns so she is probably exhausted. I know I am.

On the adoption front...during breaks I've made several calls about some kids ages 5-10. Someone has a really funny sense of humor. I had three things on my list that were deal breakers on whether or not I would consider a child. 1. No pet abusers (Puddin's been through enough); 2. No runners (I don't have the energy to chase anymore); 3. No history of false allegations (I don't want to risk a child making a false allegation and J being jerked out of my home until DCFS figures out I'm not a child abuser which in our county this could take years. J doesn't need to be back in that situation again especially since she's just recovering from the traumas of foster care.) Here comes the funny part. Every. single. child. I've inquired about has all 3. Yep. Funny sense of humor. I guess that should show me to never ever put stipulations on what "I" think should happen.

Sidenote: J was placed in my home 10/23/06. The state that she was moved from completed all the paperwork for ICPC and notified our county that J would be arriving and they would need them to monitor placement. They never came. They never called. Until 12/08!!!! They called to tell me they would be monitoring J's placement. Really????? The adoption was completed over a year ago and she's been here for over 2 years. "Oh, there must have been some mistake." Ya think? (The other state gave up after trying for 3 months and hired a private SW to monitor our placement.)

The Trip and More

G, Mockery Mark & Kaylee

G

Kaylee & Becca

G, Becca & Kaylee

Becca, Kaylee & J

Taken right after J had skied down the hill with Mary Alice.

Today dawned to find a much better mood in our household. Whew! What a relief! Thanks for all your support. I don't know how I ever did this without y'all.

Therapy was short and sweet and J is moving right along. I know J has talked about throwing fits on her blog. They are NOTHING. I mean really nothing. I told her that she really didn't throw a fit and she said, "yes ma'am, it was too." This isn't what we were dealing with before. She is taking re-direction, having a great attitude and so much fun to be around. She is doing beautifully.

She has been tired the past 2 days and I'm not surprised with going to a new place and so many new things. Huge disruption in her schedule. Yesterday she took 2 naps and slept late Monday morning. Mockery Mark had a big time calling (it was all in fun - not as judging my parenting) my house "The Rock" comparing it to the episode on the Andy Griffith show where Aunt Bee houses the inmates (Otis of course) and all of her strict rules. We'd be at dinner and Mockery Mark would announce that we needed to hurry up because it's "lights out" at The Rock at 7. ;-) Yep. And it works and she feels safer. He called last night to tell me that they really enjoyed being around J and commented on how much she's changed. It was greatly appreciated.

Kaylee has such a special place in my heart. She is Mockery Mark's bio-daughter and hopefully soon to be Mary Alice's adopted daughter.

Blech

J has not had a good day today and neither have I. In all honesty, it wasn't all J. Most of it was all me. I've had not one iota of patience. None. Nada. Zip. I haven't even had the patience to work tools with J. Shoulda taken to the bed. Had the vapors or something. Anything else could've possibly resulted in a modicum of success but nope I was stuck on grumpy.

I'm putting myself to bed early and pray this passes by morning. Yuck.

We're Back

A great trip. We didn't get to tube (no snow on the tubing mountain (waaaahhh!) but J did manage to ride the lifts with Mary Alice and ski down between her legs. This was just before the lifts closed for the evening so she didn't get another opportunity on Friday. Saturday morning we woke to unbelievable cold and the slopes were solid sheets of ice so it was a no go.



J played really well with Kaylee and Becca and she functioned much better than I ever expected considering it was a new place. Becca and Kaylee are both eleven and Becca moved to the states from England 6 months ago. She had never skied but she put a ski on each foot around 2 in the afternoon and gave it everything she had and didn't stop. When they closed the lifts that night at 10 she was skiing the black diamond. G was such a great sport and skiied with them the whole time. This is huge for him. He loves J but whenever I invite one of J's friends over he usually won't show up because he's not a "kid" person. Huuummmphhh. I think he discovered they're not so terrifying afterall. Saturday night he even got on to Becca because she skiied into a bunch of people because she didn't want to slow down. The girls got mad and left him to ski by himself and he didn't let it get to him. Yahoo! Maybe there's hope for him yet.



I let J ride home with G so I had four hours in the car by myself. It was really nice to have some alone time. Now I'm digging out of dirty laundry. Oh, and BTW.... my computer won't get on the wireless internet connection at home so I'm typing from J's. Did fine on the trip but now it's on strike. Something about using the wireless at the lodge screwed everything up. *heavy sigh*

Take Two

We'll try this one more time before we go screaming into the night. For the record I've typed this post twice and it disappeared both times. Into thin air.

I am so glad we can always start fresh each new day. Yesterday was not a lovely day but today J has changed it up entirely. Yahoo! I believe a lot of is stress induced about the trip tomorrow so the AT gave her a guided imagery where all she has to do is touch her index finger to her thumb in an o shape to remember that she is safe and Pink Hippo will help take her to the safe place.

You'll notice some changes to her blog. Instead of doing her blog and her written journal she is now going to be just blogging but incorporating her journal into the blog. Two written assignments a day on feelings is too much for both of us.

At the AT's I discovered a new book that I am so excited about. It's Invisible Heroes - Surviors of Trauma and How They Heal by Belleruth Naparstek. Oh my heavenly stars. It is good and written in a language that my simple brain can understand. Lots of wonderful information in this book. She talks about a lot of things we're already doing such as EMDR, Reiki, EFT (tapping), etc. She also talks about guided imagery and how important it is to overcome trauma. There are many guided imageries in this book that you can take and re-work for the issues at hand. So my thoughts are to record several guided imagery sessions and load them onto J's mp3 player. It's plugged into her cd player and she listens to different soothing music sessions each night. Should be easy as pie to do this with the imagery. I've already done this with positive affirmations as some of you will remember and it works great. You can find out more about that here.

Here is just one of the reviews of this 5 star book:


"The bad news is that stress-related disorders are epidemic in our society. The good news is the new array of therapies that are truly effective in healing them. INVISIBLE HEROES is a package of hope for anyone whose life is compromised by the insidious effects of emotional trauma. This is one of those blessed books that deserves to be called life-changing."--Larry Dossey, M.D., author of Healing Beyond the Body, Reinventing Medicine and Healing Words

We are very blessed with an AT that uses guided imagery but this book will help me able to use it at home too. I am always so lost when trying to figure out what kind of imagery she needs and I do think she needs it daily not just when we see the AT because I KNOW it works. Just like the "How To Change a Belief" thing I do with her. I tried to find my post about that but it's a needle in a haystack so I gave up.

Off to pack. On the down low.

G made the comment that I don't need to take everything. How obvious that he's never packed a kid.

What a Difference A Day Makes

nd

Almost Forgot....

Completely forgot to tell you about an awesome seminar in my last post. My bad. If you are anywhere near Mebane, NC on 2/28 you need to run not walk to a seminar being presented by Katharine Leslie. 50 bucks folks, to hear an AT that actually lives with 4 special needs kids (some are RAD). I love her book, Coming to Grips With Attachment, as it gives simple examples and real life scenarios and how to deal with them.

My dear friend, Mike, shared it with me yesterday and I was so hopeful that I could go. That is until I discovered it's 5 hours away and that's just not doable right now. I could really use a battery recharge from someone that gets it but it's not going to happen at the moment. Some day she will be back in GA and I will move heaven and earth to be there with bells on my fingers and toes. Parents of RAD kids need all the tools they can get!

Register early as seats will go fast. Here's the info:

Why Won't This Child Behave?" workshop offering creative strategies to help
the behaviorally challenged child.

Saturday, Feb. 28

9:00 am - 4:00 pm

OverTime Restaurant

111 Spring Forest Drive. 919-563-8463

Mebane, NC (I40/85, exit 153 sth119, next to Cracker Barrel)

Fee: $50 per person (lunch and training materials inc.)

Presented by: Katharine Leslie, PhD., international speaker, consultant,
adoptive mother, and author of "When a Stranger Calls You Mom and "Coming to
Grips With Attachment."

Register at 336-376-8366 or email Dr. Leslie at kples...@att.net

Primary audience: Foster/adoptive parents, teachers, social workers and
mental health professionals.

Sponsored by Brand New Day
Consulting

"Why Won't This Child Behave?" is an all day seminar during which
participants will learn the impact of abuse and neglect on children's
development, why abused children often behave and feel differently from
other children, and why parents raising these children might experience pain
and stress. We will discuss the myths and realities of the troubled child
and why punishment and consequences don't work. Then we will practice the
relationship coaching method and other effective methods for home, school
and therapeutic interventions. These sensible and essential strategies tame
and prevent behavioral and emotional problems, increase children's social
skills, create attachment friendly environments, simplify daily life, reduce
family conflict and meet parental needs. This is not the same old thing!

A soup and sandwich lunch will be provided so participants must be
pre-registered to attend. Some group rates may apply. Foster and adoptive
parents can check with their DSS workers for reimbursement of workshop
costs. Although Dr. Leslie cannot provide CEUs directly, she will provide
all attendees with a certificate of completion, which they can submit to
their agencies for 5.5 hours of CEU credit. Dr. Leslie's books will be
available for sale at a discounted rate. Unfortunately no child care is
available. See website for more info
www.brandnewdayconsulting.com

About the Presenter

Katharine P. Leslie, Ph.D., CFLE, has a doctorate in developmental
psychology, and certifications as a family life educator, parent educator,
trauma and loss in children specialist, and family mediator. Her areas of
expertise include child development, parenting education, parent-child
relationships, and abnormal socio-emotional development of abused/neglected
children. In addition, Dr. Leslie is the mother of four adopted children,
all of whom experience an array of attachment and brain processing problems.

Dr. Leslie's combination of knowledge, humor, and frankness makes her a
highly sought after national speaker who presents at over 50 conferences and
training venues yearly. As an expert witness on attachment she has assisted
the courts with many child placement issues. And her mode of in-home parent
coaching has helped hundreds of stressed and in-crisis families. Agencies
and organizations throughout the United States have utilized her consulting
services regarding treatment practices for traumatized children, curricula
and program development, and research and technical assistance. Dr. Leslie
is the author of several publications including, When a Stranger Calls You
Mom: A child development and relationship perspective on why traumatized
children think, act, and feel the way they do, and Coming to Grips With
Attachment: The guidebook for developing mutual well-being in parent-child
relationships.

Wheeeeee W i i

I was so excited I hit post before even starting. Yikes.

Hoping the third computer will be the charm and so far it seems to be. Skype works beautifully and they actually remembered to put an internal mic in this one. Yay!! G went with us to exchange it Sunday and we were lured into the w i i section. Totally sucked in. Yeah...I've heard about them and seen them displayed at the mall kiosks but I turned my head and kept walking. Silly things. G on the other hand couldn't stand it and probably trying to buy retribution he purchased one.

Oh my stinking heck! Now I get it. And....I think I have tennis elbow now. ;-) W i i fit is coming and should be here tomorrow. Maybe this will encourage/motivate me to actually start losing some pounds. At least a couple of days anyway?

I packed J's bag last night and hoping tonight I can pack most of my stuff. It has to be on the down low you remember because Puddin will go into distress. Anxiously attached Puddin is. Beech Mountain has had 9 inches of snow. Maybe just maybe they'll hang on to it till we get there!

Someone, not mentioning any names, is having a hard time around here. I'm sure she'll change it up in a bit. I hope.

New Computer Woes

Friday I had to take the computer of less than one week back to the store. All the top keys kept sticking and it would take 3 forevers to type or leave a comment. I exchanged it for the exact same model and it was $100 less! Yahoo! Bring it home and set it up and this one doesn't have a built in microphone for skype. Grrrr!!!! I am still trying to figure it out but there is no paperwork to read so it's either going to be a phone call or a 3 hour search on dell.com.


J is doing really well. Right now she is in her room practicing her typing and is getting quite good. Every time she finds out how to do something new and cool she is soooo excited. Like the hearts. Today she learned how to make them different colors so look out!

We are supposed to be going skiing at Beech Mtn. next weekend (Thur - Sunday) compliments of G. J so wants to see snow and honestly mom does too. Neither of us know how to ski. I tried a couple of years ago in Snow Mass but couldn't breathe due to the elevation and spent most of the time struggling just to walk around the condo without gasping for breath. Now snowmobiling & tubing is a totally different story as they don't require much coordination. In the past, all the other trips to Colorado and Wyoming have been snowmobile speed trips for me while G did the black diamond. Hoping I don't embarrass myself but if I do it won't be the first time. J, on the other hand, will do very well I am sure. She is very coordinated and quite the athlete.

Normally I don't announce trips ahead of time to J but this time I did and J has done nothing to sabotage it. Yay! G's secretary emailed us pictures of the house we'll be staying in so she's had a chance to check it out and she knows the other family that is going and gets on with their daughter very well. Kaylee is 11 now.

My backup plan is to keep the car handy so we can excuse ourselves if it gets to scary for J or if G starts arguing.

Annual Meltdowns

Most of the time our kids start throwing meltdowns and fits right around the anniversary date of them coming home. For J she usually starts about 2 months ahead. Just for good measure.

Normally the way I handle this is to keep it very quiet. Ssshhhh....don't mention it and all will be well. If I don't mention it maybe she'll forget. Well that hasn't worked out so well so I'm trying a different tactic.

I'm going to remind her every other day or so to be getting ready for the annual fit throwing contest. Today I told her that it's only nine more months until the anniversary of her coming home and that usually she starts getting anxious and throwing fits in about seven more months so I want her to start getting ready for the fits now. Just so she can be prepared. I just casually mentioned it in conversation. Her response, "you're silly mama. I'm not going to throw fits about that!" Of course you know when she said that it was filled with exclamation marks and bold type!

Now in my simple mind I think it's a stellar idea. I have no idea if it will work but I'm going to give it a shot. My thought process is that if I remind her of it often enough she'll be so sick of hearing it so she won't bother throwing the fits. We'll see. More will be revealed later..... stay tuned.

BTW....does anybody need a video on any of the things I've talked about???? Please don't hesitate to ask. Honestly can't remember if I've done one on everything I've talked about. So I'm waiting on y'all to let me know.

More on tapping

Just wanted to throw in that you can use tapping on a child of any age. In fact the younger the better. If they are pre-verbal just say all the words and do the tapping for them. I am loved, I'm a totally great kid, I'm safe, etc. The younger they are the better it works because they are really in tune with their energy. The older we get the more we tune stuff out. Plus you'll be giving them tools to use all their life. Like when they are in high school or college and really stressed out about an exam, they'll have the tools to use to get over anxiety and stress. Once it's incorporated into their lifestyle hopefully it will be a tool they'll use instead of turning to drinking and drugs.

Our AT has taught so many of her patients to do tapping that it's now being done tons of classrooms in our county. The kids bring it in, the teachers see it's working and are using it for the whole class. That's really cool.

Expanding on J's post today. G had J get on the back of his motorcycle yesterday. Not to ride. Just to sit. He said he was going to crank it but not move. J almost went over the brink. Total fight or flight. I tried to get her to jump out of it quickly before it escalated. I started by trying to hug her and she jerked away. Then I tried to get her to jump. She couldn't do it. I asked her to run down to the car. Couldn't do it. Followed her down there and had her looking in my eyes to do rubbing. G came up behind and said loudly, "I can't stand all the drama take me back to the office. You're scaring her, get away from her,", etc. As we're taking him back to the office he continues to argue, be confrontational and passive aggressive. J is sitting in the backseat trying to fix it. "Daddy G, you need to concentrate. My Mom knows how to help me., I wish you would try to understand, etc" I'm just trying to get him back to the office so that we can have some peace.

We were going to the AT's office anyway so when we get there I was able to do Reiki, rubbing, etc and she was much calmer. She tells the AT it's very scary for her to hear Daddy G arguing. Ya think?! She started her letter to him this morning. Typed the whole thing by herself and emailed it to her AT who also approved it. She is scared to send it because she thinks he's going to be mad at her and argue more but she says it's more important to send it. Then there's the whole thing that he's going to think I wrote it for her and I didn't. Y'all know how well my kid writes. She doesn't need my help.

If he reads her blog he'll be even more mad because it will be offensive to him to have personal information on the net. Because you know it's so much nicer when everyone doesn't know your dirty laundry. Blech. He doesn't realize that you're only as sick as your secrets. J & I have tried to hide her RAD from people, and we are still discreet locally, but we've both talked about the fact that we think it's more important to be transparent in the effort to help others.

Last night she didn't want to talk to him at their normal bedtime phone call. She said she was still mad and scared. This morning she said she was more mad than scared. It's just frustrating to her because he won't "listen" to what she's trying to say. Yep. Me too.

I have her permission to share her letter here:

Dear Daddy G,

I want to tell you something. It hurts my feelings when you argue
with my Mom in front of me. I wish you wouldn't do it. It scares
me. I wish you understood more about RAD. I have alot of tools to
help me be a normal kid. Some of them are: look in Mom's eyes, get
my Mom to touch me, or hug me to calm me down. Sometimes I run from
her or pull away when I need eye contact or hugs because my RAD makes
me turn scared into MAD. Then my Mom helps me by making me look in
her eyes, touching me or jumping.

I'm scared to send this letter. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I just want to be honest about my feelings.

Sincerely,

J