Asking for help.....

It occurred to me last night that in the past 17 months I have asked for help more than any other time in my life. Being the control freak that I am, I abhor asking for help. It is very humbling to have to admit that you aren't superwoman.

I've learned not to ask social services for help because they aren't trained or aren't willing to learn about the mess/damage that they have created by exacerbating the problems with multiple placements to already damaged children in foster care. They haven't figured out that it would be less expensive to help the foster/adoptive parents with the proper care/treatments for children with trauma/RAD than to pay for a residential treatment center (starting around $10,000 a month) when the untreated child becomes so aggressive/dangerous that they cannot live with a family. Then that untreated child becomes a problem for society when they age out of RTC and they move on to prison. It's a very sad situation. Things desperately need to change. Your tax dollars at work....

Then thanks to Cindy Bodie I read Theresa's blog: http://largefamilymomma.blogspot.com/2008/04/frustrated-giant-vent.html and felt much better for some strange reason....

The good news is that I am able to ask G and several of my trusted friends for help. Progress for me....

Meds in the morning aren't helping much and I am dreading that the doseage may have to be increased. J had a hard day yesterday with Chrissi and Jessi then lots of arguing with me and wanting me to repeat myself when I know that she heard me the first time. She has bionic hearing (part of being hypervigilant) and can hear me talking outside (in a very low voice) while she is in the bathtub. Never ceases to amaze me....

A few weekends ago I did motivational respite for a "normal" (normal is still only a setting on the washing machine) child (beautiful Matti) and J had the granddaughters of one of my neighbors over for a play date. Having all 3 children over was really wonderful but it was also sad because it made me painfully aware of how far behind J is socially. Yes....she has made great strides and tons of progress but it was still a gauge of where she needs to be. I haven't been around "normal" kids in so long I think I forgot what they looked/acted like. J had to go into several time outs due to being bossy with Winnie (6) & Phoebe (8) but she did it w/o fits. She struggles so hard to play with instead of beside kids. Once when the girls were in the basement alone (I was 2 minutes behind them starting Matti on another chore) as I was on my way down the stairs I met Phoebe coming up the stairs. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "we need some supervision down here!" Amazing! And not surprising!

The great news is the respite kid (Mattison 11) NEVER wants to come back to my house!!!! She didn't have any fun! Now she appreciates her mom. Imagine that! ;-) I am sure there will be a time when she'll need a "tune-up" but that ok. I am always willing to help another kid appreciate their awesome mom!!!!

This afternoon we are going to the "beauty parlor" to see my dear friend Robin. Seriously time for a haircut for both of us. Friday nights are considered "date night" with J & I. Just a time for us to do something fun with just the two of us. Hoping we get the opportunity because J's teacher (Jessi) just called and the day isn't off to a good start. Praying it gets better....

Tomorrow is "The Great Cooking Saturday". This occurs once a month at our house. We spend the entire day cooking, cook all the meals for the next month and freeze them in family size meal portions. It works out so well because I can have dinner on the table in 15 minutes or less every day. I love to cook so I always look forward to this day. Tomorrow is going to be even better because due to all my points on my credit card I got a free set of All-Clad (Robin you know I am so excited!!!!) cookware. Whoo hoo!!!!