Monday, April 28, 2008

More Joy

Truly my heart is bubbling over with joy. It's hard to describe and unless you've experienced Serenity weekend firsthand it's probably impossible to understand. As embers dancing in the wind and seagulls flying as one with a shrimp boat so my heart dances and yet is flying as one with the universe. Pictures that will forever be imprinted in the chasms of my mind without the need of a "real" picture to remind me.

I was able to finally admit "out loud" how hard it has been to not be able to attend my Saturday morning meeting. It just kind of fell out of my mouth when I wasn't expecting it. Honestly it was like losing a piece of my heart. Not trying to be dramatic...just truthful. May sound silly to some but it is true for me. After coming home I was able to admit it again, this time to Chrissi. She was willing to try to work with me to see if we could figure something out. Not sure how yet but at least we're talking about it and two minds are always better than one....

Yup...Tudu...I was having a fabulous time. No cell phone service on the island so at least you know I wasn't being rude now. I giggled over your post for several minutes. Your blog was the first I had to read so imagine my face when I read that....

Driving in last night and spotting Puddin waiting diligently in the dining room window for her mommy to appear was a truly beautiful sight. As my foot stepped in the door there she was with a huge grin (Puddin is a talented at smiling) on her precious little face. She performed the "mommy's home dance" with joy wiggling all over her little body. My second greeter was J with just as big a grin and a "oh, mommy I missed you!" Then came Chrissi, in great dramatic fashion, "oh host mommy...I missed you!" Big hugs all around... I think I need to leave home more often..... ;-) Only kidding.....

J hasn't had to "punish" me for which I am so thankful. I think all the tools she used while I was gone really helped her to work through the emotions of being mad and sad that I was away. Note to self: Remember to do this again....

The rain should hopefully be encouraging my little seeds to pop their heads out of the ground. This morning the sun is shining gently through the trees and it looks like it snowed under all the dogwood trees. 4 days away ensured that 15 minutes was required to delete all the junk mail from spammers trying to sell me drugs for anatomical equipment that I don't have, selling junk and trying to loan me money....

It is strongly encouraged to sit with a radish during a meltdown to help them learn to regulate their emotions. That's hard to do when you are a runner. At the first signs of conflict or an altercation I am outta there! A huge, tight knot develops in my stomach and I want to run away or crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head and hide until the problem disappears. Some how I missed the childhood lesson that you could have a spat, get over it and still love each other. Maybe because I am an only child....??? Who knows??? Saturday night I burned that character defect and am armed and ready the next time a rage appears. Bobby gave me the tool to hold my hand up as a shield to mentally block all the venom that spews from J's mouth and Agnes told me to recite the Serenity Prayer over and over. After some thought I think I'm going to do both at the same time. It can't hurt and maybe that Serenity Prayer will seep down in her bones and give her another coping skill.

Yesterday on the way home I listened only to positive upbeat music and just as I was pulling out of Charleston one of my favorites came on, U2's Beautiful Day. Of course it had to be played as loud as my speakers would allow because it's such a happy song and new meaning came into it because of my bubbly heart. It's a "before and after" recovery statement for me.

The lyrics are:
The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town
You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere
You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace
It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination
You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day
Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case
See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out
It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day
Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me I know I'm not a hopeless case
What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
It's a beautiful day

Today every day is a beautiful day. Some are more beautiful than others. Some days I have to look for the beauty but it's always there.... awareness is a beautiful thing....

Later I was caught in a blinding rainstorm. Literally could not see anything in front of my windshield. Major traffic all around me when a torrent of rain slapped my windshield and I screamed out loud. It was really scary for what seemed like 10 minutes was in reality probably only 20 seconds. The storm was gone as quick as it came and a few minutes later I was left wondering if I had screamed "Oh God!" or Oh shit!" Still not sure....
I've got to call Teena and schedule that massage....I am going to make time and put it in the budget.

Lisa's Gratitude:
1. New adventures
2. Simple Abundance Book (thanks Priscilla for knowing exactly what I (we) need)
3. Gerber daisies on my desk (just because they're beautiful)
4. Sunshine after the rain
5. The smell of spring
6. Being reminded about the power of scents
7. Walking in the rain without an umbrella. (on my quest from Simple Abundance)
8. Being guided through a starlit night by a gentle hand (thanks Alice) (need to do this more often)

1 comment:

Tudu said...

I am so glad you had such a wonderful time and they were so happy when you returned.